


Out Of The Blue (Revamped)

by deathcomealive



Category: Angels & Airwaves, Blink-182
Genre: Astronauts, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-02
Updated: 2016-07-11
Packaged: 2018-07-22 13:27:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 54
Words: 155,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7440961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deathcomealive/pseuds/deathcomealive
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set in the year of 2012, it tells the story of how soon-to-be-on-a-mission astronaut Tom DeLonge and ex-musician Mark Hoppus met each other, telling the struggles of their relationship, families and careers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Forgotten Astronauts

**Author's Note:**

> I originally wrote this story on Tumblr, in 12/13. Since then I've grown, I've learned more about life, love and sex. This is an edited version of the original story (The story hasn't changed at all). You might noticed I've changed the name of a few characters, and I've done that for respect to the people behind them, if you have any thoughts you can come talk to me at outt-of-the-blue.tumblr.com

My body falls flat by her side, we both pant for air as we both stare at the ceiling with a blank expression, looking into the empty white while gasping and breathing, making our chests rise and fall out of rhythm.

Her eyes are glistening just as much as the sweat falling out of her forehead and dripping through her dark bangs. Her tiny hands grip firmly on the pillow under her head as she pulls it out and presses it hard against her face, muffling her angry scream “WHY DO WE KEEP DOING THIS?!?”

“Come on!” I get out of bed, the sheets dragging along behind me “It’s not like any of us has someone else to fuck…” I justify “Well, at least it’s not like I’m interested in anyone…” I say, immediately looking at her to see her reaction

“Me neither…” Rachel sighs as she pulls down the pillow, looking forward, and not at me “Hey, where are you going?” She then says looking towards my direction  
I stop at my heels, not even realizing I was already walking into the bathroom uninvited. This has had happened so many times that I’m already used to everything about it “Hm, the bathroom, to take a shower…”

“No!” She jumps out of bed; her boobs jumping with her body as her hair floats around it “Go away”

I frown and give her a chuckle “Okay” I say as I start taking my clothes off the ground and put my pants on

“Promise me something?” Rachel asks while playing with her hair, not in a sexy way, as if she maybe would be trying to seduce me. But she was just ungluing it out of her sticky skin since it was just as long as a horse’s.

“Sure”

“Promise me we won’t ever do this again…” 

“Okay, then it’s a promise” I say while buckling my belt

“We can’t keep having sex like this; we’re divorced for God’s sake!”

“I couldn’t agree more”

“I thought we were past this!” Rachel whines as she walks up to me, plainly naked under the sheet she has wrapped around her shoulders.

She’s just as beautiful as she was twenty years ago when we first met. Rachel puts both hands on my shoulders, releasing the grip from the sheet, making it fall to the ground around our bare feet.

Rachel smiles and we kiss. It’s amazing how most in couple’s relationship the first thing to die is the sexual spark, and with us it was the opposite. Sure, there was a time when we were about to divorce that I could barely look at her, things started to slow down after our first years of dating, but the moment we signed those papers it was like everything was back again. I was again the same horny sixteen year old from the day I met her.

Though I’m the first to believe that even if I had loved her with all my heart one day, this re-born of us was different. I’m not really in love with her, now she’s just my rudely called ‘sperm-dumpster’, since I haven’t dated anyone since the divorce. She’s had some guys here and there, but nothing too serious, so she almost always ended up with me, for lack of options.

I go back home and take my shower there, getting ready for ‘Tom’s picture day’ as Alinne would like to call it. I get into my SUV and drive towards the building in which I work, but instead of going to my office, I walk towards the photography section.

There’s a lot of photos all spread out in the small ballroom they made for the photography team, at the end of one of the walls there’s a door directing to several offices, the main darkroom and the studio.

I change into my astronaut clothing and the next thing I know lights snap in front of me, placing dark spots in my vision, and I blink ferociously, trying to get rid of them. Imagining me here twenty years ago is something I could have never done. Back then, my biggest concern always involved my shitty guitar or my old, rusty skateboard.

Okay, I do play guitar every once and a while, but only if David comes by to jam with his acoustic, or if Jean whines me to no end so I can play her a song, telling me how much of a rockstar I could have been.

As for skateboarding, Noah was begging Rach and I to let him learn, causing many arguments involving Rach swearing it was my fault my child wanted to take up a “delinquent sport.” But if I was in charge of Noah’s hobbies, I assured her it would be much more innocent than just skating in the park, and more along the lines of illegal fireworks. I couldn’t even teach him anyway, I hadn’t been on a skateboard in years.

“Please stand still,” The stuffy little camera man says palinly, adjusting the lenses for about the tenth fucking time, snapping my thoughts back to reality. “You’re moving too much” 

I watched the little black lens getting bigger, smaller, and then bigger once again, bored out of my mind. I smile awkwardly at the camera, and just wish for this to be over soon. I hate taking pictures for work; it was exactly like Picture Day at my old high school, which was not a time I liked to remember.

But if you thought about it, working at NASA really was like High School Version 2.0. The trainings you dreaded going to, the smelly locker room and the sweaty guys in the shower, the group pictures, newspaper pictures, I.D. pictures, always pictures, pictures, pictures. No wonder why NASA has a full section for it.

The only difference is that now we trade teachers for bosses, classrooms for offices. Plus the whole popularity factor is gone, there are no nerds, jocks, or plastics, we are all pretty much nerds anyway, and nerds get along fine with nerds.

My clothes make rustling noises as I move, pressing my helmet tightly to my side, trying to look as professional as possible. “Okay, stretch your back Mr. DeLonge, please.”

Apparently, the photographer had picked the day to talk to me; he wouldn’t stop telling me to ‘sit straight,’ ‘smile,’ ‘don’t look like a fag.’ Okay, so maybe he didn’t say the last one, but I bet you a million dollars that was all he was thinking.  
He looked like a turtle, his thin lips pursed in a thin, serious line, and his eyes small and beady. To say that his face wrinkles was an understatement, it was more like his wrinkles had a face. He must have been at least 107 years old, his white wispy hair falling in front of his huge square glasses. I rolled my eyes. How could this guy even see me? Don’t you go blind by your 100th birthday?

“Mr. DeLonge!” He almost spit at me, “tsk”ing at my bad posture and inappropriate facial expression.

Pictures always make me anxious, always putting me on edge. I couldn’t actually say I was nervous, because there was really no reason to be, it was just a picture after all. I had gone to signings and interviews; I even shook hands and chatted with the US president for God’s sake. Although, deep down, I know there’s something to worry about, there was my family and my health to worry about, but not now, not because of a picture.

“Okay, all done,” The photographer shoos me off of the set, and I breathe a sigh of relief. I do hope it was a good shot, my daughter says I look like a 10-year-old in last year’s photo.

My life as an astronaut hasn’t exactly been what you would call ordinary, because despite already having an uncommon career, people are now making countdowns to when I leave for the most important mission of my life. Six months from now people will start to write books about me and my life, they’ll have framed pictures of me on their homes. It’ll be just a Thomas De-fucking-Longe festival.

In six months, my life won’t be the same anymore, I’ll be gone, and when I’m back, I’ll be a hero. Well, “hero” isn’t what I would say, but that’s all the media has been calling me. There have been countless astronauts just as formidable as me, if not more. But in the meantime, people just seem to want a piece of Tom Delonge Pie, but they soon discover I’m not nearly as interesting as my career would make me seem.

This whole media thing started one morning when David knocked on my door, which was odd, because he always calls me from his office, but I got up and unlocked the door.  
David was tall; he had a few inches on me, with chestnut hair and deep brown, almost black, eyes. David had one arm resting on the frame of the door; his long-sleeve shirt was being pulled up to show the intricate tattoos on his arm, his three dog chains dangling in front of his chest. I fingered my matching chain, cool on my bare skin, and hidden beneath my dress shirt. 

“What do you want?” I groaned, not wanting to leave the comfort of my office.

“Wilson wants to talk to you” He replied, smirking, putting his arms by his sides and shrugging carelessly.

“Is this about the mission? I don’t want to talk about it,” I grumbled, closing my eyes in agitation. It had been only a couple of months since the news of getting back into space had been dropped on my lap, I was still uncomfortable with leaving the kids behind and losing a whole year of my life, but what else could I do?

“You talked to Rach?” David asked concernedly, he was the one who knew everything that was happening with me outside of the walls of NASA, and inside the walls of my broken household. He was my best friend, how could he not know?

David and I worked together on the project; he was the one sitting by my side when Wilson told everyone they had chosen me, me, over all other candidates for the mission of a lifetime. 

It was David was the one who celebrated the grand achievement with shots at the local bar, it was David who knew all of my secrets, hopes and fears, and it was David who let my drunk ass cry on his shoulder when he heard that Rach and I were separating after years of bitter fighting and cold nights sleeping on the couch, alone.

“We told the kids yesterday,” I sighed, cupping my face in my hands, ashamed of myself. “They didn’t take it very well, but I mean, neither did any of us. They understand it’s better off this way, Jean actually told me she was relieved that the fighting was finally over.”

“Good to know, man,” David said, clapping a large hand on my shoulder. “So, did you guys decide anything about the custody yet?”

A giant smile appeared on my face. “Well, me and Rach talked and guess what?”

“What?” David said smiling too.

“I’ll get them this year before I leave, then she gets them for the whole year I’ll be gone, after I’m back we’ll decide what’s going to happen, probably a shared custody deal.”

“That seems fair enough,” David smiled, satisfied that I wasn’t going to have to leave my kids. “Come on, we need to get to this meeting.”

I closed the door of my office behind me and we walked side-by-side through the hallway until we reached the meeting room at the end of the hall. Through the glass walls of the meeting room, I could see Wilson sitting at the head of the table, with a woman I had never seen on his left, shuffling folders with her lips pursed tightly.

Wilson motioned us to sit down in the two empty chairs on his right, and we slid into them.

“DeLonge, I would like to introduce you to Alinne Masters,” He said and motioned to the woman. 

Her short blonde hair was cut in a very flattering way; it made her look like she was much younger than she seemed to be. Though she didn’t look all that sympathetic, her intense green eyes gazed at me, judging, showing power along with her red lipstick. She wore a woman’s suit that matched her upper curves, she was pretty enough, but the thing that really called attention on her was how powerful she looked. It seemed like she could leave you dripping blood so she could get what she wanted, her chin always raised up high.  
I could see the edge of a pack of Marlboros sticking out of the suitcase next to her, I flinched first but then I looked back her.

“She’s going to be your media producer for the next year, we need to certify the good propaganda and merchandising of the program and she’s the one who’s going to work with you on it.”

Wait, what? 

“Why is this necessary?”

“Well, I’m going to do the whole job,” She interrupted Wilson, instantly grabbing all the attention into the room to her, making me and David turn our confused expressions to her. “You just need to be there for interviews and pictures, sometimes there’ll be some events you’ll need to be in. And sure, you’ll need to get used to the famous life, but that’s the smallest of our problems. And your friend is here because he can help us with a lot of stuff…”

“I’m sorry, Wilson,” I turned to my boss and headmaster. “I just don’t see why we need to do this. I’m sure I can handle everything perfectly fine by myself, without a babysitter.”

“That’s just a lame excuse, DeLonge. It’ll be good; we need to invest in merchandising anyway. Companies don’t want to pay for something that’s hidden between the bushes, they want to be seen, and the more we’re seen, the more we get.”

“But-”

“There’s no ‘butts,’ this is already decided,” Wilson cut me off, standing and gathering his papers into countless red folders. “Now excuse me, you and Masters have a lot to discuss.”

I snap back to reality, slipping out of flashback and rush out of the photo room into the gym so I can do my daily laps and go home. I quickly change in the steamy locker room afterwards, stumbling out of the building and quickly unlocking my car. I must have been at least half an hour late; I hope the kids wouldn’t be too upset.  
When I arrive at the elementary school, I see kids playing tag, giggling wildly as the climb on top of each other playfully. I search the playground for Noah fluffy blonde hair, finding him on a swing with his best friend. Then I look to the edge of the school grounds to see Jean and a blonde boy sitting on a picnic table and chatting. Just seeing her with a little boy made my heart melt, she was just so cute.

I beep my horn, and they come running to the car, climbing into the two back seats giggling with happy adrenaline.

“Hi, Daddy!” They both cheer at me and Jean pecks me on the cheek, her soft lips leaving me glowing with pride that she was mine.  
“How was school?” I ask as I drive out onto the highway.

“You sound like Mom when you ask these things,” Jean remarks, sarcasm dripping.

I laugh at my daughter’s fresh attitude, so like mine.

“I’m playing Mr. Mom now, if you haven’t noticed,” I reply, turning the radio dial to the punk station. “So,” I decide to change the subject. “Who was that boy you were talking to, Jean?”

Before Jean can even open her mouth, Noah jumps up from the backseat, sliding his head onto my shoulder. “That’s Martin, he’s Jean’s booyyyyyfriend!!!” He stretches out the last word, teasing her lightly.

“Shut up!” She snaps, her face turning bright red. “He is NOT my boyfriend!”

“Then why are you two always playing together?” Noah turns to her. “Boys aren’t supposed to be friends with girls, that’s the way it works. Unless,” he smirks, “You’re dating!”

“That is so not true!” She sass, glaring at him through big eyes. “Boys can totally be friends with girls, right Daddy?”

“I’m not the best person to ask, believe me,” I laugh, a little too bitterly. “But if you say he’s just your friend, I see no reason not to believe you.”

Jean sticks her tongue out at her brother, who slumps down back into his seat, defeated.

As we walk into the house, the phone begins to ring. 

“IgotitIgotitIgotit!!!!” Jean announces as she sprints to the kitchen to pick it up. Noah makes a beeline for his bedroom, as I follow Jean into the kitchen to prepare some Macaroni and Cheese, the kids’ favorite.

“It’s for you, Daddy. It’s Alinne, that girl from work,” Jean hands the phone to me; dejecting that it wasn’t for her.

“Hi Alinne,” I answer, speaking into the receiver. “How are you?”

“Tom, I got something for you,” She says, pausing to take a drag from a cigarette. I swear to god, I’ve never seen that women without a little roll of white and orange between her fingers, the obsessive smoker she is. “An interview.”

“Great,” I say as pour the dry macaroni into the pot of water. “When? So I can tell Rach.”

“Tomorrow night, it’s a live talk show.”

“Which one? There are thousands of them.”

“That one show on Fuse, A Different Spin with Mark Hoppus, I assume you have heard of it.”

“Of course! It’s only my favorite talk show, how could I not?”

“Awesome, so tomorrow at eight I’ll pick you up. The show starts at ten.”  
“Absolutely, it’s a done deal, see you then,” I hang up, leaving the phone on the table. Jean looks up at me, wanting to know what cool new thing I was going to do tomorrow.

“Talk show” I say simply.

“Cool,” She says, clearly far more interested in the cheesy pasta I was cooking up. She helps me finish dinner and call Rach to say I need her to take care of the kids for a night.


	2. When You Smile, I Melt Inside

Both Jean and Noah are wearing their pajamas as we wait for Alinne to arrive. Their mother promised a night of fun movies and popcorn on pajamas so they insisted on going with them already.

“Do we really have to go in Alinne’s car?” Noah whines, wrinkling his nose. “She smells bad.”

“That’s the cigarettes,” I chuckle

“Martin’s dad used to smoke,” Jean pipes in, her eyes getting a far-away look.

“Jean looooves Jaaaack, Jean looooves Jaaaack!” Noah starts to taunt.

“Shut up, Noah! You don’t know what you’re talking about!” Jean snaps, instigating a site, but luckily Alinne arrives right then. The kids hop in, and I slide into the passenger seat.  
We drop the kids at Rach’s new apartment – Which annoyingly, I have to pay for her even if she still has her architecture company – and me and Alinne head up to the studio. The next thing I remember is two or three gabbing women covering my face in makeup and picking me an outfit. I’m not confused, but I still haven’t adjusted to this life, I haven’t been on television that much. I sit uncomfortably in my seat as the ladies do their work.

When they finally decide that I look satisfactory, the show still hasn’t begun. I sit back on the leather couch, hoping to relax for just a moment, but as soon as I lie my back to the sofa, the door snaps open. I look up hoping to find Alinne, but instead I find a particular man I haven’t seen in a very long time. 

Seeing his face shouldn’t shake my structures as it is now, but suddenly I remember those years I spent in dirty clubs outside of dark alleyways that played punk music all night long and filled your lungs with several drugs and the strong smell of alcohol. 

Plus, I would have to live under a rock not to know his face.

I also recognize him from all those video clips from the late 90’s, the countless magazine covers and interviews, the news on the television that Adam Bryn had died, the shocking video of him saying with a crying voice that his best friend was dead, the disappointing critics on how his new band’s album flopped and the late nights in which me and Rach would put the kids to bed earlier to watch his successful TV show. Anyone would recognize that kind, silly face.

His presence is strong in the room, swallowing up all the extra space. Sometimes you can see that this is his life, this is what he chose to be. 

He closes the door behind his back as if he’s trying to hide away from something.

“Hi!” He calls casually when he spots me, as if I was an old friend, still breathing hard from racing into my room. He’s tall, but still shorter than me when I stand, he has a gorgeous, angelic smile, and his spiky hair was pointed towards the heavens. “You’re Tom DeLonge, right?” He asks and walks closer to me.

“Is it that too obvious?” I ask and he nods, “Aw shit, I guess my disguise has failed me once again.”

He laughs this awkward, goofy, beautiful laugh I wish I could listen to all day. “I’m Mark Hoppus,” He says and gives me his hand to shake, which I take.

“Oh everybody around here knows that,” I say, smiling. “So, what brings you to your guest’s dressing room? Is something wrong?”

“No, everything’s fine, but, well, you probably haven’t heard of this, but I have this thing where I take at least some five minutes or so to talk to my guests before the show, so the conversation doesn’t get awkward when we’re on air, y’know?”

“Oh, okay,” I shrug, and motion him to the couch. “You wanna sit?”

“Absolutely,” He smiles, and takes a seat on the orange couch next to me.

“So, how is it like to be an astronaut?”

“That question seems like something you should ask on the show,” I say.

“I know, but I just met you, and to be honest, I really don’t know what else to talk about,” He chuckles, blushing slightly.

We fall into a rather uncomfortable silence for a couple of seconds, and then, thinking of a different idea, I speak up. “Hey, what if I interview you?”

“Like, if you were the host?” He asks, and I nod, my heart skipping a beat when he gives his sideways grin. “Yeah, that sounds pretty cool.”

“What is it like to be host in a live talk show?” I ask the most obvious question in the world, but what the hell, I’m making a friend here.

“It’s fun! It’s really fun actually, I never thought that after so much time in the music industry I could make a good TV host, especially with my fucking colorful dialogue.” He laughs.

“Did you ever think you’d be here before your band broke up?” I ask, starting to like what we were doing.

“Not exactly, but sure, when I was young I had this fantasy that I would be starring movies or shitty soaps like the ones in which the guy survives his own cremation, you know? Everyone had that phase when they were young, the fame phase. Did you have yours?”

I shouldn’t have been surprised at how great Mark’s interview skills were, he must’ve got it in the 90’s, when he was famous for the first time and the interviews poured in. That also must be why his talk show is going so great. That’s something I’ll never get.

“Hmmm, yeah, I think,” I say with a smile in my voice, “I wanted to be a weatherman!”

“Really?” Mark laughs. “That must’ve been interesting; did you act it on your backyard or something?”

“Well, I wanted to be a weatherman as much as I wanted to be a rockstar or an astronaut or a skater, in the end I went for the hardest one to achieve.” I chuckle.

“Wow, now I have so many questions,” Mark grins. “You wanted to be a rockstar?”

“Yes, I did,” I say casually. “I even learned to play guitar, but it went nowhere. But we’re not here to talk about my shitty music skills, we’re talking about you! What did you want to be when you were a kid?”

“Well, I don’t really remember,” He says after pausing to think. “I knew that I wanted to do music the moment I touched my first bass, that’s all.”

“How was your first bass?” Wow, I am such a bad interviewer.

“It was pink; I remember I wasted a lot of money on it!”

“If you loved it, then I bet is was worth it.”

We keep talking, we chat about our lives, we both compare the times we visited the white house – he visited two times though, one in the 90’s and another time last year -. We only stop when someone wearing the show’s shirt bursts into the room “Mark? What are you doing here?” That’s when I see that Alinne was right behind the guy, cigarette balancing between her fingers already.

“I was…” Mark tries to explain, but the guy shakes his head.

“No, no, no, you’re up on five, come on come on!”

The guy drags Mark out of the room so fast, he didn’t even look back to say goodbye, but I knew I would see him shortly enough. Alinne walks into the room and steps on her cigarette. “Why didn’t you tell me he was here?”

“I didn’t even know they were looking for him, we started talking and just… I don’t know, we lost track of time.”

“I’m not mad at you, nothing went wrong,” She sighs and sits by my side. “Do you want to call Rach’s?”

I nod and she pulls her Blackberry from her pocket. I didn’t have one, because I didn’t need one; I’ll be in space six months from now, that’ll be enough technology for just one person.

“Hey Noah” I say as my son answers the phone. “How’s movie night with your mom going?”

“Great!” I wince as he replies loudly, his mouth way too close to the receiver. “We’re watching Star Wars now, Luke and Darth just had their lightsaber fight! It’s AWESOME!”  
“Cool, are you guys going to watch the show? It starts in a few minutes."

“Let me talk to him!” Jean’s shrill shrieks can be heard clearly through the phone, and Noah passes the phone to her, groaning. “Hi Daddy!”

“Hi sweetie, are you guys going to watch the show?”

“Yes, we are! Mom is changing channels right now! Ohhh, I get to see you but you won’t be able to see me! How weird is that?” She chirps happily. She loves seeing me on television.

“It is weird, isn’t it?” I laugh, loving the sound her angelic little voice. “I have to go now, but I love you guys!”

“Love you, Daddy,” They both call in unison, and I hear the dial tone on the other end as they hang up.

Alinne starts to look funny at me and I frown “What is it? Do I have something in my teeth?” I lick my teeth to see if I do.

“Nothing” She shakes her head. “You just… You look like you love your children more than anything.”

“Well, how could I not? They’re my kids, y’know?” I say, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Actually, when you spend so much time away, there’s always that something that you miss, that you crave to get back. I’ve talked to a few other people who have been to space missions and they all say they either miss their girlfriends, their pets, their family, or their parents… They all miss something when they’re away, and since the divorce, my kids are the ones I miss. Not that I don’t miss Rachel, I do, but I really did miss her when we were still together, after we separated I ended up stopping to love her, and that’s why I’m more focused at my kids, I guess.

I don’t like to say this, to even think it actually, but whenever I think about our break-up, I blame her. I think that she felt like I was never around, even if I spent every second of my free time with my family. I could still love her, but I have to admit that things would not be the same anymore. 

The same man from before peaks his head into the room a few minutes later, talking in a stern voice. “In five, Mr. DeLonge.”

I get up, brushing lint off of my outfit, and look at Alinne. “Do I look okay?”

“The most handsome man I have ever seen, only losing to Brad Pitt. Let’s go!”

She rushes me to go to the side of the stage, I can see Mark making introductions and making a few scripted jokes to the camera.

“Pope Benedict has said infertile couples should not attempt artificial procreation because it is a ‘form of arrogance’. Then he put on a massive gold hat.” Mark snaps off his lines, making everyone laugh. He’s always funny in his show, that’s why Rach and I liked it so much.

“So, we have a great show for tonight! We have model Elizabeth Shawn, who’s going to Portugal next month to film her documentary about model’s life. We also have politician David Kraus talking about Obama’s influences into other parts of the world and last, but most definitely not least, we have astronaut Tom DeLonge who is going to tell us what he can about his amazing mission six months from now. We’ll be right back!”

The show quickly cuts to commercials, and everybody’s shoulders relax, now off the air, and catch a breath.

But less than an eye blink later, I can hear someone screaming, “We’ll be back in five, four…” Mark takes himself to the chairs in one of the corners of the stage “...Two,” and points to Mark as a signal for “one.”

“We’re back!” Mark shouts and laughs a bit; he’s with his cards in his hands, standing up before the leather couch. The crowd cheers and he starts speaking again. “Recently, the United States government has been investing a lot into space missions and well, space in general,” The crowd laughs, of course. I bet that if I was the one to say that, nobody would laugh, but Mark has enough charisma to make something completely bland and boring sound like the best joke in the world.

“So today we have a super special guest, I hope you guys have heard of him because he’s going into history books your kids will read. Please welcome astronaut, Tom DeLonge!”  
The crowd starts cheering and I remind the orders Alinne gave me earlier, to smile and wave, than shake hands with Mark and sit on the couch, turning my attention to him who would be in the armchair beside me. Simple enough.

We sit and I look at him, his crystal eyes scanning through the cards being flipped through his hands. 

“So, Tom,” He starts “I can’t even imagine what it is like to be an astronaut, could you let us know a little bit of the day in a life of Tom Delonge is like?” He asks, raising an eyebrow, which I laugh to, remembering of our chat earlier. “Is it stressful, boring, fun or what?”

“Well, I have fun, I certainly love my job, but there are some really boring, stressful things too. I mean, I have fun, of course, but it’s not on most days, only once in a while.”  
“But would you say your work is gratifying?”

“Yeah, I think I would, for me, I mean. It’s my life, I would never leave it behind for some other childhood dream I would have thought of when I was 5. Being an astronaut is better than any dream, really, because it’s real, and that’s something only a few people can say.”

“It says here that you were ‘Teacher For A Day’ in the public elementary schools around LA, how was that?”

I grin, remembering the children at the schools. “It was great! The kids are awesome; it’s amazing how they all have so many questions and how they all are so inspired.”

Mark and I keep talking more about the mission and my life, and then he turns to the camera and says they’ll be right back. Mark gives me his hand to shake. “It was nice to meet you, Tom,” He says, quite sincerely. “Hope we get to see each other sometime soon.

“Don’t worry, I won’t leave till the show is over,” I joke, and he gives me his crooked smile.

“I sure hope not,” He says before going to talk with the audience.


	3. Solitude's a Reason to Die

The kids spend the night over at Rach’s, so I was supposed to pick them up at school the next day. My heavy shoes make walking quite impossible while I do some physical exams, but I manage, that’s why I’m doing it.

“Okay, you’re free to go now,” A man’s voice echoes through the speakers and all of sudden I stop walking as the tracks start to slow down

I sigh of happiness once I bend down to untie the shoes. I step out of the room covered in sweat, heading straight to the showers. When I’m done I grab my things and leave for the school.

As we get into the house both Jean and Noah run to their rooms, while I go to the kitchen make dinner. Jean comes back half an hour later with the telephone in her hand. 

“Daaaaaaddy?” She asks in a whiney voice.

“Whaaaaat?” I ask, whining back.

“Can my friends come over tomorrow? It’s Saturday and Jamie’s mom didn’t let us go to her house. Please, please, pleeeaaaaseeee??????”

“Calm down” I laugh as I dry my hands on a dish towel. “How many friends are coming?”

“Three, four if you count me.”

“Which friends?”

“Jamie, Oliver and Martin. Oliver is Jamie’s cousin.” She answers, her eyes shining with hope. I can tell she wants this, so I end up giving in.

“Go on, tell them yes,” I respond with a smile, and she shrieks with excitement.

“He said yes!” She laughs into the receiver as she walks away. “It’ll be so much fun, I just can’t wait!”

***

Next morning, I catch on Jean stepping on a chair to reach the tall shelves of our movie collection. I grab her by the waist and pull the chair away with my other hand

“Get off of there, you’ll fall, silly!”

“I can’t reach those movies!” She whines as she points to the cases, and I put her on the ground.

“Which ones do you want?” I ask, and grab the ones she tells me to. “So, you and your friends are only going to watch movies?”

“I don’t know,” She says and she looks at the movies I gave her. 

In the middle of her contemplation, the doorbell rings, and she gasps, dropping the DVD’s in excitement. I follow her to the doorway, where two boys and a girl stand at

“Hey guys!” She says excitedly, and waves them into the foyer. “Let’s go play!” She shows them her room, and I turn away as they play, giggles floating through the house.

About two hours later, Oliver’s mom comes to pick him and Jamie up, leaving just Martin. They go back to her room after the car leaves, and Noah comes to keep me company in the kitchen, his blonde hair frizzed and messy. 

“What did they do to you?” I ask as I run a hand through his hair, combing it down.

“We were having a pillow fight!” He beams, out of breath.

I grab my newspaper and flip a page, going to the exact article I wanted find.

“Look,” I say to him, putting the newspaper on the table and pushing it in his direction. It’s a picture of me and my team of about 20 people.

“Okay, where are you?” He squints, and I point to the man in the front row.

“That’s so cool! I still can’t believe you are going into space!” He grins, proud.

We keep talking for a while, and end up draining the entire gallon of juice that was out on the counter. But I don’t mind, it’s good to spend time with my son.

Jean and her friend walk back from her room on the first floor, laughing at something that me and Noah are oblivious to. Noah is quick to grab the paper laying on the island and jumping off his stool, shoving it into Jean’s face “Look at dad, Jean!” He says with his little hands gripping on the paper, as excited as he usually was on Christmas mornings.

“Here’s you!” She laughs with a smile after her eyes scan the paper for a while “That’s so cool!”

“Wow!” Martin says bewilded from her side, leaning in front of her to see it “So you really work with NASA? This isn’t just one of Jean’s jokes?” 

“Hey, I don’t lie!” She shoves him playfully while he giggles, the paper on his hands now “You can see now that it is actually true”

“Yes I am, Martin” I say once their giggling and shoving deceases 

“And you’re travelling soon…” He says and I nod “To space!”

I nod more fiercefully, a full smile on my lips.

“What will you do on space?” Martin asks while he jumps to sit on the stool besides Noah’s. Jean hops over to my side and snuggles against my arm

“He’s going to save the world” She says shyly, hiding her face behind my forearm

“Another lie!” He playfully points her finger at her

“The world’s not in danger…” Noah says while playing with his hands, trying to get into the conversation as well

“But he is!” She whines and smiles up at me, and honestly, I can’t help but feel like an actual hero when she says something like this. It makes me know that even if I fail, even if I were a loser, I’d still be her hero.

“Okay” I giggle “My mission is me by myself, I’m not going there to save the world”

“What will you do?” Martin asks with big blue eyes full of curiosity, I can’t help but remember other pair of blue eyes I saw this week, but I just shrug it off anyway; it’s not like I’m ever going to see those again.

“Well, I’m going to do research and test satellites that can reach into deeper parts of the universe, which means parts that we still don’t know like new galaxies, stars, black holes, that stuff... I’m spending some time doing research on the moon and stuff”

“Can I ask you something?” Martin asks

“Sure” I shrug “Anything”

“Why are people so fussy about it? I mean, no offense, but that seems like such a normal thing…”

“See Martin, these satellites aren’t normal satellites, like I said, they can reach further into places the man has never experienced or seen before. This mission may help us find other civilizations and galaxies, we might even find planets like earth and it’ll maybe open doors of the science field that we can’t even imagine yet. And not only that, but this can do some good here on earth as well, we may find ways to expand and accelerate the internet as we know, fastening the process of business, we maybe we’re being way too hopeful in thinking that maybe we can find cures for diseases, an end to pollution and even a way to slow down the process of globe warming”

“Cooool!” Martin exclaims while Noah looks confused at me, probably not even understanding a single word of what I just said

We throw away conversation while I prepare a snack for Jean and Martin. The doorbell suddenly rings, and Martin throws his head back, whining

“Do you think it’s your dad?” Jean asks munching on her sandwich

“Maybe, I don’t wanna go, it’s so much fun here. Plus, he wants to take me to some stupid dinner with his producers…” Martin pouts taking another bite from his sandwich.

I get up and call it, rushing to open the door, Noah at my heels as I walk. The door flies open and I’m still with a glass of milk in my hand, holding it firmly so it doesn’t slip away once I’m able to see who’s in front of me. Because it isn’t every day that Mark Hoppus knocks on your front door.

“Tom?” He asks, frowning “Tom Delonge?”

“Mark!” I say and then laugh. “Hm, what are you doing here? How did you find my house?”

Mark frowns again. “I came to pick up my son; this is the right address, right?”

“Your son?” I asked idiotically, not remembering what it meant “You have a son?”

“Why wouldn’t I have a son?” Mark chuckles, his eyes smiling. It is actually difficult to imagine it, since the Mark I knew from the early days was so punk rock and stuff, cursing at everything and everywhere, practically breathing cigarettes and using alcohol as water. 

“Dad, he’s Martin’s father.” Noah pipes up, but I wasn’t even aware of his presence anymore; it felt like all I could see was Mark “I’ll call him,” Noah says, and I nod slowly, as if in a trance. 

After what seems like an eternity of standing at the door, I invite Mark in and we sit in the living room. I offer him juice and milk, but he refuses both.

“No, thanks. I’m taking Martin out to dinner with some people from work actually” Mark says as he sits down, his hair spiked and his blue eyes sparkling as always “By the way; I never got the chance to ask you if you liked the show.”

“Yeah, I really did,” I answer, regaining my ability to form words. “You were great. I wish all interviewers were as cool as you.”

“Nah” He says shrugging “You’re just saying that!” Mark brushes off the compliment, blushing.

“No, I’m serious! You have something I know I’ll never have, like, you know what to ask and answer at the right moments. It makes for a fantastic show. My ex-wife loves it.”

“You’re divorced?” He asks, brows furrowing.

“Well, yeah, It’s been almost a year since we moved out of our old house. I came here to a smaller one to stay with the kids while she moved somewhere else. I can say we have a healthy relationship; our divorce was full of fights and arguments, but we’re past that. But once we both agreed this was best, it was all easy, simple.” For some reason it is so easy to talk about this with Mark, I don’t feel the familiar hint of embarrassment that I usually do when talking about the divorce. “What about you?”

“I’m divorced too” He sighs, looking down “But my divorce was a little more complicated. Around four years ago my wife comes home talking about Paris and Milan and Europe.  
There was too much fighting to even measure, I didn’t want her to go. She decided to stay a couple of months there, seeing how it would go, I stayed because of work. Once she was back she confessed that she had cheated on me while she was away, that’s when things got nasty. But to make a long story short, she left, I stayed. I could never just uproot Martin and move like that, especially since my entire life is here.”

“Wow,” I say sympathetically. “She’s still there?”

“Yes, she married again to some third guy, but she comes once a year to see Martin, that’s all.”

“Do you manage it? I mean, to take care of Martin all by yourself...”

“Yeah, I guess, sometimes he comes to the studio with me, but most times he stays with my sister while I’m at work.”

I start to ask the question I had been thinking about forever, but I only get it half out. ”Mark, do you ha-”

“Hi, Dad!” Martin pops up out of nowhere, hugging Mark’s legs affectionately.

“Look who it is!” Mark pries his kid off of his leg, placing Martin next to him. 

“You ready kiddo?” Martin nods. “Okay then, let’s go.”

“Bye, Martin” Jean emerges from her room, waving.

Martin smiles and waves back, holding Mark’s hand.

“So,” Mark turns to me as he opens the door to his car. “What are you doing next Tuesday?”

“Well, I have to work, and then I’ll pick up the kids and come home. I can pick up Martin if you’re busy”

“No, I don’t work on Tuesdays” Mark shakes his head, clarifying. “I actually wanted to ask you if you want to go out for lunch. We have a lot in common and I thought that… That we could hang out, I don’t know.”

I grin, my heart leaping. “That’s not a bad idea at all.”

“I can pick you up at work if you want…” He suggests, shrugging.

“Yeah sure, just call my office and we’ll set things up.” I say and he gives me his phone so I can type the number in.

Mark smiles when he takes it back. “See ya,” he grins, starting the ignition of the car and pulling out onto the road.


	4. I'm Older Than You So I've Got Time

I spend the whole Sunday with my kids, dropping them off at school on Monday morning. I go to work casually only to surprisingly find David walking down the hallway in the opposite direction of mine “Hey Tom!” He says as he pats my back “Haven’t seen you in a while, man. How are you?”

“Good, things are great” I answer “What about you?”

“All the lame same” He complains shrugging a little “I went to a motorcycle exhibition at Anaheim this weekend, but it blew. Hey, I saw you on A Different Spin! Neat-O my friend!”

“Really?” I ask and he nods “What did you think?”

“It was nice, man. I think the audience liked it”

“I know, it’s just craziness all day every day,” I shake my head. “I really don’t know where I’m going.”

“But I do know; you’re going to outer space, man. Don’t worry about it; the dream isn’t going to end even if you stopped the interviews”

“Thanks” I say

“So, do you want to go grab lunch today?” He asks, rubbing his hands together

“No thanks, I have plans already; I’m just waiting a phone call” I say despite missing David’s company

“Oh, I get it; Mr. DeLonge has a date and doesn’t want to tell his friend David…” He says in a sing song voice right before he laughs and chuckles

“It’s Mark, man” I say, frowning at his words

“What? You mean Mark Hoppus, the host from the show?”

“Yeah, I mean how many other Mark Hoppuses do you know? Apparently his son is friends with Jean” 

“Okay, just don’t forget about me when you’re with your famous friends, okay?”

“Shut up, David” I say and shove him playfully.

Eventually I get to my office and start skimming through some papers while my eyes focus on the telephone every now and then. I don’t know why I’m so tense about this phone call; it’s just Mark for God’s sake. 

When it starts ringing, my mind picks it up and my hand bolts to pick it up. “H-hello?” Damn, could I sound any more frantic? For some reason I’m hyped up like a little kid, it’s the rush of meeting someone new I guess.

“Mr. DeLonge, Mr. Hoppus wants to talk to you”

“Okay Daisy, put him on the line” I say and I sigh, thanking God it was only Daisy, otherwise I would’ve seemed too desperate. I press the phone between my ear and my shoulder and still go through the papers.

“Tom?” The voice on the other side dances in my ears.

“Hi Mark,” My words are high with joy; it’s just so nice to hear his voice. “Do you know where we’re going?” 

“There’s this restaurant downtown that I really like, but I’m not in the mood to go there today, so I think we’ll go downtown and just pick something. How’s that sound to you?”

“A-okay with me. Are you going to pick me up?”

“Yes, I am! I just need the address”

I give him the address and we hang up, after which I work until half past twelve and go to the locker room to change. I slip out of the deep blue NASA shirt and stiff pants, quickly showering. No way I’m going to leave him waiting for me. I take out a black MacBeth shirt from my bag and slide into a pair of dark jeans. I go to my office and grab my leather jacket, then head downstairs to wait.

Mark picks me up on the same car he went to my house with on Saturday; he’s wearing a white shirt with jeans, his casual outfit I guess. I smile at him and he smiles back “I like your jacket” He says as he drives off 

“Thanks” I say. Things seem drag on at first; it looks like we’re a bit of awkward in front of each other. We don’t know much about one another, that’s all I guess. I mean, I don’t know why I feel nervous around him when he can feel so free and careless when he’s the one to talk to me.

He keeps driving but doesn’t say anything, annoyingly paying attention to the highway ahead of us while an uncomfortable silence seemed to fill in. I’m not sure if it felt uncomfortable to him, but I was sure it felt like that to me. 

“Mind if I turn on the stereo?” He asks suddenly and I realize I’m biting my nails, something I rarely do

“No, not at all” I shake my head, straightening myself on the seat while he reached for his dashboard and a familiar song started playing right from its middle

But there's no reason for you to quit, Just 'cause we try harder, I don't want to talk on the telephone, I don't want to see no pictures

I should’ve guessed though

“I love that album!” I smile awkwardly, suddenly getting excited. My hand drops to my lap “I used to have it on vinyl but Rachel broke it in one of our fights”

“Bitch!” Mark exclaims and then chuckles “I’m sorry, but anyone who does that really is an asshole”

I laugh and nod “I totally agree. Never found another one like that again…”

“I found my copy once when I was on a date with my ex-wife back when we were still dating. On that day she declared I had cheated on her with the album”

I laugh, that’s when I seem to lose all that weight that was on me back when I was still feeling nervous. We talk like teenagers, something I haven’t done with anyone since… 

Since… I don’t even remember, maybe with some random guy I must’ve met in Dallas once when I was there for work. But I was sure it wasn’t anything like this, it wasn’t good like this

We end up going downtown while looking for a random restaurant; we only find one we both want to go after some fifteen minutes. Me and Mark sit on a table and ask for our orders. We laugh and talk while everything flows easily, he’s so good to talk to. 

“Back when Finest Comedy started as a cover band, I wanted to do a cover show of Three Imaginary Boys, but The Carnel said that if we were going to cover a whole album it should be Sgt. Peppers, which was ridiculous because we didn’t have anything in common with The Beatles, although he was a big fan…”

I chuckle “I remember that, he loved The Beatles like a son, jamming with The Carnel was never the same without at least one song from them…”

“Yeah, The Carnel was obsessed with how George’s gui… wait, what did you say?” Mark asks with a frown on his face “You used to jam with The Carnel?”

“Well, yeah” I shrugged like it was nothing much “I’m from San Diego, didn’t you know that?”

“No!” He chuckles 

“Yeah, I used to go to your concerts once in a while. The Carnel was older than me, but we’d still jam once in a while. He used to say I had good skills and could introduce me into a band, but I was too focused on surviving an oh-so-hated high school so I could go to college and do what I do today…”

Mark’s eyes go big, maybe realization that we could have once known each other hitting him “I didn’t know that”

“We never talked though, at least not that I remember…” I shrug, he was so popular amongst the punk kids, I knew I wasn’t ever going to be friends with him, especially once he,  
Adam, Scott – later replaced with Travis - and The Carnel started getting famous.

We go back to talk about the music from our youth, and when he smiles I can catch a wide, toothy grin and whenever I tell a joke he gives me that smile with a chuckle right after, and I keep telling jokes because I want to hear that, I want to see that smile.

After he stops laughing at a particularly immature joke, his eyes get a far away look as he starts to think. “That reminds me of when…” He starts to say, but then drifts off. “What?”

“What what?” I ask, eager to hear what he has to say.

“You were staring, dude”

“Was I?” I look down and frown, trying to mask how awkward I felt. “I’m pretty sure I wasn’t,” I mumble. 

“Okay, then” Mark says and goes back to tell his story and once we’re done we have a little fight to see who’s going to pay the bill, but he gives up at the end. I hand the waiter my credit card and when he comes back, me and Mark go to his car. He says he’s going to drop me off at work, but when we arrive, I feel a little skeptical to get out

“I am at the right place, am I not?” Mark asks

“Yes, you are. Don’t worry” I say and open the door, I step a foot out, but can’t really bring myself to get out “Hm, have you ever wanted to see how it is inside?”

Mark raises an eyebrow, intrigued. “No, but it seems interesting.”

“Would you like to come in?” I ask and smile nervously. Am I being too overbearing? God dammit! “Well, to see my office, or whatever, I mean.” 

“Yeah, I would. Just let me park, okay?” He says and I nod, he drives off and parks somewhere on the lot and walks back to me so we both can get inside and go to my office.

“Well, I still have some papers to finish, I’ll hand them in and take you around, okay? Just wait a minute, alright?”

“That’s fine, take your time” Mark says with dismissing hand while I sit at my table and he looks up to my shelves. He takes out the frame with a picture of me wearing my space suit and Jean and Noah right beside me, one sitting in each of my legs. That’s another picture in which Jean says that I look like a child, but that’s the smile they like to see so I do it all the time.

They looked so much younger in it, Jean was around five in it, I think “That was when I came back from a four month mission” I say when I realize he’s looking at it

“It was your first?” 

“No” I say “It was my second. They weren’t even born when I went to my first one, I was already married to Rach though; I stayed three weeks up there. They were both too young  
when they saw me going…”

“Do you spend too much time away from them?” 

“Not really, it just kills me when the programs make me travel. Sometimes we are required to stay full months away from home and our families in training programs and sometimes I stay in operation, it’s just a mess”

“Oh,” Mark says, he looks a bit down, but then he gets distracted again looking at my high school science trophies and my college certificates. I chuckle and shake my head. Damn, that man has an attention span shorter than Noah’.

When I finish I ramble, I don’t know why I just want to keep him here, I just want to keep looking at his flawless face, deep eyes, smirking lips. He keeps staring at me patiently, squinting his eyes a bit and taking his fingers to his lips. I don’t know why, but I just want to keep staring at him forever. He just had one of those faces you never got tired of seeing, and every second you looked intrigued you even more, drew you in deeper. 

Maybe if we got tired of talking, I would just go to David’s office, get his guitar and ask Mark to play something so we could relax, then he’d go back to look at my stuff and I’d sit here and just watch him all over again.

“Are you done with your work?” He notices that I haven’t been scribbling anything down in a while.

“Yes” I nod, I put the papers on the file case and get up “I’ll just call David, and look at what we can see today. I don’t have the itinerary, so...”

Mark nods, I put the case down and grab the phone, I call David’s office and he answers in a few seconds

“Hey man, what’s up?” David says when he picks up “How was lunch with talk show guy?”

“It was good” I say taking a sneak at Mark who has his back to me “Hey, do you know what spaces are off to visit today?”

“I don’t know, dude. My computer broke down, but I can come over and see it in yours…”

“Yeah sure, I’ll wait” I say and hang up, Mark looks at me waiting for an answer “He’s going to look around and should be telling us in a few minutes”

“Oh” Mark says “Okay then”

He looks a bit lost and we seem to have nothing to talk about, so I walk up to my shelf and try to pick something up “This is a picture from my first mission” I say as I point to one of the various frames. He comes closer, too close actually, and looks at it “I was 25” I sigh “I was so young, I always asked myself why I had gone with such little age, six years later 

I found out they send young guys to be assistants when there’s a lot of people on the program. I just felt so stupid, but it was good because I didn’t feel so lost the second time”

“That’s so interesting” Mark says, a little smile on his voice “You look so young in here”

“Well, I was 25…” I say shrugging

“And how old are you?” 

“37” I say resting a hand on the shelf, leaning against it

“That’s not much” Mark says sympathetically “That’s twelve years, I was 33 when Finest Comedy broke up”

I frown “How old are you?”

“I’m 40” Mark replies with a smirk on his face 

“That’s seven years, what point are you trying to make?”

Mark shrugged and smiled “I’m just trying to tell you that it doesn’t mean you look old yet…”

“You don’t look like 40, don’t say that” 

“Well, I am” He says 

“You… You really don’t” I try to say. God, I feel so awkward

“That’s okay, Tom” He laughs and puts a hand on my shoulder, getting closer to me “Now you’re just making me feel old”

“You’re not”

“Shut up” He says kind of angrily and I instantly feel like I did something wrong, like I should apologize before he walks away and never speaks to me again. Thoughts of shame are still running through my head when his lips touch mine, my eyes close and I don’t even feel it, it just comes naturally.

I put a hand on his hip, thinking how much of an amazing kisser he is. It’s smooth and makes me want more. He sighs and I smile, deciding this is it. I nib on his bottom lip lightly before Mark pushes his tongue into my mouth and the kiss gets dipper.

He starts to push me and I walk backwards. My back hits the shelves and I can hear something falling out of its place, but I’m too busy to care. Mark pulls apart and bites my neck faintly, then sucking on the skin.

My eyes open themselves slowly, I moan in pleasure, about to say something.

“Mark” I whine so low that I’m afraid that he won’t even hear it, which he probably did because that was when he sighed against my skin and started leaving a trail of kisses along my jawline and neck while he moved to the other side. He whined and sudden realization hits me, I stop moaning – even if so low - with pleasure when my eyes go wide. 

Mark. Hoppus. Is. Kissing. Me. 

On. The. Lips.

My hands move from Mark’s waist to his shoulders, pushing him away slightly. He’s shorter so I just look down at him with a frown. His lips are pink and wet, his blue eyes dilated and big, and I just… “What are we doing?”

Mark blinks a few times, like he’s trying to focus on me “Kissing?”

“Why are we kissing?”

“Because we are…”

“No, Mark, I… How? I didn’t think that… How did this happen?”

“I’m… I’m sorry, you didn’t like it? Too soon?” He asks, but it still doesn’t answer anything 

“What are you talking about?” I march away from him, walking to stand beside my table

“Oh my God” He says surprised “You’re not?”

“Gay?” I ask, my eyes wide as I shake my head “No!”

“Oh man” Mark takes a hand to his forehead, probably feeling stupid “I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry!”

“Why would you think that?”

“I don’t know! You just kept sending signals, like the staring or all the smiling, I just… I don’t know, it felt like we were connecting”

“As friends!” I say, almost too loudly and scaring him

“I don’t know what happened either, okay? All I remember is that I wanted you to shut up about the age thing and I guess that was the way I thought to make you shut up” Our voices were both loud and shaky, but I knew nobody could hear us through the soundproof walls.

“You didn’t even bother to ask me, now I’ll go to bed being the guy who kissed another man”

“Is there a problem with it?”

“No! It’s just weird…” I say, calming my voice, realizing it must’ve offended him

“You’re so pathetic” Mark snorts, but there is no joking playfulness in his voice “Of course!”

It looked like he was punishing himself more than I was punishing myself, I saw that when he took his hand to his forehand a second time and just sighed heavily. He only picked reality up again when there was a knocking on the door

“I’m leaving, okay? I don’t need a tour, I don’t want a tour. If you still want to talk to me, give a call, if you don’t, then just forget it”

“Mark, don’t leave” I try put my hand on his shoulder, trying to keep him from leaving, but he only stops long enough to spit harsh words of dissatisfaction at me. 

“No, Tom. Just let it be. I never kissed you, this never happened. I don’t need bullshit from people that think like you” Mark opens the door and takes a quick look at David before dodging him and walking away. David raises an eyebrow at me and walks in, closing the door behind him

“Was that Mark?” He asks and I nod “He was looking funny, what happened?”

“Nothing, we just, we just had a discussion and now I feel like a jerk” I say as I take a hand to my forehead, just like he was doing before

“Good to go?” He smirks playfully

“David, I don’t wanna a tour anymore!” I snap angrily

“I was talking about no tour” He smirks again and I frown

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

He gave me an odd look, pointing down at my crotch.

I look down at my pants and see the bulge that’s sticking out of my jeans, making a tent “Shit!” I put a hand over it and I rush to my desk’s chair, surprised that it didn’t die once I pushed Mark away or once David walked in. I can hear David laughing at me as I sit down and pretend nothing has happened “What are you here for?”

“You asked me to come over to see the itinerary on your computer” David explains

“Okay, you can go, that was for Mark, but now he’s gone, so bye bye”

“What were you two discussing about for you to be like tha…”

“Quiet” I interrupt him “You didn’t see anything. Nothing. Ever. Happened” David raises the eyebrow again, but then he just nods and we quickly chat about other stuff. He goes away a few minutes later and when the door closes I just lean back and say “I’m fucked”


	5. Dear Head, Shut Up

The day picks up with surprising normality, I grab the children at school and Alinne makes her usual late night calls to me, today she warns me about some magazine that was supposed to call me in the morning, I make dinner and watch TV with Jean and Noah, finally going to bed after they did.

I start having a dream at some point during the night, I’m sure Mark’s in it, and his voice tone is so familiar to me already somehow. He’s speaking to me, but I’m not really sure about what. 

I can distinguish only the words “Fall” “Winter” “Catch” “Moon” and “Sex”. I remember being scared, but not because of what he was saying, whatever message he was trying to tell me somehow made me calmer. I would nod repeatedly while he tried to make sure I was okay.

“Mark, I’m not okay” I would cry, he’d grab my hand in his and shoo me to stop rocketing and sobbing.

It was very confusing really, I didn’t know why I was crying, and I also didn’t know why Mark was the one there to comfort me, saying those words…

As soon as I realize, I am waking up covered in sweat in the middle of the night, my hands gripping hard on the sheets, making my knuckles white. Only because I was apparently scared and confused. I sigh when I realize I’m at my room, at least, so I turn around to get back to bed and try to go back to sleep, but I stop when realize something is poking my thigh, I see my hard dick and just whisper to myself “Fuck! Fucking Fuck!”

I throw the sheets off of me as I run into the bathroom, shutting the door behind me with anger. I end up touching myself and I just feel disgusted later, but I also feel like there is a lot of weight off my back. 

I eventually go back to sleep, but when I had the same dream for several nights, things started to haunt my head more than they already did.

At some point I started to actually think I was getting paranoid, since this wasn’t something that should be damaging me the way it is. I had only kissed the guy once, why was it haunting me like a ghost?

As a consequence, I start to avoid Mark. I know about what he told me at the office before leaving, and I can’t help but feel like a jackass, but I also can’t bring myself to talk to him again, knowing it’ll only deepen my dreams’ craziness.

When I get off work on Monday, I go to pick up my kids at school, I wait them in the car like I always do, but they aren’t on the playground, so I park my car and wait for them to come.

I look at the parents picking up their kids with their cars and just keep searching Jean and Noah through them, that’s when I see a man and a blonde kid. Mark is grabbing Martin’s little hand with his and pulling him to the car. I only realize I’m staring once he waves at me, I know I’m inside my car with the windows closed and that he can barely see me, but I still shyly wave back. I could at least have pretended that I hadn’t seen anything

Mark doesn’t smile at me, but he does it sadly while he opens the door of his car. Not to me, but to himself. I finally realize how much of a Jackass I must be on his eyes; he probably thinks I’m some homophobic cunt. He can say it is okay, but I know it’s not. That’s the moment I hang my head low and just feel like punching a wall, I was never meant to make him sad, I was never meant to make him feel like this.

My kids get into the car, but I don’t feel so happy, I feel kind of down.

I go to bed early, around ten o’clock, only to wake up one hour later with the same frustration from the same repetitive dream. And besides being hard, I am madder than ever 

“Why is this happening?” I shout and march into the bathroom connected to my room, closing the door behind me with a loud bang.

The dream was way more intense tonight, the red on my face was redder, the anger in me was more boiling, the bang of the door was louder, all that against how my jerking off was way more pleasurable than the previous nights.

Actually, jerking off now is way more satisfying. I mean, it might be because of how angry I am once I wake up from what now I have the impression to be wet dreams, since I’m always hard. It can also be a memory from the kiss, even the last night I spent at Rachel’s

I want to believe it is Rachel

But tonight, definitely a wet dream. His hands were running through my body and finally things didn’t look so disturbing, they were real, as if seeing Mark earlier had made my subconscious sure of what I wanted.

My feet stomp inside the shower and I turn on the hot water, getting burned at first, but then getting cooler with it. I wet my hair and my chest, the drops of water running through my body and my erection as I keep repeating between moans “You’re not crazy, Tom. You’re not insane”

After I come and clean my hand with soap, I sigh and grab the shampoo to wash my hair. I walk outside still wet, not even bothering to grab a towel. My feet slip on the tiles as I try to cross the bathroom, going side to side as I clumsily put one in front of the other, still shaking since I got out of bed. I place my hands on each side of the sink and look at my face on the mirror, dark circles around my eyes because of the constant waking up while dreaming at night, my mouth hanging open and my soaked hair glued to my forehead.

Breathe in, breathe out, and I’m still looking inside my brown eyes through the mirror, my reflection staring at me like I stared at Mark all that time. My fingers reach to touch my lips with their tips, the same lips that Mark kissed that day. I start blinking when I remember that moment, my back pressing against the shelf and how I just wish I could go back and do it all again. And instead of pushing him off, I would just put my hands around him and pull him close.

Between pull and push there’s only a two letter difference.

Two seconds I could have stopped and thought better about what I was doing

“Oh DeLonge” I sigh to my reflection “You’re so fucked”

I grab the towel from the wreck and dry what was still wet; I put on a sweatshirt on and some boxer shorts deciding to go downstairs for a minute.

I pass by Jean’s room, the only one that’s on the first floor of the house, because Noah sometimes has nightmares, so my room needs to be next to his. I open the door slightly to look at my little girl; I see her sleeping on the pink bed, a lump by her side completely covered by sheets, an arm across her body and a little hand peeking out beside her.

She was completely still while her brother hugged her, it was cute to see them sleeping together like that, like the brothers they were.

Closing the door without making any noise, I went to the living room, messing up my wet hair as I sit down and grab the control. Turning on the Tv I face no one other than the man who I am freaking over, the man with spiky hair, blue eyes, parted lips and small nose. 

Mark is interviewing a band, I was about to turn it off, but when the guitarist started telling a story of when they went to jail, everything stops and I just listen to Mark’s laughter, his wide, toothy grin spreading across his beautiful face

“Did you guys hear that?” He asked the audience “These guys are crazy! You guys are insane!” Mark said with his deep voice and I just couldn’t turn it off. Now it seemed like that man just couldn’t leave me alone, if he wasn’t around physically, he would just haunt my dreams and mind somehow.

The show went into break and almost had to crawl upstairs to go sleep alone in my double bed.

***

I sit blankly at the couch of my office; staring out the window across the room with pleading eyes, that weren’t actually asking for anything besides one thing.

The door opens and I don’t even bother to see who is getting in, I just keep staring ahead while the person sits by my side “You look awful, man”

“I haven’t been sleeping very well” I say, still not looking at David “I’ve been having disturbing dreams the whole week”

“You should get that checked; it might be something compromising to the program…” David tells me concernedly

“Don’t go all bossy pants on me” I snap as I sit back, not meaning to seem so stupid. I sigh and cover my eyes with my fists “I’m sorry, I don’t want to be rude”

“That’s okay” David answers putting a hand on my shoulder “We can go see a doctor now, I think Chris is the one in charge today…”

“No, I… I already know what problem it is” I whisper as I put my hands down so I can look at him, the morning sunlight creaking through the window and lighting up his head, like  
he was some sort of angel “But I need your help to solve it”

“Yeah man, anything you need to get better”

“Do you have anything to do after work?” I ask “Besides, you know, staying alone at home…”

“Hey, you’re gonna start making single man jokes I’m gonna walk out and leave you to perish in outer space” David snaps with smirk “Imagine the aliens only finding your brittle bones and thin muscles floating around the moo…”

“Stop!” I interrupt him, covering my ears to stop hearing him teasing me with one of my biggest fears. If aliens were actually going to get me they better get me alive so I can see stuff before they kill me. I lie back, closing my eyes and probably unconsciously making a silly face since he starts to chuckle. I open my eyes and straighten my back, looking at him with a pout on my lips “Don’t do that” I whine while looking down at my hands

“I’m just messing around with you, man” David chuckles again “God, these dreams are making you stupid…”

“So, do you?” I ask

“No, I don’t, why?”

“Will you drive me somewhere?”

“Yes, sure. Where do you wanna go? Male strip club or go watch the ballet version of Cabaret?”

“Ballet version of Cabaret?” I ask bewilded “How is that?”

“I don’t know” David shook his head “Some girl invited me to go with her, haven’t talked to her ever since”

I chuckle 

“What? Bitch was trying to make me watch a musical! Ballet Version”

“See, that’s why you’re single, you can’t ever settle with a girl because you’re too picky…” I start laughing at myself, sure that I was being the smartest and funniest motherfucker in the whole building

“That wasn’t funny” David says

“Oh my God, these dreams are taking my funny away. Quick, get me the phone so I can call Rach and tell her to pick up the kids” David gets up and dials Rach’s number, he gives it to me and she answers, I give her some lame excuse and she sighs saying ‘Okay, okay’ and then we hang up.

When we get off work we go to David’s car and he drives, I insist to be on the backseat wearing a black hoodie and sunglasses, so I don’t get recognized “Seriously dude, male strippers or pointless musicals?” He asks as we drive out of the parking lot 

“School”

“Your kids’s school?”

“Yes”

“You asked Rach to pick them up”

“Dave, just do what I’m telling you, okay? We’re going to stalk someone” David laughs as he starts going to school, I tell him to park on the same place I had parked the day before as I waited for Jean and Noah.

“Who are we stalking?” David asks

“You’ll see” That’s when I see the same thing as the day before, Mark taking Martin to their car “Look that man over there” I point to Mark and David nods

“Is that Mark?” He asks, squinting his eyes at the host

“Yes”

“Okay, we are going to stalk Mark Hoppus?” He asks incredulous

“Yes David, do you want me to raise a poster written ‘I stalk Mark Hoppus’ in it?”

David tells me to calm down, but I just can’t. I haven’t been sleeping very well and this is all making me nervous. 

We start to follow his car and I just sit back on the seat, David drives casually until we stop “Why did we stop?” I ask “Why?”

“We arrived” David says as he points to the car getting into a garage on the next block “I just didn’t get any closer because I think he would notice”

“No, okay, you did good” I say patting his shoulder “So, this is where Mark lives, huh?”

I say looking to the big, yellow house the car just parked into. These houses are right at the beach, the owners have sand and water as their backyard, literally. Mark lives like a king.

“It’s beautiful” David sighs “The guy must be loaded, but of course, in his situation who wouldn’t” He turns around to look at me “Is that all?”

“This is all” I say, already planning my next move.


	6. Josie, You're My Source Of Most Frustration

My hands are sweating as I grip the steering wheel of my car, while I gather the courage and guts to go out. My leather jacket looks fine and I know I smell good, so there’s no reason to worry about anything at all I guess.

I just walk there and say some stuff then everything will come back to normal. I’ll finally stop having nightmares and hopefully I’ll get off my shoulders the weight of feeling like scumbag

When I step out, I am a bit hesitant to walk to the front door of the house, but I do it anyway. I knock and wait, and a few seconds later I hear some shouting “Wait a second; I’m going to put on my wig!” 

I laugh, because that’s so Mark-like. He opens the door with a smile, but it disappears when he sees that’s me, and I already feel bad because it means I’m bad news to him, and that’s the last thing I want to be.

“Hi” I say

“I thought you didn’t want to see me again” He frowned

“I never said that”

“Well, you never called me back; I just assumed that was it”

“Can… Can I come in? We need to talk…”

“Yeah, sure” He says and opens the door, Mark motions for me to sit on his armchair while he sits on the couch. I try to say something, but I just can’t.

“I’m so sorry I didn’t call you” I say defeated “You must think that I am weirded out or something, but I take back everything I said that day and I want to make the statement that I really do want to be your friend. You being gay or not”

“I’m” Mark laughs “I’m not gay, I’m bi actually. I found out I liked guys even before I married Diane, she knew it when we started dating. You shouldn`t be making a judgement on how to treat me based on my sexuality”

“I know, and I`m sorry. I shouldn`t have treated you like that. I was oblivious and I was stupid but I am ready to come to an understanding of what it all means to you” I say “I just wanted to say that I’m sorry about what I did; I shouldn’t have treated you that way”

Mark smiles, like he just can’t believe it, though I notice he tries to keep it down “Thanks, dude. You were really a true dumbass…”

“You’re welcome” I smile back

“Hm” He starts to rub his eyes and then gets up “Do you want something to drink?”

“Well, yeah, what do you have?”

“I have to see, but you can come to the kitchen if you want”

“Sure” I say and get up, following him to the kitchen. 

Mark opens the door of the fridge and takes out two cans of coke “Do you like soda?” Mark turns around to ask and I nod, he grabs one bottle for each and we sit on the stools next to the island in the middle of the kitchen. We talk enough to manage to break the ice we created over the week, and I just feel better, but there’s still a lump in my chest. As if there was still another obstacle to go through.

***

I have my bag in my hands, there wasn’t much more than just a couple of shirts, my uniform, exercise clothes... David is behind me on the line, complaining on how this trip would suck. It was just five days though, two of them we would stay inside the bus, sleeping in bunks.

It had been two days since I had talked and apologized to Mark, we would do something after the trip, but it still felt awkward and I was still very anxious when around him. Not that I wasn’t before the ‘incident’, I was, but it was just more now, like it all had meant something. Things were finally starting to make sense in my head even if I didn’t want to believe in those things.

I had dreamed of him the night before, but it wasn’t something that would make me wake up all scared, it was just me and him hanging out in my kitchen. Despite the fact I wasn’t wearing any pants, everything seemed normal.

There’s three buses, each one had eight people sleeping in them, so in overall, we were twenty four sleeping in bags and tents somewhere inside Texas. I had gone to so much of these before, this was just one more, and it was short, there were times we had to spend a whole month, maybe two like that.

This is my second to last trip before my mission; I’ll have one for a whole week two months before I go. I sigh as I wait in the line and David puffs into my hair, but I just shrug, I’m too tired to say something.

We walk into the bus and each gets a bunk, I get the one over David’s, who gets the bottom of a set of two. I climb in and just organize my stuff. We have a full kitchen on the living room and one of the guys is making coffee so we spend the whole afternoon drinking it and we watch TV at night.

I was almost sleeping when the spinning sounds started and my eyes snapped open, even if David was trying to shake me awake and the guys were cheering 

“Mark Hoppus, dude!” One of them said, clasping his hands together “The man is fucking awesome!”

My eyes went wide, Mark was making faces on the recorded opening and his show was starting, I yawn and just smile at his weird faces.

“The other day I found some of his old albums in my basement. Billy went fucking crazy!” William said moving his hands; his son was two years older than Jean, which meant the kid was what? Twelve? “It’s all we can hear in the house now; he wants to take up the drums”

“Hey hey hey, his band’s drummer was fucking awesome, what was his name again?” Chris asks rubbing his hands

“Travis Barker” Leo says and they all nod

“Yes” Chris says pointing at Leo “That band was my fucking 90’s, man, totally the century’s soundtrack”

They all agree and I just feel a bit scared, I was in that show no more than two weeks ago and they are all almost fangirling over Mark.

“DeLonge, man, you were on the show, weren’t you?” Leo asks and they all look at me, expecting me to say something about the man on our TV

I frown “Yes, I was”

“How is Mark?” William asks

“He’s a cool dude” I chuckle “Very talented, the guy’s got it, you know?”

“Don’t just say he’s a cool dude, Tom. I saw him picking you up at work that day; you guys had lunch together…” James says and they all look back at me with wide eyes.

“Yeah, you can say we’re friends” I smile, and then I realize I’m smiling too much and stop, I just shrug and the guys decide to pay attention to Mark’s jokes.

They all laugh, including David, who keeps looking at me at various points of the show, and I just try to hide the fact I’m with wide eyes and my heart is racing, my hands shaking  
slightly.

When the clock turns to eleven pm, the guys go to their respective bunks, not even minding to wait the show to end, I follow their leads even if my mind is telling me to sit down and just watch Mark.

I start to turn around in the middle of the night, I turn because I’m feeling uncomfortable, it’s past one am when I make a deep turn too much and end up falling off the bunk, I try to grab the first thing I can when I realize I’m falling, and I end up hitting my back against the floor and David’s bunk’s curtains over me, the rack against my chest

“Ouch” I whisper in a moan, I turn my head and curse the pain without waking the guys

“What the fuck, man” David says as he peaks his head to see me lying on the floor “What the hell did you do with my curtain?”

“I fell off my bunk” I whine, trying to get up. David got off the bunk and helped me sit on the floor, he kneeled on my eye level and I felt like a child when he brushed my hair off my face 

“Come on, tell me” He says

“Tell you what?” I moan as I rub my back

“Tell me what’s bothering you, you’ve been acting weird lately. You said you wouldn’t be having troubles anymore, but apparently you still are” He says

“Am I?”

“Yeah, you do. And I maybe know why”

“Really?” My eyes widened, David would think I’m a freak for having these thoughts, even more if he knew they were about Mark, I felt myself starting to shake, but then he hugged me 

“It’s okay, let’s go talk somewhere else”

I nodded and he helped me get up, we walked to the back of the bus where there was this little room with two couches and a table, we both sat behind the table and I motioned him to talk “Go on”

“You’re scared” David says and I nod because I am, I am scared “This all started back when you went to that show and met Mark. I guess that Mark’s interview made you scared about the mission and now that you guys are friends, you can’t see yourself escaping from these thoughts, but Tom, I am more sure than anyone else here that it will be fine, nothing is going to happen and there’s no reason to be scared”

David was right about everything, that I was scared and that I was insecure and Mark just brought it all back, but I knew it wasn’t because of the mission, somewhere inside me I was sure that wasn’t the problem. It was something bigger within myself.

I nod and he smiles “I knew it would be okay” 

“Yeah, it’s all okay” I say in a whisper

“So, I’m going to bed, are you?”

“No, you can go, I’ll stay here…” I say and he nods, he gets up and walks towards the bunk area, but I stop him before he goes inside “David”

“What?” He turns to me

“You… You’re wrong” I say and he frowns, I look down and say “Just in a part, you got most of it correctly. I’m not scared because of the mission”

“Do you want to talk about it?” He asks and I nod slowly. I can almost see him rolling his eyes, he’s not very good with this stuff, but he’s a good friend and a good listener, he’s just not good with people. He sits again in his original place again and looks at me, waiting for me to say something

My shoulders are slouched and I’m looking down, I can’t see David’s face while I try to put this into words and make it official “What do you think about Mark?”

He smirks and I can hear it in his voice “You two seem to get along so well, I think you miss him a bit these days”

“Yeah, sort of. There’s just something you need to know about him”

“What is it?” David asks as he shifted on his place 

I tremble; I bite my lip and take deep breaths “I… I think I… I think that… I…”

“Tom? Is everything alright?” David asks concerned

“I think I like Mark” I spit out all at once, not looking at him at all. 

“Mark’s great, Tom. Why is it a bad thing?” David chuckled

“No!” I shake my head “I like him. I want him. I desire him like I haven’t desired anyone ever since I met Rachel”

David goes silent “Oh” He suddenly says

“Well, remember that day that me and Mark were talking in my office and then you came in, he went out and I was hard?”

“Yeah” He starts to frown and I swallow dry

“So, we were kinda… We kind of kissed”

Everything fell silent in the room again. David didn’t say anything for a couple of seconds; I was looking at him, hoping he would say something and break this ice.

“Do…” He started to say, but then he stopped again, taking a few more moments to realize what I had just told him. He pressed his lips to the side, as if he was analyzing something while he stared at me “You know what?” He asks

“What?” I ask back, waiting for him to run away

“By the way you smile at him, the way you watch him on TV, the chemistry you two have, it’s just… If Mark was a girl, I would be trying to convince you to ask her out. And thinking about it, you’ve been happier since you met him, that’s why you stalked him?”

“Well, I actually stalked him because I wanted to know where he lived and apologize for the fest I had made that day”

“He was the reason of your nightmares!” David says, finally getting the hint of all the stalking.

I close my eyes tight and nod “Yes, yes”

“Have… Have you ever felt attracted to men?” He suddenly asks

“No, not really” I say shaking my head slightly “I did… I did feel something for a few guys back when I was at high school and wasn’t dating Rachel yet, I sort of always have had them, just… Just not like this, you know. But they weren’t feelings, they were more like urges”

“Sexual urges?”

“No, kidnapping urges. Of course they were sexual urges, David!!!!”

David rolls his eyes “But, what are you going to do?” He asks and I look at him again

“Is there something to do?” I ask. Maybe I should just learn to live with this.

“Well, if you like him you should make a move, right? Does he have anyone?”

“He’s divorced” 

“There you go! Ask him out…”

“David, I’m not ready!” I snap “As I’m telling you that I like him, I’m just getting to this conclusion. I… This is too much for me, two weeks ago I would have never thought I`d be saying this to anyone. I can’t ask him out, at least not yet, I might fuck it all up!” 

“Hm, okay then” David says and thinks for a while “Then just tell him how you feel. You’ll just keep punishing yourself if you keep this inside”

“Do you really think so?” I ask and he nods

“Thanks, Dave” I say and stretch my back, letting go of my shyness

“That’s okay, dude, I’ll always be here, with Mark or no Mark” He smiles and I smile back before he gives me a comprehension hug.

***

“Dude, wake up” David tries to shake me awake “It’s your turn”

“What?” I ask as I look around, my back hurts from sitting in the plastic chair for what seems like hours, my eyelids are heavy from needing some sleep. I look around and realize we’re in a gas station somewhere in a deserted road.

Me and David were here waiting by the payphone, so he could call his parents and I could call my kids, it was the only phone near the camp, so we had to walk a lot into the woods to get here.

I’m sure David isn’t in a hurry to call his parents; he only does that because they ask him to, and otherwise he would be sitting by the fire in the camp with the other guys. So I get up and walk to the phone, I place it in my ear, I put in a coin and type the numbers, soon I hear Jean’s shout 

“Daaaad!”

I talk to her and then to Noah, Rach comes later to come clean with some stuff, Jean is going to a friend’s house on Friday and Noah got a bruise on his elbow at gym.

When I finish the call I instantly look back to David, hoping to find him ready for his call, but I find him asleep just like I was a couple of minutes ago. He’s even snoring a bit and I know David won’t wake up anytime soon knowing he’s got heavy sleep

I sigh and turn back to the phone, putting in another coin and pressing other numbers, it took me a while to remember this one, but I think I only got it right the third time. I sigh in relief when the familiar voice picks up “Hi?”

“Mark? Is it you?”

“Look, if it’s another creepy stalker calling my phone I’ll get the cops on you, buddy, that’s totally an invasion of priva…”

“Mark, it’s Tom, it’s Tom! Tom, your friend! Tom!” I start to shout a bit too loud, this old lady on the next phone looks funny at me, but I just give her another one right back and she turns away. 

“Oh okay” Mark says calmly “I’m sorry, dude, these kids followed me and Martin down the street today, I just got out of the studio and it felt a bit creepy since I didn’t recognize  
the number…”

“That’s fine” I tell him “So, they were stalking you, huh? Tell me about it”

“Oh, it was nothing, it was just some sixteen year-old boys asking me to take pictures with me, that was okay, but then they decided to follow me and Martin to each and every store we went to. I was with my kid for God’s sake, that’s the stalking limit: kids, that’s when you get angry”

“You’re getting out of the studio now? The show just finished?”

“Yeah, it’s Saturday, right? When are you going to get back? I’m bored”

“Well, I got here this afternoon, we still have hm… I guess I’ll be back on Thursday afternoon, I’ll pick my kids at school that day, but I guess we can hang out on Friday all day, I won’t be working”

“That sounds awesome” Mark laughs “So, missing me already?”

“You don’t even know how much” I laugh a dry laughter, I look at David sleeping and remember what I told him last night on the back of the bus “You have no idea”

“It’s not a surprise” He chuckles and we keep talking until I run out of coins. I say goodnight and wake up David so he can have his call, when he’s finished we go walk through the  
woods, back to the camp


	7. Surprises Let Me Know She Cares

Noah has his little arms wrapped around my neck; Jean is holding my free hand as the three of us walked through the park. I have just got back from the camp and picked them us at Rach as soon as I could. Jean is telling me stories from school while Noah remains silent, just staring at whatever is behind my back as he placed his chin on my shoulder

We have ice cream and feed the ducks. When we arrive at home I put Noah sitting on the couch and Jean goes to her room get a shower. He looks up at me with his big eyes and makes a puppy dog face, I straighten my jacket and look back at him

“Come on, tell me what’s happening?” I sit by his side, putting my arm around his small frame 

“I just missed you, that is all” My son said with his childish voice, shrugging his shoulders and looking up at me again.

“Hey, you knew I would be back, right?” I ask him before he nods and hugs me, I hug him back and then I get up to make dinner. But before I pass by the coffee table and grab the cordless phone, taking it to the kitchen with me. I typed Mark’s number and just waited for him to pick it up.

“Hey, what’s up? You back?” He asks first thing

“Yeah, I’m calling from home, aren’t I?” I laugh “So, our hanging out tomorrow is still up, right?”

“Sure, I just need to go to Fuse set some stuff for the show, but I can pick you up if you want…”

“Yeah, no, whatever is best for you…”

“Okay, then I’ll pick you up at midday, is that fine?”

“Yes, it is” I say and we finish our conversation before I hang up, placing the cordless phone on the counter again. Jean walks in right then.

“Who were you talking to?” She asks excitedly as she picks up the plates from the counter and starts to set the table

“Mark... You know, Martin’s dad”

“You guys hanging out tomorrow?” 

“Yeah, why? You don’t want me to?”

“No, you can go. Uncle Mark is nice, I like him, he picks on Martin just as much as I do” She laughs and I chuckle back, that looks like something Mark would do, pick on his own son.

We have dinner, watch TV for a while and go to bed. Next morning I drop them at school and I go to work, waiting for Mark to pick me up at midday, as we had set. I put on a black shirt with a leather jacket, and I take the opportunity to wear MacBeths.

When he arrives, I hop into the car and we go have lunch on the same restaurant we went last week the day before I went to camp. This is probably getting to be our usual place, I don’t know why, but Mark seems to like the spaghetti and I like their beef, I guess that’s all.

Mark gives me a questioningly look at one point and I frown, sucking the rest of my string of spaghetti into my mouth, making a sound at the end “What the fuck are you staring at?”

“You look different” Mark giggles

I frown, cleaning my lips with my napkin “Different how? Am I tanned? I think I got too much sun at this camp, soon my skin will start to peel, ugh”

“Yeah I guess you’re a bit more tanned, you were tanned before anyway” He points out “But that’s not it. It is on your face… Your eyes I think” 

Mark was squinting as he gets closer, sitting right in front of me “My eyes?” I ask paralyzed

“Yeah, they’re more… steady? I mean, they don’t seem so lost anymore”

“What do you mean?”

“You kind of switched them back and forth, they were never steady, they were always… shaking”

“Thanks? I guess…”

“It wasn’t really a compliment, but it’s good… I guess” He mirrors me, flashing his signature smile 

I smile back and go back to my spaghetti, he looks insecure. Maybe he thinks I am still weirded out about what happened, only if he knew what I really think… I don’t know if I’m sure for him to know about it yet, that’s a secret I hope that he’ll never need to know, and a feeling I hope to go away eventually.

I look at him cutting his pasta and my eyes follow his features, the age marks on his skin, his double chin, his cute little nose.

When we’re finished we still have practically the whole day before we have to pick up our kids and Mark has to go to work

“You wanna go home?” Mark asks as he drives off his parking space and I raise an eyebrow at him “I mean, my house, because… yeah, there’s nothing else to do, right? Do you have any ideas?”

“No no, your house is good” I shrug

We walk into his house and he grabs a beer for me and a soda for me, then we go to the balcony outside so he can show me the beach. The wind’s on our faces and his spiked hair was going backwards a little, it was funny, and it was cute.

I had finally convinced myself that I actually liked Mark with David’s help, and now that we were together for the first time since that, I can actually feel a different vibe going around, not new, different. 

“Andrew Garfield or Tobey McGuire?” Mark asked at some point after he reached his second beer

“What?” I ask again, I was too busy staring at the sea on his fucking backyard

“Which Spider-man?”

“I don’t know, man” I sigh “I liked Tobey, he was the original, you know? But Andrew’s Peter had more personality. Though neither look like they have the age for the role, I swear, I hate it when that happens, it`s so obviously fake, it`s sick” I smiled awkwardly at the end and Mark didn’t say anything, he looked at me like there was something wrong, squinting his eyes a bit “Can… Can I ask you something?” I eventually say, noting that he’s acting weird, my heart starting to race fast

“Isn’t that already a question?” He smirked and I tried not to laugh, I turned around, trying to get away

“Oh, forget it” I say while resting my elbows on the fence and got back to stare at sea

“No! Come on, forget the joke! I didn’t say anything. ‘Oh, no, of course you can’” He says with a fake voice at the end and I can’t help but smile

“It’s nothing” I say without looking at him, suddenly I just feel down for no reason at all “You don’t need to pretend you want to hear what I have to say”

“I really don’t” He sighs “Because I want to. Come on, Tom, I can see I made you sad, tell me”

Mark is almost whispering, his voice calm and patient. I stretch my back and look at him being only a few inches shorter than me, my hand holding my soda by my side now and I look straight into his blue eyes.

I place a hand on his shoulder and it just starts to shake, I helplessly breathe in because I was scared. My heart is beating fast and I’m losing my ability to speak even if I’m not really trying to say anything.

I lean in and kiss him, moving my lips as I got closer to him. I place my free hand on his jaw line, raising his head and urging him, but I stop a few seconds later when I realize he’s not kissing me back.

‘Why isn’t he kissing me? Why?’ I keep asking myself as I pull apart, stepping away from him a bit “Was that wrong?” I whisper out with all the strength I still had, my heart wildly beating in my rib cage. He looked at me with eyes slightly hurt, why would he feel hurt? Was I bad? I thought he wanted this.

He gulps and looks down; it seems like he’s about to cry, but then he looks up and slowly smiles at me “But each one do you like better?” He asks and I raise an eyebrow “The spider-man”

“Hum” I say as I try to pretend I didn’t see his facial expressions “Andrew Garfield, I think”

He nods; I wasn’t sure if he was agreeing with me or if that was just to break the ice “Good choice”

“You didn’t like it?”

“No, Tobey had a really ugly face when he cried” he says and chuckles

“I was talking about the kiss” I say, betting all my hopes on him “You didn’t like it”

“I… I don’t know what you want, Tom. That’s all”

“Mark, what are you talking about?”

“Tom, you know!” He says stepping back a little, my hand slipping away from his shoulder “At one point you say it’s disgusting, and that you want nothing with me. Next minute you say we should stay just friends, but then I blink and you’re just up on me, wanting the things you said you didn’t. I don’t fucking know what are you trying to do! Are you trying to fuck me up?”

“No, Mark, I would never do that!” I say “That’s called fucking evolution, you can’t just expect me to suddenly like you! I didn’t even know I liked guys, okay? I feel uncomfortable, and it was… it was weird, but maybe… maybe I don’t want to feel like that anymore…”

I’m not talking anymore; I’m almost shouting and getting lost in my own words, my voice tone deceasing at the end when I start to get into my conclusions. I don’t know what he is feeling right there; his face is a mix while he looks down and avoids my looks. He finally looks up at me, his blue eyes slightly angry and very focused

But that is when he steps up to kiss me. 

Mark. Hoppus. Is. Kissing. Me.

On. The Lips. 

Again.

He is finally kissing me back and I wrap my hands around him just like I should’ve the first time we did this.

The kiss is slow and we are just taking our time, as if we both really wanted this and I hoped he did just as much as I did. At one point the wind got stronger and he pulled apart, kissing the corner of my lips while I smiled, my eyes still closed “We should get out of here” He whispers into my ear

“Why?” I snap my eyes open and look around, remembering that it was Mark.

“I don’t usually get people around my house, but there are some really famous people living around and that’s where I get nervous” He laughs “We should really get inside”

“Yeah, okay” I nod and follow him inside. 

Mark walks to the kitchen and I stand by the door while he opens the fridge “Do you want another soda?” He asks and I shake my head “Oh well” He says closing the door and then leaning on it “What do you wanna do?”

I frown, because I thought we were going to continue whatever was happening outside “Well, I don’t know”

“Okay” He laughs “I just want to know how you want to take… Whatever we’re… we… I don’t know, I just don’t want to jump into anything because I know you’re still insecure” He sighs “I want you to say what we’re doing because I’m afraid I’ll fuck it up”

“Oh” I gasp surprised “Hm, where’s your bedroom?” 

Mark’s eyes go wide and he starts to laugh a bit

“I want to keep kissing you” I whisper to him as I walk closer, placing both hands on his hips “I wanna lie down in your bed and kiss you, is that okay?” I ask starting to kiss his neck, he gives me a dry laughter probably thinking he hadn’t have to do all this. 

I smile and start laughing with him too “Come on, follow me” He says and leads us out of the kitchen and into a hallway; we got into a room with a double bed. When the door closed, I sat on his bed.

Mark walks up and stands before me, I place my hands on each side of him and look up, waiting for him to make the next move “Are you sure you’re comfortable with this?” He asks and I nod

“I am” I say and made circles on his hip with my thumb “I’m sure of that”

He nods and bites his lip, leaning down to kiss me again.

***

We kiss for a while, taking stops to talk and laugh. Mark is practically snuggled up against me and I can’t help but do the same to him. I’m already starting to feel sleepy when he moves down to kiss my neck, but he does it like he had all the time in the world. He isn’t either sucking or biting hard, it was light and… caring. If I had enough strength, I would just grab him and pull him up, but he does that himself. When he reaches my lips and kisses them, I smile against his.

We had spent the entire time just laughing and kissing, heavily making out, and then moving to more light, passionate kisses. I hold myself from moving anywhere further, though my dick screams otherwise, and I know he wants the same. Sometimes I feel him touching my hip and caressing the waist of my jeans, but holding himself from moving any further.

Right now I just wanna appreciate this, his lips, his kisses. I wanna go home and smile about it before falling asleep, I wanna go home and keep thinking about him, I want to want this again, I want to need this like I`ve never needed anything else before. I like him, probably more than I`d like to.

“Are you feeling sleepy like me?” He asks and I nod, closing my eyes “Aww” He says “You’re such a baby”

“I’m not, you are!” I say with a tired voice and a smile, I open my eyes and stare into his, bluer than ever. He’s smiling just as much as I am and that just makes me happier than before. “Hey, gimme your hand” I say making a claw movement with my hand towards his, he brings it up and I take it, entwining our fingers as I kiss the back of his hand 

That’s when his phone starts to ring, he sits up and starts looking around, seeming to be a bit scared and worried “Oh my God!” He says

“Just ignore it!” I whine, clutching his hand against me and pulling him inside “I’m sleepy!”

“Tom, it’s Martin, that’s his ring”

“Martin is your son” I say with a smile, stating the obvious. 

“Yes, and he’s in school with your kids”

“Man!” I sit too, pushing the tiredness away from me “What time is it?”

Mark doesn’t say anything, instead he answers the phone and starts to say stuff like “I’m coming” “Are Jean and Noah there?” “Okay, their dad is with me, we’ll pick you guys up”  
We are in our clothes so we go straight for the car, when we arrive at the school, two really mad ten year-olds and a slightly weepy Noah climb in. None of them says a word for a while, Mark drives off the parking lot and mouths something to me, I can’t really understand what is he trying to say, but Martin is the one to interrupt us “What were you two doing together?”

“I was showing Uncle Tom our house” Mark says in a calming voice “He really liked the new fancy sheets I got last week” He says and I burst out laughing

“We were the last to get out” Jean bitches, not amused by what she did not understand

“Now you know how the child who is always the last to come feels everyday” I say turning around to face them and I can hear Mark chuckling by my side

“How about this: What if we have a barbeque by the pool tomorrow? Well, that’s if Tom wants…” Mark suggests and I can see their little faces lighting up

“That would be awesome!” Jean shouts

“Please Uncle Tom! Please, please!” Martin shouts with her, he is jumping on his seat just as much as she is

“Yes Martin, Jean wants it, but I need to know if Tom wants it?” Mark says, putting some emphasis on my name

“Me?” I ask pointing a finger to myself and turning to him, then he looks at me silently saying ‘Yeah, man’ and I finally realize what’s going on “Oh no” I nod “We can go. I am totally okay with it”

Mark tries not to, but I can see him smiling at the freeway, I can’t help but smile at that stupid face of his while Martin and Jean high-fived each other on the backseat.


	8. He Took The Seat Off His Own Bike Because The Way It Felt

“Martin, come help me!” Mark shouts from his place before the grill and I help Martin clumsily climb the border of the pool, wetting everything in his path towards the table where 

Mark was handling him plates so they could lay it for our lunch.

We are having the barbecue Mark had promised the kids when we forgot them at school after our, huh, first second kiss, can I call it like that? 

Well, it wasn’t the first time we had kissed, but I already had come to terms with the fact that I had actually kissed him back the first time. I had come to terms with the fact that I already felt attracted to him back then. The problem was that I had made such a scandal out of it that I knew I had made him feel bad.

When we kissed that second time, I knew what I was doing, it was only magic when it finally sank in; but I was totally myself; it was Tom kissing Mark, not two men. It was Tom, the man who wanted to, and kissed Mark. I was already sure that I liked him when I did it; so it wasn’t something silly, or stupid, it was real and truthful.

Taking a look at him, at his mindset, I still wasn’t sure if he liked me back yet. When he kissed me at my office he made it look like he was looking for sex, or for me to suck his dick, I don’t know, after that I just started wondering if everyone thought I looked like a cocksucker.

Though I don’t think he would be making barbecue for my kids if he didn’t consider me in some way, in any way. I like to believe that he likes me, but not the same way I like him, he probably thinks of me just as a friend, or a fuck, while I still don’t really know what I want.

I told him it wasn’t necessary for him to have all the work to make this barbeque, but he insisted, saying that it would be good for Martin since he hadn’t brought any friends for him to meet in a while, and Jean and Noah seemed to be as much excited, so I gave in.

He and Martin lay the table while I throw Noah on the air, they both look over to us and Mark raises his sunglasses to the top of his head “Woah! That’s pretty cool” He giggled. 

Mark is wearing blue swim shorts and sunglasses, he’s shirtless and every now and then I keep looking at his back thinking why I was so drawn to look at his neck and how… good it looked, I had never liked guys before, at least not like this. It was so surreal to me.

“Can I do it?” Martin asks hopeful and I nod

“Come here, I’ll try to do you two at the same time” Noah and Martin gasp at each other, probably silently saying ‘That’ll look good’, but in a kid’s high-pitched voice, and Martin jumps back into the pool

I’m wearing the same baggy long shorts and the MacBeth shirt I was when I got here. Mark seemed disappointed when I said I wasn’t getting into the pool, and he was only happy again when he helped the kids throw me in the water. I shook my soaked hair as I emerged out of the water, laughing as much as them, I wasn’t mad like I thought I would be, I was happy.

After we finish eating and playing Marco Polo with the kids, they run upstairs screaming what Disney movies they should watch on the TV room, while me and Mark stay downstairs.

Me and Mark go to the kitchen to eat the remains of dessert, the takes the bowl of ice cream off the freezer and takes the cap off, placing it on top of the island ahead of where I was sitting. Mark sits on the stool besides mine and hands me a spoon before crashing his into the ice cream.

“Can I ask you something?” I started as I took my first spoonful

“Will you keep asking that before every question you need to make?” He smiles and looks at me, taking a bite from his spoon. The corner of his lips full of chocolate ice cream, I licked my lips and just raised an eyebrow “Of course you can”

“Well, why haven’t you told the media you’re bi?”

“Hm, I was in a punk band, Tom” He laughs “I was the frontman of a punk band; imagine if people knew I was bi…” Mark points out and I have to agree, it would probably bad, plus, it was the 90’s, people were way less tolerant than now.

When we’re full he grabs me a shirt from his room, and then we keep walking along the corridor. Mark’s tugging my hand, pulling me into a room I had never been to before. Mark opens the door with a sly grin on his face, flicking on the lights that made all the bass guitars up on the walls visible, the platinum and golden records too, as well as the various pictures of his bands and his musical career in general.

I was mouth-opened, my chin dropped to my knees and I knew that the sixteen year-old in me was shitting on his pants, and that the twenty year-old me was being starstruck inside my mind.

“Well, this is my office” He sighs

“Better than mine” 

“Come on, your office is pretty cool too, so much space stuff!”

“Yeah, but I’m far more interested in music than you are about space”

Mark shrugs and looks around; he points to a random bass up his wall and tells me a story about his old days in Finest Comedy. Below that one bass guitar there’s a picture of all the four members. Mark was right in the front, smiling sweetly while his eyes sparkled. Adam was by his side, partially hidden behind his friend – on propose, a smile hidden behind lips pressed tight. Adam almost never smiled, only in casual pictures when you could catch him and the boys laughing at something. 

The Carnel had tattoos on each side of his neck at that point; his plugs were half the size they were when he disappeared only a couple of weeks after Adam had died. Travis had a Mohawk and stood beside The Carnel, making a face.

“I miss Adam and The Carnel” Mark sighs once he realizes I’m looking at the picture “Those days were pretty great”

“Is it true that Adam wrote all the lyrics?” I ask and he nods

“Yeah, sometimes The Carnel would give him themes to sing about or I would help with something here or there. But in the end I always sung while he would write and play his guitar. People always underestimated him because he wasn’t as good as The Carnel, but the band was over once we had lost him”  
Mark said and turned around, I was about to make another question but he interrupted my thoughts by opening a drawer besides the turntable, showing his vinyl records “You want to listen to something?”

I walk up to him, flipping through the records “Look away, I want it to be a surprise”

“Okay” He nods and turns around, walking back to his guitars. I smile when I find what I’m looking for. I open the case in which features the black and white drawing of a monster hiding behind a tree and the words “All I’ve Got To Lose” on top, right under was the name of the band, over the grass under the tree. I make it all ready and the music starts playing.

Mark turns around with a surprised look on his face “Why?” He whines as I walk over to him, the guitars and the drums smashing on the back of his own song “Why would put that song when there are so many others?”

I don’t answer, instead I point over to him as he starts to sing behind us “Little Girl, I have my eye on you”

First he smiles but then he tries to act serious “Stop” He says sternly, but I can see the smile creeping his lips

“It slowly crawls up my skin, destroying down all walls” I get closer to him and grab his arms, making a dancing movement and forcing him to dance along with me.  
When his voice sings “We’ll run away, with nowhere to begin. The future was in your smile”, that was when I smile and look into his eyes, and before he even says ‘in your eyes’ he smiles back and our lips touch. I’m not sure who makes the first move, but I want this badly enough to make the fault fall on me.

He places a hand on my neck, pulling me down the few inches he’s shorter, smiling against my lips. We kiss through the whole second verse

“The van’s outside waiting you and me, your ‘I Do’ and my proposal, too soon for young kooks. Screw in the light bulbs ‘cause I’ll be your clueless boo, pursuing our love to the sunrise”

Mark pulls apart and pushes me back to the couch, making me sit on it and cradling on top of me as we turned our slow kiss into a fierce one, the song getting faster and snappier than it already was. His weight is heavy on me, but I don’t care, shrugging it off.

I was up and hard already, running out of breath and gasping for air while he moves to bite my neck. I’m able to see the budge jumping out of my pants, but my thoughts about my pants are dragged along when I start to moan and gasp with his lips kissing roughly my skin.

He takes a hand to my shoulder and pulls the neck of my shirt, making more skin of my shoulder visible so he can suck and lick it as I moan to him. Mark looks at me, raising an eyebrow as he places a hand down there “Your buddy is already up, huh?” He chuckles and I nod, but I don’t say anything. I smile at his perfect face and kiss him again, a hand on his neck, pulling him down. I don’t even asking permission for my tongue to get in, I just shoved it down his throat and we keep playing for a while “You know what?” Mark pulls back again

“What?” 

“I haven’t seen you shirtless yet” He gives me a crooked smile and I grin, slowly leaning in to kiss his neck

“You. Can. Now” I say between kisses and he reaches for the hem of my shirt, pulling it over my head and staring at me with an amazed smile on his lips, his long, calloused fingers reaching up to touch the tattoos on my chest, the song starting to fade away in the back, leaving only the silence for us to hear.

“I had no idea you had tattoos on your chest” He chuckles amazed “You’re beautiful” He sighs and hugs me, which was weird, because only a few seconds ago he was kissing the shit out of me, then he just hugs me. Like, have you ever seen anyone stop foreplay for hugs? It wasn’t snuggling, it wasn’t spooning; it was an actual hug.

Mark places his head on my chest and closes his eyes; I breathe in his beauty and reach to brush his still damp hair from the pool. After a couple of seconds he pulled apart and looked down at my body again, running his hands on my sides before he leaned down and made a trail of soft kisses towards my belly.

“Are you…?” I ask breathlessly, leaving the sentence unfinished

“I’m not that much of a whore” He giggles; sweat starting to drip on his forehead right from his hairline. I start thinking he isn’t going to do anything, but then he unbuckles my belt and unzipped my jeans before pushing a hand in, pulling my penis out and giving me a handjob.

I curse as I moan; fully knowing he had completely ruined this for me right in the very first seconds, because I could never do it like him to myself.

Fuck.

He kisses me as he does it, leaning against my chest. And I’m sure it’s one of the most powerful things I’ve ever been a part of. When we finish he throws himself on my side and snuggles up against me. I hover over to him, leaving a kiss on top of his head. Mark looks up, smiles, and then crawls even closer, dipping his head on my shirtless chest, right over my tattoos.

He laughs at the cum on his hands and tries to rub it on my face “Stop!” I laugh “That’s my cum, it’s disgusting”. Mark shrugs and wipes it off on the couch “Ew! That’s even worse” I start laughing again

“What?” He asks, a playful smirk on him “It’s your gift to me”

“You’re completely weird, Mark” I laugh and grab his face to kiss him on the lips, he sighs against me and I lick his lips, asking permission for my tongue to get in, which he conceives easily. We take our time now, just appreciating each other, leaving the I-need-to-rip-you-open-right-fucking-now mood behind. 

His hands wandered my chest again, my shoulders and blades, the muscles on my back and everything. I was still too scared to do anything, keeping my hands at his hips. 

I was still new at this, I didn’t really know what to do. And not only because it was a guy, but also because I haven’t started a relationship in over sixteen years. I was just waiting for him to teach me the way into him, what he wanted and what he liked. 

I nib his bottom lip and he throws his head back for a second, slowly getting away from me. Needing the contact one of my hands fly down to his ass, pulling him closer and making him crash into me as the impact make we fall backwards. I lay on the couch and he stands over me, hands now on my hair, making circles on my scalp as he smiled into our kiss, our tongues playing with each other as if they were little kids getting their hands dirty on the mud.

He pulled apart, but didn’t go far away, Mark placed his nose against mine and I could feel his giggling an inch away from my own, our foreheads touching as we stared into each other’s eyes. He was just so handsome, his eyes a beautiful shade of baby blue, big and intense.

When we hear someone trying to open the door, we pull apart and sit, looking at each other, silently asking if we had really done all that stuff with an unlocked door.

The person is just having trouble with it, so it’s probably one of the kids. Mark pulls away from me and sits up straight as I take my shirt from the floor and pull it over my head. 

When the door finally opens, a little Noah stumbles into the room

“There you are!” He says excitedly “We’ve been looking for you guys everywhere”

Jean and Martin follow him right behind, our kids stand in front of us, waiting for something 

“Hm, what do you guys want?” I ask innocently

“Mom is on the phone” Martin says “She wants to talk to you, dad”

Mark and I freeze “We’ll be there in a sec” He says “Tell her I’m going. Go”

“She wants to talk to you now, dad”

“Dad’s having trouble here, Martin, tell her I’ll be there in a second” I tried to hold back a laughter, but the three of them looked slightly hurt all of the sudden “What’s wrong?”  
Mark asks concernedly

“Did you guys fight?” Noah asks and both Mark and I shake our heads furiously 

“No” I say “Why? Did you guys hear something?”

Me and Mark keep the guilty look on our faces, even if we tried not to. We were like two teenagers making subtle sex jokes to little kids who didn’t get it, and to think about it, that was exactly what we were doing, but no jokes.

“No, you just said trouble, did something happen?” Jean asks and Mark sighs, finally getting up a bit unsure

“No, baby, nothing’s happening” I shake my head

“Well, I’m ready” He starts walking towards the kids, but I stay on my place 

“Already?” I ask surprised “Tell me your secret, man”

“Think about children’s Tv shows” Mark turns around “Just don’t think about that episode of Yo Gabba Gabba where My Chemical Romance shows up, because It’ll just lead you to the black parade years whe…” He stops; gulps and I can hear him whispering “Fuck” before storming out of the room, leaving me there with three kids staring at me with confused faces, not knowing what we were talking about.

What’s My Chemical Romance by the way? Is that one of those new actors with weird names? A DJ? What the fuck would a DJ do on children’s TV show?

I zip up my pants trying to be discreet, then I get up and follow Mark, who was ahead of us as me and the kids walk together towards the living room, he reaches the phone and places it on his ear. I can see his skin going read already, his neck bruised up and his cheeks flushed. He was a bit sweaty, but still gorgeous.

“Hi Diane”


	9. It's Not Easy, Or So Damn Pleasing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Bored To Death joke was added in the edition pls don't think I'm some sort of dark witch who thought of this four years before the song was released, thnks

The next day was a Monday; I go to work and hung out with Alinne during lunch so we could sort out some work stuff, a few interviews here and there… Alinne has her cigarette between her fingertips, breathing in the nicotine in quick drags before tipping the ashes on the floor.

I sigh, standing calm while sitting in front of her. We are sitting at her favorite sleazy restaurant, waiting for both our salads to arrive from inside the dirty, greasy kitchen. I’m starting to get anxious by all the fat food around us.

“So, what’s in your head, baby?” She asks blowing the smoke into the air through her nose.

“Just the same old thing” I shrug, placing both hands between my thighs

“No girlfriends?” She raises an eyebrow

I gulp, but shake my head “Nope” She looks at me suspiciously and I smiled, trying to distract her from making more questions around this subject. 

“Are you still fucking Rach?” 

“Oh my God!” I roll my eyes

“What?!? Can’t I ask these things anymore? Remember that I’m the one in charge of your life…”

“No” I say “I’m the one in charge of my own life, you’re just my bitch”

“Shut up, DeLonge. Just tell me already”

“No, I’m not!” I chuckle “She made me promise we wouldn’t sleep together anymore…”

“Does she know this is a two way thing?” Alinne asks incredulous. She hated Rachel because she had hated her first, out of jealousy because of me. Though I had to admit Alinne used to hit a lot on me, we just never took it off because when I was already on a place to date other people she had stopped with all the flirting.

But Rachel didn’t really have a reason to hate Alinne, we were divorced already when I met her. Even if we had ended up together there would be nothing Rachel could’ve done…

I giggle “Yes she does! I don’t like her anymore anyway, so…” I shrug, knowing exactly what I’m talking about and I try not to blush. God, Alinne can’t see me blushing! She’ll think 

I’m up to something

And am I not?

I’m not really ready to tell Alinne. Hell, I’m not really ready to tell it to myself yet

“Thank God you realized that” She chuckles and tipped her cigarette again “There’s a lot of horses out at sea”

“Isn’t it ‘There’s a lot of fish out at sea’?” I ask and she gives me an incredulous look, telling me to get the hint already “Oh! You’re so going to hell, did you know that?” I ask with a chuckle and she nodded back, giggling with me.

By the end of the day I go pick up the kids at school before we stop at Rachel’s, staying over there for a while, making company for her.

She was tired, I think. Rachel had bags under her eyes and she’d sigh all the time, staring at the empty, at the nothing. She seemed lost and confused, and it made me feel bad because maybe I was taking her kids away from her. But anyway, that could be me, and her time will come.

“What have you guys been up to?” She asks excitedly when Noah comes close to her. She kisses the top of his blonde head before picking him up and wrapping her little boy in her arms protectively. “You’re all so tanned! Jean’s skin is red as yours Tom” She jokes and makes a face, but then she smiles “Come on, where did you guys go to be like that?”

“Mark invited us for a barbecue yesterday, we practically stayed the whole day in the pool” I laugh as the children choke her with hugs

“Who’s Mark?” She raises an eyebrow, wondering.

“Mark” I say like it’s obvious, but she just gives me the same confused look again “Mark Hoppus”

“What?!” She nearly shouts

“Yeah, we were at his house yesterday”

“Since when are you friends with him?” 

“Since I was at his show and since Jean got to be friends with his son” I reply, starting to get scared of her

“Jean is friends with his son? You are friends with him?”

“Well, yeah!”

She stands there, mouth-opened. Rachel smiles slowly, smirking actually. I think she likes the idea of me knowing him. 

Rachel had always liked Mark though, I don’t really know why, but she always liked his style and she was practically one of the groupies to his band before we started dating. But I don’t think she ever got to him, if yes, she never told me, and I’m glad that I do not know. 

She turns away and walks into her small apartment kitchen, grabbing something for us to eat, a few minutes later she comes back into the living room with a beautifully decorated cake on her hands.

“So, how close are you two?”

I freeze, but try to play it cool. I swallow the first bite of my piece of cake and say “Pretty much” I nod, totally knowing she doesn’t actually know how close we are “He’s a nice guy”

It is just me and her at the living room at that point; the kids are inside watching TV on her room. “Isn’t it weird?” She questions

“What is weird?”

“The fact that he’s famous; that you watched his show all the time; that you listened to his band?”

“He’s a normal guy, Rachel” I grab my plate and take it to the sink, washing it like the good husband I used to be for her “He’s funny, clever, ca…”

“Now you just sound like a wet girl” She mocks at me as she walks to stand by my side, we can hear the children running back into the living room now that we’re at the kitchen, and I look over to her, my hands wet into the detergent and foam as I wash the plate, I smile and she grins back, frowning a bit. God, she looks so gorgeous.

“What?” She asks lightly 

“Nothing” I make a shy face and look back to the plates, washing the soap away and putting it on the rack to dry. Then I turn around and call the kids so we can go home.

The next day I was at work, sitting on my desk still sweaty from the training out on the field. Wilson made sure one of his assistants went there to tell me to get ready with some urgent stuff; David and me took the opportunity to get out of more fifteen laps and ran to my office.

He’s lazily sitting on the couch, still out of breath while he plays with a replica of one of our spaceships, sweat still running down his hair and skin and into his shirt. I can see my red face on the mirror behind him; I sigh and clean my forehead with the sleeve of my shirt. I place the papers into a folder and throw it at David, snapping him out of his thoughts “Let’s take it to Wilson so we can shower” I say as I get up from the desk and walk towards the door.

All the other guys who were out there with us earlier were done with the showers, the last ones out were getting their bags packed to free the lockers and leave back for work.  
David and me took our showers and met again at the lockers, his need-to-cut hair damp and dripping water on his shoulders and chest, soaking his dog chains.

He observes me as we both stand alone on the locker room with only towels around our waists “What?” I frown

“Nothing” He shrugs “Just looking at that giant hickey on your shoulder”

I frown even more, and look down to my shoulder, seeing a giant red and purple stain right above my tattoos. It was starting to come off, but still pretty visible “Fuck” I say and cover it with one hand, David laughs.

“How come I didn’t see it there before?”

I look around to make sure no one’s listening to us “I covered it with make-up, it must’ve come off during the training” I drop my hand, running it over the hickey again, uselessly trying to clean it away.

“Who did that to you, Tom?” He asks with a sly grin on his face, putting his MacBeth shirt over his head “You can tell me…”

“Yeah” I say “I can”

“So who was it?” He asks and I just give him a look “Was it?” He asks, already knowing who we are talking about

“Yes” I turn around to hide my smile, grabbing a shirt similar to his on my locker.

We don’t speak for a while, I know he’s putting his Manchesters on with his back to me, as I was putting my pants on doing the same, then he asks “How was it?”

It is weird for David to want to know about my relationship with a man, but if he is okay with it then there was no reason to be wary, right? 

“It was okay” I say, putting my shirt on “It was normal” We both turn around at the same time, he gives me an incredulous smile, not believing me “What?” 

“I don’t believe that face” He points at me

“Okay, it was great, awesome, one of the best I’ve ever had blah blah blah. We didn’t fuck though”

“I was about to get there” He chuckles “One of the best you’ve ever had, huh? You can tell that already?”

“Well, it was just different, it was good” I tried to explain “Not that it was good because it was different, but it also wasn’t bad because of it. It was just… I don’t know, man” I look around before whispering the last word, my voice getting lower than the rest of the conversation.

“Look at you, so happy” He smiles as he grabs his backpack

“Stop” I tell him “You’re the only one who knows about this, so stay quiet, okay?”

“Of course, dude” He says as we walk out of the locker room. He pats my shoulder and put his arm around my neck as we walked off, leaving behind an empty room.

When I’m back at my office David has gone to his already, the room still smells like sweat and grass, but I just shrug and open the windows, hoping it gets out as soon as possible.  
I sit on my table and get back to work, after an hour or so I receive a phone call and the assistant says it’s Mark. I don’t think I can hide the smile on my face very well, but it’s still a shot.

“Hey there, dickhead”

“What do you want, fuckweed?” I asked, still laughing

“Oh, dude, this would have been funnier if your fucking secretary didn’t answer it”

“So sorry my work pays me assistants”

“I am the one who answers my own phone calls, you should start doing that, you know?”

“Okay, so if I’m a business man interested in putting someone in your show, you’re the one I should talk to?”

He didn’t talk for a while “You talk to my manager” His voice was full of defeat

“It’s the same!” I laugh, hitting my hand on the table “God, you’re so full of shit”

“Shit that you like, fucker” He points out

I shrug “What did you want? I have to work”

“I could spend the whole day talking to you, did you know that?”

I blush, and I’m glad he can’t see it as well as the smutty smile on my face; it’s harder to not crush over him even more each day that passes “I just want to hang up on you; you’re boring me to death”

“Bored to Death, huh?"

"What?"

"Nothing, is it like that then? Well, I was going to invite you to come hang out on the studio tomorrow, but now I won’t anymore”

“Okay” I try to make it like it didn’t really matter to me, but I was actually dying to spend time with him 

“Okay” He echoed me “But you can still come if you’re interested”

“I’ll think about it”

“I can pick you up at work and we pick up the kids, drop them and go there”

“Okay, I’ll think about your situation”

“Okay”

“Good”

“Good”

“…Bye”

“Hm, bye Tom” He said and hung up

Five minutes later I get another call from him

“You’re coming, right?”

“Of course” I smile and I can almost see him smiling too on the other side

“You should really get rid of the secretary”


	10. I Would Do Anything, And That's What Scared Me So Bad

A girl pushes herself past me, a rush in her step to reach the end of the corridor as she presses the gathering of papers tightly against her chest. Her pony tail flying from side to side while her high-heels annoyingly clicked on the floor.

I blink and Mark places a hand on my shoulder “That’s normal” He says “Something must’ve happened, nothing big apparently, otherwise this all would be a huge mess”

I nod, still a bit uneasy

“Come on” He calls me as he starts walking into the studio’s backstage. I follow him inside and we finally reach his dressing room, I close the door behind us as he throws his bag on the couch, standing on the side of it “So” He starts “What do you want to do?”

I shrug “I don’t know. We can do anything…”

“Do you want to see who’s coming tonight?” He raises his eyebrows and gives me a mischievous smile, and I, nod “Okay” He says and grabs a file case from over his table, pushing a paper out of it, he scans his eyes over it and makes a face “Look” He says and I walk closer, standing by his side to see what’s written in it.

“Jared Leto” I say out loud, listing the first person on the page

“He’s just a little bitch, quite fun though” I frown, but don’t say anything. He turns the page for us to see the other two guests

“Who’s this?” I ask pointing to a woman’s name

“Some woman on Desperate Housewives” Mark shrugs

“You know her?”

“Do you think I hang around with soap opera people?” He teases looking sternly at me

“It isn’t soap, it’s a series” I say

“Really?” He frowns “I didn’t know that”

“Well, remember that when you interview her” I laugh and take the paper from his hand, looking at the last name “Who?”

Mark looks over my shoulder “Oh, just some YouTube kid, I’m actually excited to talk to him”

He walks to sit on the couch and I wander around, stopping in front of the big-ass mirror, making faces “I’m hungry” I pout and turn around to face him. Mark’s going through his phone and he looks up at me. 

“There’s a table full of snacks outside, wanna go there?” 

“I don’t want to seem like an intruder” I whine and walk closer 

“You won’t” Mark laughs at my stupidity 

We talk for a while, just throwing the talk away, when a woman wearing a suit walked into the room “Good afternoon, Marky!” She says excitedly and walks over to him, he gets up and she hugs his frame

“Amanda!” He exclaims as he hugs her back, giving her a kiss on the cheek as she giggles. She has black hair, which is tied to a ponytail, she was chubby was wearing black rimmed glasses. I try to smile, but he does not quite let go of her for quite a while “What are you doing here?”

“I just passed by to drop cakes for the crew. Some of the managing people got merchandising goods today and they got this car full of cakes, there are three on the snack table”

“What? Three cakes?” I ask, my jaw dropping to my knees

“That’s not uncommon” Mark turns to me “Once we got a hundred bags of Doritos”

Oh my fucking God

“So, I’ll be walking around today, just tell me if you need anything, I’ll stay for the show”

“Good” He says as she walks back to the corridor, closing the door behind her 

“Who’s she?” I frown

“She’s one of the channel’s owners, she’s nice”

“Oh” I nod

“Oh my God” Mark chuckles “Were you jealous?” 

“No!” I snap “Why would you think that?”

“You’re blushing! God, you’re so cute” He kisses my cheek and I wipe it away hastily

“Stop! I’m not cute, I’m a sexy beast” I say looking down, trying not to smile

“Oh yeah?” He asks and leans into my ear, biting my earlobe “Show me the sexy beast”

I turn around, going all shy all of the sudden; I just grab his arm and start pulling him to the door “Let’s get some cake”

We step outside of the room and he walks me to the snack table, where we see three cakes, each at least half a meter on size. I stop and just stare; I never get free cake at work, that’s not fair.

Mark looks around as we stand before the cakes, all chocolate flavored apparently, then he leans into me, but not in the way he usually does, he was trying to tell me something undercover 

“Want to steal one?” He whispers

“What?” I chuckle “You are not serious, are you?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Mark laughs and shrugs “No one’s going to notice anyway” 

Mark smiles when I don’t say anything, he grabs one of the cakes and starts walking away as if nothing had happening. I followed him, trying to look confortable behind him, but I knew I was showing it away, all giggly and stuff. I could not hide it like him.

Next thing I know we are in his dressing room; he places the cake on the floor and takes off the wrap. Mark flops down before it, his stomach and chest against the floor while his feet flew up over his head; he pushes a finger into the frost and licks it. Mark looks over to me, finger still on his mouth. He took it out with a smack sound and then asks, “Aren’t you going to eat it?”

I walk over and sat opposite to him as he stick his finger in again, but instead of eating it himself he points to me, almost rubbing it on my face. I suck on it and it comes out with another smack “Oh” I say taking a hand to my mouth “It’s good!”

“I know, right? These guys know how to make the best; you need to taste their cheesecake someday…”

“This is delicious!” I say as I put my own finger in it, tasting it “Shouldn’t we be eating it with spoons or something?” I ask raising an eyebrow. His eyes go wide and he smiles, getting up and then flopping back into his original position with two plastics spoons on his hand, giving one to me.

“Thanks” I say and tuck it in.

We keep eating for a while, he’s just so fucking happy, but before we even start to get into the center we both drop our spoons “Well, I’m full” He sighs

“Me too”

“What do you want to do now?” He asks “There’s still a whole hour before I have to start getting ready”

I shrug, I didn’t really know, but then he raises an eyebrow, a smile across his lips

“You know what we should do?” He asks and I shake my head, but before I can say anything back, he’s already with his hands under the plastic plate that was holding the cake. Mark’s hands came up and I was only able to see the brown thing flying into me “CAKE FIGHT!” He shouts as he straddles over me, rubbing the plate against my face

I manage to take a hold of his arms, the cake flies to the ground as he keeps laughing at my dirty face “Oh yeah?” I ask “Okay then”

I grab him in a hug and I fall over him, the cake getting to his clothes as he kept giggling and telling me to stop, struggling uselessly out of my grip. I take a handful of cake on my side and slap his face with it, then he gets up and shoves the cake against me again, running out the door right after.

“I’m getting you, Mark Hoppus!” I say as I get up, another handful on my hands already while I run after him and into the corridors.

I see him at the end of the hallway and I rush after him, eventually reaching him and tackling him with chocolate. A few people stop what they’re doing to stare at us, but we don’t care, we’re just too lost into this.

We get past dollys and turned-off cameras that were going around, and before we realize we do not know any better, we are into the empty seats of the crowd. I am the one chasing Mark as he climbs the stairs; I had just managed to tackle him when I heard someone shout “Markus Allen Hoppus and Thomas!”

We both stop, our laughter dies, but not our smiles. Mark and I turn around and see Amanda at the bottom of the bleachers, holding back her laughter and trying to seem tough.

“What are you two doing?” She asks as she starts to come up

“I don’t know” Mark chuckles as I got off of him, trying to hide my smile

“Well, go take a shower; you need to start getting ready in half an hour! Come on!”

We walk back into his dressing room, defeated as people from the crew we walk past and stares at us, some shaking their heads in disapproval, some laughing and pointing. 

Mark doesn’t care at all; he just keeps the goofy grin across his lips as he looks down and let Amanda guide us to the dressing room.

She pushes us into the room and locks the door, Mark is full of cake and it’s just cute, he’s so cute like this “Well, I’m taking a shower” he nods and goes into the bathroom while I wait outside.

The water starts running and I can hear it from the outside, including his famous singing and some weird space noises that make me laugh. I start to picture it, but can’t help to open the door of the bathroom and take off my own clothes after that.

I close my eyes and push the curtains away; I know I scare him because he makes a squeaked shout “You scream like an idiot!” I laugh “That’s so funny” I say with my eyes still closed

“What are you doing?” He starts chuckling “Why are you naked?”

“Can I shower with you?” I ask getting into the tub, not even waiting his answer

“Why are your eyes closed?” 

“Because…” I start to say “I never saw you naked…”

He places a hand on my shoulder and I can even hear the smile on his voice “Oh my God, that’s true! Well, but I had never seen you naked either…”

“But you gave me a handjob” I smile, remembering that day in his music room “You had seen my penis, I still haven’t seen yours” I chuckle “Penis” I repeat. God, I feel like a twelve year-old boy who had just discovered this word

“You shouldn’t be scared, you don’t need to make a big deal out of this” Mark laughs “Have you seen anyone else’s?”

“Well, yeah, but not this way” I say and press my eyes tighter, his wet hand rubs my shoulder and goes up to my hairline, playing with my short strings and the skin on my neck “Rachel told me the first time she saw an erect dick she thought it was the ugliest thing ever”

“Come on, I have a pretty great one” We both laugh, but then he’s serious again “There’s no reason to be scared, it’s not going to bite you, I’m the one who’s biting you anyway” 

I smile, and slowly open my eyes, but he’s so close that the only thing I can see is his face, those blue eyes, spiky (now wet and falling on his face) hair, he’s just so gorgeous.

Mark smiles and I place a hand on his neck, first I smile back at him, and then look into his eyes, bringing him closer for a kiss and I can feel his erection against mine when we come closer.

He slides one hand on my hip and draws a circle at the small of my back, leading the kiss with his experience. I pull apart to kiss his neck and nib his jaw while he slides his free hand on the other side, pulling me closer as he has both hands on my hips, taking full control of them.

Mark starts to dry hump me unconsciously, grinding his hips against mine and I place my thigh between his legs, his hard dick poking my stomach.

“God, Tom” Mark moans with a giggle “I fucking hate you”

I laugh and shake my head, my tongue following his skin up to his ear as I lick the water that’s being washed out of his hair “You’re an ass”

“Shut up” Mark smiles as he pushes me back a little, kissing my chest in a trail until he reached the line between my normal colored skin and the tanned stomach. He leans to his knees before cupping my balls with one hand and taking the other to the base of my cock.

I stare at him eye-wide, there’s water dripping out from my hair and into my face seeing that I was standing right under the jet. Mark looks up at me and smirks, his wet hair falling on his forehead, adorning the smile in his eyes.

He shakes his head, a smirk still on his lips before looking down again and taking it full into the mouth “Fuck!” I say closing my eyes and throwing my head back “Fucking fuck, Mark!” I curse as he licks a circle around the head and I just seem to go crazier than before.

I place a hand on his hair, washing out the water as his head bobs forwards and backwards. Mark takes a hand to my back, keeping me close while the other is still at the base of my cock. He cups one of my butt cheeks and squeezes it while I have to hold myself to the wall so I don’t fall to the side or something.

“Mark, I’m cumming” I moan “Mark, Mark, I’m, I’m…”

He pulls out with pop smack coming from his wet, red lips. Mark blinks a couple of times at my still-erected penis and started to pump it with one hand while the other he kept on the floor of the bath tub, propping himself.

I come all over his hand and I have to breathe deep a couple of times after screaming and moaning his name time after time. Mark runs his thumb over my head to clean it all out, but instead of cleaning it out of his palm under the running water like I thought he was going to, Mark grabs me roughly by the neck and pulls me into a kiss, his tongue sliding easily into my mouth as I get caught out of surprise.

But then Mark starts to moan against my lips with his hips thrusting against mine and I realize he’s touching himself.

“Gosh, Mark” I smile against his lips and decide to do something about it. I place my thigh between his legs again and start to dry hump him again. 

Mark’s practically propped up on my thigh, one hand on his dick as he slid the other around my back with his hand on my neck, holding me to him.

I kiss his neck and suck on his ear lobe, placing both my hands on his ass and bringing him up awkwardly “What the fuck are we doing?” I ask in a rushed voice  
“I don’t…” Mark moans “I don’t have… any ideeea” 

I giggle and pull him up again and he pants heavily, moaning hard. My lips run over his shoulder and he presses his face on the other side of my neck, his hot breathing on my skin “We can do it” I whisper to him 

“God, you’re strong” He sighs and grips harder his arm around my back and I can’t help but smile “Come on, I’m almost here… Tom, God, Tom!”

I take one of my hands out from his ass and place it over his on his dick, helping him. Mark seems surprised but he lets me, letting his free arm now wrap around my back to gain support.

Mark moans louder and harder than before and now with his lips closer to my ear “Tom, I’m almost… Almost…” He says in a low voice and once I feel the hot liquid against my stomach I try to let go of him, but then he hugs me tighter.

“Don’t you wanna get down?” I ask in a whisper and he shakes his head “Hm” I gulp “Okay then”

I place both hands back on his ass and bring him up and I can see only the tip of his toes against the ground. Mark places his face against my shoulder and neck, kissing the skin lightly.

“Let me just…” Mark says and I nod

“Shh, that’s okay” I place one hand on his neck, kissing his cheek before caressing his hair while the water dropped on us as if it was raining above our heads.

After a while I let him go and he comes down, sliding easily off of me, his eyes still closed “Oh my God” He smiles and then opens his eyes, looking up at me. Mark stares for a while and I can’t help but do the same to him. We only disconnect our looks once he looks up and takes a bottle of apple shampoo out from the shelf above our heads “Let’s do something about that nest on your head” Mark said and I chuckle, letting him pour the liquid on my hair as I watched him make foam with it on my head.

Once he has washed his hair for the second time he decided it was time to go, so he jumped off and left me under the water to finish taking the shower. When I’m done I dry myself and walk outside only with the towel wrapped around my waist. Mark hands me a folded shirt and a pair of caramel baggy shorts “The shorts are shorter than what you usually wear, but that’s everything I have”

I nod “That’s fine” I say since my clothes are dirty with cake. I walk back inside the bathroom and put them on. When I get out Mark is lying on his couch, the backpack now on the floor by his side, he sits against the armrest and I sit in front of him, lying sideways against the backrest.

His damp hair is falling over his forehead, water dripping on his shirt; he smiles at me and opens his mouth “Gotta talk to you about something”

“What is it?” I ask, rubbing my feet

“It’s kind of awkward”

“After what we just did I bet it isn’t”

“Well” He sighs, a chuckle on his voice. Mark doesn’t look at me or anything, instead, he keeps looking down at his hands “Where are we?”

I frown “What do you mean?”

“God, how do I ask this without sounding like a teenager? Hm, how do you… see me? Who am I in your social list?”

I wander my mind, thinking a little “I don’t know, man” I say honestly “Are we friends?” I ask and let the silence linger for a while “Or are we more than that?”

“If I said I didn’t want to talk to you anymore, right now, what would you say?”

I freeze, my heart jumping to my mouth “You don’t want to see me anymore?”

“Tom, calm down” He jumps up and places a hand on my shoulder, chuckling at my innocence “It’s about Diane”

“Your ex-wife?” I frown “What about her?”

“Well, remember that day she called? That Martin interrupted us so I could talk to her?” I nod. Yes, I remember… “The thing is that she’s visiting us for a week or so and she’s staying in my guest room. Last year I dated a woman who got all jealous when Diane came over, but thankfully I managed to break up with her before Diane arrived, which was good because the woman was a real bore. But I felt like I should tell you”

“Hey, it’s okay” I say with a dismissing hand “She’s Martin’s mother, I couldn’t ever say no, nor be jealous…”

He smiles “Thanks dude, you don’t even know how much that means to me…”

I nod, it would be totally selfish to say no or to get bitchy, plus, I have no problem, she’s attached to him through Martin, and he keeps says she’s great. If it was with me, and Rachel needed to stay with me for a few days, I would hope that he was able to understand as much as I am now.

“And getting back to the previous subject, I think I know how to put an end to our doubts…”

“Really?” He asks curious “What is it?”

That’s when he takes a hold of my hand, playing with my fingers as they entwined against each other. It was hard not to do anything; it was hard for me to not seem so obvious in front of him.

“If you say no” I speak up as I look down to our hands “I’ll totally understand, but I’ll also get the message that you only see me as a casual fuck… But I was actually wondering if you would go on a date with me… So… Yeah, would you?”

I can see myself blushing in front of him, I’m being as shy as fuck and I just want to run away. Stop being awkward for once, Tom!

He smiles, and it’s the most sincere smile I could imagine. I stand there waiting for his answer, hoping for the best with fingers crossed.

“Oh Tom” He giggles, shaking his head “Of course you’re not just a casual fuck… I would’ve fucked you already if you were that, don’t you think?”

I’m probably jumping into conclusions when I smile “Maybe you were just taking the time, maybe you were just being nice because I had never been with another guy before”

“And fuck you up completely?” He laughs “Tom, there are easier people to get out there” Mark replies as if it was something obvious, that I should already know. We go silent for a couple of seconds, looking at each other, our hands still together. Mark then goes serious “I like you”

I bite my tongue to not smile so bad; my heart was beating fast inside my chest, getting anxious for every time I repeated his words on my mind “Okay then, tomorrow night is good for you?”

“Sure”

“When is Diane coming?” I ask

“Well, she arri…” He says but before he could finish, the door opened itself, our attentions turning to it.

“Well, look at that” Amanda says as she closes the door behind herself. Mark instantly let go of my hand and took a small step back, sort of crawling away from the place in which he was sitting in front of me “Two twelve year-olds after shower at the end of the day” She says with a chuckle “Just kidding. Mark, the girls are coming, I just passed by to see if everything’s alright”

“No, they can come in, we’re okay now” Mark says and Amanda walks out, giving way for the make-up and hair girls to get in. He gets up and I sigh, laying my head back against the backrest of the couch and rubbing my still-wet feet as I watch him being taken care of

Mark smiles at some point while a girl put gel on his hair; I only wink back, crossing my fingers behind my back for our first date to be the best one forever and ever.


	11. Is It Cool To Hold Your Hand? Is It Wrong I Think It's Lame To Dance?

The key turns in and I hear its click, telling me to turn the knob and walk right into the living room. Instead, I open it slowly and tip-top my way in, being careful to not wake anybody up.

My feet lead me to the kitchen, I don’t flick on the lights though, I only open the fridge scanning whatever’s inside of it. But before I could grab anything, the lights go on and I look over the door. All I can see is a sleep-walking Rachel at the doorway, rubbing her tired eyes with the back of her hand, and then she opens those blue things and screams

“OH MY FUCKING GOD WHAT IS THIS?”

“AHHH” I scream back at her, getting scared of her surprise

“TOM!” She snaps angrily after she saw it was me “WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?”

I quickly close the fridge door and walk to her, placing both hands on her shoulders “Calm down” I whisper “It’s two am, keep shouting like this and we’ll get the cops on us”

“I’m sorry” She says rubbing her eyes again, the other hand rubbing her arm in up and down movements, probably trying to calm herself down “What the fuck do you want? The kids are sleeping already”

“Yeah, I know” I say stepping back, she takes a look at me, her tired, blue eyes staring at me angrily. Rachel walks to the table and sits on the last chair; I follow her and sit by her side, so we can face each other “I need you to take care of them again tomorrow”

“What?” She asks, not believing in me “Really?”

“You free tomorrow night, right?” I ask

“Yeah, sure” She shakes her head “It’s just that… What is it for?”

“Me and Mark are going out to dinner” I say, but I don’t give her any other information, that’s enough for now

“Again? Didn’t you hang out with him tonight?” She asks and I nod, rubbing my forehead “Don’t you think you’re spending too much time with him?”

“What do you mean?”

“Tom, the kids have been sleeping here more than usual, not that I don’t like it, I love this, but you’re in a really awkward situation, leaving soon and all. I thought you would want to spend more time with them…”

“I just need this right now, okay?” I say “I just…”

“Jean was talking to his son earlier on the telephone” Rachel chuckles “She was just so cute” She sighs “They were talking about some football match at one point, she was saying a bunch of stuff I didn’t even know of”

I laugh, Jean and Martin are getting so close lately, and so is Noah. Jean and Noah are getting along as they never had before; Rachel seems to be happy with it. Jean had some good friends in her old school, but now she seems to be sort of lost and alone, Noah has his own friends, so does Martin according to what Mark says, but my kids seem to be taking a special spot for him.

“Can I sleep here? I want to take the kids to school tomorrow” I ask, and she frowns at first, but soon she’s nodding “Yeah, sure. That’s not a problem, you’ll just need to sleep on the couch, is that okay?”

I nod “Yes, it’s okay”

“Good, goodnight then” She gets up and kisses the top of my head, running her tiny hands on my neck

I inhale sharply “Goodnight”

***

I park my SUV right in front of Mark’s giant house. My hands shake uncontrollably as I knock on the door, being received by little Martin looking up at me with his big blue eyes a couple of minutes after. 

“Hi Uncle Tom!” He greets me and I pat his back “Dad must be down in a while, he was talking to mom”

“Oh yeah, he told me she’s coming, are you excited?” I ask messing up with his hair as we walk towards the living room

“Yes” He nod excitedly “I told that to Jean yesterday, she’s excited for me too”

I laugh “Really? Wow, that’s good of her. You’re going to your aunt’s tonight?”

“Yes, Aunt Anne is waiting for me…” He says before he starts to explain how Anne was, we keep talking for a while until Mark comes down the stairs, seeming to be in a rush, wearing jeans and a light gray button down with Chuck Taylors.

“I’m sorry I kept you waiting” Mark says towards me “I w…”

“Hey, Martin told me, it’s fine”

“Good” He smiles and his son walks up to him “Now let’s drop this little guy at Aunt Anne’s”

We get into the car and drop Martin, and then we stop at a restaurant and sitting on a table by ourselves. I didn’t want to pick anything too fancy because of the press, who is always at those places, looking around for people like him, or even people like me. Though Mark seems to like it, it had an upbeat to its surroundings, not too fancy, not too messy. It was perfect.

It goes sort of awkward at first, I mean, what should we do on a date? We already know each other, plus this is my first first date in years. I dated Rachel for six years before we got married for God’s sake! That’s sixteen years without first dates, without first kisses, without first nights…

But after a few minutes, I think we both decide that it was best to be ourselves, and it’s great, we fight over the biggest spoonful of ice cream when we ask for dessert. The people on the other tables look at us, but we don’t really care, as we had always never cared.

I pay the bill with the argument I was the one who had invited him to dinner, after we are free to go we pass to Santa Monica for a walk. We stand side by side; I have my hands inside my leather jacket’s pockets, while he has his inside his jeans pockets. We sit somewhere and talk for a while, then we get back to my car and we go back to his sister’s house.

I park in front of it as he grabs his phone to tell her we have arrived, but before he presses ‘call’ I fly over him and kiss his lips. He kisses me back lightly and when I pull back he’s staring at me, a smile on his face “What was that for?” He chuckles

“If we can’t kiss on the street, then I better kiss you before your son gets here, right?”

He nods and leans in to kiss me again, sitting up and placing a hand on my neck, which allows me to get into a more comfortable position. 

“You want the truth?” He asks and I nod, brushing my nose against his before giving him a small peck before he could speak “I want another one, another date, by me this time”

“Really?” I ask with a smile growing on my lips, our faces still close together “Can you tell me what you’re doing?”

He shakes his head “I’m making a lunch for Diane on the Tuesday after this one; you should come over, by the way. But I was hoping our date could be before that, maybe…”

“Yeah, sure” I bit my bottom lip 

“And when we have lunch, she’s going out alone with Martin after it and we can go somewhere else, of course, if you can” Mark says and I nod

“It all sounds good”

I mean, did I just set up two other dates with him? And only after our first one?

“I think I’ll manage to get out of work” I kiss him again, my tongue sliding easily into his mouth, then I move down to kiss his neck, my hand moving to it so I could pull him closer “Oh, Mark” I whisper against his skin

“Hey, Tom” 

“What?” I ask between kisses 

“I have to call her” He says and I pull back, giving him another quick kiss before going back to my place. A few minutes later Martin comes to the car and I drive back to their house “Hm” Mark looks at me before jumping out “Do… Do you want to come in?”

I surprise myself, something hits my guts and I slowly nod, gulping.

“Okay, I’ll open the garage” He says and takes Martin out, he walks inside and opens the garage door for me to get in, when I park the SUV on the free spot before his car, I jump out and walk behind him inside.

“Martin go put your pajamas, then come back to the kitchen, okay?” Mark asks and Martin nods, going upstairs to his room. Mark then turns to me, placing both hands on my shoulders “Are you okay with this? You don’t need to stay if you don’t want to…”

I sigh with a shrug “No, I’m fine” I say when actually I’m scared of what’s coming for me, but I feel good, more good than I thought I would when the moment came.

I sit down on the island and Mark pours three glasses of milk before Martin comes running in orange pajamas and climbs on the stool by my side. I hand him his glass of milk and he gets the milk moustache and all. Mark takes him upstairs once he’s back; he sits on the stool by my side, looking at me.

“We got to talk” Mark says and I freeze, but nod “Well, I wanted to know if you’re good with everything… I mean, I don’t want you to think I’m being too open, or if I’m being too fast or anything”

“No, I think we’re in a good pace” I say taking a sip from my milk “Stop worrying about it…”

“So… Are you ready to go to my room?” Mark asks shyly and I put down my glass, looking at him.

“Well, I’ve been there before haven’t I?” I ask and chuckle

“You know what I mean…” He shrugs  
I freeze, getting lost into his eyes. Mine go serious while looking at him “I don’t know”

“You know it’s not the same thing, right?” He asks and I nod “I can help you, okay? It’s not going to be bad, I promise”

“I know” I say placing a hand on his chin, bringing him in for a slow kiss. Mark throws an arm over my back after a while and I put one of my hands on his hip. Once our tongues start playing with each other and there’s a problem to be fixed on my pants I pull back, but still not getting away from him “Do you wanna go?”

He doesn’t say anything; instead he gets up and starts pulling me out of the kitchen and back to his room I already knew from other times. I could see his erection sticking out of his jeans already when I sat on the edge of his bed.

The room was dark and there was only the moonlight coming from the window behind his bed, illuminating his face as Mark sits on top of me with both knees around my tights and his butt cheeks on my knees. 

I have to raise my head up to meet his lips while his tongue works on my mouth. I help him take off my shirt and he does the same for me, getting up right after so we could take off our pants and stay with just boxers. Mark hops off of me and crawls on the bed to lay with his head on the pillow, letting me stand over him while we kiss a bit more.

Mark throws me to the side; now standing on top again “Okay” He said biting on my jawline “Are we going to do it?”

I nod, kissing him again 

Mark sits on the bed and I whimper when I don’t have him close anymore, he just chuckles and moves to his nightstand, taking a blue bottle and a condom out of it. Mark pulls out my boxers with hurry and squirts a bit of lube on his palm, rubbing it against my erect dick. Mark crawled on top of me, unconsciously dry humping me. He gets closer so he can talk “You gotta finger me too”

“What?” I ask, giving him a look 

Mark sighs “Yeah, Tom, please finger me” Mark asks 

“No!” I chuckle, trying to pull my hand back

“Oh, come on, Tom” He snaps, starting to get annoyed. I gulp, I didn’t want to quit, but I felt like it “Come on, stop with that. You want this, don’t you?”

I sigh, closing my eyes “I’m… I’m just really uncomfortable with the fingering…”

Mark sits back and sighs; he gets the lube and runs it on his own fingers. He looks annoyed as he lies down facing me and works his hand as he throws his arm over his back. Mark’s got his eyes closed, and not an emotion of pleasure shoots on his face. 

I take his wrist away, he opens his eyes and looks up at me. I know he notices how uncomfortable I feel when I reach for the lube bottle and squirt a little on my own fingers. I shiver at the cold liquid, but he doesn’t really mind as he takes my wrist and takes it to his ass, helping me find his hole.

“This won’t kill you” He whispers, but I don’t nod, instead I press my eyes tighter, as if I was the one going to have to face the pain.

I felt my finger getting trapped into his muscles, I felt him letting out a hiss of pain and I slowly open my eyes, looking at him pressing his eyes and lips tight. I try concentrating on his face, and move my hand around as I try to notice what makes him feel good, and what doesn’t.

“Shh, take off your hand” I shush and he lets go of my wrist. My fingers start to move themselves around him and then I go slower “Is it hurting?” I ask and he nods

“It gets better though” Mark says with hitched breathing "It's just that it has been a while"

I nod, still working when I push another finger "I know" I say and leave a small kiss on his shoulder. I can see when Mark starts to get familiar with the pain since his eyes go easy, his lips stop being tight and he even sighs in pleasure. I kiss him on the cheek and he smiles a little. One of his hands slides down to my dick and his thumb runs over my head, giving me a wave of urgency

“I think it’s good now” He says opening his eyes and I nod, getting my fingers off of him, cleaning them on the sheets. 

Mark puts lube on my dick again and lies down, facing the mattress 

“Go on” He says and I crawl over him and do what I’m supposed to do, going full into his ass “Fuck!” He hisses and I start thrusting “God, Tom, fuck, fuck, fuck”

I smile and keep thrusting, his muscles clenching around me and it’s completely different than having sex with a woman “Shit, you’re so tight!” I hiss and he nods. I moan loud and roll my eyes to the back of my head, feeling a not-so-familiar-anymore wave of pleasure I haven’t felt in a really long time “Mark, oh, Mark!”

After a while he’s thrusting his ass against my crotch, craving more friction. Mark’s hand is on his dick, jerking himself off.

“Mark, I’m coming” I say a little bit loud between moans 

“Me too, Tom. Fuck, me too”

We both end up coming at the same time “Shit, cock!” I scream, my lips getting open as I moan what I had to, letting all my stuff go into him

“Oh God” He moans and his muscles clench harder around me, and fuck, this is all driving me insane. When I pull back, I let my limbs crawl next him, but not too close enough for us to touch. 

I lay there, staring blankly at the ceiling, letting it finally sink into me: I just had sex with a guy. Okay, now let’s go back a month in the past and tell that to one-month-younger Tom and let him know he’s going to fuck a guy. 

I stand there, paralyzed.

“Hey” Mark calls me after a while

“What?”  
“Nothing, just want to know how you are…”

“I’m fine” I say without really looking at him, gulping one more time

“Hm, can you look at me?” He asks in a skeptical tone. I close my eyes, turning my head slightly, but only opening them a while after. Mark is smiling softly at me, taking deep breathes and wet, sweat dripping down his hair. 

I can’t help but smile; maybe I’m just being a hypocrite “Hi” I whisper “Can… Can we talk about this in the morning?” I ask and he frowns, but nods 

“Yeah, sure” Mark chuckles, brushing my hair out of my forehead

“So, hm, goodnight” I say and turn away, hugging one of his pillows

“Hm okay” I can hear the frown in his voice “Goodnight then” He says with a broken voice, turning to the other side so we had to sleep back-to-back.


	12. A Day Late, A Buck Short

The annoying buzz reaches my ears and into my mind full of regret. I’m drifting away while staring at a distinctive painting right in front of me. The dark room doesn’t really help for me to take a better look at it, but I’m at least able to see it has a dark tone to it. I see water, and maybe a boat going through a thunderstorm. It looks like it would cause nightmares to whoever sleeps in that room, but it was there still.

I suddenly imagined myself on that boat, lost and confused as I tried to find safe land. I wasn’t able to think straight, why had I turned around? I shouldn’t have done that… He must be cursing himself more than I am right now, probably more, without even a clue of what was happening.

I, at least, know I’m confused; he doesn’t even have an idea of what’s happening inside of me. I’m again on the same confusion I was after he had kissed me for the first time, but I didn’t have time or patience for haunting nightmares and repetitive masturbation right now. I was at a tight rope, it was as if a wave was coming over the boat and I had to reach for a cord and grab it before the boat shoots me off into the sea. 

Every time I was near him I knew I had this stupid, giant smile on my face. I knew I was another person when around him; he was the one that made my day better, even if it hadn’t been bad at all.

I’m not really sure about how long will this last, two weeks? A month? Two, three months? Mark has told me about his previous relationships, all of them lasting about four or five months maximum. He isn’t really the type of guy who would go around sleeping with everyone, but he still isn’t the one who you can tie down and make all yours forever.

Sometimes I think he doesn’t believe in the happily ever after.

I mean, not that I’m looking forward to grow old with him, but I’ll only disappoint him if I walk out now, and I’m only letting a stupid fear come between us. A fear that doesn’t really tell anything else about me more than I already know.

I run to grab the cord and get the wave in full, getting away from it. I see the waves calming down, the rain stopping to pour and the boat quitting from shaking so bad. The sun started to rise from the end of the sea and I sigh in relief and I feel as good when I turn around in bed.

Something deep down in me hopes he would be still awake, but instead I find him fast asleep, breathing like an angel into the pillow, facing my back.  
He’s got both hands resting on his pillow together, right beside his face, as if he was a little kid sleeping peacefully. He kept a frown on his face though, one that shows how frustrated he is, how frustrated I made him to be. 

My hands raised the sheet and I looked down at his body, getting comfortable with the idea that it was all mine for the next few months, at least before I leave.

I have to hold myself from crawling closer or hugging him, and instead I leave a kiss on his shoulder, raising my hand to brush the hair off of his forehead with its back. My fingers crawl into one of his hands and I take his in mine. And fall asleep like that.

***

My hurting limbs are the first to wake me up, then my feet while it makes my toes curl. My hands turn into a fist as I throw them back while stretching. Soon I realize I’m all alone in Mark’s bed. His side undone and messy, his bathroom door open. I slowly get up, sorting out my thoughts. I walk into his shower, probably being too invasive or something, but I don’t care. I’m still feeling sticky from last night and we are still probably going to talk before I go back to Rachel’s.

After I get out of the shower and had put on the same clothes from the night before, I walk outside and right into the kitchen, finding Mark finishing to prepare a pancake for the giant plate full of others.

“Hm, hi” I wave awkwardly

“Good morning, Tom” Mark fakes a smile “Going home already?”

“I… I thought we were going to talk first…”

“Oh yeah” He shrugs before grabbing a pancake for both me and him, placing each on a different plate and in seats all the way across the island, making us seat apart. I frown but still sit on the place he’s giving me. Mark takes a bite from his pancake avoiding my look “What do you want to talk about, Tom?”

My hands start to sweat as I rub them against each other under the table “I'm sorry” I say

Mark sighs, he rubs his hands over his eyes and stops eating “I… I’m the one who’s sorry, Tom” He says “I shouldn’t have pushed you when you were visibly uncomfortable” 

“The truth is I was into it, Mark. I… I just felt like that was so sudden and quick and… But then I noticed you were getting it and honestly, I felt really good about it once I felt in the mood, you know? I feel like I should apologize”

“Well, but you shouldn’t!” He snaps “Never apologize for something you shouldn’t have done”

“But I wanted to!” I yell “All I’m asking is time and patience until I… Until I get used to the fact I like someone new and that I’m sleeping with someone else after twenty years of only thinking about one person alone”

Mark slowly took his eyes off his plate, looking at me as if he was a little kid who had just been denied a new toy. He lets his shoulders fall in defeat and takes a deep breath, now making eye-contact “When you turned away, my anxiety immediately screamed that you would wake up today and leave, that I had done shit, which I did, and you would’ve left, with reason”

“Neither am I” I said, trying to keep him looking the way he is at me “I know you’re the only one I’ve been with since I got divorced, but I know I’m not, okay? I’m sorry for what happened, I should’ve been more prepared, I… I should’ve watched more porn” 

Mark gulps, straightening his back, chuckling a little at the joke in the end “Really?”

“Yes” I say before shaking my head lightly “I turned around because I still hadn’t have everything sorted out, but when I went back you were already sleeping, and then… yeah” I shrug, avoiding to keep speaking, maybe afraid that I’ll say too much for now.

He sighs and gives me a shy smile, getting up and walking to sit on the stool next to mine. I flash him one of my biggest smiles before curling my way into his chest. His giggling filling my ears with happy sounds I have wanted to hear since the night before.

“I promise I’ll never do anything like that ever again” He blurs out and I smile, taking his hand in mine.

***

“Look who’s here!” Rachel exclaims as I walk into her living room, she has her arms crossed before her chest, one hand holding a glass of juice as she smirks at me. 

I close the door behind myself as I watch my daughter run into my arms in a warm hug “I thought you were hanging with your super special friend” She teases me while she sucks on the straw of her orange juice. Shaking her head and making her hair flow

“Well, I’m not anymore…” I chuckle awkwardly

“We saw you and Uncle Mark on the internet!” Jean chips in happily

“What?” I ask, suddenly surprised

“Yeah, look” Rachel leaves the glass of juice on the table and hands Jean the iPad. My daughter unlocks it, showing to me a page on safari of some celebrity gossip website, which had the following headline

“Tv Host Mark Hoppus best bud’s with Tom DeLonge?”

“What the…” I say as I hastily take the tablet away from Jean. I see below the headline three pictures: One of me and Mark having dinner, definitely taken by a creeper outside the restaurant through one of their glass windows. Another one of us getting out of the restaurant and the last one showed us walking in Santa Monica by the end of the night; Mark was looking straight into the camera in the last one, though I don’t quite remember him saying anything about seeing paparazzi around.

Below the pictures it read:

“On the Friday 6, the boys were seen having dinner together, later at the Santa Monica boardwalk. Apparently, this was not the first time they have been hanging out with each other. Two duo met when Tom was at guest at A Diferent Spin With Mark Hoppus last month, and according to other sources, the two have been spotted together more than once a week, hanging out including in each other’s work places. Do you think these guys are up to some project or are they just creating a friendship and taking the time before Tom departs?”

“Oh. My. Fucking. God.” I say as I walk to sit on a chair by my side, grabbing its neck as I clumsily sit down, shaking a bit.

“Is anything wrong?” Rachel asks concernedly

“Do they say anything else?” I ask raising an eyebrow at her

“No, I don’t think there’s anything else” Rachel frowns at my desperation and I sigh in relief

Rachel keeps frowning though. She places a hand on Jean’s shoulders “Honey, go inside and tell your brother to get ready, but don’t come down until mom or daddy calls you, okay?” She says and the girl nods, walking inside and disappearing. Rachel keeps looking at me, probably trying to read my mind, my eyes, and I suddenly got more scared for myself.

She sits by my side on the table as I hide my face between my hands. J Rachel keeps looking at me with glassy eyes until I look back at her “Come on; tell me what’s happening…” She asks with a worried tone on her voice “He’s famous, and so are you now. Someone would do something like this soon or later, Tom. Even more th…“

“Shut up, okay?” I snap suddenly “Don’t come all knowingly to me now. You don’t know a lot of stuff, okay?” We both stay quiet for a while, me staring at her, thinking why I had just snapped at her. My expressions soften when I realized how rude I must’ve seemed “I’m sorry” I whisper while she keeps staring back at me, wondering why I was like that.

When I’m about to think she’s going to lose her mind, she places a hand on my knee, squeezing patiently “I know we got divorced and everything, but you can’t push me away like that…”

I know I’m frowning somewhere inside my head. It’s been over a year since me and Rachel got divorced. I don’t owe her any kind of information, well, at least not the ones about my sex life.

“Come on, Tom” She whines one last time 

“Okay, but… but this… This is kind of big”

“Sometimes I think it’s about that band you always wanted to make, though I don’t think you have the time for such thing… Oh! I remember that interview where he said that he wanted to produce a movie, is it going to be about space then? It’s not going to be some fight story, is it? Otherwise it would be such a star-wars rip-off, don’t you think?” She starts babbling, but I cut the mood.

“I’m dating him”

Rachel is still smiling, but then she stops, and goes pale. Her eyes freeze and her jaw seems to drop to her knees “What?” She asks with a weak voice “You’re what him?”

“I. Am. Dating. Him.”

“Dating as in…”

“Dating as in ‘Let’s go on a date, maybe grab a movie and I’ll pay you dinner’…” I say awkwardly looking down. Avoiding to say anything else people do on dates to not freak her out even more

“Mark… Mark Hoppus is gay? YOU are GAY?” She asks almost shouting and I shrug “Tom!” She desperately says, taking a hand to her mouth. I can see her eyes going desperate with tears as she looks at me heart-broken. 

Rachel drops her hand from me while she tries to verbalize something, but nothing comes out of her lips. She storms out of the table, walking away from me “You think I’m a freak, don’t you?” I ask

Rachel doesn’t say anything, but I can see her taking deep breaths and rubbing her eyes. Then she turns around after some time, she walks up to me again and places both hands on the rest of the chair she was sitting just a few minutes before

“Since when do you like guys?” She asks pressing her eyes shut

“Since I met him” I lied

She breathes deep a couple of times, then her eyes opened, but she doesn’t look at me at first, her eyes were avoiding my looks “Do you think you’re happy with him?”  
“Rachel, I don’t think we should be talk…”

“Thomas Matthew DeLonge, are you or are you not happy with this guy?” Her eyes suddenly closed themselves to me again, pressing shut. She was hissing as she gripped on the chair and stomped and banged it to the floor at least three times, as angry as I had ever seen her.

I slowly start nodding “Yes”

She looks at me defeated; she sighs and pulls the chair so she can sit on it again. Rachel looks around and then she looks down, her perfect brown hair falling around her face “Do you still find me attractive?” She asks in a barely audible whisper.

“Oh, Rachel” I can hear myself starting to fall apart. My voice is just as weak as hers “Of course!” I pull my chair closer to hers “You’re the prettiest girl I have ever seen my whole life. I may be going out with a guy now, but you were the only person I thought about for the past twenty years, okay?” I say, but she just keeps breathing for air in calm sobs “Hey hey, look at me, come on” I say placing a hand on her chin and forcing her to look up at me, straight into my eyes.

I hug her and when we pull apart, I can see her sad eyes dripping tears in various hurtful cries.

“Why are you crying?” I ask as I push the hair away from her face with the back of my hand, cleaning the tears away “You suddenly don’t trust me? You were the one saying we should trust each other just a couple of minutes before this all happened. Please don’t be mad at me, there’s no reason for you to be…”

“I want the best for you” She looks into my eyes, they’re trying to give me a deeper message I can’t really decipher “I want you to be happy”

I smile “Thanks”

“I still love you, Tom” She suddenly blurs out, then the next thing I know her lips are on mine, moving as I try to stand still before gently pushing her away, staring at her 

“What are you doing?” I ask “I thought you were over me”

“I was wrong” She says and I can only think she’s saying bullshit, because after everything we had gone through, she couldn’t be serious about still loving me. 

I can feel her desperate heartbeats from the place I was sitting just a few inches away from her. She was going crazy, and all because of me. I get up, turning my back to her so I can get it all straighten out in my head, to think it all out and get the pieces together.

“After a year of suffering, of loneness, of jerking off by myself or coming to you when there was no one else to fuck? Really Rachel? Why now? Why now that I’m with Mark, huh? Have you been hiding it all for how long?”

“I never stopped loving you, Tom” She whispers, making a classic ‘victim’s’ face

“Then why did you ask for a divorce?” I challenge her

“Because I was tired, okay? I was tired of you, I was sick of your face and I couldn’t stand all the fights and everything that was happening. Deep down I still loved you, but I wasn’t feeling the spark anymore. We were bound to end”

“Rachel, I saw my parent’s marriage fall down, I was there for the fights during years! And it was probably the worst thing I ever had to go through, even more than our own divorce, okay? I wouldn’t put my children on such disgrace for a simple luxury, because I know what it means and I didn’t want that for them. Maybe I wanted to get divorce just as much as you did, but I would stand you for them, I would do it for my children, alright? Although if I think about it, someone wanted this divorce so much that it happened the way it did. I don’t want to blame anyone here, but just to remember it was your choice, your fucking choice, okay? I wouldn’t ever do that” 

I am pointing at her, shouting as I said each word with disgust. Her eyes are filling with tears as my words hurt her, but she has to listen to them, I had been bottling this up for so long and she was about to get out of control. 

“We broke up, get over it. And if we do get back, it’ll be only more fights; we’ll only get back to be unhappy and to make the children unhappy with all the fights we’ll bring back”

“You’re just saying it because of Mark…” She hisses

“Maybe I am, maybe I’m not, okay? But you know what? I have spent too much time fooling myself trying not to believe I liked him. So believe me: we’ll get serious”  
And with those words, I think everything inside her fell down. The thought of me being in a serious relationship with someone else must have scared her to death. Not that I was something valuable, but I bet Rachel could get much better guys than I ever could.

She stands, looking at me angrily “Get out!” She shouts “Get out and take your ‘temporary full-custody’ with you, okay? Get Out!” She was shouting and hissing, stomping her feet to the ground several times

“I’m late for work anyway…” I say while holding myself from standing up against it, shouting an obvious ‘no!’ to her face, but then I see the way her eyes are glistening with anger and tears, how vulnerable she is, and now I feel bad for making her feel this way. So I decide to obey.

I call Jean and Noah and we got out as she had told me, leaving her to her empty apartment and the lonely life she had chosen to have.


	13. Don't Sit There And Act Humble

The kids are the first to jump out of the SUV through the back door when we get back from school. By the time I’m out, they’re already standing by my side, arm-on-arm with each other. Waiting as they looked up at me with big eyes

“Are you fighting again with mommy, daddy?” Noah asks with such innocence and I can’t help but gulp

“No kiddo!” I try to comfort him “We only had a little misunderstanding, that’s all…” I say placing a hand his hair and patting it lightly

“Were you two arguing about Uncle Mark?” Jean asks with a frown and my eyes go big. I freeze for a moment until I’m able to speak again

“Can… Can we talk about this later?” I ask as I place both hands in each one’s backs and push them into the front lawn, making them walk towards the front door “Dad has a headache”

They both seem disappointed as they walk inside. Jean walks to her room while Noah goes up the stairs, both looking down at their feet, a sad look on each face.

I suddenly feel bad, a wave of guilt crashing upon me. They don’t deserve any more bullshit of what they already got back when me and Rachel were still together. Jean was happy that all the fighting was over; I don’t want her to go through that same thing again. I know I’m a lousy parent, but for God’s sake I’m just doing the best I can, and I feel like failure when my best is bad.

Once everyone’s in their places I tell Jean I’m going out for a while and she agrees to watch Noah for a couple of minutes while I walk next door.

I knock and wait until a woman about my age opens the door while holding a bowl and wearing an apron “Hi Tom!” Lydia smiles at me, placing her free hand on her waist “What’s up? You want cake? I’m making some, I can make sure Collin will drop you a piece at your house when he gets back, is that okay?”

“Hm, actually I was wondering if I could talk to Collin…” I said clasping my hands together

“Sorry hon, Collin’s out with his girlfriend, he won’t be back until 9. What did you want to talk with him?”

“I was wondering if he could watch the kids for a while…”

“For how long?”

“Hm, about two hours I guess” I say rubbing the back of my neck

“I would say I could do it but I have to meet a few friends in Santa Monica in a hour… I’m sorry”

“Hey, that’s okay” I say with a dismissingly hand “Tell Collin I say hi!” I say before waving at her and taking off back to my house, where things seemed to still be intact.

I grab the phone on the kitchen balcony and press some random numbers hastily, waiting for the other person to pick up

“Hi Tom” Mark says casually as he picks up “Is anything wrong?”

I can hear the frowning in his voice, I haven’t even said a word yet and it was like he could totally hear me shouting ‘help!’ inside my mind. I just shrug it off; my feelings were screaming ‘hurry’ inside my heart instead.

“I kind of need to talk to you about something, I was actually going to wait but fuck it. Can I see you?”

“Oh my God, you don’t have a VD, do you?” Mark says disgusted

“What? No!” I say jumping a little, but then I chuckle

He sighs, but doesn’t say anything right after, he breathes deep a couple of times until I start to get worried, but when I open up my mouth to say something he’s already speaking up 

“What… What is it?”

“It’s about Rachel. Man, can you come over? I’m kind of tight on nannies here…”

“Can’t you come over? It’s you who wants to talk anyway…” Mark says kind of annoyed and I jump up a little

“Mark, if you can come over please do, okay? It’s kind of an emergency”

“Hm” He hesitates “I’ll just call the girl next door so she can take care of Martin or an hour or so and I’ll be there in a few minutes, okay?”

We finish our talking and hung up. I wait him impatiently for the first half hour, my hands sweating and hot as I kept pacing around the living room, holding myself back to not call him again. He seemed annoyed enough for having to get out of his own house, I didn’t want to piss him even more.

It’s well past half an hour when the doorbell rings. I jump off the couch and open it to see Mark with his sunglasses on, spinning the car keys on his fingers.

“Hey” I say “Come in”

He walks past me with a serious expression, not even a smile, a wave of hands or a simple ‘hi’. Mark seems angry, or sad, I’m not sure which and maybe both “What do you want to talk about?” He sighs “You’re pale as ghost”

“Okay, you better sit down” He sighs again, but still sits on the arm chair like I motion him to, making me sit on the couch. He doesn’t take his sunglasses off though; he keeps them on as his foot shakes up and down anxiously

“I… I passed by Rachel’s today to pick up the kids and she showed me a gossip page on the internet, of us…”

“What did it say?”

It surprises me how cold he’s acting towards this, maybe he’s already used to it, but still “It just talked about us walking in Santa Monica last night, but then she started talking and she put me in a situation that, well, I ended up telling her about us”

“Yeah, okay, go on”

I feel a heavy weight at my chest, a crack in my heart, but I keep going “I don’t know if you know what I’m going to say, but before I speak it up, I want to clear out that I had a lot of fun last night and that I believe you can make your own decision from now on…”

“What is it, Tom?” 

“She told me she still loved me, and that we could be a family again. I did nothing; I was actually feeling sorry for her. But I didn’t really think she would take advantage of it and… kiss me”

“What?!” Mark asks surprised, he jumps on his seat “I’ll make things easy for you, I will get out that door and you won’t even need to finish things up with me, okay? I’ll be the one leaving you here to thi…” He was spitting it all out in a hissing voice, breaking it a little.

“What?” I interrupt him “Mark, I didn’t kiss her back! I pushed her away the moment she touched me. And what are you talking about ‘finishing things up’? I won’t do that, I don’t want to, okay? I didn’t call you here for that…”

Mark looks at me with a hurt expression “You didn’t call me here to break up with me?” He asks and I chuckle

“Of course not” I laugh “I just needed to tell you that” That was when I saw the single tear sliding down from under his sunglasses. He uselessly tries to clean it out. I get up and walk towards him “Come on” I say gripping on both his wrists “Come sit with me”

I drag him to the couch and we sit side-by-side. Mark let out a sigh and I hug him, thinking he’s exaggerating a bit, maybe. I kiss the top of his head and he places a hand on my arm, pulling me closer “Did you really think I would let you go because of that?” I ask in a low voice, my lips still attached to his hair when he only slightly nodded

I reach to take off his sunglasses and I can see his bloodshot eyes, he looks into mine and I clean the water from under them with my thumb

“Were you crying on the way here already?” I ask with a shamed expression, I wanted to make him feel better. He nods “Oh, baby” I say and he hugs me back, leaning his head on my shoulder

“I just still feel really bad” He says “I just couldn’t believe how stupid I was. You’re really not letting me go, are you?”

“No!” I chuckle “Mark, I swear, I’m okay with the sex, alright?” I tell him, still caressing his hair “Please don’t let this get between us because you were amazingly caring when It came to be about my first experience, alright?” I ask and he nods, I kiss him on the forehead, trying to calm him down “Why else would you think that I was going to end everything with you?”

He sighs “I thought you were scared because tabloids are talking about us, like you said, you might be getting scared of this fast fame” I nod and reach to hold his hand “And Rachel wanting to get back together and… kissing you after we had sex just made me think you had finally realized you didn’t want me after all and would much rather be with her…” Mark sighs again “I know because after Diane and I got divorced, there were days in which I felt like running back to her, no matter what else I might have felt about the divorce back then”

“Well, I told you this because I didn’t want to hide it” I sigh and he nods, giving me a smile

“It’s good to know that you want me to know it” He says with a smile forming itself on his face “Thanks”

I squeeze his hand and he buries his face further into my shoulder, smiling as he looks down at our hands.

I can’t help but smile as well, I was still looking at him when he finally speaks again “So, did you call me here just to say that?”

“Not really” I clear out “I called you here because I think that we should break it to the kids before someone else does that, like Rachel, I don’t doubt one bit that she might do it…”

“Yeah, I actually wanted to talk about that with you too” He says as he sits up straight on the couch, not getting away from my touch though “Right after you left this morning, Martin asked me if I was dating you…”

“Does he know that you’re bi?”

“Yes” Mark nods “I used to believe that wasn’t ever going to need to talk about this with him… Ever. But after me and Diane got divorced, it was the first thing I did”

“What did you tell him about me?” I ask

“I didn’t really say anything; I told him we were going to talk about it later because I wanted to talk to you first since he’s friends with Jean …”

“Do you think he would tell her?”

“I don’t know” 

And like fate, Jean comes back from the hallway; she’s looking shy and distant “Hi Uncle Mark!” She says surprised “What are you doing here?”

She doesn’t just come running to hug him like she always does, she’s not squealing excitedly, she just stands there… looking scared. 

“Hey Jean, how are you?” Mark asks untangling himself from me and I curse inside my mind for not being more careful with Mark knowing she could get back from her bedroom at any second.

“I’m good”

“I was just talking to your dad, I’ll get back home in a couple of minutes” He says and she fakes a smile

“Okay” She says plainly and runs again inside, closing the door behind her with a loud bang 

“You should tell Rachel first…” He says after Jean is gone “Otherwise she’ll just use it as a weapon against you…”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right”

“Make it be something between you and them, not me, not Rachel. Just you three, no one else, okay?”

“Yeah, I’ll do it tomorrow” I smile and nod and pull him closer again for another cuddle.

***

After Mark’s gone, I call David, asking him to come over. He’s speaking hurriedly, as if he was late for something 

“So, can you?” I ask finally

“Dude, I’m in a hurry, okay? I’m late for an appointment, and WHERE’S MY FUCKING MOTORBIKE KEYS?”

I frown, wondering why would David having to meet to someone at this day and hour? And so urgently… “I just want you to watch the kids for an hour or so, can you do that?”

“I’m only free two hours from now, man, and I can only stay one hour”

“But you can do it, right?”

“Sure, yeah, whatever. I have to go now, found my keys. BYE”

I’m still frowning when I hang up, I go up to play with Noah and around two hours later there’s a knock on the door. I open it up and David is on the doorway. Leather jacket and skinny jeans “Hi there” He smiles and walks inside “What are you doing that’s so important?”

I look to one side, then to the other, hoping that my kids don’t need to listen to this “I told Rachel”

“About Mark?” His jaw drops and I nod “Wow, how did she react?”

“Not good, gotta go talk to her, just an hour”

“Okay, go quick” He says and I walk outside, closing the door behind me. I get into my car and try to call Rachel, but she doesn’t pick it up at first. I try a second time and a familiar feminine voice – that isn’t Rachel’s – speaks “What’s up, bro?”

“Kari?” I ask frowning “Did I call you instead of Rachel?”

“No, this is Rachel’s phone, just guess where she is…”

“Oh my God, I’m so so sorry, Kari!” I whine and took my face into my hands, punishing myself for making my sister having to put up with my ex-wife

“Well, she doesn’t want to take your call, so tell me what you want…”

“Can I come over?”

“Sure you can” Kari says

“Okay, I’ll be there in a few minutes” I say and hang up without even saying bye. I start driving towards my sister’s house like a maniac. Rachel’s starting to drive me crazy; it is like she doesn’t even know the limits between being the victim and just being stupid.

When I arrive, I find my sister with a jar of ice cream in her hands; already waiting for me at the front lawn “Hi Tom” She says while licking her thumb while walking closer to me as I park my car “Rachel doesn’t want to talk to you…”

“And you still said I could come over?” 

“She doesn’t need to know that you know” She chuckles and licks her thumb again

“I just want to apologize to her, is she really feeling that bad?”

Kari nods “We have barely spoken in months and all of the sudden she comes to me with this speech that you cheated on her and stuff”

”God, I can’t believe she thought we still had something! It’s been a whole year!” I say fixing the black cap in my head

“Well, you did sleep with her multiple times”

“Okay Kari, which side are you in?” I snap

“Yours, of course! But she thinks I’m on hers”

“She said she wanted to end with the casual fuck just as much as I did” I say “Anyway, will you let me talk to her?”

“Yes, but go slow, don’t talk about Mark before she does”

“Sure” I shrug “I’ll ju… Wait, did she already tell you about Mark?” I almost shout in shock, how can she not freak out with that?

“Oh yeah, I just remembered I’m pissed at you because you didn’t tell me before”

“Aren’t you… Aren’t you freaked out?”

Kari chuckles and shakes her head “I knew you had to come out of the closet someday…”

“I’m not gay!” I laugh

“Yeah, okay” She laughs ironically, not buying my speech as she starts going into the house and upstairs “She’s on the backyard, by the way”

“Hey Rachel” I say as I walk outside, seeing my ex-wife sitting on a plastic chair with a bowl of peanuts on her lap

“I told Kari I didn’t want to see you” She says with a peanut in her mouth, and then she looks up at the lamp over her head and spit out the peanut. It hit the lamp and she celebrated throwing up her hands “Hit!”

“Well, apparently she didn’t pass on the information to me” I lie

“What do you want?” Rachel asks while putting another peanut between her lips 

“I want to tell the kids” I say simply “I want you to know that I’m going to tell them”

“Why do you even bother?”

“Rachel, it’s my life!” I say annoyed “They’re part of it; it’s their right to know” She turns to me, and next thing I know, a little peanut hits my forehead and falls to the floor “That’s disgusting” I say

“So is sleeping with Mark, you know”

“Oh come on! Don’t come all sassy at me, okay? I know that you would do anything to sleep with him! Ha!” I tease her, trying to find her sensible spots 

“That’s not true!” She says as if it was something obvious. God, sometimes she can fake it so well… But it was now the time to unmask what she’s been thinking all this time.

I laugh “Okay, so tell me why you didn’t want to date me when I first asked you out when we were sixteen?”

“Because I didn’t like you back then! Come on, you looked like an otter…”

“And you were no princess, okay?” I snap “Horsie” I whisper to myself and she looks annoyed at me, giving me a deadly look.

“What did you just say?” She snaps quickly

“Nothing” I shake my head, faking innocence

Rachel puffs “I was sixteen and I hung out with band guys, okay? Do you really think I would like to date some random kid who used to hit on me while I could be sleeping with band guys? Come on, Tom! Wake up!” She says while getting up, gesturing with her hands and throwing it all on my face

“Yeah, but when things changed and you wanted ‘college boys’ you went straight into me, didn’t you?” I referred to myself on the most disgusted tone possible “’Oh Tom! It’s been so long! I’m so sorry I didn’t see how wonderful you were before!’ Bullshit, okay? You were so full of crap; I should’ve seen this back then…” I did the best girlish impression I could do of her, gesturing my hand in the most feminine way possible 

“Is that how you talk to him? Do you use that voice for his pleasure?” She teases

“Shut the fuck up, okay?” I snap, pointing a finger at her “You spent your teenage years running after band boys like Mark, like Adam, like The Carnel, who was my friend by the way and all those other boys from smaller bands that never got anywhere”

“I was living the years! Instead of being trapped inside a little room studying and trying to seem smart… That was what ruined your reputation in the scene, you could’ve been big and you weren’t because you were too busy with all that space bullshit!”

“The same space bullshit that pays you that apartment, the same space bullshit that you married to, the same space bullshit you faked interest in for so long, the same space bullshit that made me big and the same fucking space bullshit that helped you build your fucking company!”

She’s looking me dead in the eye, probably wishing I would die with some magical laser that will come off of her blue irises soon enough.

“Did you sleep with any of the guys from Finest Comedy?” I ask raising an eyebrow and she opens her mouth, but closes it right after “Rachel” My lips say as they feel the pleasure of hissing her name

“I almost got Scott once but he passed out from being so drunk. I think The Carnel hated me and Mark never really paid attention to me, I got to talk to him twice and he’d always ignore me, but still not pushing me away, you know?”

“What about Adam?”

“Ew no, Adam was weird” She sighs “When I’d get close to him he’d just give me this look of ‘Show me something interesting in the next five seconds or I’ll kill you’. And apparently he used to do that with a lot of people, he’d only talk to a selected few… Oh! There was one time when something really weird happened with Adam! I remember Mark was there and he was with th…”

“That’s okay, there’s no need to get away from our previous subject…” I interrupt her “Did you realize what you just did?” I smirk

“No” She shakes her head

“You just admitted you wanted to sleep with Mark!” I say “Rachel, don’t deny you didn’t feel attracted to him”

“Way before I found out he liked guys! And worst of all, he just didn’t choose any guy, he chose YOU, which is ten times more disgusting”

“You’re just mad because I got the chance to take him to bed and you DIDN’T!” I say making a face as I leaned closer to her, causing impact

“That’s not true!” She says

“It totally is! Look at yourself, you’re so pathetic” I laugh

“Fuck you! Oh no, wait, you already ARE!”

“At least I am getting my fuck somewhere”

“Tom, just get out!” Rachel says and I walk out back to my sister


	14. This I Ask, Is What I Wanna Know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is on Jean's POV

After spending two nights in a row at my mom’s apartment, I’m glad to finally come back to my dad’s house and get to my little room on that Saturday afternoon. The weather was threatening to be a bad one since the wakening of the morning, but it still hasn’t rained so far. Thank God.

I grab the book I was reading before I left. In the middle of so much confusion of deciding to leave the day before I ended up leaving it at home, thinking I’d only spend a couple of hours with my mom, but things changed and I spent the whole weekend craving to get my book back.

Dad said he had been hanging out with Uncle Mark during that time we were there, but both me and Noah heard mom and dad fighting about something when we went there to pick us up.

Noah started worrying about it, uselessly in my opinion. I know I shouldn’t think like this but it’s better to just ignore them. It’s hard, but I manage, though Noah’s just a kid. I guess it was just this one time… I really hope things don’t get back to be like when we all still lived together. It was hell living like that.

I count the pages of my book to the end, paying attention to how many I still had to read and I was only missing ten when I heard a casual knock on the window.

I try hard not to roll my eyes, but I end up putting the book aside so I can open it “What’s up, Jean?” Martin asks as I step aside and he climbs into the room, falling over my bed “Hi!” He waves excitedly, standing with his hands and back on the mattress and I just stare at him blankly “Aren’t you going to talk to me?”

“Do you want to talk or can I finish my book first?” I say showing my book to him, flopping down back on the bed so I can sit facing him.

“Hi to you too” 

“Shut up, what do you want?” I say rolling my eyes

“God! I spent the last two days trying to sneak out and when I finally manage to you treat me like this?” 

“We just said goodbye to each other at school!” 

“But it’s more fun like this” He smiles big, craning his head and trying to look cute

“I’m sorry, I was at mom’s anyway” I say shrugging, opening my book slightly. Martin snatches it away from my hands and throws it behind himself carelessly

“Pay attention to me, dammit!” 

“Okay” I say closing my eyes “What do you want? Where’s your dad?”

“Buying groceries, we’re good” Martin says “He won’t be home for long because every time he does groceries he rents movies and he’s so fucking picky when it comes to movies” Martin makes a face and I can’t help but laugh. I run a hand through my hair and place a strike behind my ear, hiding my grin from him.

It was pretty common for Martin to come visit me on random hours without our parent’s knowledge. This had been going on for a few weeks now, starting right after Martin visited us for the first time with Jamie and Oliver.

The thing was that we’d probably be in trouble if they knew, mostly because Mark hates the thought of Martin roaming the streets with his bike. Mark is actually worried because everyone knows who Martin is, and someone can kidnap him with only a click of his fingers. 

He’s totally right, I had to admit.

I love Martin’s company around, I knew if things get hard I can trust him for anything, and I knew that even before our parents became as close as they are now.

Plus, neither I nor he has that many friends to parade around; it was good this little visits of his. They made me feel less lonely and more at home.

“What is it?” I ask

“Do you know where Tom was last night?” He asks

“Hm, no” I say shaking my head

“He was with my dad, did you know that?”

“Yeah, I was thinking about that… They can’t quite really let go of each other these days, can they?” I ask with a nervous chuckle, shaking my head slightly.

“You know that people call when two people can’t really let go of each other?” Martin asks sitting straight

“What?” I frown 

“Couples” He says nodding, eyes wide.

“What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean”

“Are you implying that they are one?” I frown “But they’re guys! They can’t really be a couple”

“Well, yeah” Martin says like it’s something obvious “And my dad always gets his dates to sleepover at our house… And your dad only came out of my dad’s room in the morning…” He starts to give me a look, telling me to get the hint, but nothing was really going through my mind.

“I’m sorry, Martin. You’re just messing up with my head, you’re tripping” I chuckle more nervously as I get up and go sit on the computer’s desk’s chair

“Jean, it’s my dad, okay? I know him like I know the palm of my own hand” Martin says crawling to sit at the edge of the bed, clapping his hands together. I nod, trying to be comprehensive “He… He told me something right after my mom left us, and he trusted me to not tell anyone, but I think it’s good for you to know about this…”

“Martin, you’re scaring me”

“Just listen to me, okay? He said that… Well, he came clean to me with the fact that he’s bisexual” He says and I look at him, waiting for him to continue “You have no idea what’s that, do you?”

“I’m sorry” I chuckle and he rolls his eyes

“Bisexual is a person who’s attracted to both genders. In his case, he’s a boy who might want to date a girl or a boy…”

I freeze, suddenly I was too scared of this answer “So…” I say trying to make him say something that would make my obvious thoughts go away

“So that I think they’re dating each other… You know, kisses and stuff” He says smacking his lips, like a kiss “My dad likes your dad and your dad likes mine…” He shrugs

“That’s weird, but are you really sure?”

“Well, not entirely…” Martin points out

“My dad does not like guys, nuhuh” I shake my head fiercely “I’m sure you’re just dreaming it up…”

“Okay then, if you don’t want to believe me…”

“He’s neither gay or that… bilexual thing”

“Bisexual”

“Ugh, you know what I mean! Forget it, Martin” 

I was telling him this with all the strength of will I had, but that was when we both hear someone shout angrily from the living room 

“What’s that?” Martin gasps a bit scared “I recognize that voice…”

“Shh!” I place my finger over my lips, telling him to shut up as I get up and place my ear behind the door, trying to hear who was outside. Martin gets up as well and stands by my side, trying to listen what was going on with me. I open it slightly, just a crack.

“What did you tell him about me?” We hear my dad say and Martin frowns

“He’s got someone talking to him” Martin whispers

“I didn’t really say anything”

“Fuck!” Martin hisses quietly “Is that my dad? He fucking lied to me!”

“Shut up!” I hiss even lower “Mark will kill us if he knows you’re here!”

“Go there” Martin points outside “Go there and see what’s going on…”

“Are you crazy? No!”

“They don’t have anyone nearby, they should be kissing”

“Martin, they’re not gay!”

Martin makes kissing sounds before pushing me out the door and closing it as soon as I’m out.

“Do you think he would tell her?” My dad asks 

“I don’t know” Mark shrugs

And I watch it from the doorway of the living room. My dad’s hugging Mark closely while he has his head buried into his shoulder. 

Dad used to sit like that with mom.

They both realize my presence and turn to me.

“Hi Uncle Mark!” I say “What are you doing here?”

I stay at my place, even if I’m craving to go over to them and hug Mark tightly like I always do. He’s my friend too, he’s Martin’s dad. 

“Hey Jean, how are you?” Mark asks untangling himself from my dad, sitting at the edge of the couch. My dad looks around, confused, probably wanting to bury his head inside a hole and that just makes me feel bad. I interrupted something. 

“I’m good” I gulp

“I was just talking to your dad, I’ll get back home in a couple of minutes” He says and I fake a smile

“Okay” I say plainly, all at once, running back inside to Martin in my room again.

“So…” Martin gives me a questioning look when I rush past him into the room as he closes the door so we can talk in private.

“They were hugging… weirdly” I say

“Okay, this talk stops right here, okay? They’re probably going to tell us anytime soon” Martin says, but I keep looking down “Jean, listen” Martin sits by my side, putting an arm around my neck, hugging me protectively “It doesn’t change anything, okay?”

“My dad moved on, Martin” I sigh “He doesn’t want my mom anymore; they were fighting again just today…”

“I’m sorry” He says rubbing a circle on my back “But if they’re fighting there’s no reason for them to keep being together…” Martin says, wisdom in his voice “Take it from me, do you want to see your dad happy?” I nod “Then let him start it again, it’s not because he’s got a new family that you won’t be part of it”

“Yeah I guess so…” I say sniffing even if I wasn’t crying, but still a bit shocked 

“Plus, think it like this” Martin says pulling his hand back, placing it on the mattress, propping himself “We are going to be a family! You and me! Brothers! What do you think?”

I slowly start to smile “That would be pretty cool”

“And I promise you my dad’s really awesome so there’s nothing to lose on this deal” Martin smiles and I giggle

“I guess you’re right. I do want them to be happy”

“There you go” He says before hugging me; I hug him back, wrapping my arms around him, our first hug as brothers.

“So, you better go now because Mark told me he would be home soon and you are not there”

“Shit!” Martin says pulling apart and climbing down the window “See you tomorrow at school” He says before grabbing his bike and riding away.


	15. All You Lil' Ladies, Be Sure To Choose The Right Guys

Next day I pick up the kids at school and take them out for ice cream. They both take their ice creams to the table and I just stare at them doubtful, should I or shouldn’t I? 

They look so innocent, I don’t really want to corrupt them or make them think I’m a freak. So I try to gather to courage to tell them for once and for all. But when I’m about to open my mouth Noah decides to speak as well “Look the playground is open!”

He then gets up and goes running towards the swings with his little legs. Jean stays by the table, eating her ice cream peacefully; maybe she’s getting too old to squeal at swings.

She’s growing old

That scares me to death

“Can… Can we talk about something?” I ask her, if she was as mature as she’s showing to be lately, she can handle this.

“Sure” She says looking up at me “What is it?”

“What do you think about Uncle Mark?” 

She seems to freeze for a moment, but then she speaks again, a smile on her lips “He’s good, I love him” Jean shrugs “He’s like a dad to me, being Martin’s father and all”

“Can I tell you a secret?” I ask in a whisper and she nods “You promise not to tell anyone”

“Sure” She says

“Dad and Uncle Mark are… Well, we are friends, but these days some stuff has been happening and we’re becoming… well, we’re becoming more than friends”

Her eyes go wide “Oh my God, you’re his girlfriend?” Jean frowned “Or boyfriend…? I…”

I’m not sure of it, but I ponder for a bit, finally thinking it’s better to not complicate things “Yeah, sort of…”

“You’re gay?”

I sigh “I suppose yes…”

“How… How is it?” She asks and I frown

“How is it? What do you mean, baby?”

“Well… How does it work? Are you going to date and get engaged and get married and stuff?” She slowly starts to smile, even if she tries not to “And have kids, you know?”  
I bite my lip. God, maybe this is going to be worse than I thought “Jean, honey. I can’t say it yet, I highly doubt there’ll be all of that for us, but we’ll just have to wait and see… If everything goes right, than yes” I say grabbing her little hand in mine and she gives me a small smile, her big blue eyes looking up at me “But… There are things in our way…”

“For example…”

“What do you think you friends at school would say?”

“They would say it’s weird, and maybe they’d make me think it is wrong, but it’s you! If you’re happy than I’m happy…” She says “Fuck ‘em”

“Don’t say the F word, Jean!” I snap

“Oh come on, dad. I’m ten, let it be!”

I laugh “I don’t care anyway” She chuckles with and we high-five before I go on “Honey, guys can’t get married to other guys… So I’m just going to tell you to not get your hopes up, okay?” Jean seems disappointed at first but she slowly nods “Guys can’t get married to other guys, and for two guys to have kids it’s a pretty hard, long process that usually involves adoption… Plus, we both already have three wonderful children…”

“You’re not coming back with mom?” 

“Baby” I say with my pity voice “I thought you were over with the mom thing, we are not getting back together. I’m sorry, okay?”

“Okay” She nods, looking down “Now can you promise me something?”

“Sure, what do you want?”

She sighs, pulling her hand back from me, she gives me a look that asks me to be sure of the promise I’m making. She’s serious and it seems as if I fuck this up, she’ll be really upset

“Please don’t break Uncle Mark’s heart” She blurs out in a low voice

I smile and ask her to give her hand back to me. She does it hesitantly since I still haven’t answered my question. But as soon as I got a hold of her tiny hand, I squeeze it tightly 

“Never”

***

“But Tom, Diane and her husband are arriving this Friday! If I don’t take you out for that date tonight I won’t be able to take you out on one until next week!” Mark said into the phone as we talked on the next week’s Monday afternoon.

We weren’t able to go out on the previous weekend due to some stuff that happened at both NASA and Fuse, occupying us both at the same time, ironically. It’s Monday already and Mark wants to take me out on a date again, that same date he had promised me when we went to pick up Martin on the previous one.

“But tonight I can’t! Rachel’s going to work; I don’t have anyone to take care of the kids…” I say and Alinne shoots her eyes at me, staring “Don’t you have a press meeting to organize?” I ask her and she makes a disgusted face, turning as she walks away to call the few interviewers into the conference room.

I place my feet on top of the table and stare out to the corridor through the glass windows, watching Alinne walk away.

“What about tomorrow?” Mark asks

“I guess I can manage it for her to watch them on Tuesday” I smile into the receiver “I’ll give you the answer as soon as I get out of work, okay?” I ask

“Sure” He says with the cutest voice ever, all smileys.

“Now I’ll just turn off this phone because I’m afraid that I’ll say some shit about your cute ass on the interview”

“Shut up” Mark says before we say goodbye and we hang up. When Alinne comes back I give back her phone and the interview starts with three or four guys hastily pressing their microphones in form of penis into my face, asking dumb questions for their pretentious essays about my work and what I do.

As soon as I go back to my office I grab my phone and call Rachel

“What do you want, Thomas?” She snaps “Are you going to tell me how much of a bitch I was at 16 again?”

“Well, you weren’t a bitch at only sixteen, because at thirty six you still haven’t changed a bit”

She puffs angrily “Fuck, tell me what you want already! I’m busy with work”

“Can you watch the kids tomorrow night?”

“Sorry! Have to work!”

“Fuck! I bet you’re only doing this because of what happened last weekend”

“Well, do I have any other reason?”

“Fuck you, Rachel” I snap before turning off the phone angrily. I turn it on again, calling Mark

“Hi babe” He says “Can you?”

“She says she has to work” I sigh, taking a hand to my forehead 

“I bet she’s only doing this because of the fight you two had…” Mark says

“And do you think she has any other reason?” I repeat Rachel’s words, giving a bitter taste to my tongue

“So okay, this is it” Mark sighs sadly “Only next week now I guess”

“No” I shake my head, he deserves this “I will find a way, I promise”

“But what will you do?” Mark asks and I sigh

“I will think of something”

***

“So okay, Collin” I say “I’m going out”

“Mr. DeLonge, that’s fine, the kids will be okay, I took care of them a thousand times before, don’t you remember?”

“Of course I do” I say with a chuckle as I put on my leather jacket “It’s just been a while, and it was never during the night, that’s all”

“Everything’s gonna be fine” The fourteen year-old reassured as he ran a hand through his dyed black hair he says he’s done himself with his bright green eyes piercing at me. 

“Good” I nodded as I walked away and into Mark’s car.

“I’m so glad that you made it” Mark smiles as he drives away

“Me too” I smile “So, where are we going?”

“Just have dinner, then we’ll watch a movie and then we’ll do whatever we want to do…”

“Cool” I smile and he chuckles

“Before we do or say anything else… Did you tell them?” Mark asks biting his lip

“Only Jean” I say with a sigh “She took it well”

“Good” Mark smiles “What did she say?”

“She started talking about family and marriage and babies” I chuckle as I take the short hair over his ear in my fingertips “I ended up having to tell her how things actually work”

Mark chuckles “I remember when I had that talk with Martin, he was six and he thought that gay guys only dated other guys because it meant they could puke babies” 

I laugh “Your kid is precious”

When we arrive at the restaurant, Mark starts to make fun all around us, and I tag along, of course. They seem a bit annoyed but we don’t care, really. We eat, and leave for the movies, grabbing a shark movie we don’t pay much attention too. We end up arriving at my house around 11pm.

“I need to go to the bathroom, is that ok?” Mark asks as soon as we walk through the door “All that shark… water… and stuff made me want to pee and I hate public restrooms”

I chuckle “That’s okay, there’s one right by the stairs…” 

He quickly runs inside and I go to Jean’s room, finding her sitting on her bed with a book and Collin sitting by her side, reading over her shoulder

“Look who’s suddenly interested in literature” I mock Collin and Jean laughs, but he furiously shakes his head

“I was paying attention to see if it’s appropriate for her!” The fourteen year-old justified. Collin says he’s not really interested in books or all that stuff, but I guess that’s only part of his rebellion teenage years screaming that he was against school

“I gave her that book, I know what’s in it” I say with a smile while he gets up to go “Want your payment now or later?”

“Later is good” He nods and shakes hands with me “Bye, Mr. DeLonge. Bye, little princess” He says waving at her and she waves back, saying goodbye.

“Is Uncle Mark here?” She asks looking up from her book

“Yep” I say putting my hands inside my jeans pockets “Is Noah asleep?”

“As fast as a racing kart” She chuckles

“Great. Goodnight sweety” I say and she wishes me goodnight as well, I turn off the lights and she puts her book aside, crawling under the sheets.

When I reach the bottom of the stairs, Mark is just coming out of the bathroom. We go upstairs to my bedroom and close the door behind us. He kisses me as he pushes me against the wall, Mark leans to kiss my neck and as soon as I realize he’s shirtless, then he’s without pants and so am I.

He drops on fours and I grab the recently bought –on that morning- lube and condoms and prep him before going inside. Mark screams all types of curse words and so do I, before I pull out of him and collapse on the floor with my back resting against the bed. He throws his head on my lap and runs his fingers in circles on my knee.

I caress his hair while he breathes hurriedly “Hm, Mark?” I call him, a tone of doubt in my voice. He turns around, resting his head back on my thigh.

“Hi” He smiles, playing with the bellybutton under my shirt now “What’s up?”

“Can I ask you a question?” I ask and he nods “But you have to promise me to not make jokes or to act like an asshole or to make it sound like something that’s completely terrifying…”

Mark chuckles with a frown “Okay, I promise”

“Hm…” I gulp “Does… Does it hurt?”

“Being bottom?” He asks and I nod slightly “Well, at first it hurts like hell, but the second you relax it gets better” I bite my bottom lip, then nod. Mark looks funny at me and sits up, facing me. “Why? You want to do it?” Mark asks and blinks a few times, a smile slowly growing on him 

I frown at myself at first, but then I slowly start to nod “Yeah, I mean, you seem okay with it… I doubt it’s something as bad as people say it is” I shrug “And you know, we’re doing this all already, so why not?”

Mark smiles and reaches for my hand, taking it to his lips so he can kiss its back “That’s so great, Tom” He chuckles, then licks his lips “I thought you wouldn’t be ready for this so soon”

I chuckle “I’m not really saying I’m ready… But I want to try… You know”

“But you wanna try today, right?” Mark asks again more reassuringly “We can do this another time, okay?” He says but I shake my head 

“I want it today” I tell him and I smile and he laughs at me “You said you wouldn’t mock!” 

“You just asked me to fuck you, that’s so weird, Tom!” He says getting up “Let’s go grab something to eat, I’m starving!”

I get up from the floor with his help and he puts his dirty shirt back on, I do the same and get on my boxers again. I grab a pair of undershorts for Mark so he can walk outside not completely naked.

Mark sits on top of the island as we reach the kitchen and I grab pack of crackers from the cabinet, throwing them at him. Mark grabs it in first catch and slowly opens them as I place myself between his legs, my elbows resting besides his knees

“Oh! I almost forgot! Diane’s lunch will be next Monday, okay? You think you can do it?” Mark says biting on one of the crackers

“Sure” I say before swallowing one “I’ll be there”

“Good, we can go out after that… I mean, if you want to…” He says rolling his eyes

“You already asked me that…” I remind him and he frowns

“No I haven’t”

“Yes you have” I say “But anyway… I have to think about it” I tease “Maybe I’ll go out with someone else that night”

“No you won’t”

“How do you know?”

“They’ll be dead”

“How?” I chuckled

“I’ll kill them” 

“Fuck, I can’t even mess up with you? You’re a fucking dick!”

“Are you sure, Mr. Will It Hurt?”

“Shut up!” I giggle as I push a cracker into his mouth

“Stop!” He pulls back and hops off the island, grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge and taking a sip.

Mark takes his time, I turn around and I can see him eyeing me, his irises run over my legs and rest on my ass, then they follow up to my stomach and chest until they finally meet my eyes and he slowly starts to smile and walks up to me again, my back resting against the island as he presses his chest against mine, taking me by surprise as his lips collide with my own. I end up going backwards as Mark uses his body strength on me.

I moan faintly against his lips and place a hand on his crotch, pressing him as he slightly thrusts into my hand, craving for more friction. I’m already feeling up his hard erection when something else distracts us

“Gulp”

Both mine and Mark’s eyes widen abruptly, our lips still together, his tongue slightly getting into my mouth. He pulls back slowly and we both turn in slow motion to see Noah at the entrance of the kitchen, holding tightly onto his yellow sheet and looking scared.

“Hi baby” I slowly fake a smile as I push Mark away from me “Why you up?”

“I dreamed with big monsters” He says, looking away, avoiding my looks “I’m scared, dad”

“Come on” I say getting down in one knee in front of him “Dad is here, the monsters won’t get you”

“What were you doing?” He looks at me and then Mark, and then back at me right after 

“I guess he was scared for that, don’t you think?” Mark whispers but I try to pretend I don’t hear him

“We… We were kissing, kiddo” I say placing a hand on his shoulder 

He sighs “I want to watch Tv”

“Hm, okay” I say, frowning at his sudden change of subjects “Can Uncle Mark come?”

Noah gives him a long, hard look and I’m almost scared of his answer. But he turns to me finally, saying “Only if he tells jokes” 

I can hear Mark giving a sigh of relief behind me and I smile, bringing Noah up in my arms and taking him to the living room. First Mark tells some jokes while walking around the living room, making him laugh as we both sit on the couch.

Noah is snuggled up between his blanket and me, laughing at Mark’s jokes at one time, but then looking kind of thoughtful once in a while.

It’s pretty awesome to see Mark and Noah interacting well like that. Noah seems to have forgotten all about what had happened earlier when he finally lets Mark sit down after he’s run out of children’s jokes and it’s been half an hour. Mark sits by his side, a bit far away from us as Noah continues to hug me and we watch Cartoon Network

“Adventure Time!” Mark celebrates when a pretty childish Tv show comes up.

Noah doesn’t really seem interested to anything else but the colors it shows. After all, his eyelids are already starting to drop as Mark patiently watches it.

“Fuck! The monster is going to eat the lava! Run, Finn! Run!” He shouts to the kid wearing pajamas who’s talking to a yellow dog and a bunch of care bears that are on a dance floor.

“How does a child understands this?” I ask once Noah has definitely fallen asleep in my arms

“They’re smarter than you think, and they talk about subjects that adults can relate to… That’s the new industry of cartoons, my friend. It’s not just for kids anymore…”

Once the show is over I go put Noah to bed and Mark walks with me to my room “Do you think he’ll be okay?” Mark asks and I nod

“Of course, I just need to talk to him in the morning” I shrug as I sit on the bed. Mark comes from behind me and sits on the bed as well, hugging my neck while placing his face right beside my ear.

“You still want to do it?” Mark whispers and I nod “Are you sure”

“Yes, I am” I say and I can feel Mark’s smile against my neck as he kisses my skin, sliding both hands to my waist before pulling on the elastic of my boxers.

I turn around and make him lay down on the bed, standing on top of him as he took off my own. I take off his pants and he sits up so we can both take off our shirts. They were pretty fast movements, we were in a hurry, but probably not to have sex and jerk off, but to start everything, to feel up each other and run each hand on the other one’s skin.

We stayed like that, kissing while all four hands explored each other. “Hey, go slower” He says pulling back and I realize I was being too urgent as I leaded us.

I kiss him again “Okay” I say against his lips, slowing down the pace of my velocity. 

Mark rises up a little from his place, standing over me as I was still down on my spot. His hand goes down to my ass and he runs a couple of fingers on my butt crack, making me shiver.

“So, what position hurts less?” I ask with my eyes pressed shut

“Don’t think it like that, Tom” Mark laughs “Sex isn’t something rehearsed, okay?”

Mark knows I’m nervous, I sigh, looking up at him “Okay” I nod 

“Let me lead, okay?” He whispers, his eyes closed softly “You won’t need to do anything grand, just trust me with everything”

I nod and move to lie on the bed, lying down right on its middle. I can hear him fumbling through my drawers and soon he was sitting between my legs. I grabbed the pillow tightly, imagining what would come next. I mean, Mark had showed me how to do this to him, but I had no idea what it felt like.

Mark laughs as he takes the pillow away from my arms and puts it aside “Don’t feel pressured, okay?” He asks “Just relax and enjoy, alright?” Mark gets closer to me and I nod, he smiles before kissing me and he places a hand on my side, making me melt into him. 

I hear Mark squirt some lube on his hand and soon the cold liquid was around my hole and I whimper in pleasure “That’s good” I moan with a smile

“Tom, I didn’t even get in yet, I’m just putting lube around your hole…” Mark chuckles. He says before squirting some more on his hand “I’m going in now”

I hold back a breath. I feel one of his fingers come up my flesh and I press my butt cheeks together, clenching my muscles tightly as I tried to ease the pain “Fuck” I say pressing my eyes shut, rejecting the pain at first.

Soon he has three fingers in me, doing a scissor movement. Mark pulls out the fingers and soon there was nothing, only squirting. I feel a stinging pain as something way thicker starting to slide into me.

“Fuck, shit, Oh my God! This hurts!” I hiss as I press my eyes shut, my nails gripping tightly on the pillow that should be deformed by now.

Mark isn’t laughing, he isn’t chuckling or anything like he always is. As he lies down on top of me he starts to kiss my neck “Are you ready?” He whispers and it takes me a while to answer, but after a few seconds I nod “Only the head is in, I’ll push it in as you feel like it, alright?” Mark asks as he places his forehead on mine

“Yeah, I am” I nod

“Okay” Mark says before making slow, careful thrusts into me, all making me feel an immense amount of pain, but at the same time, with each thrust, the further he goes in, it gets better, and somewhat pleasurable. I moan and he smiles, noticing that he was getting things right.

I smile up to him at one point “This is really good” I tell him and he smiles back “I just got everything in” He says and kisses me  
“It doesn’t hurt so bad” I tell and he smiles, he kisses me as he starts thrusting for real. I can hear him moaning, whimpering some curse words. I can hear him hissing in a low voice. 

I whine at a point and he almost stops, but he keeps moving in a really slow pace. I can feel a hot liquid slide down my legs as I feel him full in me. He’s pretty big. It seems like he was holding himself back to go really slow. He leans his head beside mine and kisses my lips as he tried to make me quiet and less scared. He doesn’t stop his movements and that makes his lips pull away from mine every now and then and I’ve got the urge to pull him by the neck and keep kissing him, without having to pull apart. His lips tasted so sweet.

“We can stop” He says between kisses while he presses his nose against mine, but I just shake my head

“No” I press my eyes shut “Am… Am I bleeding?”

“A bit” Mark seems to be concerned “But it’s nothing, it happens to everyone”

“It just seems like it’s too much…” I say “Blood, I mean”

“I’m starting to think I’m too much for you” Mark says leaning his forehead against mine, and I instantly felt calmer when he places one hand on the back of my neck “But it’ll get better, I promise”

I nod and he goes back to what he was doing. Mark’s being slow, and I don’t want him to go any faster, the pace was good for the moment. After a while he starts to feel confidence and goes faster and faster by the second, but nothing that can make him seem like a manic pervert. Mark moans harder and faster then.

I start to feel a wave of pleasure on me and I start moaning with him too “Oh Mark!” I say as I realize he has found my prostate “Fuck!”

Mark slides a hand to my chest and runs a finger around my nipple, all while leaving a trail of kisses on my back

“Shit, Tom” He moans “You’re tight”

As soon as I realize, I was thrusting my ass into his crotch, wanting more of that and ignoring the pain.

After we both come, he pulls back exhausted, but instead of coming to talk to me as I thought he would, he just gets up and walks into the bathroom. I don’t really question it, and I don’t move from my place since I can’t really handle the pain of turning to see what he’s doing.

When he comes back, he sits between my legs again, running a towel wet with hot water on my thighs, cleaning them “What are you doing?” I ask with a weak voice

“You’re bleeding” He says calmly 

“Shit” I hiss

“It’s more than I thought, sorry” Mark says, actually seeming to be feeling bad “I’m almost done here…”

After he had closed the door of the bathroom, Mark lies by my side, hugging my back and I make the effort to turn to him, draping an arm over his body.

“So… How was it?” He asks and I can feel the worry in his voice. It’s amazing how caring he’s being. Maybe if it was someone else they would’ve just fucked me and left me here bleeding to death, but he had to do all that for me, going slow and fast and slow and fast again…

“You’re amazing” I sigh with a smile and he gives me one back “I wouldn’t have wished it to be other way”

“I’m glad” Mark brushes the hair out of my forehead and I pull him closer before burying my face into his chest and falling asleep.


	16. Dumb To Ask, Cool To Ignore

It’s already Tuesday when I find Alinne waiting for me in my office as I arrive at the peak of the morning “What are you doing here?” I frown for seeing her this early “I don’t have any press meetings today, do I?” I ask once I remember my date with Mark later after the lunch with Diane

“Yes, you do!” She points out clapping her hands together and I make a face before throwing my head back.

“Oh no!” I whine stomping my feet on the ground “What time?”

“In two hours, I’m sorry to warn you last minute like this. It’s an interview for a science TV show, you got to dress nice”

“Alinne! I don’t have nice clothes here…” I say motioning around. I mean, I had my gym outfit and a Macbeth shirt on my bag but I don’t think that’s a synonym for ‘nice’. At least not the way she mentioned

“Don’t worry!” She laughs and places both hands on my shoulders “Got Polo on the way”

“What?” I frown “What does Polo has anything to do with that?”

“Ugh, they just dropped you some nice shirts to wear on the interview!” She shrugs “I’m getting you nice clothes for free, you should be thanking me” She moves around and her movements made it possible for me to see the hickey on her neck

“YOU HAVE A HICKEY!” I say pulling her short hair up, laughing while mocking her “And it’s all covered in make-up. Ha! You don’t even know how to do it!”

“I don’t have any hickeys!” She protests covering her neck “Let’s get dressed!” Alinne claps her hands excitedly, trying to distract me from her hickey

“You have a hickey! You’re so acting different! You’re in love! Tell me all about it!” I say as I push her frame into the couch and she falls flat, her blonde hair falling in front of her green almond eyes.

“Tom, it’s none of your business…” She shakes her head, looking sternly at me as she gets up, dodging me

“Oh come on!”

“I won’t tell you” She says opening the door, standing face-to-face with David, who apparently was waiting on the doorway “David!” She exclaims surprised

“Alinne” He shoots back casually, leaning against the doorframe before giving her a smirk

“You have an interview with Tom in two hours…” Alinne says patting his shoulder before dodging him into the assistant’s room where Daisy stands perplexed at her desk

“What?” David asks confused as she walks past him “Why do I only get to know that now?”

“She’s mad because she has a hickey” I say laughing and follow her

“Hickey, huh?” David asks and follows us, closing the door behind me.

***

After the interview I go run on the field, take my shower and drive to Mark’s house. There are a few cars on his front door already when I arrive, so I’m kind of forced to park a few blocks down. Despite my bad luck on the car spot, I still wasn’t lucky enough to avoid stepping on a dog’s poo on the way

“Fuck!” I curse, a kid who’s walking with his dog looks at me from across the street. I just shrug it off, continuing to walk towards Mark’s house. I decide to come in from the back door and his maid opens up the door for me while holding a plate full of cheese puffs in her hands, letting it drop when she sees me

“Mi gracias tu eres Tom DeLonge!” She exclaims and I frown.

“Hm, yes I am, nice to meet you” I say, slowly and somehow hesitantly giving her my hand to shake, which she takes nervously

“Constanza, what’s happening here?” Mark waltz into the kitchen, jumping into the room, still laughing from something that must’ve happened outside. But then his looks turns into a concerned one when he sees the cheese puffs all scattered and smashed across the floor, giving a look of pity to his face.

Well, that surely was a waste

I’m sure he has not seen seeing me at first sight

“Hi you” I say with a smile, taking my hand back from Constanza even if I was talking to Mark. He just looks so cute all worried like that

“Tom!” He smiles big, changing expressions of mood again and comes over to us

“Mister Tom DeLonge, Senhor Mark” Constanza says pointing at me

“Yes, Constanza, he’s my friend” Mark agrees while nodding

“Ohhh” Constanza says surprised as she giggles and gives me a sideways look before blushing

Was she really blushing at me?

“Now Constanza, why don’t you take the champagne to the guests and I’ll clean this up, okay?”

“Sure, Senhor Mark” Constanza says excitedly and takes the plate with the tall glasses and the bottle of French champagne to the living room, leaving only me and Mark on the kitchen

“She was… hm, blushing at me?” I ask as Mark comes closer

“Yeah, she thinks you’re attractive…”

“Getting lucky with the ladies” I mock him

“Your dad is getting lucky with the ladies too”

“Look, if you’re saying my dad’s got the ladies he’ll come and beat the shit out you” I say starting to laugh

“You’ll spank me?” Mark jokes around again, making a fake sexy voice “You’ll spank the ladies?”

I start grinning, and with no other joke to make I start laughing “Okay, that’s it…”

Mark laughs “I’m so sorry for Constanza; she can be kind of clumsy sometimes”

“That’s okay, don’t worry. It’s cute” I say taking his hand, twisting his fingers against mine “I’ll clean this up”

“It really is” Mark laughs “Why did you come in through the back door?”

“Oh!” I remember “I stepped on dog shit when walking here, didn’t want to mess up your house…”

“Okay then, I’ll get the stuff to clean things up” Mark says and walks to the dispenser, I help him clean the floor and I clean my shoes myself. Then we both walk into the party, side-by-side.

There are more people than I actually thought there would. This isn’t a simple lunch, this is an actual party. I can recognize some celebrities from afar, mostly musicians.

“Is there anyone you know?” Mark asks, taking a glass of wine from one of the tables, handing one to me but I shake my head “Sorry, I forgot you can’t drink” He says putting it back on place

“That’s okay, but maybe, I guess” I shrug “I’m recognizing a lot of people, maybe there’s someone who knows me around”

“Okay, going to leave you here for a while so I can check up on Diane, I’ll introduce you to her later…”

“Sure” I say and he walks into the crowd. I look around and give up trying to find someone, so I just go sit alone on the couch. A few minutes later I see a tattooed guy walk towards me, he’s wearing a Famous Stars and Straps shirt and it finally clicks. I totally know him, but never exchanged a word with.

I feel weird when he sits by my side, fully aware that he’s known Mark for years now “So” He starts, aiming the conversation at me “You’re Tom, right?”

I look at him and he’s smiling, his golden tooth shining at me “Yes I am. And you’re Travis, aren’t you?”

He nods “Nice to finally meet you, Tom. Mark says a lot about you”

“Really?” I ask and he nods again “What does he say?”

Travis smirks and lets out a single laughter “You fuck good”

I freeze “What?” I ask

Travis keeps laughing “He didn’t actually say that, but he meant it”

I frown, a smirk on my lips “Okay then. You’re friends for a good time now, aren’t you?”

“Seventeen years” Travis nods “He’s my best homie”

I just can’t believe how this guy looks like he’s straight out from the ghetto; you’d never think he used to be in giant punk rock band. But he’s been looking like that since the beggining; The Carnel had a similar style too, but less obvious and dropping more into the heavy metal/screamo side of things.

“Good” I nod “You seem to be a pretty nice guy. Well, all of you did”

“You aren’t one of those people who only try to date Mark because of his band, are you?” Travis asks with a disgusted face and I furiously shake my head, brows knit together

“No! Of course not, I gotta admit I listened to you guys more on the earlier years, before you got in, even. I was in the San Diego scene, you know?”

“That’s okay” Travis shrugs with a chuckle “I was just playing with you, man”

“I still think you’re a pretty awesome drummer though, I have your solo album”

“Really?” He asks surprised “Cool, thanks”

“You’re welcome. It’s kind of those albums you can’t really judge based on your own music taste, but still can embrace all styles of music into the hip hop and you did a bit of everything. It’s pretty awesome” I say and he smiles, surprised on how I had reviewed his music “And the features? Come on! Slash, man!”

Travis chuckles again “Thanks, dude, it really means a lot to me!”

“So…” I say awkwardly “Do you still keep contact with The Carnel?” I ask and he nods

“Yeah, he’s a pretty good friend; I visited him in Portugal when I went to Europe in May…”

“Can I ask you what happened to him after the end of the band? I mean, did he really go back to Portugal?”

The ultimate story of The Carnel, as far as I can still remember, consisted of a 14 year-old only child who lived in Portugal with his parents when they got divorced. His dad stayed in Europe while his mom started dating an American guy and moved in with him in his house in San Diego.

As soon as The Carnel arrived in his new school, as freshman, he met a junior called Mark Hoppus, who introduced him to a senior called Adam Bryn and they started a band. The End.

“Mark still hasn’t talked about him with you?” Travis frowns and I shake my head “He went back to Portugal to live with his younger step-brother. He’s got a kid, a girl; she must be six or seven by now”

“The Carnel having kids?” I chuckle “I can’t believe it”

“True, I didn’t think he would either, he was too addicted to sex, drugs and rock’n’roll, it doesn’t really match his personality”

“He was the only guy from you band I actually talked to during those years. We used to jam together. He thought I had some bad ass ideas, but we never actually did something together. I feel bad for him; he was my guitar hero back in the day” I say and Travis just nods “Sorry about Adam” I say and he sighs right before Mark walks back from the crowd

“Hi guys, I didn’t know you two knew each other…” Mark says pointing back and forth to the both of us.

“We didn’t” Travis says “We just made introductions”

Mark looks at Travis, giving him a look. I was afraid Travis was just going to give him a mad one, but he only shrugs instead “Tom, come with me” Mark says and I get up, following him “Nice to meet you, Travis!” I say turning around as Mark pulls me away and Travis waves at me.

“Come on, gonna introduce you to Diane” Mark announces as he pushed a glass of water into my hands

“Didn’t you want me to talk to Travis?” I ask suddenly and he gives me the same look he had given Travis just a minute before, but softer.

“No! That’s not true” Mark objects “He’s awesome, why would I want to keep you away from him?”

“Hm” I smile “So thoughtful”

Mark chuckles nervously as we both cross the living room, stopping before a blonde woman who’s sipping on her champagne lightly. She must on her mid-thirties or something, the guy she’s holding hands with seems to be a bit younger than her, but she totally ignores him while she chats happily with Martin.

“Diane?” Mark calls her and she turns her attention to us. Martin gets up from his seat and rushes to give me a hug

“Uncle Tom” He shouts excitedly

“Hey kiddo, how is it been?” I ask and we make our secret handshake

“Good, where’s Jean?” He asks looking out for his friend

“She’s with her mom today, sorry” I say ruffling his hair

“Diane, this is Tom. Tom this is Diane and her husband, Pierre”

The guy looks at us, probably startled at the mention of his name; but then he just nods and looks back to the party, ignoring us with his far-away look of before

“Nice to meet you, Tom” She says giving me her hand to shake, which I take happily

“Nice to meet you too” I say with a smile

Pierre doesn’t say anything though; he looks sort of uncomfortable while looking around

Mark makes me and Diane chat for a while, then she gets distracted with a friend of hers and Mark leans into my ear “Do you remember where my office is?” I nod, discreetly taking a sip from my glass “Okay, go there and I’ll meet you in a few minutes”

I nod again, placing the half-empty glass on the corner table and walking further inside the house, disappearing into the corridors. I walk into Mark’s office, suddenly seeing his bass guitars up the walls and everything’s still the same.

My feet start taking me on a pace around the office, looking at the little things he’s got and the big prizes he has won. At some point, my eyes focus on a big black book with  
golden pages that was under a pile of a few other fancy books on his coffee table.

I lean and carefully pull it out, running my hand over the dusty cover made of leather. I frown when I see the words ‘Finest Comedy 1990-2004’ beautifully written in a golden cursive font.

I sigh and remember what Travis had told me not even half an hour before. My hands carefully go the front page and I open it on a random sheet.

There was a picture of Mark lying sideways on a bed, his hair short and the cutest grin on his lips. I smile at it while it catches my eyes for a few seconds before they roam to another picture in which Mark, Travis and The Carnel stood shirtless on a tour bus. I chuckle as I look at Mark trying to look tough while The Carnel and Travis looked at his friend as if he was only a kid, since them both looked way stronger.

When I take a better look at it, I can see Adam sitting at the back, smiling shyly at Mark while he seems to look up momentarily from the book in his hands.  
Mark walks inside just a few minutes later and closes the door behind him, locking it “What are you doing?” He asks with a frown when he sees what I’m holding. Mark snaps at me and pulls the book away from my hands, making both covers close shut with a distinctive loud bang

“Nothing, I was just looking” I say a bit taken aback before looking him taking a nervous sigh

“I’m sorry” He gulps while patiently placing it back on the original place, back under all the other books. Hastily hiding it away from me “I’m so sorry”

“Why can’t I look at the book?” I snap and he frowns

“Tom, I said sorry”

“Why can’t I talk to Travis and why can’t I look at the book?”

“Not that you can’t, Tom. It’s just… It’s complicated; you don’t want to know about it” Mark shrugs “So, how’s the party? Did you like the little appetizers? I picked them myself” He says full of proud, trying to change subjects

“Wait! I don’t want to know about it… Or you just don’t want me to?” I interrupt him

“Tom!” He whines

“No! Explain it to me, please! Am I doing something wrong?“

“No!” He says; face all soft and full of regret “You’re doing everything great, you’re amazing! I just…” Mark closes his eyes, taking a deep breath “I just don’t think we’re there yet…”

“We’re not there yet?” I ask bewilded, not buying it “Were not there yet?”

“Yeah, what’s wrong?” He shakes his head without understanding me

“So okay, you can cry and make a fest because you thought I was going to trade you for my ex-wife but I can’t talk to your friends and look at your books? Where the fuck do you think we are, Mark?”

Mark puffs “Seriously, I just don’t to have to talk about the years in Finest Comedy, that’s all! I fucking miss it and thinking and talking and speaking about it fucking hurts! I miss touring, I miss Adam, I miss my fucking best friend, okay? I miss The Carnel here to joke all the time, I miss making my own music and I miss people caring about me not for some fucking Tv Show I host, even if I do almost all of it… It’s not the same, and it’ll never be…” He stomps all in one hiss, his voice quick and strong.

My eyes widen at him as I blink repeatedly and stand there perplexed. Mark opens his eyes after making strength to be mad at me; he looks deep into my eyes from his place and takes another deep breath, getting his shit together

“I don’t want to talk about Finest Comedy” He whispers with a tight jaw, his teeth clenching against each other

There’s pity slowly boiling up on me. I slowly walk closer and pull him into a hug, putting my arms around him, bearing his frame. I can feel him closing his eyes and taking a hitched breath before pulling away slightly to kiss me, our tongues twisting and colliding, something that we already do perfectly.

Mark pulls back, then he takes a nervous gulp “So… What did you talk with Trav anyway?” Mark asks running a hand through my hair, getting easier and calmer as I hold him.  
“Not much” I shrug “Just small talk, I told him what I thought about his solo album; that was all…”

“Good”

“What do I need to know about Pierre?” I ask

“What about Pierre?”

“Is he mad at you or something? He was looking weird”

Mark starts laughing “Tom, Pierre is French; he doesn’t understand a single word of what you’re saying”

“Oh” I say surprised “He never learned English?”

Mark nods “He’s kind of left out anyway” Mark shrugs “So, is our date still up?”

Mark looks up at me with big blues, he’s sure got his way into me and I can only nod “Sure, but before anything else, can I just ask you why?”

Mark frowns “He was just never bothered to, I guess. I mean, Diane knows French, German, Italian and English. They’re always talking weird when I’m around. I can’t help but think they’re saying shit, you know?” He then chuckles.

“No, I’m not talking about Pierre” I say confused as I shook my head “I mean Finest Comedy, why don’t you want to talk about it? Is it something about me?”

Mark snaps his head at me, looking serious “What did Travis tell you, really?”

“Nothing! I think he thought it was weird that you hadn’t told me about what happened to The Carnel…”

“You mean that he went back to Portugal and now he’s married and has a kid?” He raises an eyebrow and I nod “Why would I even bother telling you that?”

“I don’t know” I shrug, thinking I did something bad by telling him me and Travis had talked about the band.

“I just don’t like talking about those times that much” He shrugs “I miss The Carnel, I barely talked to Travis on the first couple of years after the break up. I don’t know, I just don’t like to remember it. I’m sorry”

“But you say it was your golden years! And now you’re speaking like it was dark like the middle ages! I don’t understand you…”

“You want me to start hissing again?”

“Okay I’ll stop then”

“Thanks”

“Yeah, I really shouldn’t push you to do something you’re not comfortable with” I admit and he nods before we fall into silence “I’m sorry” I whisper while kissing his cheek, pulling  
him up as I brought him closer. He just keeps a far-way look in his eyes, not really focused on what I was doing “Is something wrong?” I frown

“I think… I think we should get back to the party since Constanza might be serving lunch at any time now…” He says pulling apart and stretching out his clothes “I’ll go out first…” He says before walking out, closing the door behind himself.

***

After most people are gone, Mark leaves Constanza in charge of everything while Diane, Pierre and Martin go out and me and Mark sneak off to do our own thing. It’s sort of awkward on the car ride towards the restaurant but we do get better once we’re there. And by the time he’s busy paying the bill while I’m getting our coats from one of the waiters, a couple comes up to us. They must be around their mid-twenties or something.

The girl’s height is around the boy’s shoulders, she wears a skirt with a top and a cardigan while he made more of my style, wearing a beanie a long sleeved shirt under a short sleeved shirt

“Hm, excuse me” The boy asks at me and I turn around, putting on my coat and holding Mark’s with my free hand “Hm” He smiles “Can you both give us an autograph?”

I frown, but smile. Like I’ve said before I’m only not accustomed with it yet “Sure” I say as I take the napkin from his hand and sign in it, passing it on to Mark, who takes it with a smile “What’s your name?” I ask, trying to get to know them

“I’m Dawn and he’s Emmett” The girl says looking back at the guy

“Are you guys together?” Mark asks with a smile, giving the napkin back to them

“We’re celebrating our three year-anniversary today” Emmett says giving her a kiss on top of her head, grabbing her hand in the meantime

“That’s so sweet!” Mark exclaims, he looked so cute like that

“Thanks” The girl smiles again and he starts to pull her back inside the restaurant

“We’ll be looking out for you guys. Mark, good luck with the show and Tom, good luck on the mission, don’t forget to be a hero” He says and they both wave as they walk back to their table, holding hands.

Mark takes his coat off of my hands and smiles, raising an eyebrow “Hero. I like that”

“Shut up” I say as I place a hand on his shoulder and push him out the door “So, what are we doing now?” I ask once we’re already outside

“Look, churros!” Mark says excitedly as he pulls me by the hand towards a car food in the middle of the streets.

He buys two chocolate churros, one for me and one for him. The streets aren’t actually filled with people, but we still do our best to walk a few blocks down where there are less people

“I’m sorry for earlier” I say as I bite the sweet stick and keep up with his walking “I really am; I should’ve been more understanding”

“That’s okay” Mark smiles and brushes his hand against mine, one of my fingers catch one of his and I pull his hand closer

“Can I?” I ask and he looks perplexed at me

“Well yeah, but we’re in public, maybe later?”

“Come on, there’s no one around…” I say squeezing his finger lightly

“Yeah, I guess it’s okay” He smiles and I place his hand into mine carefully, squeezing it as I look down at the entwined fingers

“Hey Mark” I call him and he looks over at me with only one swift glance, smiling while getting a bite off of his churro, licking chocolate off his lips right after “It’s dirty”

“Where?” Mark asks taking a hand to his lips, trying to clean the chocolate away

“Here!” I giggle while I push my churros into his lips, getting his mouth and chin all dirty.

“FUCKER!” He screams with laughter into the night. We both instantly look around; ready to apologize to the first person who looked ugly at us for screaming at this hour, but no one seemed to be around.

We were surely alone at that point; it was dark, and only a few old street lights are still shining above our hands. He’s still laughing a bit when I look back at him “You’re going to clean this up” He says pointing at his lips

“Hey, it’s your problem” I chuckle

“I dare you” He says with a smirk full of chocolate

“Dare what?” I say munching on my crushed churro

“To clean it… With your lips” Mark says and I give him a look “There’s no one around, come on, do it”

Mark makes such a tease that I end up giving in “Then it’s a challenge” I say giggling as I lean into him to kiss his lips, lightly sucking the chocolate off of him. I start to pull him closer for a second when he kisses me back, his lips crashing into mine, but I end up pulling back so I can take a look at him “It’s still dirty”

“Where?” He asks innocently, taking his hand to his face again. I push the chocolate into his face one more time and I can see he’s about to whine my name before I interrupt it by kissing him again quickly right away

“Don’t worry, I got it”

I can see him blushing and licking his lips “Okay, now stop it” He says as we start walking down the street again.

Suddenly there’s a crash and two steps

I pull away from his hand abruptly, but when we both turn our backs, there’s no one behind us, and a dirty black cat jumps out of a junk trunk in an alleyway on the other side of the street.

“Oh God” Mark sighed in relief “I was about to have a heart attack…”

“I wouldn’t let you” I say light heartedly into his ear, my smile tickling on his skin as he chuckles and grabs my hand again and pulls me after him.


	17. We All Know Conspiracies Are Dumb

Diane’s in her nightgown, sitting by the kitchen island when we arrive at night. She was taking a pill to her lips and drinking water from a glass. 

“Is everything alright?” I ask her casually while Mark grabs water for both of us from the fridge

“I’m just a bit sick that’s all” She says with a dismissingly hand “I’m going upstairs now if you let me, Martin asked me to sleep with him tonight…”

“Goodnight Diane” We both say as we walk inside towards Mark’s room

Next morning we are both awakening by the sound of Mark’s phone ringing. He untangles himself out of me after a lot of grumping and struggling of my part

“Tom, let me go!” He chuckles and I finally set him free, he hastily grabs the device and presses it against his ear “Hello?” He says “Who’s speaking? Oh, okay then” He mumbles, throwing the phone at me “It’s Alinne, she wants to talk to you,,,”

I take the phone, frowning at myself “What’s so urgent for you to call me on Mark’s phone?” I reply without saying anything else

“Tom, this is urgent, you’ve got to see this! What’s Mark’s e-mail so I can send the link to him?”

“Wait a sec” I sat and gave the phone back to Mark “She wants your e-mail”

“Why?”

“I don’t know, she wants me to see some link…” I say rolling my eyes, wanting to go back to sleep with him in my arms. Mark takes the phone back I sit up as well, drawing circles on his bare back “Alinne, it’s allenhoppusspin@fuse.com” He mumbles and hum for a while, passing the phone back to me “David wants to talk to you now”

I frown, wondering what David and Alinne are doing together at this time and day “David, what’s happening, man?” I ask as I watch Mark take his iPad off his nightstand’s drawer and the going through his apps

“Tom. I got up this morning, me and Alinne were looking at gossip websites to see if we could find anything funny and we ended up finding that, so sorry man”

“David, you’re scar…”

“OH MY FUCKING GOD!” Mark screams at my side, throwing the device across the bed and hiding himself under the covers

I rush to grab the iPad, looking at the page’s title

“Mark Hoppus and Tom DeLonge’s love affair?” 

Fuck

Right below it shows a blurred picture of me and Mark holding hands and then one of us kissing right beside that one. The person was obviously far away from us and the zoom gave a terrible quality to it, but you could perfectly see our faces together and our lips close.

I freeze; I watch everything break in front of my eyes. I look over to Mark under the covers; he was shaking, apparently crying, shocked and scared.

“David, what is this? Is this a joke? Are we being fucking punke'd???” I ask annoyed and hissing, almost desperate 

“Give me that!” I hear Alinne say at the other end as she apparently took the phone away from David’s hands “Tom, I’m not sure yet, but David told me what’s happening because you sure as hell didn’t!” She hisses annoyed and I remember she wasn’t supposed to know yet

The whole world wasn’t

“Alinne, now is not the time!” I whine “Please fucking help, Is there anything you can do? Please!”

“I’m not sure if I can do anything, hon. I’ll do my best though. What I need to know first is if you two are ready to open it up or if you’re actually want to hide it…”

“Which one do you think it is best?”

“Open it. Seriously, hiding it will only bring you trouble. Listen to what I’m saying”

“Okay, what do we need to do?” I ask and Mark finally emerges from under the covers, now interested on what she had to say. He’s got bloodshot eyes decorating his beautiful face. I take a hand to caress his cheek while I clean his tears away with my thumb

Mark gives me a broken sigh as he places a hand on my wrist and keep it there, holding tight. I only want him to stop suffering like that, he doesn’t deserve any of this.

“Nothing for the next hours, don’t talk in public for the next three days until this fog comes down. Then, one of you is going to break it out, I’ll still think about the best way to do it. Tell Mark to make a couple of unrelated jokes on twitter just so people don’t think he’s avoiding them”

“Alinne, Mark has his live show to host tonight and the next three nights. We can’t do it”

“Well, he better work things out with his manager, but I highly recommend him to cancel it”

“Okay then, I’ll talk to you later, bye” I say and hang up. Mark looks at me with hopeful eyes, stinging with tears

“What did she say?” He asks taking a deep breath

“She doesn’t want you to host the show tonight, try to avoid public announcements and paparazzi, talk on twitter once or twice so people don’t think you’re running away from them”

He sighs, taking a look at his phone “Look” He says as he shows me a message

“Mark, we want to see you in a meeting at 10 o’clock, do you think you can manage to get here by this time? Amanda”

“You know what this is?” Mark asks and I shake my head “It’s the sound of my life crashing down…”

“Don’t say it like that; it’s not the end of the wor…” I try to lie, I was partially trying to kid myself too, I still wasn’t able to believe it was actually happening

“Don’t say it” He interrupts me, placing his hand over my mouth to keep me quiet “It’s not you who has been hiding the biggest secret of your life for the last seventeen years, okay?”

I feel taken aback, but I soften my expressions “I’m sorry, baby. I didn’t know how much this meant for you”

“Whatever” He says getting up, cleaning his eyes with his shirt’s sleeve like a little kid “Let’s go have breakfast”

I nod and get up too, following him outside to find Diane, Pierre, Constanza and Martin looking at us silently as we walk into the kitchen. An awkward look in each face, except for Martin who seemed to be calm as he happily ate his cereal. 

“Hi dad, Hi Tom!” Martin says waving at us “Tom, do you want to take a bite from this cereal mom brought me from France?” He asks raising a cardboard box for me, some French label on the front.

“Maybe later, kiddo” I say as I walk to him and give him our secret handshake while Mark kisses the top of his head, holding his son close as he ignored his clingy parent 

Constanza rushes into the house with a quick run, probably trying to escape from the awkward situation that was going on over there. Pierre keeps eating as if nothing’s happening, though I can see him giving me and Mark some annoyed looks every now and then.

“So…” Diane starts “How is my favorite couple this morning?” She asks with a sweet tone, raising up her hands as she invited us to sit by her side. So everyone had already got the news? Do people really check out gossip websites this early? What’s wrong with everyone?

“Come on, Diane” Mark stops her with a stern voice “No need to play Snow White here, okay? We already got the news…”

“Thank God!” Diane says relieved and then she giggles when she sees Mark’s giving her an annoyed look “That would be so awkward” Diane points out as she places one of her hands on top of Mark’s trying to make him feel calmer

“It was” I say putting cereal on my bowl as I sit beside Martin and he looks at Diane and Mark confused 

“What news, Uncle Tom?” He asks looking up at me. I exchange looks with Mark before looking back down at him 

“Nothing, Martin. Just some mean people doing mean things…”

“God, it was awful” Mark says disgusted as he turns back to Diane, walking backwards to get the jar of juice from the counter “I thought I was safe, you know? I mean, I had managed to do this for the last seventeen years!” Mark explains while pouring himself some of the juice “And now, at the age of fucking forty I let this go like it’s so simple”

Mark’s hissing his words angrily, I can see Martin frowning by my side and I cross my fingers underneath the table, hoping he won’t say or ask anything for now. 

“Really, what’s up with that guy?” Mark asks referring to Pierre “Is he fucking judging?”

“Mark, I’m sorry but he’s just shocked” Diane tries to explain

“He’s in my house; he’s got no right to. I’m not saying you should go somewhere else because I really want you here, but seriously, tell him to get his shit straight. Oh, and tell him to go fuck himself in whatever language he speaks”

Pierre keeps looking down at his cereal, not giving a single fuck to what Mark is saying. Me and Martin start chuckling at how much of an idiot he looks like.

“I’m so sorry, guys” Diane sighs, now directing her words to both me and Mark “It really shouldn’t have come out like this…”

“I know!” Both me and Mark exclaim at the same time, agreeing with her

“Okay, so me and Pierre are taking Martin to school, so we see you guys at lunch?”

“Hm!” Mark stops her at her tracks while she gets up “The guys at Fuse want to do a meeting with me, so I don’t really know when I’m getting out of it…”

“Did they see it already?” 

“Well yeah” He shrugs “They always have an eye on me… It’s kind of annoying actually”

“Oh” She says “So until next time, I guess”

“Okay, can I at least know what happened?” Martin asks as he pushes his bowl away to the middle of the island “I may be ten, but I’m not stupid”

“Dianeeee!” Mark whines; I know he doesn’t really want to give the bad news to his son

“Don’t worry” Diane sighs “I’ll tell him. Come on, Martin” 

Martin gets up, giving me and Mark a sad smile before leaving and Diane gives him her hand. Pierre gets up as well, giving us a last annoyed look before following them inside

“What a jerk” I say as we watch Pierre walk away “Ungrateful bastard”

“I don’t think Diane had told him before” Mark frowns “It was good of her because I don’t think I can really trust him with this secret. Could, actually…” 

He takes a sip from his orange juice, looking down into the glass. My hands crawl up to the seat of his stool, pulling him closer to me. I pass an arm around his waist, burying my face into his neck “It’s okay, babe” I whisper against his skin “Things are going to be okay”

“Are you sure?” He asks before sighing, his voice breaking again.

Mark’s lips grasp worriedly on the straws that he had picked from the table for his juice, something was bothering him. I nod against his skin, pulling him even closer and I can feel him smiling against the plastic. 

“Still” He shakes his head

I pull back, placing my forehead to his hear so I can talk into his ear, whispering closely “Hey, you’re going to take a shower, get dressed, go to Fuse and do what you have to do. At night you’ll be home again and I’ll see you in a couple of days, okay?”

Mark shyly nods

“Everything will be okay and you’ll see how things will get better”

“Okay” Mark sighs before pulling away from my grip; he places his head between his arms, placing his frame against the table before groaning “I’m so fucked!”


	18. It's Obvious

I arrive at work a couple of hours after I leave Mark’s house. My feet lead me into my office’s pre-room “Hi Daisy!” I say to the ginger that sits on the table by the corner.

“Good morning, Tom!” She exclaims and I can hear the smirk on her voice. I only roll my eyes before turning the knob to my office, finding David sitting at the edge of my desk, munching on a cookie patiently. His hair all over his eyes, wild the way it always is. 

He jumps up a little when he sees me, half scared and half surprised, but I guess that since he’s the one in my office he should be waiting for me to arrive at any time, didn’t he? 

“David, why are you here?” I ask casually, already trying to ignore the ‘x’ factor of my life right now.

“We need to talk” I frown when I hear a voice that’s not his. It comes from behind me and it has a high-pitched tone to it. I turn around and that’s when I see Alinne sitting at the couch beside the door. I had just walked in without realizing she was there. 

She stands up, putting one hand on her hip while the other held the cigarette she had been smoking on, her flawless short blonde hair flying from side to side. “Okay, you wanna start with what?” I ask, dropping my bag on the floor

“Well, first I wanted to know WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?” Her expression turns into an angry one all of the sudden, her mouth shouting bold words “Why didn’t you tell me? I had to hear it from David…” She says pointing angrily at the guy eating a cookie behind us “So, okay, when did it start? And how?” Alinne starts questioning, taking another deep drag from her cigarette. 

“It’s a long story” I whine “I don’t care actually…”

“Why are you so worried then?” Alinne frowns 

“I’m just worried about Mark, he’s kinda down… Alinne, I don’t really wanna talk about it right now…”

“No!” She hisses again “You will sit on this couch” Her hands grab my shoulders and she pushes me into the couch, as if I’m a little kid being bullied at school “And tell me what’s going on…”

Her eyes are angry, she’s boiling red and pointing at me, that’s never a good sign. So I just sit there and start to prepare my speech “Hum… Well, it started on the day we were at Fuse, when you came into my dressing room looking for him; we were just getting to know each other”

“Okay, go on” Alinne says while lighting up another cigarette, throwing the old one on the bowl of keys on my shelf. 

“We found out our kids were friends and we started hanging out! Eventually things happened!” I say as I stare at the bowl, waiting for it to burst into flames

“When?”

“Well, hm, We had our first kiss over a month ago…” I look back at her when I see nothing’s into fire

“Six weeks” David says with his mouth full and both me and Alinne stare at him, frowning “Hey, I have good memory, excuse me”

“Shut up” Alinne hisses “I’m mad at you too”

“Why?”

“Because you knew and you didn’t tell me!”

“It was supposed to be a secret!” David shouts and Alinne turns with a mad face, but she eventually sighs and looks back at me “You’re full of shit” David whispers to himself and Alinne gives him another look before turning back to me, again.

“And…” Alinne motions for me to go on

“And our first date was two weeks ago… Alinne, what do you want me to say?”

“Okay, that’s enough for now, but I already told you what you got to do. And I still have to talk to Mark’s manager…”

“You have his number, ask him yourself” I spit and start walking towards my table, walking past David “Now excuse me, I need to work”

“Tom, dude, you sure you don’t want to talk?” David asks climbing down from my table

“What’s up with you two?” I ask annoyed “I don’t want to talk about my feelings about the guy that’s fucking me…”

David almost chokes on his cookie, Alinne’s expression changes to a surprised one abruptly “FUCKING?” They both scream in symphony and it is at times like these that I thank for the soundproofed offices.

“Oh!” I suddenly remember I still hadn’t told David about sleeping with Mark “Sorry, dude”

“Tom we just want to help” Alinne says before taking another drag from her cigarette “You can’t push us out like that!”

“Alinne, please” I say “Leave me alone”

“Okay, we’re going” David says walking away, placing both hands on Alinne’s shoulder, pushing her outside and closing the door behind himself. 

***

The rest of the day drags on normally, except for the few guys slightly staring at me around the corridors

When I get out I’m thankful for not having to talk about it with anyone. I make my way to the school and I can see one single paparazzi taking pictures of me and my kids from inside his car. I don’t even dare to get out, so they dodge between the other kids to run up to me.

I’m already at home making dinner when Jean walks into the kitchen, flopping down into one of the stools “So, Martin told me what happened” She says “Are you okay?”

I nod “Surprisingly, yes”

“Martin said Uncle Mark was always scared of that happening…”

“Yeah, I think he’s kind of down, he wasn’t really good this morning when we got the news”

I keep talking with her for a while, clearing things out inside her little head before I serve dinner, which we all stay silent during. Noah acts as if nothing had happened, which is understandable since I don’t think he notices the urgency of the problem. 

In the middle of some random conversation leaded by Noah we are all able to hear a hurried knock on the door.

I get up, both of them at my heels, following me to the door, wanting to know who the unexpected visit is.

The door flies open and I see Mark standing on the doorway, a gym bag strapped to his shoulder and a devastated look on his face. “Mark!” I exclaim before hurriedly pulling him inside and close the door immediately “What are you doing here? We are not supposed to be seen together, remember?” I ask

“I… I need you tonight” he explains “Let me stay for a while, please!”

“Oh my God” I sigh before pulling him into a hug, swooshing into his ear while I pressed my nose against his cheek “Okay” I say and I can feel him smiling against my shoulder and I proceed to hug him even tighter. When I pull apart, my attention turns to the kids “Jean and Noah, go to your rooms, dad and Uncle Mark have to talk”

“Okay dad” Noah says as he runs upstairs. Jean follows him, but she lingers for a while, looking at us with a sly grin on her lips.

“Come on” I say giving him a kiss right on the lips once they’re gone “So… Tell me what happened on the meeting”

“It ended a couple of hours ago; I only passed home to pick up my clothes. I’m sorry to come uninvited, but I’m just so nervous!”

“That’s okay, you here makes me feel better too” I say with a smile, dragging him to the kitchen “Aren’t you supposed to film tonight?”

“Well, during a week every three months they play again some old interviews, it was going to be two weeks from now, but they decided to put it for this week…”

“Are they mad?” I ask as I take out two tea cups from the cabinet

“Not really” He shakes his head before sitting down in one of the stools, shrugging “I might even think they believe this is good… I mean, I’m not really sure how, but I guess that it calls attention to the show”

“Do you think everything’s going to be fine with them?” I ask, giving him his earl gray tea and sitting by his side

“With people at Fuse? Sure! I’m just worried about, you know, people” He says before taking a sip from his tea “But you should be more scared for that…” He points out

“Why?” I frown 

“Tom DeLonge, the American hero, hello?” Mark says in a sing song voice “The country has their eyes on you right now, and I’m not really sure if everyone’s ready for something like that. I mean, I’m old in the page; my name’s been on people’s lips for twenty years. But not you, you’re brand new”

Things start to sunk in and I give a dead look to my tea, watching things break in front of me as Mark speaks

“But don’t worry, I’ll be here to help you, okay?” He says placing a hand on my shoulder, smiling. I look over to him “We’ll survive this”

I smile too, even if I’m sad as fuck “Thanks”. He stalls me with other subjects for a while, distracting each other. “Hm, Mark” I call him and he looks over to me, waiting for me to say what I had to “Do you remember when we were at Fuse?”

“That day I sucked you on the shower?” Mark chuckles and I nod

“The one in which we got cake all over ourselves” I point out and he chuckles even more

“It was pretty awesome” He shakes his head

“Yeah, it was” I sigh and lean my head to take a sip from my tea. My eyes suddenly getting wide when I feel something wet and hot getting into my ear. I shiver and shrug Mark’s hand away, pulling the tea bag away from myself “WHAT THE FUCK?” I shout while throwing the bag angrily onto the floor and Mark starts laughing like a maniac.

“Don’t you miss it?” He asks and I frown

“Miss what?” I ask while rubbing my hand on my ear, trying to get the liquid out “Random British liquids on my insides?”

“You know, don’t you miss the food fights?” 

“I won’t go after you” I say teasing him

“And your dad…?”

“Okay, that’s it!” I chuckle as I push the stool away and start running after him, who squeals as we both cringe to the sound of the stool hitting hard on the floor. 

Mark goes into the living room and runs around. I’m going after him, almost catching his frame, but failing once he slips out of my grip. He goes back into the kitchen and storms out of the house and into the backyard through the back door.

Mark doesn’t see that there are paths by the sides of the house in enough time and I end up pushing him down to the grass. Where I immobilize him and grab his face as he tries to escape me. I plant a chaste kiss quickly on his lips and look down at him laughing.

I look down at him with a smile while his laughing starts to decease, but he’s still into it when I lean down to kiss him again on the lips and let my tongue inside. Mark starts to calm down after a lot of struggling from his part, melting into my arms as he felt my lips against his warm ones. I pull back and moan before he raises his head to reach my lips again, bringing me back down.

I can feel a light taste of mint on his breath and I lick his bottom lip, asking for entrance and he opens up his mouth, letting me in as we slowly kiss under the darkness of this starless night. 

One of his hands flies to my neck and pulls me close. I don’t feel alarmed for the neighbors because I know Collin and his mother aren’t nosy –and wouldn’t care anyway- and a really old woman lives on the other side, so I know she won’t ever come out of her bed to see two guys making out on next door’s backyard.

Mark nibs and bites on my bottom lip, making me moan heavily. I press my crotch against his, feeling both half-hard-ons rubbing against each other.

“I guess that now doesn’t end up like last time, huh?” I ask still on top of him, his face really close to mine, his breathing an inch away from my own.

“You mean with me sucking you off?” His eyes look deep in mine; his bright blue irises roaming my brown ones while analyzing them patiently. I nod and he chuckles “Let’s see how it goes”

Mark slowly turns me around, leaning on top of me and kissing me again. My hands flew to his back, I felt his muscles move under my fingertips and I only smiled into the kissing, grinning like a fool.

He started laughing too, pulling away slightly “Why are you laughing?” He asks with his lips still attached to mine

I shake my head “Nothing”

I get off from under him and we both walk inside, after some time we go to watch TV and when the clock struck ten, all the familiar spinning sound started, Mark’s face displaying while he made his silly faces and laughed at the camera

“Did you know I almost never get to watch it?” He asks

“It makes sense since you record it live” I point out

“Do you think people are watching it?” He asks as he lays his head on my shoulder

“Of course!” I chuckle “It’s not like it’s actually going to change your show’s content. People would have to be stupid to do it”

“Did you know you’re really great?”

I stop, smiling at myself “Why?”

“Well” He says turning to me “In a couple of hours you turned my day into something completely different. I felt like shit when I woke up, now I feel like this has been a great day, despite everything that happened before…”

I smile “I think so too. I mean, I would be cursing to myself right now if you weren’t here. I would probably be wondering how you were doing at home...” My hands squeeze his and he buries his head further into my shoulder, letting me smell the sweet apple shampoo on his strings “I’m so happy you didn’t listen to Alinne…”

Mark chuckles “Me too” He hugs me tighter “I think that I might…” He starts, but stops at his tracks “You know what? Forget it…”

I chuckle, my heart racing fast and I’m almost sure he can hear it inside my ribcage “What is it, Mark?”

He shakes his head “Nothing, let’s just enjoy the show…”

“No, Mark, you can tell me…” I shove him playfully “Come on, tell m…”

I was about to finish my sentence, but he turns a bit around and kisses me, in not much time he runs one of his hands through my hair, feeling the short strings “You’re amazing” He sighs against my lips and then pulls back, placing his forehead against mine “Just… amazing… That’s all, okay?” 

He pulls back a bit even more and stares into my eyes again, his lips red and sore, just like mine. I am hypnotized by his eyes and his lips as I just stare at him close like that.  
Mark’s head turns away slightly to look at the Tv “Look!” He exclaims happily “My interview with Michael Cera!”

He smiles and snuggles up against me, watching the show patiently. I smile down at him. My eyes go back to watch the show and when it breaks into the commercials I try to shake him to see if we could make out some more but he just stands still and I notice Mark has fallen asleep during the interview.

I smile and kiss the top of his head, I look around to see if there’s anything I can cover him up with but I find nothing. As If reading my thoughts Jean comes out of her room a few minutes later to grab something from the kitchen and I call her.

“Hey…” She says slowly walking into the living room “What do you want?”

“Can you bring me a blanket?” I whisper “And can you set the sleep time of the TV, I don’t want to wake him up…”

All our four feet were propped up on the coffee table before us, Mark had his head resting on my chest and both arms going around me as I did the same for him, except for the fact that I was sitting on the couch meanwhile he was practically laying on top of me. 

Jean sighs but still goes into her room, coming a few seconds later with a pink blanket on her hands 

“Pink?” I ask raising an eyebrow as I take it

“A guy?” She teases me and tries to act serious before laughing “God, the look on your face! I’m joking…”

“You better…” I chuckle with her “Now come here so I can give you a goodnight kiss…” I motion with my head for her to get closer and she does and I give her a kiss on the cheek and she does the same for me before pulling back with a giggle and setting the sleep time on the TV

“Goodnight” Jean whispers

“Goodnight baby” I whisper back before she walks inside back to the kitchen to do whatever she was going to do on the first place, turning off the lights on her way

I unfold the blanket awkwardly, placing it over Mark and me, tucking him in. He shifts closer, hugging me tighter and sighing on his sleep. I just start to smile like an idiot again, kissing the top of his hair and breathing into it while the lights of the TV flash upon us and his own voice starts speaking again

I think he’s pretty amazing too


	19. I Never Thought I'd Die Alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is on Mark's POV

I am awaken by the sound of Tom’s lips kissing the top of my head, his fingers gently brushing the ungelled and loose hair out of my eyes.

I already got my head buried on his shoulder and I proceed to hug him tightly, not actually remembering of when I fell asleep the night before. I do know it was at some point when we were watching A Different Spin on the place we are now, on the same positing, me on his arms.

I move briefly to face him and he takes my head in his hands, kissing my forehead and I instantly remember of when I almost told him I could be falling in love with him.  
But how could I not? I felt like I was only me when I was with him. Tom made me feel whole, complete. He was like the filling of all my flaws; he was good at making me feel good at the worst times.

It scared me; It fucking scared me to death. I mean, I don’t think I’ve ever liked someone this much since Diane. Every relationship I’ve had ever since the divorce was easy to let go, when I saw it wasn’t it I’d just let it go, simple. But now it feels like it’ll be hard to do that, I didn’t think until now I was capable of feeling like this ever again.

I used to say ‘I love you’ for nothing, but now… I don’t want to say it so soon, I’m scared he won’t say it back.

He was mean; he played jokes and mocked me. The thing I’d find to be the most amazing about him so far is how he only thinks about his own thoughts. Not that he’s selfish, but he doesn’t really care about other people’s opinions as long as he’s comfortable with his own. I looked up to that, it was my biggest flaw. I was always concerned about other people’s thoughts and feelings towards me that sometimes I even forgot my own. But that’s because I was always on the media’s eye. I guess that’s because I’ve been too selfish once, I mean, there are things about my past that looking back to it, I wish I hadn’t been so selfish thinking about what was wrong with me back then, so that’s why I’m always concerned about everyone else, I guess.

Tom got scared when he thought that being gay was bad, when he thought about the impact on his family… But not when it came to the media. I mean, I’m not saying he’s enjoying this, but he’s okay… He just isn’t really interested if people are saying shit about him or not. Anyway, I loved the way I was able to play with him and mock him and joke around and not be scared to think he’ll be upset by some joke I’ve made. 

This one time I dated this girl, Janice, and I made a ‘fuck grandma hard and fast’ joke with Travis and she broke up with me right the next week. I bet that if I had done that with Tom he would probably add ‘Uncle Kenny is humping the hamster’ or some shit like that.

“Come on, you can’t sit here the whole day” Tom whispers “I have to go to work, Mark” He says softly and I slowly start to untangle myself from him.

Tom allows me to use his bathroom and when he and his kids leave for school, I go back to my house.

I walk up to the balcony first thing, taking a brief moment to remember of when I still smoked and spent my days and nights out here. 

I was single when I first bought this house. Single in part, actually. I was married to the music and the tour life. My heart belonged to a certain someone at the time too and I couldn’t even think about being in love that my heart would mush to putty and I’d get this stupid grin on my face.

Just like I do with Tom.

The money was –slowly, but surely- pouring in as me and the guys were about to release our third album. I had gotten a decent amount of money from doing merchandising for some fairly large shirt/guitar company at the time.

I hadn’t spent a single dime of the money I had earned until then. I was the first guy from Finest Comedy to buy a house and I wasted everything I had in it, being forced to use old furniture due to the fact that I had no money to buy new stuff for it. Slowly, as the years passed, I got to build it decently and do some work.

It was 1996; I was only 24 and had just bought my own house in LA. 

When I still didn’t have furniture, the only person who would come to visit me was Adam. The Carnel and Travis still rather wanted me to go to their places instead of having to sit on the floor. But Adam was the only one who was willing to do that effort to come spend some time with me.

We used to sit on this same balcony, watching the waves from the beach crash right in front of our eyes. Adam didn’t really like the whole beach aura of LA, but he still put up to it. “The best music is not here, the best art is not here and the best life is not here either, but this is our future… And I hate LA…” Adam used to say “I love where were going… But not where were at? Isn’t it funny?”

He hated the sun, the beach. Adam liked the cold and snow. He was such a lazy bones in contradiction to my Californian lifestyle

Whenever I wanted to get into the water, he would just sit on the sand with his clothes on. Adam would never take off even his own shirt; he was too self-conscious about his body.

Adam and I always smoked a lot, so this was our favorite place to hang out in the whole house except my office or my bedroom where we would just lay down and sleep the whole day. 

Back then, Adam was living with three other guys from smaller bands, he had run away from home as soon as he had turned 20 and I graduated from high school, so it was easier for him. Going to live with these guys who he barely knew

As soon as I had gotten my place, Adam still didn’t have enough money to come live in LA decently without having to at least share an apartment without security with someone he didn’t know. So when I got the house, he bought a car to come from San Diego and spend time at my house whenever he could and felt like it. It could be just a couple of hours or a whole week, but he still drove for three hours just to see me.

It was 1999 when Diane moved in, six months later I would propose to her and we’d get married three months after that. Adam didn’t come anymore, at least not so often, but still, he would just spend a couple of hours with me. At that point, he was already living with his sister Susan and her daughter, so he had something he could call family and no time for me. That was good because I had a family too.

Me and Diane would come here to drink some wine, I had stopped smoking because of her and it was great to finally be achieving good things out of loving someone. She was the person who grabbed me at hard times and told me things did get better.

She was my best friend when I thought I had none.

Like fate, in the middle of my nostalgic thoughts, I can see the lamp boy standing by my side. 

A few inches shorter than me, long-short neck-length ginger hair and a few freckles around his eyes and cheeks that you could only see if you got close enough, when you looked at him and you could see every single little spot and fraction of his skin.

There was he, almost materialized, dark green eyes piercing through my heart as I got startled at the image of him. Wide, bony shoulders and a thick, healed skin under his shirt  
He was still the same 34 year-old guy I knew from back when he killed himself. It struck me I wasn’t ever going to be able to see him growing old with me, I was always younger and now this felt weird, I was technically 6 years older than him, when I was always the little baby out of us.

Even if I was the mature, sober one.

Dark bags under his eyes showed me how tired he was. The lost look in them made me think why I hadn’t seen he was miserable back then. He was so weak, so fragile, had always been. I was younger but I was the one who skated while he just sat and watched, he was never into sports and he was also so troubled that I had a permanent eye set on him, but not during his hardest times apparently.

The same look of sarcasm in his face, that dirty smirk that shined with his nose ring, something he would only do next to me, The Carnel, Travis, Susan and Gale. As I had realized over the years he would always treat the ones he cared about differently while everyone else was shit and stupid.  
“Adam” I glup “What… What’s happening?”

“So you cave in, huh?” He asks with the same smirk and he takes a drag from the cigarette on his hand. Unlike me, Adam didn’t ever stop smoking.

“I didn’t cave in” I shake my head “The paparazzi got me, it was not my fault” I specify

“You didn’t have to kiss him on the street, you dumbass. That was the stupidest thing you’ve ever did, Hoppus. After 17 years you let your secret leak like that? Real classy…”

“Shut up, Bryn” I say turning around, staring out at sea, but he still kept looking at me with that smirk I was so hardly trying to ignore.

“There’s no need for me to shut up, Mark” Adam laughs that sarcastic laughter of his, being mean even. God, I missed this “I died and took my secret with me; I took all of my secrets with me to the grave. And you only had one; one single secret that you let go like it was a fucking bird trapped inside a box” Adam shakes his head “And that’s because I was the one writing the songs, I could easily slip something stupid into my writing…”

I didn’t say anything; I didn’t need any of Adam’s bullshit right now, not today, not because of this.

“I mean” He starts laughing, moving his cigarette around “Have you ever heard that song when the guy says his best friend is not his girlfriend? Man, what’s up with that? He must be so gay…”

I frown, but laugh with him. He then turns serious

“So… Does the DeShorte guy know about what happened with me?”

“DeLonge”

“Have you seen him naked to know that?”

“Yes, I have!” I smirk and I can see him gulping “What are you, fucking 14?”

“Whatever”

“What does he know about you?”

“Oh, you know” Adam slowly started to grin “The real reason why I killed myself…”

“He doesn’t need to” I shake my head 

“But he will find out somehow…”

“Adam, disappear, NOW!” I tell him sternly, almost shouting.

Adam suddenly gets closer to me, placing his face right before mine and I manage to keep the angry look my face, not giving in to him “You’re just rotting yourself inside” He spits 

“You’re still feeling guilty…”

“I’m not guilty” I hiss

“What? Mark, who are you talking to?” A feminine voice asks from behind me and I close my eyes, realizing this is all a daydream. 

A terrible daydream to be more exact 

But when I open my eyes again, I hope Adam would be gone, but he’s still there, trying to make me scared 

“There she is, pretty little Diane” Adam grins, giving her a deadly look “Going to stop talking and paying attention to me because of her, aren’t you? Again…” 

He’s rolling his eyes “No one was exchanged” I whisper, trying to keep it quiet from her

“Okay, if that’s what you think” He looks tough again but he then looks into my eyes, melting even “I may be dead” He whispers, even if he knows Diane can’t see or hear him “But I still miss you, greatly. Ever since she walked into your life, you weren’t mine anymore, you weren’t my friend who held me when I wanted to cry, you weren’t my friend who helped me clean my scars after I had cut, you weren’t my friend who… who kissed my cheek while I was drawing blood out of every-fucking-where and told me everything was going to be fine…” I can see him getting weak at the knees while his expressions soften; he brings his face closer to mine, breathing into my nose, teasing me uselessly even if I wasn’t able to physically touch him. Adam lets his shoulders fall “Goodbye, Mark” He whispers again before I can see smoke coming out of him as he slowly vanishes and drifts away with the wind.

I hate daydreaming about Adam; this wasn’t really the first time. I saw him for the first time a week after he had died, I was having a crying fit just like any other day, which was actually starting to become routine. I heard someone crying by my side as I curled myself on the corner of the floor of a random guest room of my house, I looked to my side and there he was. I remember I started crying even more because I wasn’t able to touch him, to feel him, just to talk to him. But no matter how hard we tried to communicate, both our sobs were harder and neither was able to say anything. That was when I realized I was going completely insane, I mean, I was seeing my dead best friend…

He only appeared to me a year after, and again when Diane and I got divorced, which was the last time. I had never seen someone talk so much shit about someone as he did about her that day.

Every time he did that, I thought I was paranoid, but then I would just forget it and move on.

I didn’t really think it was hallucination; I did tests twice to see if I had a brain tumor but I got nothing. So I really do believe I talk to his ghost, but I don’t even tell anything to anyone, they’d think I’m crazy.

Diane was now on the opposite side of which Adam was. She places a hand on my shoulder as I turn around to face her “Is everything alright?” She raises an eyebrow and I nod

“Sure. Did you drop Martin at school?”

She nods “Actually, I was going to go do some shopping but I called and Constanza said you were home. I wanted to talk to you about something…”  
I frown “What?”

“Hm” She gulps, moving to rest her elbows on the balcony “Mark, are… are you liking Tom?” She asks and I freeze, looking down at my hands “I mean, not like as if you two were dating, but as if you were in a relationship. Is he… Is he different from all that other people you went out with?”

It was probably hard for Diane to ask this question, not because she was formerly married to me, but because I was too stubborn to keep one of my dates for over four or five months.

I bite my lip and nod 

“Can I tell you something?”

“Sure” She nods 

“I… I never really thought I was going to feel this all again after you left me. My life plans were to find someone, preferably a girl, in her mid-thirties, with a kid already probably so she wouldn’t bother me for one… I thought about her, and how I didn’t exactly needed to love her, but I just needed her company, and slowly I would start to love her for taking care of me and staying by my side as we grow old. I would be with her so I didn’t die alone…”

She was sadly smiling to herself, probably feeling sorry for me

“And I dated people and went out with guys and girls and suddenly Tom waltz in like… Like, he showed me I was still capable of love… Even having my heart broken more than once I could still fall in love…”

“That’s so great, hon” Diane pulls herself closer to me “Really, that’s amazing, I’m so happy for you!”

I sigh brokenly “I’m scared I’ll fuck it up. And we’ll probably end when he departures… So… Yeah, I’m scared I’ll have my heart broken again…”

“Mark” Diane laughs “I know it’s scary and that you don’t want that to happen, but you’ll never know until you see it yourself… Who knows, probably you’ll break up with him before he gets there… You don’t know what’s really going to happen…”

“Yeah, I guess” I say simply

“Are you going to open the secret?”

“What can I do, right?” I shrug, still looking down at my hands

“You want my advice?” She asks and I nod again “Open it us before things get nasty, okay? Nobody knows what’s going to happen next, but for precaution, it’ll be worse if something happens later and everyone gets to know you lied to them… If you like Tom you’ll open it. You can’t hide yourself forever”

I sigh. She was right, if Tom was strong enough to not care about other people, I felt like I could do it, if not for him, for me…

“I’m just trying to make you feel better, okay? I want you to know this is not the end of the world”

“How?” I ask annoyed “How is this not the end of the world?”

“Mark, you got to understand this isn’t 1998 anymore, okay? So take those ancient thoughts off of your head and just think about him, about Tom. Think about how you’re falling for him and don’t let something like that stop you from enjoying that magic…”

I sigh, a bit taken aback. Diane is right; I should just forget the past and think about the future. The only thing stopping me from getting what I want right now is my attachment to the past.

But that’ll change.

I smile to her “Thanks” Diane pulls me into a hug a pats my back

“You’re welcome, hon”


	20. Breathing Deeply, Walking Backwards

“This is unacceptable!” Wilson says while pointing a finger to my face, an angry expression on his eyes and lips and on the skin around his eyes that wrinkles awkwardly with red mush madness. 

It’s only me and him on the conference room which walls are made of fucking glass. I gulp dryly as he keeps shouting at me. My mind asks why he is putting us in such big room while he could just call me to his office…

I guess it was for everyone to see - through the glass walls – how mad he is with me

“Look, DeLonge. I don’t care who you do, is it a man, a woman, a dog or your fucking grandpa, but you’ve got to be careful, okay? These news are huge! Lucky yours your biggest merch aim is at the new generation, you know, those kids who stay the whole day on the internet, talking about rights… about free expression and free will and… and Adventure Time!”

I roll my eyes whenever he turns around, I don’t feel guilty. I’ve been giving a lot of thought to this since I had to spend the whole weekend locked inside my house. And I’ve come to the conclusion that I don’t regret it and I don’t feel guilty… at all. I do whatever I want to do and that’s it.

“Who, God? Who in their saint mind would kiss a guy on the middle of the street?” He says throwing his hands up “But you know what? This isn’t the worst that could happen…”

“Really?” I ask with a frown because all he’s done for the past hour is to talk how crazy I must’ve been

“Yes” He nods “Anyway, got to talk to you about something else”

“What is it?” I ask chewing on my nail carelessly

“You got to go spend a full week in Houston starting Monday for fixings of the spaceship”

“What?” I ask incredulous, though I knew this was coming to me at some point “Already?”

“Tom, we only have four months before you get called to go to Houston…” He says as if it was something obvious

“Oh my God!” I say taking a hand to my hair, I didn’t really realize how close it was, how the deadline was getting closer each and every second that passed.

“Your tickets are already booked for Sunday afternoon; you’ll get back two Tuesdays later at the afternoon as well…”

Here it is: My last mission before the big day.

“Just giving you a heads up” He says walking up to the glass door and opening it, inviting me to get back to work, or better, ordering me to. I walk closer to him and he starts hissing closely “Don’t kiss him on the streets like he’s a fucking kissing booth, don’t act like a fucking couple while in public and be careful with what you say or do”

“Okay” I nod, craving to get out of there as soon as possible 

“I don’t wanna lose merchandising because of it, lucky yours there’s a whole pro-homosexual movement going on for the past ten-years or so, but this doesn’t mean it’s playtime for you…”

I nod once again and he opens the door for me and I walk out, dreading already to not have to go back there for the whole week.

***

“Hey babe” Mark says from the other side of the line as I pick up his call from my office “How is it been?”

“My boss just talked to me” I say spinning on my chair like a little child “He told me to be careful and blah blah blah, you know…”

“Ugh, so sorry” Mark says upset “Whatcha doing? I’m so bored…” 

Mark is groaning a bit, we haven’t seen each other since the day he was at my house, I miss him and I hope he misses me as much I do for him. We’re not really allowed to go out of home besides our kids’ school to pick them up, Fuse and NASA, which also means were not really able to see each other. Which is happening for five days now…

“Want to break a few rules again?”

I frown, but then my expressions soften when a smile starts to appear on my lips “Like what, for instance?”

“Do you think you can manage to get out for lunch? I’m starving, Diane and Pierre booked this fancy ass restaurant for today so Constanza got the day free and guess what, not food…” Mark groans “Do you think you can buy us food and come eat here?” 

“That’s fine, I get out in a few minutes actually” I say looking at the watch on my wrist “I’ll be there in about an hour or so…”

“Okie” He says and hung up. I get up and grab my stuff spread out across the room and go to my car. 

I pass by a little market in Pasadena right by the NASA building before going to Mark’s house. When I arrive I walk up to his door casually, hoping no one can see me with all these bags of food in my hands. He answers it and I walk inside “So, where do you want to have lunch?”

“Fuck lunch, we’re going to my room” Mark says pulling hastily on my arm and dragging me into the corridor, the bags rustling against each other, being noisy.

“What?” I ask frowning as he keeps pulling me “But I already got up food!” I say raising the bags in my hands. It pulls it away from me and throws it on some random corner “Hey!” I protest and then I’m about to say something but he presses his lips against mine, shutting me up as he moved them to distracting me

“Fuck lunch” He says opening the door of his room “Fuck the food” He pushes me inside and making me sit at the edge of his bed before kissing me again

I put my arms around him, pulling him close and suddenly, he’s sitting on my lap, his crotch rubbing against mine, and I can feel both of us getting hard already. I move my hand to the hem of his shirt and pull it out of his body with urgency.

Mark keeps giggling while he helps me to take off my shirt as well, he kisses my neck and I moan when he bites into the skin, a bit of pain to my voice. He places a hand on my hair and starts to kiss my neck again, pressing our bodies against each other as he lies on top of me on the bed.

“Mark,” I moan, dragging at the end

I pull him up and then we go back to lips-on-lips. Mark places a flat hand on my stomach as the other stays on my hair, pulling my head back so he can bite on the bones of my chest. 

His hand crawls down to my crotch and I can say he’s leading this pretty well, his hand closes itself around my cock and I practically scream a moan, his hand that’s in my hair curling into a fist, pulling back and making me throw my head back

“You’re beautiful” Mark chuckles kissing my chest as he slowly starts pumping me

“You’re just making me your bitch” I say with a low voice, full of moans, closed eyes to feel him on me. I’m taking hitched breaths and I can already feel the drops of sweat going down my forehead and to the short hairs on my neck and on my chest too. I feel stuck against the bed with sweat.

Mark bites on my bottom lip lightly and I close my lips against his, kissing him back as I moan and squint my eyes, even if they’re closed already. He lets go of my dick and I whimper, wanting more

He chuckles “Calm down, boy” Mark also lets go of my hair and places both hands on my sides, dragging his short nails along my back until they reach my hips, hurting the sensible skin as I groan against his lips.

Mark detaches his lips from mine and starts leaving a trail of kisses towards my bellybutton. It’s funny to see how much he owns me right now. My chest rises up from pleasure and pain when he bites and sucks lightly on one of my hipbones. I choke on the moan I wasn’t even trying to hold back.

My head rubs against the bed and my chest rises even more as I feel the back of my neck detaching like sticky glue from the bed. That’s when I realize he’s sucking me now “Fuck!” I scream. My hands being brought to my hair, pulling on it

When I come down, I open my eyes and find Mark staring up at me, his lips detached from my dick already. They were rouge red already and open as he tried to get his breathing “God, I don’t know if I do you or if I just watch you moan because it’s all porn…”

I smile out of breath, rubbing my palms on my scalp hastily, trying to get rid of the pain of pulling on my own hair.

“Just do it” I say and Mark fucks me. I fall down beside him on the bed, just as out of breath as he is.

I kiss his cheek and he hugs me “Ugh, I missed you so much” Mark says before bringing our lips closer together again

“Me too” I whisper between kisses and like fate his phone started ringing “Oh no!” I whine throwing my head back “You remember what happened when we were here in your bed and that fucking phone started ringing, don’t you?” I say trying to make him stay with me

“Come on, cut it out, I’m waiting a call from Fuse…” Mark says trying to untangle himself from me, though I stop him

“They can wait…” I say biting on his neck

“Tom, I’m sure it’s nothing bad…” Mark says and I let him go, he pulls the phone from his nightstand, not even bothering to see who was calling “Hello” He says and then starts frowning, from my place I could hear the mumbled shouts at the other end so I start frowning as well “Pierre, calm down, what’s happening?” Mark asks but apparently he gets nothing, he covers the speaker of his phone and turns to me “You know French?” He asks and I shake my head

“Sorry, nothing at all”

“Fuck!” Mark curses and takes the phone back to his ear “Pierre, try key words, palabras”

“Yeah Mark; try Spanish I’m sure he’ll understand…”

Mark rolls his eyes, I’m sure he would’ve hang up at this point, but Pierre’s voice is too rushed and scared to ignore this easily, it was something pretty important and urgent apparently.

“Diane, okay” Mark repeats Pierre’s words “Go on. Okay, what?”

Mark went speechless; soon I pick up what’s going on

“Mark?” I call him, but he doesn’t look “Mark!” I call him again, forcing him to face me.

He stops “Diane is at the hospital” I watch his eyes go wide “Oh, God”


	21. Tell Me That You're Here, Boy

“OH MY GOD TOM SHE’S DYING!” Mark gets up and starts pulling me out of bed “Come on, come on!”

“Mark, calm down” I say grabbing him, jumping out of bed slightly as well. I make him face me and he suddenly gets calmer, his expressions softening “Okay, calm down, just calm down, we’ll find her”

Mark gasps “He said something about a hospital, can we drive there, Tom? Please, take me there!” Mark starts to pull me again, trying to get me out the door, but I just stand on the same place “Come on!” He whines while trying to pull me even harder

“Mark, we have to get dressed, okay? If she’s at the hospital then she’s in good hands, we don’t need to rush so fast” I say and Mark stops, nodding slowly as he starts to pull our clothes from the floor. I put mine on and throw his at him while I watch him turn two shades paler.

I end up helping him to get dressed since he was shaking a bit. I take him outside and push him into my SUV, driving to the nearest hospital. Once again, not caring about Alinne’s words about the two of us in public

“Diane can’t be at the hospital” Mark shakes his head, still not believing in what was happening “What if something happens to her? How will I tell Martin?”

“Mark, calm down, I’m sure it’s no biggie” I say trying to calm him down as I dodge the cars that go past us as I race before them, trying to be quick.

“Pierre was fucking desperate, Tom. He doesn’t even show his feelings when he’s watching chick flicks with her…”

“Does she tell you that stuff?” I ask frowning

“Yes” He chuckles “She might have cheated on me and she might have been a bitch but she’s still my best friend… That was why I married her”

“You really love her, don’t you?” 

“I used to, a lot. I was totally crazy about her” He looks over to me, taking a hold of my free hand “But that’s past. Though she’s still my son’s mother…”

I nod and squeeze his hand; he takes it up, closer to him and kisses my knuckles. His eyes get a far-away look as he grips into my hand tightly, making sure I wasn’t going anywhere away from him.

When we arrive at the hospital I look over to him as I enter the parking lot and start to get my safety belt off. He’s got glassy eyes, staring at my hand with open lips, breathing heavily through his mouth. I know this is a hard time for him, but is it okay to say he’s so cute? He cares so much about her and it’s not like he’s still in love with her. Somehow I wanted him to feel that way about me… I wanted him to care.

Mark was ten times calmer than before, but still anxious and scared, like a little kid who’s about to lose his mommy. Mark practically runs into the hospital and I still hadn’t even turned off the car, and as soon as I do, I follow him with hurried steps.

When he reaches the main hall, Mark presses both hands on the wood that separates him and the woman behind the balcony

“Diane Cain!” He shouts a bit too loud

“Mister, just sig…” the woman starts to say while taking a couple of papers from under the counter 

“Diane Cain!” He shouts again, tapping both his hands angrily against the wood

“Mark” I say pulling him back, but he doesn’t look at me “Mark!” I call him again and he turns his blue eyes to me in a snap, making puppy dong eyes before curling himself into my chest, shying away while both his hands turned into fists on my MacBeth shirt and he hugs me tightly. Again, not letting me go, not wanting me to. I put one arm around him while I turn to talk with the woman “Do we really need to fill these papers?”

“What are you guys looking for?” She asks chewing on her gum. She’s got big hipster glasses and seems to be kind of young, around her mid-twenties, which was weird because movies always make it seem like it’s a cranky old lady who’s going to help you at places like these.

This woman’s still cranky though.

“Didn’t you hear him? Diane Everly, dammit” I snap at her, already annoyed as well

“When did she get here?” 

“Half an hour ago, I don’t know!”

“Are you guys related to her?”

“Me!” Mark says letting me go “I’m her ex-husband”

“Are you her current husband?” She asks at me and I shake my head “Sorry, only relatives”

“She gave birth to my son, okay? I have to see her” Mark says hissing at her, placing both hands on the wood again, giving her a death glare

“Look here” I say pointing at her, now with the same anger and range as Mark’s “You better let us see her, otherwise we’ll pee in all of your flowers outside and we’ll take all your urinals and run around naked with it on top of our heads, and it won’t only be the two of us because we have friends who have friends and who knows some other crazy people too. So you better get us to talk to her if you don’t want this hospital to be a total fucking mess”

She seems angry enough; Mark looks at me with a surprised expression, a smile slowly growing on him. She looks at us and puffs, getting up from her seat.

“Oh my God” Mark giggles “You totally scared her!”

“I know baby, thank me when we see Diane” I say kissing the top of his head before he hugs me quickly

The woman comes back a few minutes later, a fake smile plastered across her lips “Could I please have the gentleman’s names please?”

“Mark, Mark Hoppus!” Mark says excitedly

“Tom DeLonge” I say right after him, not as urgent as him though

“Okay, may you two follow them?” She says pointing somewhere behind us, but as soon as we turn around, two big, gigantic guys were already gripping at our arms

“Oh come on!” I whine “We only wanted to see the woman!”

“I have the right to see whoever I want to!” Mark shouts as he tried to struggle away from the man’s grip as both of them pulled us outside “First society wants me to give up the free will of who I love and now this? I won’t take it!”

“Mark stay quiet, people are looking!” I hiss quietly since he’s shouting and getting everyone’s attention, I guess he doesn’t need another gossip page to rat us out to our producers

“Shut up, Tom!” He snaps and I decide to stay quiet. 

Like expected we are thrown out of the hospital, Mark kicks the wall several times before coming back to me while I wait for him beside my car “Now we just wait to see Martin’s reaction…”

“Mark, calm down” I say placing both hands on his shoulders, that is when his phone starts ringing again.

“It’s Diane!” He shouts excitedly and picks it up “Hi Diane, how are you? Oh my God, is everything okay?”

He hums a couple of times, thanking God over and over again while he talks to someone who isn’t Diane, but is also a native English speaker.

When he hangs up he turns to me again “She’s at another hospital, a bit far from here though. Apparently they weren’t even in LA when she got sick. The doctor said she still hasn’t woken up, but she probably will at any time before they finish making tests on her”

“Who was speaking to you?” I ask opening the door of the car and climbing inside

“Some doctor, he said he learned French at high school and was able to decipher some words of what Pierre was trying to tell us earlier”

“Good” I laugh and start the car, driving out of the city to some hospital Mark typed into the GPS.

When we arrive, Pierre is waiting for us at the lounge, he’s all smiley and happy. Me and Mark frown at each other before he walks up to us

Who would be happy like this after their wife just passed out?

“Diane” He says “Diane”

“Yes we know” Mark rolls his eyes, already annoyed at the guy who’s been acting like a dick to him on the past few days “What about her?”

He touches his stomach, slapping it a couple of times, but we both kept frowning 

“Diane. Crib. Suck. Tits” He says, but it only made us frown even more

“Pierre, can’t we just talk to her?” Mark asks annoyed 

“Diane. Me. Fuck. Seed. Belly. Big belly. Screams. Blood. Baby! Oui, Baby! Oui oui!”

“What?” Mark starts to smile like a fucking manic, and I can’t help but get a huge grin on my face as well “Diane is pregnant?!?”

“And with a baby apparently!” I say throwing my hands up 

“Oui Oui, Diane, baby!” Pierre repeats

“Congratulations, dude!” Mark says as he shakes hands with Pierre, who seems fucking happy to get to be a father “You deserve it” He says and smiles before turning to me “I hope his children isn’t as an ass as him…” Mark whispers and I chuckle

“Oui, baby!” Pierre repeats

“Oui!” Mark says nodding, almost mocking at him for always repeating the same words.

“Congratulations, man. Don’t forget to keep the dog away from it so it doesn’t bite the baby out of jealousy since you don’t have time to fuck the dog anymore…” I say and Pierre gives me a confused look, not understanding a single word of what I had just said

“Toy. Dog. For baby!” Pierre says

“Yes, buy him a stuffed dog, whatever” I say as I hear Mark holding himself to not laugh out loud by my side.

Pierre leads us upstairs to Diane’s room and apparently she had woken up a bit before Pierre went downstairs, giving him only the time to get the news from the doctor.

Diane was in a bed, playing with her belly “Hi there future mom!” Mark says excitedly as we walk inside

“Mark, what are you doing here?” Diane asks surprised

“Well, me and Tom were at home when Pierre called me and we went to another hospital and… well, long story” Mark giggles “But congratulations! I’m so happy for you!”

“So you already got the news, huh?” She smiles “I wanted to give you the news myself!” Diane whines and smiles up at him

“Oh no, but that’s fine!” Mark adds “We managed to get some funny ones out of Pierre as he told us…” He turns to me and I nod, starting to laugh with him

“Guys…” Diane says and Mark shrugs 

“I don’t care about Pierre, I’m just happy about you!” 

Diane smiles again “The doctor said everything’s okay, I wasn’t really expecting to get pregnant again so soon but oh well, better now than later when I can’t have children anymore…”

“You’re still young, don’t say that…”

“Well, Pierre is what? Five years younger than me? But you know what? I feel so alive! This is going to do me good”

“Sure it will” Mark giggles, and I wonder if they were actually husband and wife at some time in the past, because it doesn’t really look like it.

When we get out, he’s not grumpy anymore; he’s not shouting and neither giving people dirty looks like he was just about half an hour ago “I told you there was nothing to worry about…” I say as we climb into the car again

“Yeah, now all we need to worry about is if Pierre is ever going to find out what you told him…”

Once we get in front of his house he turns to me slowly 

“Won’t you come in again?”

“Mark, I need to get back to work…” I sigh “This was fun though, let’s just hope no one important has seen your fit…”

Mark shrugs “It’s okay, I don’t care anymore…”

“No?” I ask surprised “How come?”

Mark blushes a little, cuter than ever “Well, I just thought that if you’re comfortable enough to be okay with it… Then I should too…”

I smile at him “You’re saying you’re letting it go because you think that’s what I want?” I ask and he nods slowly, blushing again “You’re adorable!” I exclaim and he smiles hard before burying his face into his hands

“I am not! Stop!”

“No, come on, don’t do that!” I say as I try to get both his hands off his face, making him look at me “You’re amazing, and you’re beautiful and you’re so caring about everyone around you and you’re…” I sigh, looking his deep blue eyes staring up at me with a smile on their glisten “You’re everything I want to be… You’re everything I could have asked for at this time…”

Mark sighs, his lips closing as I see him trying hard to not smile like a little girl 

“I’m sorry if I acted so carelessly when the news came out… It’s just that… I guess I’m okay with it…” I shrug “It doesn’t scare me anymore the fact that I want you…”

“You… You want me?” Mark asks looking up at me while pointing to his chest, a bit insecure about my words “Me? Are you sure were talking about the same person? About me? You really want me?”

I laugh “Yes! Is that so hard to understand?” I ask and he smiles 

“I got… I gotta go” He says and opens the door before jumping out, but he stops once he’s outside “Hey Tom” Mark calls me again and I look over to him.

Mark steps into the SUV again, leaning over the passenger seat to reach my lips. He kisses me and I stop a bit, when he pulls back, his lips go to my cheek again and he buries his nose on my skin, smiling into it as he breathed my scent.

I hoped he couldn’t see me blushing from where he was standing 

“I’m sorry about lunch” He whispers and I chuckle

“That’s okay…”

***

“It’s tomorrow” Mark says at the other end of the phone. I imagine him looking out to the sea from his backyard from behind his sunglasses, wishing I was there with him, or maybe he could be here with me. It would make me feel ten times better either way “My manager said that I should make a tweet… What kind of come out is that?” 

We talk for a couple of hours. The kids are at a friend’s house and should be back at any minute, Mark said Diane and Pierre had taken Martin to Pacific Park and should be back at any time as well.

We hang up once Diane has arrived at his house, after a couple of minutes Jean and Noah run through the door and we watch TV until we’re tired out of our heads.

It’s good to hang out with them, even more now that I can barely be seen out of home and I can barely see Mark. They’re good company even at the hardest times…

It’s five o’clock of Tuesday when Jean brings me the family’s iPad, flopping down at the stool beside the one in which I was sitting while drinking my evening coffee. He runs her little fingers through the screen before opening a twitter page and pushing the device in front of me

“@MarkHoppus: True love is something that comes easy, so think twice before giving me or anyone else a hard time. Some guys like guys, get over it”  
I smile.

It’s over.

He said love.


	22. Outer Space, Or Heaven Above

I grab the only bag I’ve got while making a ‘Why am I here on the first place anyway?’ face when I see the huge amount of people fumbling around me to get theirs, shoving even. Some of them give me annoyed sideways looks, others smile at me when I pass by them, but most just chirp happily to their companions while looking and pointing at me.

The airport in Houston sure isn’t as busy as the LAX, but still, I hate places like these

“Mr. DeLonge?” I hear someone say as I turn around, I get surprised by the sight of a little boy who stands in front of me with a camera and a set of paper/pen on his hands “Ca-Can you give-e me your autograph?” 

I give him my brightest smile and lean down in one knee in front of him. I can’t say I’m confident, but I love kids, they’re either sassy or just too damn nervous, and I love the nervous ones because they make me feel like I’m one of them, I don’t get so shy seeing they’re shying too.

“Of course!” I say as I take the paper away from him “You want a photo too?” I ask, assuming it by the camera and he shyly nods “That’s okay, what’s your name?”

“Mark” He smiles and I give him my classical smirk

“Oh, really? That’s an awesome name!” I say patting his back before getting up and giving the paper back to him. “Come on, let’s take a picture”

His mother comes in right then, taking a picture of me and him before he makes a sad face and having to leave. I try to put a smile back on his face by giving him a couple of NASA stickers I had on my backpack, which he seems to be happy with.

“Thank you, Mr. DeLonge!” Little Marky smiles big and I let him hug my legs. I lean down in one knee again and let him hug me full. 

“You’re so welcome, big guy!” I smile and grab my things to walk outside.

David was the one to drop me at LAX and there he said someone would be waiting for me, so I let my eyes roam through the crowd that’s waiting for the plane to arrive.

My eyes then catch a certain short guy with faded blonde hair that was starting to whiten from ageing, though he looked like he was around my age. His eyes were framed by black rimmed glasses while his hands held a paper with the NASA symbol and my name below. He’s wearing all black and has a few tattoos along his arm.

“Hm Hi!” I say as I approach him “I’m here”

“Oh, hi Thomas” The little guy waves with a bright smile even if he was right in front of me. I smile awkwardly and wave back “I’m Matt” He says as he gives me his hand to shake

“Hi Matt” I say pulling back after shaking it too “So… what’s up?”

“You mean you want to know what we’re going to do?” He asks and I nod

“That’s better” I smile

“Yeah, okay, today’s Sunday so there isn’t any work for us, but we can go out to dinner if you want…”

I shrug “If it’s not of any bother to you, I mean, I’m starving”

“Great, I can drop you at your hotel later and I’ll show you the stuff you got to do tomorrow morning, how does that sound?”

“Pretty cool” I smile and he starts to lead me outside and towards his car.

“Are people staring much at you?” He chuckles as we start to walk away

“Less than I thought they would” I laugh with him as we keep walking “So… Where are we having dinner?”

***

“Fuck” I curse to myself as I get an electrical shock from one of the cables I’m supposed to be fixing 

“Is everything okay?” Matt asks through the speakers, I raise my head and look up at him staring at me concernedly through the glass window while one of his hands presses the speaking button that allows me to hear him from outside the room

“Yeah, it is, don’t worry!” I shout and go back to pay attention to what I had been doing before. I manage to fix whatever system was inside the box in the right time and Matt lets me out of the room “Do I have to do any more of these? I’m tired!”

“No, that was the last one” Matt chuckles as he scribbles something down on his pad “Want to grab something to eat?” 

“Oh my God, yes!” I exclaim as I place my hand on the doorknob 

“Won’t you wait for me?” Matt asks offended, he’s laughing though

“I’ll meet you there…” I shrug and walk outside; realizing I’m not in Pasadena anymore and this is a completely different building. I walk back into the room, Matt looks up at me “I’m lost, help me”

“Just wait until I finish here, okay?” He asks and I nod. He ends up doing his stuff a few minutes later and we go to the cafeteria. We both sit at a table with a natural sandwich and a glass of orange juice each “Can I ask you something?” Matt asks while munching on his sandwich and I nod 

“Sure”

“Hm, this is kind of personal…”

“That’s fine” I shrug

“Are you really dating Mark Hoppus?”

I laugh “We confirmed it like a week ago. Yeah, I’m dating him, why were you afraid to ask this?”

“Well, some people think it’s weird…” He says and I suddenly pick it up 

“How come?” I frown 

“Well” Matt starts "There were two other guys before me who were scaled to guide you while you were here, but they refused right after the news came out…” He shrugs “I ended up accepting it and here I am” He smiles before taking another bite off of his sandwich

“Are people really that bothered?”

He shrugs “People are just too concerned with the sexuality of people they’re not having sex with…”

“God” I say throwing my head back “It feels like high school all over again?”

“Did you like guys since then?” Matt asks taking a sip from his juice

“No” I shake my head “I was just a weird type of outsider… Let’s just say I belonged to two different groups and both didn’t accept I was in another one…”

“What were they?”

“Astronomy nerds and Punks” I smile to myself and Matt chuckles “What about you?”

“I went to Space Camp and Space Academy as a kid and teenager, but in high school I mostly just played in bands”

“Cool” I smile “I guess were the same breed then…”

“Mixed” He chuckles

“Right on!” I raise my fist and he bumps it from across the table

“I gotta tell the guys they’re missing this, you’re an awesome dude! I mean, they’re not my friends really, but they’ll probably ask me how this was. I know now I can totally rub it on their faces…”

I chuckle “You’re fucking weird. I like it” We keep talking for a while, chuckling our jokes off before going back to work.

***

“Why isn’t this working?” I ask as I slap Matt’s computer again, Skype had just decided to be a big bitch today I guess

“Honey, I’m here! Stop slapping the poor thing!” Mark shouts as he finally connected with me, his tired face flashing across the screen “So… How you doing?” He asks as he takes a sip from his glass of water, and I realize he’s sitting at the kitchen

“Good, but I miss home” I sigh “Are you sleeping, at all?”

“Why?” He frowns

“Because you look like you haven’t gotten any bedtime in like 50 years…”

“Hey, I’m old but not that much” He points out and I chuckle “Nothing, Fuse is just making me stay after the show and I’m going to sleep at like 6am when I usually go to bed at two or three in the morning”

“So sorry” I say “I’m pretty tired too, Matt has to work more than he should, and that’s kind of making me feel bad”

“Is he that guy David talked about? You told me about him on the phone before you departed…”

“Yep, that’s him” I nod

“Are you at his house?” He asks and I nod

“Yeah, his wife’s making dinner for us while we work; he went out to put his daughter to sleep and left the computer with me so I could talk to you. He should be back any minute now”

“Are you having fun?” He starts to smile and I realize he’s petting something on his lap

“Hm, yeah…” I say with a frown 

“What’s wrong?” 

“Are you petting something?” That’s when I see a cat’s tail sneaking from his lap, after a while the little thing peaks his head and I can see him through the webcam “You’ve got a cat!” I exclaim excitedly

“It’s not mine!” He laughs, shaking his head as he places the cat on the island, it yawned its paws as he did so, looking like paper to me “This is Julio. He is Constanza’s! She leaves him with me when I feel too alone…”

“You alone?”

“Kinda” He shrugs, looking straight into me, not at the camera, so it made it look like he had a honky or a lazy eye or something, I just shrug it off. He sighs and gives me a sad smile “Been missing you”

“I miss you too” I smile, looking at him at the screen. How I wish I was there with him, playing with that cat… “I’ll be back on Tuesday, you know that…”

“It’s still Friday!” He whines 

“Isn’t Diane there anymore?”

Mark shakes his head “She and Pierre left the day after you did…”

“Well, Friday is sooner than you think…” 

“Just shut up” He says and the door opens 

“Ready?” Matt asks and I look surprised at him 

“Well, Matt, don’t you want to see Mark?” I ask and Matt walks closer, standing by my side 

“Hi Mark!” Matt says fixing his glasses on his nose and waving at Mark, who waves back and smiles too

“Hey Matt, is he being a good boy?”

“Better than that cat” Matt says and we can see the cat pressing his claws against Mark’s shirt. He pulls it back, placing him back on the island

“Fucker ripped my shirt!” He whines and both Matt and I laugh “Anyway, if you two are going back to work than I better get going too. Got to wake up early…”

“Fuse is making you go in the morning too?” I ask and he nods 

“Yeah, unfortunately. But anyway, talk to you in the morning”

“Yeah, bye” I say before he disconnects and me and Matt go to the backyard where a few projects were spread out on the grass, a few improvised lights around so we could take a better look at them. 

Matt pushes his glasses further up his nose while he looks down into one “We should’ve left these at NASA and stay there overnight…” He shook his head 

“Do you really think that would’ve been better?” I ask and he nods

“Yeah, I’ve done that plenty of times before… But anyway, thanks for introducing me to Mark…”

“You’re welcome” I chuckle and I can see him smiling “He’s the greatest guy I’ve ever met”

Matt chuckles “You seem to really love him” He says and I stop in my tracks, I look up and down, and I smile when I realize he’s right

“Yeah” I chuckle “And I know it’s early to say this, but I don’t know…” I say and end up shrugging, then I see Matt’s looking over at me, smiling at my face “I like him, I really like him”

“I wish I have a shirt that said ‘I love falling in love’” He chuckles “Even watching other people do so is fucking great” Matt’s pushing one of his hands into the box and a little spark came out. He takes one of his tools and starts working better on it while I watch him patiently.

“Falling in love really is great” I smile to myself, one of the projects in my hands, my eyes looking up

Matt looks up too, but his eyes focus on me and I can feel his eyes on me. He’s curious about something and I’m curious to know what it is. Once I turn my looks back to him I see he had been looking at me patiently, he smiles pushing his glasses further up his nose “What were you looking at?” He asks

“Stars” I smile

“Oh” Matt says and looks back down. My mind start roaming itself, and I find myself eager enough to bother his work

“Do you know why those guys didn’t want to work with me?” 

I can hear Matt gulping, but he still answers “It’s because you like guys I guess…” Matt shrugs, though I’m not sure if he’s certain of his own answer.

“Can I tell you what I think?” I ask and he nods

“Sure”

“I haven’t even talked about this with Mark, okay?”

Matt nods “Okay”

I sigh, looking at him and making sure he’s paying attention at my words. Sometimes I have this urge to say everything that needs to be said. It’s like I’m putting out the best in me “I don’t know when I started liking men, and I don’t even know if I actually do like men… The only thing I do know right now is that I like Mark, though I still don’t know how, but I know I do, shouldn’t that be enough? Why does people feel like I need to prove anything about what I like or what I don’t. I mean” I stop confused “At this point of my life I should’ve known if I am gay or not, right?”

“Well, I guess so” Matt frowns

“It’s not like it makes me like him any less, but that’s just a wonder. Anyway,” I start, trying to situate Matt into my track of thought “Before I even met him, I had my own thoughts about this. Well, the truth is that I never really had a gay friend; I had never been close to a gay person too. Hell, the closest thing I had to gay people was lesbian porn, which let me tell you, isn’t as great as weird creepy guys make it seem…” 

I trail off and Matt chuckles, shifting on his place 

“I know I’m not expected to be thinking about them, but even my own work leaded me to these thoughts. Matt, just for a second think straight here with me: In ten thousand years there might be a disaster or something of the type that will make the human species as we know go extinct. We will have to get out of here somehow if we do want to continue to live…”

“You mean we should get out of planet earth?” Matt asks

“Yes, that’s about it. Hm, have you ever thought about why homosexuality people exist?” I ask and he shakes his head

“Some say it’s a disease, others say it’s just a life style…” 

“These so-called answers don’t really answer the question. They’re not reasons, they’re just speculations. I don’t know, I think there are a thousand answers for this. But when I try to reach into the deeper parts of my brain, more exactly around High School, I remember this one English teacher I had. Everyone thought he was gay and he had a nephew that was open about liking men, so we kind of took it from that too…”  
Matt nodded, understanding my words 

“Anyway, once he was trying to explain to us about the age of enlightment for some style he was supposed to start analyzing. He said that twenty percent of the whole population of each creature, of each animal, is gay, or is asexual or has a shift on their genders in some level… I mean, what if something happened to all straight people and or animals? What if they all got AIDS or some sexually transitive disease or something of the type and died? These people probably would be unaffected and would be there, healthy to repopulate the species…”

I gulp, felling a wave of heat boiling up on me. Here I am, spilling my brains out; I had very few moments of these, moments in which I let myself out, moments in which my daydreams and thoughts were released and made concrete by words.

“If twenty percent of the humans are a resort for reasons of safety. The human being is also coherent, and also natural, in thinking about getting out of earth: It’s for the safety of our existence. The bible itself said something about growth and multiplying… The church says it’s wrong for two men to be together because it stops them from having children and, scientifically and genetically, improving the species. But they also support their arguments with scientific facts nowadays...”

“Listen: We also can’t grow and multiply if something happens to all of us, which is what my teacher’s theory stands for. That’s why I think life should exist outside of earth… Our survival depends of us spreading and multiplying before some tragedy ends with us all. The chances of straight people getting killed by some disease are as dangerous as the chances of our planet crashing and killing everyone, that’s where gays and other planets kick in”

“Let’s go back to science again, let’s think of Darwin, okay? This is all a reinterpretation of Darwin’s theory of evolution: The meaning of life is reproduction, that’s even what the church’s arguments are based on after he came up with this wacko-doomsy theory for the time he lived in… But if you think better about it, still speaking scientifically of course, the human brain has a system of reward. That’s what motivates us for sex. I mean, if you think about it, sex is sweaty and sticky and sometimes painful, no one wants to be sweaty, sticky and in pain for no reason at all, still, all the pleasure drives us down to do it…”

I wrap my arms around myself, feeling my own heat. Maybe I will puke my insides out at some point soon

“Every time we do anything that’s good, anything, our brains lets out hormones that give us pleasure. So that opens the factor to another meaning of life: The one in which we are happy… Some might say it’s selfish, but if you think about it the human being gets happy with the conquer of having a kid, of raising a family. That means that if by multiplying we get happy, then both meanings of life are fused together”

“And you’re probably wondering why these people aren’t allowed to be happy, right?” Matt raises an eyebrow and my eyes go wide. To be honest, I hadn’t even thought about it.  
“That’s right” I slowly start to say, nodding “I mean, it’s not like I’m looking forward to have a kid now, I’m almost in my forties and I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have the patience and time at this point of my life, plus I already got two beautiful kids. But to think about it: What stops men from letting these people being happy, huh?”

“That intrigues me a lot” Matt says “As a scientist I think of the human race as a whole… And that… That puts a lot of thought into my mind…”

“Nature acts in mysterious ways…” I continue “I guess that’s why I wanted to follow that route so bad. I mean, I could’ve been in music and music makes me wonder a lot, but only knowledge could lead me out of just believing and into the great thing of knowing. That’s why you see young, defiant people, especially those who are attached to music: Music gives them something to believe in, and they just crave to actually know it, that’s why they’re rebels and that’s why they’re mad and impatient: They want to go out there and know. The human being is filled with the motivation of knowledge and meeting other places, new sceneries, that was what took us to the moon, right? Hell, that’s why we’re here right now!”

“To improve satellites and reach into deeper parts of the universe…” Matt completes me again, a smile on his lips

“That’s right!”

Matt slowly starts to smile “Wow, that’s… That’s amazing, that’s truly amazing, Tom”

“I know” I smile to myself, feeling like I had taken one more step towards evolution, not necessarily as part of the human race, but within myself as well. I had grown in less than twenty seconds. I smile again and look down to one of the projects in my hands before looking up the sky, focusing at the same stars I’ve been staring at for years now…


	23. Always Sex Or Suicide

“So, did you like Matt?” David asks when he comes to pick me up at the LAX. David takes off of my hands a box full of stuff the people had sent for study in Pasadena, which leaves me to only be carrying my bag, strapped to my shoulder.

“Yeah, he’s fricking awesome!” I exclaim “I had the best time with him”

“That’s good” He nods “I knew you’d like him”

“Wait, you already knew Matt?” I ask and he nods again 

“Yeah, remember last year when I went to Houston to go to that engineering congress I was supposed to speak in?” I frown at first but then I nod once I remember the week I got all lost because he wasn’t around

“Oh yeah, I remember now…” 

“I met him while I was there…” David explains and I nod. Both of us get into my car he’s brought with him since he couldn’t pick me up on his motorcycle. I start driving, taking a different way as we go down the freeway “Uh, Tom?” David asks with a frown by my side as I turn around a corner

“Yeah?” I ask, faking innocence

“You know you got into the wrong exit, right?” 

“Yeah, I know. I gotta pass at Mark’s first”

David whines, throwing his head back “Is it taking too long?”

“I don’t know man, it’s quick I think” I say shrugging 

“Okay, just don’t forget me here…”

I nod and keep driving, laughing at his not-so-innocent innocence. I had left David hanging dry waiting once before because I had spent half of my lunch time fucking Mark, while I had promised I would spend the other half with David. Let’s just say it’s obvious that I arrived late.

Once I reach Mark’s street I jump out of the car and leave David waiting for me. I knock on the front door as I watch my feet jump up and down impatiently, my eyes waiting for the reflex of the opening door

“Mister Tom!” Constanza says excitedly as she opens it, smiling up at me like a teenage broad

“Hi Constanza, is Mark at home?” 

“Mister Mark in his room” Constanza says pointing further into the house

“Well, uh, can I come in?” I ask and she nods, opening the door for me to step in

“Me call him” She says but I stop her at her tracks with a hand on her shoulder 

“Don’t worry, I’ll get it” 

She seems taken aback with my touch, but she just smiles again and motions for me to go. I walk inside and into the hallways and once I’ve reached Mark’s door I’m almost exploding with anxiety, it all feels so smooth and perfect. I knock and wait

“Come in!” Mark shouts but I don’t dare to even touch the knob, instead I wait a few seconds and knock again “Come in, Constanza!” Mark shouts again and I knock one more time “Constanza, I swear to God that I wo…”

As soon as the door opens he’s standing in front of me, his annoyed expression turning to a happy one in seconds, but before he’s able to even smile I rush inside. I grab him by both arms and turn him around, closing the door with my feet and pressing my lips against his as I push him into the door.  
Mark melts into it, his hands curling and turning into fists on my shirt “Hi there” He says while I still press him, my lips going to kiss the corner of his lips so he can talk. I can feel him smiling and I’m sure he can feel me doing the same. Mark’s got a little lazy lately and I can see that by the little stubble he has let grow. I kiss his chin, moving to his jaw line and feeling his facial hair tingling on my lips.

“Missed you. So much!” I say as I bite on the skin and I can hear him breathing, preparing a moan.

I can almost see him closing his eyes and throwing his head back. One of my hands go to his neck, pulling on his hair slightly while the other slid down to his hip, bringing him closer. 

Mark’s nails dig into the skin of my upper back, and I know they’re leaving bruises because I’ve got sensible skin, but I don’t care. I kiss him again and he sucks on my bottom lip letting his nails drag until both of them reach the hem of my shirt and I pull away so Mark can help me take it off.

I kiss him again and let both my hands go up under his shirt, touching his back and then moving to his chest and I feel his knees going weak when I pull away from the kiss, leaving a trail on his jaw line and neck. Mark lets me hold him and his hands go down to my jeans, letting his fingers crawl into my pants and grab my butt cheeks

“Come on” Mark laughs and turns me around, making me stand against the wall. Mark kisses me and pulls me into him by the hand he rests on the back of my neck. Mark walks backwards, pulling me towards the bed. 

I crawl on top of it and wait for him to strip and stand in only his boxers; he moves on top of me and kisses me again lightly before thrusting his crotch into mine. My nails crave into the skin of his back; I pull apart from his kiss and faintly bit on his jawline, feeling his stubble against my teeth.

After a while he climbs towards the nightstand, looking for the lube and condom. My hands grab the lube when he throws it at me and he gets himself busy by opening the condom, ripping it with his teeth.

“Gimme, I’ll prep you” He says still out of breath once he’s got the condom on and I hand him the bottle.

Mark pushes a finger inside, and then two, as soon as I realize I’m thrusting my ass into his hand once he’s making up and scissor movements “Fuck, Mark. Fuck, oh Shit”  
Mark chuckles and I let my legs go around his hips, raising my ass for him. Mark crawls on top of me and starts thrusting with his lips connected to mine.

His head buries itself on my shoulder and I can feel him kissing my skin, both my hands are on his hair, grabbing it forcefully and with strength “Mark. Oh God, Mark, please” I moan and plead as he grins against me. His mouth breathes heavily against my Adam’s apple and I moan even more.

His lips crawl to my chin and he kisses it before reaching my lips again “Tom” He moans “You’re so tight, fuck!” Mark throws his arms around my neck and pulls me closer for another kiss “I’m coming” He says “Fuck, Tom. Shit, I’m so close”

“Wait” I say and grab my dick that’s between our bodies “Just hold on for a sec”. I start pumping myself and he plays his tongue and teeth with my ear, licking and biting on it to tease me “Fuck” I moan “I’m close”

Mark comes first, spilling his hot liquid into me. I come right after, but I still watch him, his face going soft and smiling in pleasure. It’s like he’s been waiting this for so long. I kiss him when we’re about to reach the end, weak and out of breath. 

Once he’s back, he pulls out of me and takes his condom off, tying it into a not and throwing it aside. Mark kisses my stomach as I close my eyes and just appreciate the moment.  
We’re both out of breath and sweaty while he climbs back on top of me again. I grab him by the sides and turn him over, standing on top as he giggles and I leave kisses all over his face “You’re so beautiful” I sigh as I connect our foreheads, our eyes looking right into each other “You’re fucking beautiful, Mark”

Mark closes his eyes and places a hand on the back of my neck, pulling me close to kiss him. We cuddle and talk for a while before I get decide to get dressed and go back to my car

“You really have to go?” Mark asks, still naked while sitting on his bed as he watches me buckle my belt “I didn’t even know you were coming this soon, I thought I would only be able to see you again tomorrow…”

“Babe” I whisper as I get closer to him, he looks up at me with those big blue eyes of his, hypnotizing me and I cup his face in my hands “I wish I had all the time in the world for you…”

Mark nods and smiles before raising his head to kiss me, placing both hands on my hips and bringing me close. 

“I like the stubble by the way…” I say against his lips, coming muffled

“What?” Mark pulls back and looks at me with a slight frown

“I like your little stubble” I say placing my thumb on his chin and feeling his spiky hair “You look really good in it” 

Mark can see my smirk “I thought you wouldn’t like it. I was supposed to shave this morning but then I thought ‘What the hell’, you know?”

“Maybe you should let it grow sometime” I say, raising my head to take a better look at him, at his beautiful face

“What?” Mark chuckles with a frown “You don’t want to see it” He shakes his head, closing his eyes “It’s flawed and it misses a few spots and it makes me look like a hobo”

“Come on!” I whine “I’m curious now”

“No!” He chuckles and shakes his head before kissing me again “You won’t ever see more beard than this…”

I kiss him back and after a couple of seconds we hear a beep from his phone, suddenly I come back to reality 

“What time is it?”

“It’s hm…” Mark looks at his cellphone “17:30”

“Oh fuck, how long have I been here?”

Mark shrugs “About thirty, fourty five minutes…”

“Holy shit! I gotta to see David” I place my lips over his, giving him another quick kiss before leaning down to tie my Elliotts

“Why the hurry?”

“I left him in the car” I point out, dragging at the end

“What the fuck, Tom?” Mark chuckles

“Bye handsome” I say quickly before grabbing him forcefully and kissing him again, a little bit rougher this time

“I’ll call you!” Mark shouts once I’m opening the door

“You better!” I shout back before closing it

I fix my shirt on my body again as I walk back to my car, cursing for this thing not being straight like I wish to.

I get into the car and David jerks awake with the sound of the door being heavily closed “How long was I in there?”

“A whole life, you faggot!”

***

I am almost mad at everyone for the fact that I can’t seem to find the room I’m looking for the past half an hour. A woman is leading me to it right now because apparently getting lost four times is too much. “It’s here” The woman says pointing to a door with a paper on the front, what’s written in it is unreadable though. All the small letters were placed in little boxes, indicating at what time people had reserved that room for. 

She walks away annoyed already. I ignore her and knock on the door hastily, almost impatiently even if I had no actual reason to be “Come in!” I hear a feminine voice shout from inside and I fumble with the door to get in. 

Music is playing loudly, vocals higher though. That’s when I see that I’m inside a recording room and I look at the boy singing inside the booth at the end of it. His tall stature and the tattoos on his arms and neck call my attention; he’s got long black hair all over his face and is too concentrated at the paper in front of him to even look at me from behind the window.

“Oh my God, it’s Tom DeLonge” I notice someone whispering from my side and I look around, my eyes ungluing itself from the booth. There are two guys sitting on a leather couch by the side. 

I notice it was one of them who had whispered, more precisely the one with brown hair whose hairs at the edge of the neck were dyed blue, it was a weird way to dye your hair but it wasn’t bad, his hair was fairly long. 

The same kid must be around the age of 24, 26 maximum. His hands were gripping on an orange bottle of Gatorade. The other guy’s a ginger who is wearing a dark blue hoodie; he slaps his friend on the arm and snatches the bottle away from his hands

“Hi there” I smile awkwardly and the boy with blue hair salutes me from afar.

“The bass’s dropping too early…” I hear the same feminine voice from before speak, that’s when I notice a blonde girl sitting at the other end of the room, throwing her hands up “Jeremy, I told you to fix this!”

She’s thin, average stature, bleached hair, shoulder length and brown eyes. She’s got an acoustic on her lap, and she’s wearing a gray sweatshirt with black leggings and a jeans shorts. Very much attractive if you ask me

She turns around, hugging the guitar on her lap protectively while directing her words to the boy who was trying to get his Gatorade back from the ginger “I did!” He justifies

“No you didn’t! The song is still the same!” She objects 

“Then you discuss that with Alan when he gets out of the booth…” Jeremy rolls his eyes

“Discuss that with Alan when he gets out of the booth…” She repeats in a high-pitched voice

“Grace, shut up!” He snaps angrily, throwing his head back annoyed

“Will you two stop arguing?” The ginger asks, rising up his voice so he could be heard

The girl rolls her eyes and the boy looks down to the Gatorade bottle he finally manages to get back. Silence fills up the room and I feel like I’m the one to break the silence.

“Do any of you know where Mark is?” I ask and the three immediately shoot their looks at me 

“He’s inside, he wants to hear Alan himself” The girl says “Please sit, you are fucking annoying me” 

I look around and end up sitting at one of the chairs by her side “So…” I start “What band are you guys again? I mean, Mark told me about you guys earlier, I just forgot it…” I laugh nervously

“We’re Sarajevo” Grace Chuckles, looking at me, shooting me a smile 

“You guys been around much?” I ask and she shrugs 

“I don’t know, this is only our second album… We started in… Jeremy, when did we meet?”

“2009” Jeremy, the guy with blue hair shouts before getting up and walking towards us 

“Yeah, that was when we started out as a band…”

“Cool” I say

“But that’s okay, enough about us, let’s talk about you” Jeremy says as he rests one of his elbows on Grace’s shoulder

“What about me?” I freeze

“Do you and Mark talk about music?” He asks and I nod 

“Yeah, sometimes”

“What do he says about us?” The ginger asks as he suddenly appears over Jeremy’s shoulder, and even Grace seems interested now, looking at me with a questioning look

“Well, we don’t usually talk about the bands he’s producing…”

“He’s not producing us, he’s still undecided…” Grace shrugs sadly 

“Why do you guys care so much for Mark’s job anyway?” I frown “There are a lot of other producers out there…” 

“Yeah, sure… But Mark’s the guy” Jeremy points out

“You know what it means for a band to be produced by Mark Hoppus?” Grace asks “Imagine saying ‘Yeah, Mark Hoppus from Finest Comedy, you know, that guy from A Different Spin is producing us, we rule!’” She slowly starts to smile to herself, tasting the words on her tongue “Plus, he knows how everything works and a few other bands we toured with said he’s the perfect guy to work with…”

“And he only picks one band in forever, so it’s not it’s that easy” The ginger chirps in

“Wow” I say “You guys must really want it, huh?”

“You don’t know how much” Grace shakes her head “This is my dream since I was thirteen” She sighs “I’ve struggled a lot to get where I am today… All of us did”

That’s when Mark and a tall guy full of tattoos come out of the recording booth “Hi Tom!” He smiles while the other guy just nods at me and I nod back “So, we’re done for today, huh?” Mark asks and they all nod 

“Yeah, it’s been a pretty hard day” Jeremy chuckles “I can’t wait to get home”

“Okay, but before you guys go I need to tell you some news” Mark says rubbing his hands 

“Great, did you get the answer from that guy who plays cello?” Alan, the lead singer they had mentioned before asks as he made his way across the room to grab a gym bag that was placed beside the door

“Better” Mark smirks “Well, at least for me it is good; I don’t actually know if you guys will like it…”

“Well, then tell us” Jeremy challenged him

“I’ll get you guys” Mark says plain, simply, taking a look at each face 

“AHHH!” Grace abruptly gets up, letting go of the guitar that previously was on her lap, letting it fall to the floor with a loud bang

“Thank God that’s not mine” Mark says

“Sorry, fuck, it’s mine, sorry!” Grace says leaning down to get it from the floor, her hands shaking like crazy

“That’s fucking awesome man!” Alan smiles excitedly and pats Mark’s shoulder

“Yeah, thank you so much!” Jeremy exclaims as he gets Mark’s hand to shake

“Really man, you don’t know how much this means to us” Alan says 

“We should be talking it out with the label tomorrow morning, is that okay?”

“It’s great!” Jeremy says throwing his hands up “It’s awesome!”

“I think I’m gonna cry!” Grace says stomping her feet to the ground, her hair flowing softly and the ginger chuckles from her side 

“So I’ll see you all here at four tomorrow at 9, okay?”

They all nodded in sync, excitedly of course. We say goodbye to them and Grace starts to jump excitedly around the room, still not believing the news. Mark and I walk out and he takes me back to the parking lot so we can get my car and go out for lunch

“Did they ask you questions?” Mark asks when we sit at our table when we arrive at the restaurant

“They wanted to know if you had told me something about them…” I shrug “They really wanted you to work with them”

“Well, that I already knew… They’re so fresh… So… I don’t even know how to explain, I’ve never heard anything like them before. Grace is a fucking mastermind, she’s so smart and cultural, it seems like she knows everything sometimes… And she’s way more experienced on the guitar than most guys I know. Jeremy seems pretentious at first glance but his bass lines are fucking amazing for someone with the experience and time he has, and I say that even if I am a bass player before anything I’ll ever do. Brian is amazing on the drums and oh my God, you have to hear Alan on the vocals! He’s mostly an angel who fell down from the sky but he can also be angry and rude when screaming his lungs out”

“Have I ever listened to them? On the radio, I mean”

“You don’t listen to the radio” Mark frowns 

“It’s all shit, but you got it” I smile “Could I have heard them anywhere?”

“I don’t know” He shrugs “They have a song from the previous album that turned into a single but nothing you could hear on the radio I guess… Are we still going to Fuse after we’re done here?”

“I just got to get back to work around four o’clock, got to finish some stuff still today…”

“Yeah that’s fine” He shrugs again “I think I’ll have a meeting at that time anyway…” 

Mark finishes and I look at him as he leans down his head to read the menu, his eyes roaming it from behind his sunglasses, a bottle of water blocking my view partially. Mark’s gel was starting to wear off and hair was falling into his forehead

“Hey” I call him and he looks over his sunglasses without really rising up his head 

“What?” He smiles

“You’re so pretty” I smile and he sticks his tongue out at me, giggling slightly. Fuck.

***

“You’re gonna lay there the whole day, lazy fuck?” Mark asks as he runs to the other side of his dressing room with a tie on his hand and I’m laid down on his leather couch like a fat middle aged guy who just had eaten a whole Chester at Christmas Eve

“You sure you don’t want help with that tie?” I ask as I don’t care about answering his question and I watch him fumble with his button down 

“You know how to not a tie?”

“I have amazing qualities you still haven’t even heard about” I say as I get up and place both hands on the knot of his tie, rising up my head as I do it for him.

“Does any of those qualities include licking cream cheese off of someone?” He asks trying to fake innocence

“I don’t know” I smile slightly “I need time to do that… When do you have some?”

“Hm…” He squints his eyes, his Adam’s apple bobbing slightly “Tomorrow I’m probably spending the whole day with Sarajevo; we can do it on Friday…”

“Sorry, I have work the whole day on Friday…”

“Then Saturday?”

“That’s good” I smile as I finish and lean down to kiss his lips, sliding one hand down to his ass, squeezing it “You know I love this ass, right?”

“You’re just saying that because you don’t want me to stop fucking you” He says shaking his head

“Oh well, the more you know” I say and chuckle with him, my hands slowly crawl up on his tie again and I give him a smirk.

I slightly undo it and he frowns “Hm, Tom? It’s missing ten minutes for me to go” Mark points out

“It’s time enough” 

“Not for me to get another shower”

“And who says we’re getting laid?” I say and kiss him, shoving my tongue into his mouth before making him drop on his knees “Suck me off” I say and he looks up 

“No way” He shakes his head and I undo my belt, dropping my pants and my boxers to my ankles as I let my half-hard erection for him to see. I loved to watch him doing stuff for me as I ordered him to “You’re a whore” He says

“Less than you” He shakes his head again before cupping my balls and licking my head. My eyelids close and I throw my head back in pleasure 

“Fuck!” I whisper with my eyes rolling to the back of my head “How do you do this?” 

My hands curl into fists on his hair and he pulls back, blowing softly and then taking it full, making a dramatic change. I lean my back against the wall and feel the most powerful blowjob I’ve gotten ever since I was younger.

“Mark, I’m close. Fuck, I’m getting so fucking close” I whisper weakly and he pulls out. Mark looks up at me with his big blue eyes and wet red lips and take a deep breath with a moan at the end before spilling all over his hand.

Mark rubs his hand on the carpet, by the looks I know he doesn’t really care. I place both hands on my head and pull my hair in front of my eyes. I let my back slid through the wall until I’m sitting on the ground and facing him. 

I want to say ‘I love you’, that’s what I feel like saying. I look at him breathing heavily in front of me and all I can see are the heavy beautiful colors he’s showing: The blue, the red, the brown and the pale. His white chalk skin and his brown, spiky hair, his calling eyes and his inviting lips

He’s got color and life and he’s shown me beauty comes in all shapes and colors. And I’m not saying just because he’s given me a blowjob, but I’m also saying that because it feels like I can’t spend a second without him, I’m saying that because I look at him and I see everything I want

I guess this is love, why can’t it be? Isn’t it?

“Come here” I say and he crawls closer, placing both hands on the floor behind me, propping himself. Mark brushes his nose against mine and ghosts his lips over mine.

“You’re insane, DeLonge” Mark whispers and opens his eyes to look into mine, I blink once to give him a better look, then I lean in and get his red, swollen bottom lip against mine, sucking into it lightly.

Mark opens his mouth and I poke my tongue inside, he makes his way through and I feel his tongue getting in too. Mark gets closer until he’s sitting on top of me, I can feel both his hands wrapping themselves around my back and I do the same for him.

I hear the kissing sounds and pull him closer momentarily before he pulls apart “I need to go” Mark says 

“I need too” I press my eyes shut and his nose brushes into mine again. My hands tie his knot again, I don’t even pull apart, I do it without even looking. I just want him close.

“Okay” Mark swallows dry and kisses my lips faintly and quickly before getting up, he runs into the bathroom, closing the door behind himself. He takes a while, and when he comes back he goes outside to a conference room while I leave back for work


	24. Don't Start To Panic For Me, Cause I Have Nothing To Lose

I’m at my bed when I wake up, a little Noah wrapped between my arms. He must’ve crawled here last night without even waking me up, I was used to it by now, but he hadn’t done it in a while. I smile and kiss the top of his head, brushing a few strings of hair out of his eyes.

“Hey Noah, wake up” I whisper “Time to go to school”

“I don’t wanna” He whines “School isn’t fun”

I chuckle “Come on kid, you love school…”

Noah rolls his eyes, and he looks upset for a moment, but finally sits up. I get up too and help him getting downstairs where Jean is already dipping her spoon into her cereal lazily

“Good morning, sunshine!” I chirp happily as I kiss the top of her head

“Hi dad” She says casually staring at her bowl, she seems upset for some reason, but I guess it’s just because she just woke up. We all eat breakfast and get dressed; I drop them at school and go to practice, following work right after. The day goes on normally until the moment when the phone in my office starts ringing

“Hi, Tom speaking” I say casually

“Tom, it’s Mark, can you come over for lunch?”

“Aren’t we supposed to have lunch tomorrow?” I ask

“Yeah we are, but I got to show you something” Mark says in an upset voice, it isn’t really convincing me 

“Mark, is everything alright?” I ask

“Yeah it is, why?” 

“Nothing, you just sound weird, upset I think”

“No, it’s nothing, really. What I really want to show you is someone actually” Mark is talking with a weird smile on his voice, I get slightly scared for who it might be.

“Hm, okay I guess. Is it going to be one of those full-afternoon type of lunches or is it something quick?”

“Depends on how you two get along” Mark says “See you midday sweetie”

He hangs up before I’m even able to say goodbye. I frown and put the phone down, staring at all the papers I have to finish before midday “Great”

***

I park my car on the usual spot, I place my feet on the usual side walk, walking through the usual garden before reaching the usual front door. The only thing that’s not so usual when I knock is the image of Martin before my eyes.

“Uncle Tom!” He says excitedly and hugs my legs; I smile and place a hand on his back before he pulls apart, looking from one side to the other “Where’s Jean and Noah?”

“At school…” I say, realizing Martin should too “Shouldn’t you be there too?”

“Jean is at school, huh?” He makes a face “Shit”

He whispers so I’m not able to hear his cursing, but I do “Why aren’t you there?”

“Dad was too busy to drop me there, plus he says I should keep company to Bianca” He says the last name while rolling his eyes, a disgusted tone on his voice

“Who’s Bianca?” I ask as I walk inside and he closes the door behind me 

“She is Everton’s daughter” Martin sighs “She’s a bore”

I frown “Who is Everton?” Was I really starting to forget people or what?

“Jaaaaack!” A little girl comes running from upstairs and Martin closes his eyes in pain, as if the sound of the little girl’s voice is annoyingly disturbing for him, which must be true by the looks of it “I can’t go to the next phase!”

“You have to make a double jump over the hole to catch the Z, otherwise you’ll fall into pit and die, plus you won’t complete all the letters!” Martin tells her with an annoyed tone as Bianca comes closer to us.

She’s got dark short hair tied in a ponytail, curls falling out of it while her bangs were neatly cut above her eyes. Her skin white as chalk, making justice to her name. Bianca is shorter than Martin but somehow seems to be stronger, as if she can put any kid into a trance to do her wishes.

“What’s the point in completing all the letters anyway?” She asks giving him a mad face 

“Because if you don’t the name of the game won’t even be TARZAN, it would be TARAN and it would sound like a porn movie with bugs!” He almost spits at her face and I can’t help but at least try to hold back laughter. The kid is a pretty smart mouth for a ten year-old.

“Tarzan is not a game, it’s a movie!” She tells him defiantly 

“Listen to me, you fuc…”

“Martin!” I snap before he spills out the wrong words. He looks at me and refrains back, ripping out his mad face. He nods at me, probably saying thanks for not letting him cross another line “That’s okay” I say and pat his head. I lean down to my knees beside him so I can face the girl “What’s your name, princess?” I ask and I can see Martin rolling his eyes from my side

“Bianca” She says sweetly with a very weird accent “Bianca Carnel”

“What? Carnel?” I ask and she nods, her ponytail going up and down “As in The Carnel?”

“Tom DefuckingLonge! How are you, dude?” I suddenly hear a strong male voice call me from behind, a heavy Portuguese accent to it, something I didn’t recall on him. I stand back on my two feet hurriedly and turn around surprised to find Mark smiling sweetly at me while he stands beside another guy, each with a drink on their hands.

The guy had changed a lot definitely, the last picture of him going around had been taken in 2005, he was holding a jacket on one arm while sunglasses plastered his face and his hand covered it from the paparazzi around, just waiting for him to say something about what was going on.

Mark and Travis were the ones to say he had decided to go back to his hometown after Finest Comedy had broken up because of Adam’s death. The picture had been taken only a couple of weeks after the funeral. 

The short Mohawk was the icon of his looks. By the time the band broke up his Mohawk was bright pink, decorating his face along the ring on his left eyebrow and the right nostril and 20mm plugs on each ear. 

All the piercings were out, except for the fact that he had kept the tattoos and the plugs, things he didn’t have back when we used to hang out together. Stopping to think about it, I probably had changed a lot as well, I used to have rings on one of my eyebrows and on the right side of my nose. Once I had gotten into college I got some 6mm plugs and a lip ring after taking out the previous piercings, but I’m sure The Carnel hadn’t stayed around long enough to see those. He was two years older than me, by the time I was in college he was already touring with the band.

His neck and arms were well decorated with tattoos I had never seen with my own eyes before, only through pictures. Mark had once told me he had very few drawings on his chest, but last time Mark had seen him was in 2005 as well, and I was hoping that he hadn’t seen the guy shirtless today because I would get jealous as fuck and I don’t like to get jealous in front of Mark.

He thinks it’s cute, though.

I am about to rip someone else’s head out, how can anyone find that be cute?

Only Mark Hoppus, that is.

I smile, walking up to the balcony where they were talking “The Carnel!” I say as I hug him “I’m surprised you even remember me…” I say with a chuckle

“Gotta confess I forgot you for the last years of Finest Comedy, there was a lot going on, you know? But once I was back in Portugal the smoke cleared out and I was able to think better and thoughts about you came in”

“Oh” I say and look at Mark, first with a serious face, then smiling and winking at him. He smiles and winks back, smirking into his bottle.

“Let’s go look at the beach again, I missed this fucking house” He says and walks back into the balcony behind them, allowing me to get closer to Mark

“Does he know?” I ask

“About you and me? Yes, he does” Mark nods and gives me a peck on the lips now that the kids have gone upstairs “I think the whole world does now, Tom” He laughs nervously and looks around, biting on his lip, then I realize something is wrong.

“What’s up babe?” I ask, placing arms around his neck “Is something wrong?”

“No” He shakes his head

“Yes, there is” I specify “You’re acting nervous since I picked up the phone, what’s going on?”

“Well… I… Come on, Tom”

“Is… Is it about The Carnel?” I ask pointing outside

Mark shrugs “Well, kinda, I guess…” He looks down, avoiding my looks 

“Mark, look at me” I place a hand on his chin, making him look up at me “Nothing’s going to happen, okay? It’s all past, The Carnel is your friend, I’ll be here if you get too nervous, okay?”

Mark slowly starts to nod “Yeah, okay I guess”

“You know it’s okay” I lean down and give him a quick peck on the lips “It’ll be fine, you’ll see. If he’s actually your friend you two are going to do well…”

“I haven’t seen the guy in eight years; he needs my attention I guess”

“Yeah!” I agree with him “Now let’s just appreciate it, okay?”

Mark nods and I grab his hand, taking him back to the balcony 

“So, Tom” The Carnel calls me when we get outside “You’re an astronaut, neat!”

“Yeah, I guess that rejecting those bands really did get me somewhere didn’t it?” 

“I guess so” He chuckles “But still, good for you, man. You got what you wanted because you worked for it, just like I worked hard and got what I wanted”

“What are you doing now? You still work with music?” I ask

“Nah” He shook his head “I own a pet store. It’s more awesome than it seems, okay? I can pick the music I’m going to listen”

“Stop bragging about that, Carnel” Mark snaps

“It may seem a useless thing, but was what I wanted to do, okay? I like animals and it’s a pretty big store so you can all suck my dog’s dicks”

“Oh, we will” I chuckle, still holding Mark’s hand

“Speaking of dog’s dicks, I heard that isn’t the only type of dicks you like, Tom” He smiles knowingly at me and Mark, the both of us bursting out in laughter

“Yeah, that’s true; I would be willing to blow some horses…” They both crack in laughter “What? Have you seen those things? They’re huge! It would be a challenge for me, really”

“So you’re saying your boyfriend there has a big dick?” He asks with laughter still in his voice “If you say it’s a challenge…”

“Why don’t you suck it to see how it is?” I ask and Mark tags along, immediately unbuckling his belt

“No! No, I don’t need to see that!” He says putting a hand before Mark’s crotch and we all laugh along.

***

By the end of the afternoon, Mark, The Carnel, Bianca, Martin and I go out to grab a snack at a coffee house nearby. We still get out on Mark’s car though.

Once we’re there and we eat, Bianca falls asleep on Carnel’s lap for Martin’s happiness. Martin goes play on the pinball machine alone and in peace finally with the coins Mark and I take out of our tight jeans.

It’s just us now, the three guys talking

“So Tom” The Carnel starts as he strokes Bianca’s hair “You think I forgot you, but I didn’t, okay? I mean, when I heard the news about your mission I knew who you were”  
“That’s okay dude, really” I shrug and he nods 

When it’s time for Mark to go to the studio he decides to drop me at home. I’m sitting on the passage seat while The Carnel is in the backseat with the kids. He comes out of the car when we arrive so he can switch places.

“You!” He points to me as we cross our paths

“What me?” I ask

“I gotta talk to you”

“Hm, okay, what is it?”

“Not here, not now” He shakes his head “Tomorrow I’m hanging out with Travis, after we’re done, at night, I’ll pass by. Don’t tell Mark”

“Okay, I guess…” I say and he pats my back, getting into the car and closing the door with a loud bang before the car drove off into the night, leaving a very confused me behind.

I sigh, turning to my mail box and opening it, only to find bills and the warning of a PTA meeting a few weeks from now. I groan before I spin on my heels and go inside; David opens the door with a mad expression on his face “I fucking hate you” He spits

“Come on, I only asked you to pick up my kids and watch them while Mark didn’t drop me… Seriously, did you have anything better to do?”

“WATER JET!!!!” Both Jean and Noah come running through the living room door and start to spray their water guns at me and David, but that only lasts for a couple of seconds before they run out of water.

“You so did not do this!” I say chuckling 

“Oh yeah, what are you going to do?” Jean asks defiant 

“You want to know what I’m going to do?” I ask rising an eyebrow and they both try to seem confused, but they know what’s coming next and they smile knowingly at each other “COME HERE LITTLE BUTTHEADS!” I shout as I run after them and they rush inside the house, trying to get upstairs.

I grab each by their shirts and pull them to my arms, bringing the two laughing lads back into the living room while David tries to shake the water out of his hair like a dog.

“You can go home now, David. I mean, if you want, we can watch movies or something…” I say as I try to balance the two kids in my arms 

“PLAY MUSIC!” Jean shouts and I give David a questioning look 

“That’s my girl” He says patting Jean’s head before going to my basement to grab both acoustics.

We play for a couple of hours, even creating a few melodies of our own, something I haven’t done in a long time. Jean is snuggled up by my side on the couch; Noah is sitting on the floor and singing with me while David is sitting by his side with crossed legs.

It’s nice to hang out with David and the kids like we used to, and it’s much better now that Rachel isn’t bothering us with ‘the neighbors must be complaining’ or ‘they’ll call the police’

Bitch 

After two hours I’m already tired and my fingers are red, I place the guitar aside and poke Jean’s arm playfully

“Ouch!” She rubs her arm dramatically, I had barely touched her

“Oh come on, it didn’t even hurt” I poke it again and she winces one more time, seeming to be in actual pain

“Stop it, dad”

I frown, then by impulse I pull up the sleeve of her shirt, showing three biting marks along her white chalk skin “Jean” I say in a serious tone, father-like for the first time the whole day “Who did this to you?”

“Dad, it’s nothing!” She snaps getting off of me and pulling her sleeve back down 

“Jean, why are you hiding these bite marks?” I ask with a demanding tone

She sighs “Noah bit me”

“What?” The little blonde head looks up with a questioning frown “I did nothing! I swear!”

“Noah” Jean spits at her little brother “Tell dad how you bit me”

Noah first looks at me, then at David sitting by his side, then finally back at Jean and me, giving his sister a final deadly look 

“Yeah, it was me”

I look at David, who is frowning just as much as I am. Wondering what’s really going on.


	25. I Never Needed To Hear All Of The Pain And The Fear

I wait impatiently for The Carnel to arrive as I sit on the living room, watching TV while the kids were in their rooms. I wait because I don’t really have anything better to do. 

Somehow I think Mark won’t like the idea of me and him hanging out together, maybe I should’ve told him… I just wonder why The Carnel didn’t want me saying about it to Mark…

I jump to the door when the doorbell rings “Hi dude” I say with a smile “Where’s Bianca?”

“She’s with my wife at the hotel, can I come in?”

“Sure” I say as I make way for him to come in. The Carnel sits on the armchair while I follow him to sit on the couch. We stay silent for a while, I think he’s gathering his thoughts and I respect that. Or at least try to “So… What’s up?”

“Not much” He shrugs 

“How was hanging out with Travis?” 

“Good. Hadn’t seen him in a while… You met him right?”

“Yeah, like, once” I chuckle

When I’m about to ask him if there’s anything wrong he starts speaking “What do you know about Adam?”

I freeze inside; he wants to talk about the one thing Mark doesn’t want to talk about. I frown, trying to remember whatever things I know about the dude, but I can only remember a few details. 

That’s when I realize I barely know things about him, not like I know about Travis and The Carnel. Mark just didn’t like talking about him; probably because he used to be his best friend, his dead best friend. At least that’s what he says…

“I know he used to be Mark’s best friend… Well, I know what everyone knows, that he killed himself, that he lived with his sister and niece…”

“Yeah, I came here to talk about him” The Carnel sighs “Does… Does Mark ever talk about him?”

I freeze, whatever business this guy used to have seemed to be no way connected to me, but for some reason The Carnel wanted to talk to me about him. Maybe relive some moments he can’t with Mark, but why wonder why doesn’t he talk about this with Travis

I wonder why me? Why me, Tom? There are so many other people out there he could talk this with…

I shake my head “No, Mark doesn’t even mention him, sometimes I wonder if Mark erased him from his thoughts or something, but he still seems hurt about his death though, he doesn’t like to remember it…”

“Adam wrote all of our songs, every single one of them” The Carnel explains “I suck at writing and Mark even has the gift, but when Adam wrote… God, Adam’s writing was probably the deepest thing to ever be read or heard”

I nod “I know that. It’s true”

When I think back at Adam, he was a pretty shy kid. I’m sure he must’ve gone through some pretty hard troubles during high school.

“Adam was never fit in school” The Carnel continued “I was a freshman when he was a senior so I don’t know what he actually felt back then because I didn’t really know him at that point, but I heard a lot about it from his own lips. And with any song anyone can know what he felt. He was lonely, he was scared and angry”  
I nod 

“Mark and Adam were best friends, though I used to look at Mark and think he could’ve been good off without Adam, but Adam would be dead without Mark. Mark was who kept Adam alive, as if he was the strength for him to go on… Mark was Adam’s only friend, but Mark was kind of popular, still…”

I remember Mark protecting Adam whenever in an interview or anything, answering the questions directed to him when he was too shy to say anything, or occasionally coming up to him on stage, talking a bit before going back to his place. “Yeah, Mark kind of seemed overprotective” I say as I remember the shows I had gone to, and even if it wasn’t for that, at these past few months I’ve known Mark, I’ve realized how caring he is to the ones close to him, so imagine how he was like to his best friend in the entire world.

“Adam had scars on his arms” The Carnel says “He used to cut a lot apparently. But Adam’s biggest insecurity was his body, whenever Mark, Travis and I would strip and run around, Adam always made sure not a single piece of clothing was off of him. That’s because he used to cut himself, but not only on his arms like you’d usually expect. Adam had scars all over himself, the ribs, the stomach, thighs, legs, hips, everywhere”

“Wow really?” I ask surprised and he nods “Poor guy”

“He used to say that he had managed to stop once he had graduated and really felt like he could make his dreams come true, which he did, he used to say he had overcome those years. After that Adam didn’t really go back to cutting, worse, he turned to drugs that time around, apparently he didn’t stop after that if you know what I mean…”

“God” I whisper

“Mark was married, Mark didn’t have time for him anymore, you know? At least not as much, but Adam had this one big secret that wrecked it all” The Carnel says and I look up to him

“What was it?”

The Carnel sighs “Adam was gay” He pauses and gulps

“Gay, huh?” I feel a boiling fear, but it comes down after I tell myself to stay quiet, not to think too much

“But unlike Mark, who was bi and ended up marrying a girl. Adam wanted kids and he knew he couldn’t ever have any…”

“But didn’t he have that girlfriend? What was her name?” I start wandering my mind

“You mean Coleen?” He asks with a frown and I nod 

“Yes, her!”

“Coleen was his best friend, besides Mark of course, she had a girlfriend, and what a better way of guaranteeing that you’re straight than dating a rock star or a super hot chick? Plus, they never really even touched each other besides a few kisses. And Adam thought about having kids with her, even” The Carnel pointed out “But Adam wanted a house, a wife, kids, a dog, the whole American dream, you know? He could share a kid with Colleen and her girlfriend, but he wanted to find true love and settle first”

“Oh” I say, feeling bad for the guy

“Anyway, one day little Adam fell in love, and after that, he was never the same again…”

“Who he fell in love with?” I ask casually and innocently, sort of knowing what was coming for me next. The Carnel sighs; he opens his mouth a couple of times, but only to close again “Carnel?” I ask more worriedly, a wall of fear building inside of me. It couldn’t be “Who was it?”

The Carnel bit his bottom lip and he slowly starts nodding, giving me a sympathetic look, as if he feels sorry for me “He fell in love with Mark”

The world stops spinning for a second, I finally realize why Mark never says anything about Adam or the band. I finally understood a thousand things, like why he was so scared for his secret to come into the news, he had gained that fear with Adam, who had always been reclused because of his secret.

A wall of fear was starting to build inside of me, over all the other walls that had been built so far. I know The Carnel sees how bad I feel, Mark had been with such troubled guy who killed himself, it made me scared of what had happened

“What, what happened?” I ask, my voice creaking

“I can’t tell you that”

“Why not?” I snap angrily “Please don’t tell me you only came here to throw on my face the fact that my boyfriend w… I… I don’t even know what to think!”  
The Carnel fronws “Tom, Mark should be the one to tell you the story…”

“But he won’t! Ever! And you know that!” I point at him, holding myself back to not start crying right there “He’s been holding this to himself and avoiding this for so long!”  
“I’m sorry buddy, but that’s between him and Adam…”

“Fuck you!” I shout and his eyes go wide. I stand, but I can barely do so. I almost fall into the ground before he gets up quickly and grabs me “Let me go” I stutter

“Tom, I’m sorry”

“You want to ruin my relationship? Is that what you want? Did you only come to America to tell me this?” 

“No!” It’s his turn to get angry; he turns me around so I can face him. He holds me by both shoulders, one hand in each “I did that to protect Mark, because I know he won’t do it for himself and Travis thinks that Mark will tell you when he’s ready, but I know he won’t! And I know you want him safe as well so I’m doing as a favor to you too, do you wanna break his heart?” The Carnel asks and I shake my head 

“No, I don’t want that, ever, I… I love Mark” I finally say it out loud, something I would never accept of me saying a few months ago. Here I am opening my heart to someone who isn’t who I love, I feel bad again but before I can even think of it The Carnel lets go of me and I stiff in front of him

“If you really do love him” He says close to me “You’ll tell him, and you’ll compromise, because you say he’s your boyfriend, but he wants to call you that as well. So accept your fucking guts and open up to him, because now you understand the urgency of his secret inside his head, now you know what it meant to him”

I nod and he sighs 

“I’ll go back to the hotel now” He says walking back to the door “I’m sorry” The Carnel says and tells me to calm down, which I say I’ll try to.

By the time he’s gone I can’t help but feel a wave of cries coming over me, I run upstairs and without even turning off the lights or even putting the kids to sleep, I crawl under the sheets of my bed and cry until I fall asleep eventually.

***

Next day is a Saturday; I wake up feeling a heavy headache coming from all the crying the night before. At a random point of the night I almost picked up the phone and called Mark so he could come over and make me feel better, but then I’d have to explain why I felt bad and that probably wouldn’t work out so good.

I hate the feeling. I hate the fact that Mark wants to hide things from me even if it’s understandable. It’s like feeling jealous of your ex even after months you’ve broken up, there’s no reason to, but you still feel like shit. I take an Advil from my sink’s cabinet and swallow it dry while looking at my reflection on the mirror.

Maybe I shouldn’t be worried, but the way The Carnel told me made me confused and worried. I mean, he wouldn’t be telling me that stuff if it wasn’t anything important, right?  
I sigh and wash my face, going downstairs and finding Jean and Noah watching cartoons on the living room “Goodmorning children!” I say before sitting down besides Jean on the couch and she snuggles up against me.

“We’re tired!” She whines 

“Say, do you guys wanna go to Pacific Park today?” I say and Noah gets up, nodding all excited

“Yes, yes we do!”

“It’s a deal then” I say and we go back to the cartoons.

After lunch we go to Pacific Park, coming back only at night. The kids go to their rooms while I make dinner, which is only what’s left of lunch heated up. I put it on the microwave and go outside to breathe some fresh air and look at the sky.

I hear something run, then click. I look behind me seeing no apparent reason of break in, no one is screaming and I can’t see anyone inside the house through the windows as well so I just shrug and pay attention to the almost invisible stars again.

After some fifteen minutes I go back inside and take the food out “Jean! Noah! Dinner’s on the table!”

Mark calls me later that night, asking if I want to do something the next morning and I agree to go over to his house and take the kids with me.

Once the next morning comes and we’re at Mark house already we all sit on the kitchen island. Jean, Noah, Mark, Martin and I are chatting and laughing happily. Well, they are, I can’t help but look at Mark’s face and wonder what was wrong with what The Carnel was trying to tell me.

“So, why don’t you guys get ready so we can go to the pool?” Mark clasps his hands together and the three pupils jump out of their stools and run inside the house. When they’re gone Mark looks at me sitting by his side, I’m staring at the island’s surface with a blank expression before he scoots over closer to me, resting his head on my shoulder  
“What’s wrong?” He asks putting a hand around my waist “I know there is something”

I sigh, putting an arm around him as well and kissing the top of his head “If I ask you something…” I start, running a finger patiently over his hand placed flat on top of the island “You promise to tell me the truth?”

Mark unglues his head from my shoulder so he can take a better look at me “Of course, what is it?”

I gulp

“Tom?”

“What happened with Adam?” I break out suddenly; I look at him and wait his reaction.

I know he doesn’t want to speak, but I gotta know now. He keeps his voice calm, his face serious, but I can see something inside him is scared, is dead.

“He died” Mark says as if it was something obvious, and that was pure truth, but still, it wasn’t that what I wanted…

“He killed himself” I point out “Do… Do you mind telling me what happened before he did it?”

Mark shrugs “He was depressed, I guess… It wasn’t like he left me a letter or anything” He says with some bitterness in his voice

Mark’s thinking about it now, he’s making up these words; this isn’t what he knows or what he thinks. I frown “Mark, was Adam… You know, Gay?”

“How do you know that?” Mark snaps suddenly, sort of angry “Who told you?”

“The Carnel let it out the other day” I clarify, not saying The Carnel actually told me almost the whole story, leaving out only their relationship “Mark?” I call him and he looks concerned at me, biting his bottom lip, his eyes almost pleading for me to stop “Did…” I try to say, but end up looking away, I can’t even look at him “Did you two…”

“Tom…”

“Did you two have something?” I ask and finally look at him after avoiding his look. Now he looks like he’s about to cry, but he’s holding himself 

He slowly starts to nod “Yes” He sighs with a broken voice “Please don’t be mad”

I chuckle “Why would I be mad? I can’t judge you for who you were with…”

“I… I… Tom, I…” Mark tries to speak, but tears are choking him. I can see his watery eyes avoiding me and it’s the most heartbreaking scene I’ve seen in years. I want him to stop; maybe I shouldn’t have brought this up at all.

“Hey, Mark” I frown worriedly, I get closer to him and brush hair behind his ear, running a thumb on his upper cheek, taking a look at him and wanting to make it all better “What’s wrong, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything at all, I know you don’t like to talk about this and you’ve said that a thous…”

Mark presses his eyes shut tightly “He died because of me. I made him kill himself” He suddenly blurs out, things stop, then start spinning. There’s that feeling again…


	26. Don't Let Your Future Be Destroyed By My Past

I am frozen before him, and now he’s definitely crying, those are definitely real tears. I want to reach and clean them away, whisper to him that everything’s fine, that it’s all past, but I can’t, I just…

I pull my arm back from him, and I can feel his desperation for a fraction of a second, but then he just starts to sob hard. I place both hands on my knees, somehow refraining back for him; I stare ahead of me, trying to get in the facts.

“I made him kill himself” Mark says again and brakes down on his own tears, sobbing harder against his own hands “I’m a killer, Tom!”

“Mark… What? What happened? Don’t say it like that…” I try to comfort him; I place a hand on his knee, trying to calm him down at least “What happened?”

“You don’t want to hear it!” He says desperately before grabbing my hand and throwing it back into my own lap, as if he doesn’t want it there. He gets up and walks towards the sink where a pink box had been laying. Mark grabs it and places it on the island, placing more like throwing. I keep still in my place, watching his reactions dumbfounded “I bought these cupcakes for us to eat, but you can take it home…” He says cleaning his tears on the sleeve of his shirt, still sobbing.

He isn’t even able to make words right, he’s really starting to get desperate

“You take them and go, just know that I really liked these… these weeks we spent toge…”

“Mark!” I interrupt him and get up “I won’t stop seeing you because of that! You didn’t kill him!”

“BUT I DID!” Mark shouts before breaking down again into sobbing

“Mark, tell me the story” I say, still all the way across the kitchen from him “I’m sure you didn’t” I say trying to comfort him, and honestly, I trust him to not have done that, but I can always fear the worst. Mark slowly sits in a stool next to him and leans down on the island, covering his head with his arms. I carefully walk closer and place a hand on his back, he flinches with my touch, sparking him up “Come on, I’m sure you’re just exaggerating…”

“Da…” Jean appears on the doorway of the kitchen and looks at me trying to comfort Mark, I give her a face showing that she should leave us alone, pointing at the pool outside. I can already hear Martin and Noah following her, I hope she’s quick “They’re not here, boys. Let’s just go to the pool already” 

I rub Mark’s back the way he likes, making circles on his skin, which was now covered with a shirt. He looks up finally after a few seconds “Are the kids gone?”

“Yeah, Jean took them all to the pool, she was the only one to see this” I say as I sit on the stool next to his “Mark, please tell me, I want to understand and help…”

He sighs, closing his eyes tight “You know the basic story: The both of us met in French I when I was a freshmen and he was a junior, we became best friends, but Adam didn’t have any, and neither did I at that point. Eventually, I got into skating crowds and made friends but Adam was still my best friend. I would take him everywhere and I’d do everything with him, he was the best company even if he didn’t even get along with some of my friends, and to be honest, I would be willing to stop talking to anyone because of him”

I nod, still running my hand on his back

“Adam became dependent of me, and I of him. I… I think since day one I knew I liked him, and I guess you already know Adam was pretty troubled, so I instantly became overprotective, because if it wasn’t me to do it, who would?” Mark tells me “He used to cut himself a lot” Mark sighs “And I was the only one who was supposed to know be… because only a couple of months after we had become friends I… I caught him dripping in his bathroom and I he… helped him and he became attached to me because of it. He… He could trust me”

I look at him speaking and he’s breaking, he’s been so strong about it so far and God knows how long, and now he’s finally letting it all out. Mark’s crying and I feel like there’s nothing I can do until he’s finished, this is his outlet. In some level, I’m doing for him what he did for Adam that day he bled, only now this is another type of pain.

“We created Finest Comedy four years later when I got out of High School and we met Scott and The Carnel. Adam came out to me two years later, he told me to not worry though, it was the first time I felt like, to some extent, Adam was independent of me, and it scared me, it scared me to death to think he could find someone else to stand by his side. We stayed friends just like we were before; I was the only one who knew though” Mark sighs again “That was in 1992, but my entire life, to some extent, at some level, I knew I liked guys as well, but the fact that I was so focused on just Adam, and that I could never hurt him, I never noticed it, you know?” He asks and I nod, completely knowing what he meant, “It took me a while to understand what I really was and tell Adam, but he accepted it just fine, just like I had done for him…”

“How was it for you two to get together?” 

“I didn’t do or say anything about my feelings because I thought I would be doing him some bad, you know?” Mark sniffs and cleans another tear from his cheek “I… We were on tour after a few months and Adam and I were talking and two guys came up to talk to us, coming over” Mark chuckles at the memory “I think they got shocked because they wouldn’t think we were gay, but anyway, Adam rejected his guy and I took mine back to the hotel. After I had fucked him, he went out of the room and I went to check on Adam and he… He was cutting”

Mark’s breathing gets hitched again, he freezes at the memory and it feels shocking to him

“There was so much blood!” He says in a low voice “He was so vulnerable and it was the first time since high school he had done it. He was already crying and he started crying even more and told it was because of me. I confessed my feelings back to him, that was when it all started” Mark says it simply  
I nod “Okay”

“I was never the type of guy who would fuck around, so when I slept with Adam, I knew there was a lot to put in danger: The band, our friendship, everything basically… Adam and I kept going on for two years, until 1998” He looks at me now, it looks like he’s about to break down again, but he goes on “We were both crazy in love, and our friends, at least the ones we were open to, knew that. I loved him”

Mark closes his eyes and avoids my look, but let’s me touch him. He’s letting me in, but he can’t bring himself to fully let me in.

“Though Adam and I didn’t really have the best relationship of all, he’d sometimes be condescending and he wouldn’t give up a fight without having his way out. And we could love ourselves the entire week, but at the end of the weekend, I’d feel like shit for something he would say to me”

Mark sighs 

“One day one of the producers to our label found out” Mark sighs “He told us to break up, but I got to admit he was a fucking huge homophobe. I knew that and said that no, I was going to be with Adam because I loved him. Unfortunately Adam was in a trip to New York, helping his sister to move in back to San Diego after she had gotten divorced and back then communication wasn’t as fast as now. So when he got back, he still hadn’t heard my answer, but he was pressured to give in and when he gave his answer... He said okay”  
Mark’s voice is so low; I can almost hear a little part of his heart getting shattered. At this point, I couldn’t deny that a part of his heart will always belong to Adam, his best friend.  
I can feel part of mine breaking too. It was both because of Mark’s pain and because of the story. 

“What?” I ask without believing in it. How could someone let go of Mark so easily, how… How could this be Mark’s fault if Adam was the one to end things up? I don’t believe in what I just heard. I mean, I don’t think I could give up Mark this easily…

Mark gulps “He said okay. He fucking said okay, Tom! I know we had our problems, but… But I loved him! And he was supposed to love me back. After all the time I wanted to protect his heart, he broke mine and there was nothing I could do, you know?”

“I’m so sorry” I say getting him closer “But still, that’s not a reason for him to kill himself… Even more because of you!”

“Can I finish?” He asks lightly and I nod

“Sure, go on”

“Sometimes I’d feel so cheated, I felt jealous and selfish, so selfish to think I was stupid enough to have taken him under my wing like that. He’d ask for forgiveness and I would shoo him away, we’d fight more than ever and the months after that were the worst for me, and I know they were for him as well, even if he pretended not to be. After sometime I met Diane, I fell in love with her and a year later I married her, even if deep down I also still loved him”

I don’t say anything and I know he had been waiting for my reaction. Mark sighs and closes his eyes once he’s seen nothing’s really coming out of me 

“The day before I married Diane he came to my house to drop his wedding gift, we got talking and we had a few drinks, like nice bandmates, you know? Anyway, I ended up having sex with him and right then I felt like I had a spark of hope again, you know?” Mark sighs again “One that made me sure that he still loved me back as well, that we’d have a nice, healthy relationship after all, but after we were done, Adam made me stand on my bedroom. Adam grabbed his present, he opened it and it was crystal bowl, I didn’t think there was nothing unusual with it, I said it was beautiful and he told me I shouldn’t think that, because it was for Diane, then I saw the little velvet box inside of it. He kneeled in front of me and proposed”

“What?” I ask breathless 

A tear rolled down Mark’s cheek “Adam proposed to me the day before my wedding with Diane, and said no to him”

“Mark…” 

“I loved Diane just as much as I loved him, maybe with not as much emotion or romance or history, but what I felt wasn’t any different, if I liked her any less, it was because I still wanted him. He had broken my heart and Diane healed it. I knew I wanted to be with her, despite how lustful I must’ve seemed for him that day, or how much I wanted him on any other day. It was just an impression; I knew it wouldn’t work out. So, I married Diane, we had Martin and I had forgotten all about Adam… Then he di-ied”

“Mark, you didn’t kill hi…” 

“He lived with his sister who happened to be a single mother” Mark interrupted me again “He took care of his niece as a father. That was as close to a family he could ever have. Adam wrote a letter for each before he overdosed and in the little girl’s he said that he had fallen in love; and that loving hurt. He explained to her how she should never lie to the one she loved, because it would make them turn around and leave, but he sounded so sad. He stated that me not accepting his proposal was the most devastating thing to ever happen to him, and that was what made him kill himself, he was depressed because I had married Diane, not him”

“But you two couldn’t get married…” I point out, a bit confused

Mark gulps “We would work it out. I mean, we couldn’t be married on paper, but we could live on our own... We would be compromising to be each other forever…”  
I nod, and then I can see wanting to start breaking down again, but I stop him “Mark! It’s not your fault!” I say trying to comfort him “Adam should’ve gone after you, but no, he just let you go like if you were nothing, but he… He loved you; of course you meant the world to him. Adam didn’t speak about his feelings for two years, that’s enough time for you to think he was okay. He was depressed”

“That’s the thing, Tom! I knew he was depressed, and yet I did nothing, I tried to talk to his sister and his doctors from time to time, but I wasn’t there, you know?”

“You were there his entire life, Mark!” I say grabbing his hand “Mark, don’t tell me you didn’t feel depressed too back then, you didn’t have to turn yourself to pieces to make him whole! He broke your heart, he was mean to you, and not in a good way!” I tell him harshly “You think as if you should’ve guessed, as if it was your job to make him feel loved, but he should have at least done something for you too. It was not your fault! He had a finger on your problems just as much you had on his…”

He looks at me, his big blue eyes full of tears again “No one said it like that to me”

“Mark, you and yourself are making you feel guilty, only that. You feel guilty because you think that if you married Adam you would stop him from killing himself, but there’s no way for you to know that, okay?”

“You really think so?” Mark asks still insecure

I nod “I’m sure”

He gives me a sad smile and takes my hand in his “You…” He starts to speak, but he is still crying a bit, still having his speaking blocked “You may think whatever thing I felt for him was more intense than what I feel for you”

“Mark…”

“But that’s not true” He interrupt me before I can say anything else “I never felt as insecure as when I was around him, he’d always put me down to stay on top, he was never satisfied with anything. I mean, I loved him, but sometimes, when we fought, I’d feel so helpless I would think that he was going be a heavy load I’d have to carry with me for the rest of my life. Adam was my young love, while Diane was my safe love. I knew and was sure that she loved me as much as I loved her”

Mark is still playing with my fingers, looking at them as I listen patiently to what he has to say to me. He’s calm, sincere; he’s telling me the truth about what was inside his mind  
“But you’re my hope” Now he looks at me, those blue irises full of tears staring into my eyes “You’re the one who’s showing me that even after everything what happened with Diane and Adam, after being cheated and left behind, twice, and after feeling like there was nothing else for me. You were the one who came to me out of the blue; you were God’s gift to say that things can get better. I don’t know where this trip will take us, but I’m sure the world has forgiven me for all the mistakes I have done, the universe has told me I still have a life to live, instead of just taking care of my son. I must’ve done something good to deserve you, and I have no idea what it is…”

Another tear streams down his cheek and I have to bite my lip to not cry with him, he’s here opening his heart to me and all I can think is how much I love him, how much I want him to be mine. I get a better grip of his hand, squeezing it to show how much I care for him.

I don’t want to break him, I don’t want to cheat. I want him to feel secure and sane, safe; something Adam was never able to give him. I want him to feel sure that no one will ever cheat or leave him, something that Diane wasn’t able to provide. Hell, I’m willing to be all these things, the things people were never keen to give to him, which are all the things that he fucking deserves.

“Be my boyfriend” I say before my eyes start to pool with tears “Be mine, please”

Mark opens his mouth surprised “What?”

“I want you” I say 

“After everything I just told you?” Mark asks insecure

“Mark, I want to be for you what anyone else wasn’t, okay? Please say yes”

He sighs and closes his eyes, another tear coming down his cheek as he nods “Yes, yes I will”

Before he even opens his eyes I put a hand on the back of his neck and kiss him softly, taking my time to tell him how much I care for him, how much he’s loved by me. And that I’ll keep all my promises even if this is no proposal, this is the best I can do right now…

He kisses me back before he pulls apart and hugs me, sobbing against my hoodie. I hug him back and caress his hair as I start crying with him. 

***

Mark goes to his room first while I go check the kids on the pool, Noah is piggyback riding on Martin inside the pool while Jean is underwater, holding her breathing.

“21 seconds!” She cheers as her head pokes out 

“Damn woman! Can’t you stop beating me in everything?” Martin chuckles and pushes Noah off of him while he swims closer to Jean “One more time, both of us now, okay?” He asks and she nods, but before they get down I call them

“Hi dad!” Jean waves at me while I rest my body against the doorway, both my hands on the pockets of my hoodie “Is anything wrong?” Her expression turns into a worried one without much thinking

“Mark is with a headache, that’s all…” I shrug and step outside “There’s nothing to worry about”

“Okay then” She smiles

“I’ll go inside now, you know, help him. See if he needs anything”

“Sure” She says and Martin pushes her head down the water as he gets down himself. I chuckle and walk back inside, going straight to Mark’s room.

I open the door and close it once I’m inside, leaning my back against it while I look at him sitting on the edge of the bed. Mark gets up and walks up to me, putting a hand on the zipper of my hoodie and pulling it down, taking it off of me slowly as I help him. He also puts both hands on the hem of my shirt, helping me to take it off.

Mark kisses my lips while I lean back against the door and he presses his body against mine. He’s kissing me softly and caringly, his lip still trembling a bit from crying the way he was

“Hey” I whisper as we pull apart, his face an inch away from my own as our noses brush together “Everything’s fine”

My hand goes up to caress his hairline, pulling on the strings and stroking his hair lightly. Our noses keep brushing as he goes on quivering; I take him in my arms, holding him like he’s a fragile thing, like he can break at any moment, which I highly doubt to be a lie. I kiss him and he kisses me back shyly.

Once my tongue gets in his mouth I lead him to bed, still holding on to him, our lips still connected. I drop him and crawl by his side, cuddling up to him and leaving soft kisses on his neck.

“Hug me, please?” Mark whispers and I nod, putting both my arms around him, hugging him protectively and pulling him close while he snuggled against my chest. Mark’s hand moves to my arm and he traces the drawings of my tattoos with his fingertips while my lips insist on kissing his neck “I like your tattoos” He sighs with a smile

“Did Adam have any tattoos?” I ask and he shakes his head

“No, he had too many scars to get one… But I always liked tattoos, though I never wanted one for myself. I like them on you… They all match together” Mark chuckles

“They match?” I raise an eyebrow

“Yeah!” Mark smiles with a sniff “Look, there are buildings on your chest, and then here’s black hole and a UFO…” Mark start listing, his fingers roaming over my tattoos as I enjoy his touch

“What about that bunny?” I ask and he looks at the bunny into the red circle

“That one’s fucking awesome” He chuckles and I chuckle with him

“They sort of match… In part, I think?” I say and smile at him

Mark smiles back up at me but slowly his face gets serious. He places one of his hands on my neck and pulls me closer, kissing me softly again. I just can’t get enough of it. In a few seconds after we pull apart he snuggles into my chest again and I can hear him starting to cry again, and I hug him closer 

“I…” He takes a deep breath “I’m sorry… I’m sorry for you to know it like that, I just… I couldn’t say it… I…” Mark says suddenly changing back the subject

“Shh, it’s okay” I say leaving a kiss on top of his head “I don’t mind, okay? I just don’t want you to feel guilty”

“I never talk about this; I didn’t want you to know so I didn’t have to talk. I used to think that if you knew you’d run away from me, and I was too scared for that to happen” Mark whispers “I didn’t want you to leave. For the first time ever since Diane left me…” He starts to break down again, and I pull him closer. His breathing way too close to my own, his eyes staring at me as he continues to whisper “For the first time ever since Diane left me, I’m with someone I’m scared to leave… Tom, you’re all that I have. Taking Martin aside of course, but you’re my everything, you mess me up like… I didn’t even think I could go this crazy over someone anymore”

I sigh and kiss the corner of his lips, which are quivering hard again. I take his bottom lip against mine; trying to keep him warm, wrapped up and safe. I try to stop him from shaking the way he is “I understand you” I say pulling back a little, I can’t stand getting away from him now “And you’re my boyfriend” I smile “You’re my boyfriend”

Mark slowly nods “Yes, we’re boyfriends” He slowly starts to smile too “We’re fucking boyfriends”

“Yes, we are” I assure him and run my hand on the side of his face, cleaning away his tears with the back of my hand 

“Can… Can we just stay like this for a while?” Mark asks and I nod, still cleaning his tears

“Anything for you baby” I whisper and pull him even closer, his face burying itself into the crook of my neck “Anything for you”

Mark smiles against my skin and I pull a blanket that’s crumbled up at the end of the bed over us. One of my hands caresses his hair and the other stays around him, keeping him close in a hug. His eyes are closing shut as I massage his head; Mark snuggles closer and sighs sleepily.

Once he has fallen asleep I just watch him breathe in and breathe out. After about thirty minutes I start to get concerned about the kids and decide to wake him up

“Hey Mark wake up, wanna go to the pool? The kids are all alone…” I ask, lightly shaking him out of his sleep. Mark nods slightly and gets up, untangling himself from me. I pick my shirt and put it on; we both walk outside, but before we get out I stop Mark on his tracks “Wanna do something really cool?” I ask as excited as the kids when something good was about to happen

Mark smirks “What would that be?”

“Grab my hand” I say as I give him my hand and he takes it with a smile on his lips “Now run!” 

I pull him after me as we both run towards the pool, I can hear him giggling behind me and I feel like the best person in the whole planet. I feel great that I can make him happy even after remembering the saddest memories.

“Get out of the way children!” I shout before reaching the pool, scaring the three pupils that were playing innocently

“HUMAN BOMB!” Both Mark and I scream before jumping into the pool, splashing water everywhere

The kids get scared and Jean even starts to shout, but as soon as Mark and I emerge out of water we start to hear a funny noise coming from the inside

“What’s that?” Noah asks

“That’s the phone” Martin answers 

“I’ll go get it” Mark says with a smile still on his face, he crawls out of the pool and goes inside. A very weird instinct inside my mind made me follow him, and I did.

I feel clingy, I feel sticky, but I can’t help but not to. I watch him grab the phone as he gets the house all wet from the pool water, Mark places it on his ear “Hi” He says cheerfully “Diane!” Mark beams excitedly then motions me to come closer.

I get the house all wet too, but that doesn’t really matter.

“Diane, I’ve got good news” Mark says excitedly, reaching for my hand “Tom and I a…” He starts to say but soon his smile disappears and he starts to frown “What’s wrong Diane? Okay, I’ll tell you the good news later, but tell me what’s going on, please”

I frown, paying attention to his part of the conversation

“You and Pierre are moving to London? That’s great, but I thought you liked Paris…” “Oh, you found a better house to a family, okay, yeah no, that’s pretty cool” “YOU WHAT?” 

Mark shouts as loud as he can, something must’ve freaked him out. Diane had said something to shake his structures. He drops the phone, mouth-opened. 

“He’ll call you later, bye!” I say hurriedly into it as I pick it off the floor before ending the call while Mark stands there, emotionless, speechless. “Baby, what did she say to you?” I ask putting a hand on his shoulder, but he doesn’t say anything, he’s frozen. My hands go up to his neck, trying to get him close and warm, trying to get him to talk to me “Mark!” I snap

“She talked to her lawyer” He says with a broken voice 

“For what?” I frown, still desperate to get him to talk information “Mark?”

“Fucking bitch, I thought she was my friend. Bitch, bitch, bitch, how can she say that after all these years???”

“Mark what the hell is going on??? What does she want so much?”

Mark stops, looks at me heartbroken and sighs, I can see tears welling up again and I can’t take that again, he was just so happy a few seconds ago, he can’t start crying again. 

“She wants Martin’s custody” He says in a broken voice

Fuck.


	27. Buy Hope, And Hope That It Lasts

I help Noah to put on his favorite shirt while Jean and Martin sit in the living room, watching TV, patiently ignoring the outbreak of things “Okay, now you can go” I say fixing Noah’ hair before he runs away from me and flops down by Martin’s side on the couch.

Once I’m sure they won’t be bothering anyone for a good while, I make my way inside and follow the hallway towards Mark’s office where he had been locked in for the past half an hour.

“Diane, we talked about this years ago! Martin stays with me, that’s it” I hear him whining as I walk inside, closing the door behind me slowly

Mark is a lot calmer now; he has his phone glued to his ear while he moves from one side to the other of the room.

“He doesn’t want to! Everytime I tell Martin to go spend a few weeks with you he says he doesn’t like to stay away from home!” “Diane, understand! He is not going to settle, at least not without suffering a little… Martin likes me, he loves the beach, and all his friends are here. Diane, you know I need him”

He takes a pause and I can hear the noise of her voice saying something, though I can’t quite distinguish what is she talking about. Mark takes a good look at me standing before the door I had just closed a few minutes before. He bites his lip and sighs

“You know he’ll go away, don’t you?”

The words stung on me like a knife. Diane had probably told him he wasn’t alone anymore because of me, and that he probably wouldn’t need his kid anymore. Mark looks heartbroken now, more than before even if that was even possible. I couldn’t help but feel like I was bad for having to leave him in a couple of months. 

It wasn’t like I wanted to.

“Diane, don’t put him into this, please” He sighs again, now holding his phone with both hands and turning away from me, from my look at him, as if it was contagious with some disease he couldn’t catch.

Was I being the reason Diane wanted Martin?

“I won’t give you his custody and that’s it, Diane. It’s not because now you got a family he’s going to give up his. I know you’re family too, but you never asked for this while you were still you and your husband! You’re having a second child, please don’t take the only one I have and I’ll probably ever have away from me!”

I close my eyes and gulp

“Bye” Mark whispers before hanging up on her. Mark takes a hand up to his face, and breathes deep before turning back to me.

“Did… Did she think she could Martin because you’re with me?” I ask pointing to my chest, not looking at him. I know I’ve got a broken voice right now, but it doesn’t really matter at the moment.

Mark walks closer, but doesn’t come close enough to the point where he can touch me. He just stands there, forming his words.

“She said I wasn’t all by myself anymore because I had you now”

“But I’m leaving” I look at him, saying the words I don’t really want to say.

Mark’s bottom lip was trembling now. I hate to see him crying like that, and it was the second time only that day. First because of Adam and now because of Martin “I need him, Tom”

“I know you do. I need Jean and Noah too” I say taking his hand, which he let me.

I pull him into a hug and kiss the top of his head, letting him sob quietly against my shoulder while I stroke his hair. I want to say that everything is going to be fine, but I’m not so sure anymore… I can’t promise Mark that he will keep his kid, I can’t promise him a future for us, and I can’t promise him things that are out of my reach.

Even though I still wished I could.

We stay like that for a while, after a few minutes Mark gets calmer and, after he cleans his tears, we go see the children. They are in the kitchen trying to make milk-shakes, Jean at the blender, Noah holding the ice cream box and Martin is with a giant spoon in each hand while he wore apron that said ‘Best dad ever’.

I smile at the picture and let them do their own thing

“And now, BLEND!” Martin shouts and points the spoon at Jean who turns on the blender and start to chuckle at the noise it makes on her hands.

Mark walks up to his kid and hugs him from behind, kissing the top of his head.

“Come on, dad. Let me go!” Martin shouts with a chuckle and Mark gets his grip harder on him

“You think you’re so smart, huh?” Mark asks in a laughter and picks up Martin around the kitchen, putting another arm around Noah and picking both boys at the same time “You’re all my prisoners now! Muahaha!” Mark shouts with a fake evil laughter and I even chuckle myself

The kitchen filled itself with “OHH”s and “AHH”s from the kids as Mark runs after them. Jean hops off the stool she’s sitting on and runs the opposite way from Mark. Soon I join the game and start running towards her, grabbing her.

“No, dad. NO!” She shouts desperately, but I can hear the laughter in her voice.

Mark’s smiling as he plays with both boys on his arms.

Just like everything should be. 

***

“This one’s pretty cool… look” Mark says while pointing to one of the three drawings all spread out on the table of the booth we were sitting at. He then picks it up and hands it to me so I can take a better look. 

They were drawings of guitars; the one he had given to me had its body well decorated with pink flowers and a sort of transparent blue background, brown leaves and sticks around it forming a tree.

“These are from the guy who used to draw guitars for me and The Carnel back in the day” Mark chuckles “I was thinking about making one for the guys at Sarajevo, as a present, you know? That one with the flowers makes their style… In a soft way I mean”

“You’re just thinking of Grace, aren’t you?”

‘Yeah” He admits “She’ll love that one” Mark smiles before picking up another one which looks like a few curly strings attached to circles, looking more like an abstract drawing.

“I like it better than the flowers”

“I like the flowers best though, but I still don’t think it matches them” Mark says while squinting his eyes to get a better look of the picture

“Then pick the flowers…” I say 

“I guess you’re right… But there’s still this one” Mark says before picking up the last drawing “This one’s made of oil pastels…” He says pointing at the mix of blue, yellow and orange. The blue showing darkness, the yellow light, and orange to throw melancholy as a final touch.

“Wow! This one’s awesome!” I say breath-taken “But don’t you think it’s too dark? I mean, I don’t know, reminds me of monsters and the dark… It’s kind of creepy”

“Then it’s this one” Mark smiles “Sarajevo is full of that dark stuff…”

“Okay then” I say before he puts the drawings away and places an arm around my neck as I reach for my grape juice on the table. I take a quick look at him, seeing his brows furrowed and confused “What’s bothering you?” I ask

“Nothing” Mark sighs “It’s just Diane, she and her fuckass husband are managing to drive me insane!”

“So sorry, baby” I say and place a hand on his thigh, but suddenly he seems to freeze

“Hey Tom” He whispers

“What?” 

“Are those girls looking at us?” He asks and I look forward to two tables next to our booth, where two women look at us annoyed

“Just ignore them, okay? You can do better than them” I say and he nods

“Yeah, sure. Can we finish here so we can get back to your office?”

“Won’t you eat that sandwich?” I ask pointing at his half-eaten tuna

“I don’t think I want it anymore” He says while making a face and rubbing a hand over his stomach, showing he was full

“But it’s still good, come on” I say picking up the sandwich and pushing it to his lips 

“I don’t want it, Tom” He whines as he tries to escape from my joke

“Oh, come on!” I say pushing it again, getting his lips dirty with tuna

“Stop it, Thomas” Mark says sternly, trying to push me away so he can get out of the booth

“Your mom didn’t say that to me last night, Markus”

“Can we just go?” He asks annoyed as he picks up his coat from the other couch while I’m still laughing

When he’s not facing me I grab an ice cube from my juice and rub it against the back of his neck, then pushing it into his shirt right after

“What the fuck, Tom?” He laughs as he tries to get the cube out of his clothes, after some struggling it falls into the floor with a crack, crashing into pieces “I hate you, I’ll make you suck your own mom’s dick!” He hisses playfully as he walks closer to me

“Come on, Mark. We’re in public” I warn him with a smile on my face as I start to walk backwards to get away from his thoughts. Surprisingly he steps forwards and kisses me right on the cheek in one single sudden movement.

I can practically see myself blushing; I pull back hastily and clean it away, smiling like an idiot as I try to hide my face away.

“Aww!”

We both frown as we hear the feminine chant coming from behind us. We turn around, finding the two women from before smiling at us. One of them turns away quickly, pretending to not have seen us looking at her while the other keeps our looks in place, making eye-contact as she smiles sweetly at us.

“Let’s go?” Mark asks to me and we walk outside side-by-side. 

We both hop on my car and I turn on the radio, getting comfortable with letting Mark choose stations.

“Oh fuck” I say while pulling my hoodie up 

“What’s wrong?” Mark asks without looking up from the radio 

“If you take your eyes off of there you’ll see”

Mark’s head raises “Oh no” He whines in pain “Go quick so we don’t have to catch the red light”

“Okay” I nod as I start driving out of the diner’s parking lot, but as soon as we turn into the street, the light becomes yellow “Shit” I curse as I stop by the red light

“Just act cool, okay?” He asks and I nod again, taking a deep breath

“Hi guys! You’re speaking to TMZ!” A man comes up to us through the window with a giant ass camera he’s carrying himself “Tom and Mark! Were you two on a date?”

“Yes, we were! Your mom said it was the best triple date she had ever gone to” Mark says jokingly and I can’t help but laugh

“Your boyfriend seems to like your joke” The guy said as he takes off his eyes from the camera and looks at us

“Why don’t you ask your dad if he likes it too?” Mark chuckles again

“You’re not that funny, Hoppus” The guy says

“Thanks” Mark smiles while placing a hand on my shoulder

“What about you, Tom. How’s space doing?”

“Space’s doing fine” I say as I stare perplexed at his camera. The sign turns green again and I start the engine again 

“No, wait! Any last message before leaving?”

“Go fuck a dog”

“Your grandpa’s dog!” Mark shouts behind me, complementing my words as I drive away, turning into the corner “We fucking killed the guy!” He shrieks in excitement and I laugh 

“That was fucking awesome!”

“I know! I can’t wait to see it on Tv!”

 

“Me too” I laugh again and we high-five each other “So you’re going home?”

“I don’t want to” He says “What about you?” 

“Gotta go back to work, you can come if you want…”

 

“Really?” He asks and I nod “That would be awesome”

“Then that’s what we’re doing…” I smile

***

I instantly sit on my table as Mark and I walked into my office “Sweety, are you sure you don’t want to go home?” I asked Mark when I saw that he hadn’t found anything interesting to do, just standing awkwardly in front of me “Go take a rest, clear your head…”

“No” Mark shook his head firmly “I’d rather wait. I don’t want to get home just yet”

“Okay then” I say before turning back to my papers. He starts reading a random book from my shelf without any interest when his phone suddenly starts ringing 

“Can’t this woman just leave me alone?” Mark whined throwing his hands up, looking at his caller ID

“Diane?” I look up raising an eyebrow and he nods

“Who do you think it was?” He rolls his eyes and gets up “I better go answer this, can I take it outside?”

“You better go downstairs, Daisy will probably be a bother” I say as I remind him of my secretary 

“Oh yeah” He says “I’ll be back soon, okay?”

“Sure babe” I smile sadly and he picks it up, walking outside and closing the door behind himself.

***

It’s been well past an hour and Mark’s not back yet. I start to get worried but his phone’s busy. I’m about to get up and go look for him when he comes back, blood flushed out of his cheeks

“What’s wrong now, Mark?” I ask worried when getting up and walking towards him with sort of urgency. I place a hand on each side of his neck, my thumbs caressing his cheeks “Come on, baby. Tell me” I whisper while leaning both our foreheads together and one of his hands grabs my wrist, keeping it there.

“She told me to lawyer up if I want him” He closes his eyes tight and bites his lip “Tom, that’s not her talking, that’s Pierre. Diane would never say that to me”

“No baby, why would you think that?”

“Because she wants my kid, but she wouldn’t be this mean. He’s just being a jerk because it’s me. She wouldn’t be using you as an argument if she was the mind behind this all…”

I sigh and kiss his forehead “Mark, can you look at me?” I asked and he opens his eyes “We’ll get through it, okay?” I ask and he nods “I’ll be here for whatever you need. You will keep him…”

Mark falls into my embrace, hugging me tightly. He then sighs into my chest “I’m actually kind of tired…”

“That’s okay” I nod, I say grabbing one of his hands while the other searched for my car keys on my pockets “I’ll drive you home…”

“No!” He interrupted me, putting a hand on my arm “Can I stay? Please, Tom”

“Yeah, sure” I smile hugging him and giving him a kiss on the cheek, burying my nose into it and I could feel his smile twitching up

“Thank you” He whispered and walked a few inches backwards to sit on the couch, soon he lied down and curled into himself. He calls me when I’m about to sit on my desk again

“Hm?” I ask looking at him, lying there, his legs tangling to each other

“Lay with me?”

I gulp “I’m swamped with work, baby”

Mark closed his blue eyes tightly and then spoke with a broken voice “Please”

I take a deep breath but don’t say anything as I walk up to the couch, slowly squeezing myself into him. He lays his head on my shoulder and one of my arms hugged him protectively while the other went to his back, rubbing circles to make him calmer.

His legs entwined with mine and he pulled me closer. I observe him for a while. I hated the fact there was nothing I could do to make him better and that killed me.

I kiss his forehead again, trying to make him feel safe. I bury my nose into his hair and I realize he’s so mine, and that I love that.


	28. An Empty Heart Replaced With Paranoia

My feet keep turning me over on the chair as I play like a little child, spinning endlessly. I can almost see David staring annoyed at me from the corner of his eyes, but my blurred vision stops me from being sure of it.

“Oh my God, please stop!” David says putting a hand on the chair, making it stop spinning abruptly.

“Okay, calm down” I say before blinking repeatedly to get my vision back to normal

David and I are at his small control room. He had been doing some math and shit when I arrived, bored out of my mind.

“What are you here for anyway?” He asks “Where’s Mark?”

“Mark went out with his lawyer today…” I shrug as I pull my chair closer to him

“Why does he need a lawyer for? Is he going to sue the photographer that caught you two together?”

I shake my head “No, actually, Diane wants Martin’s custody…”

“Mark’s ex-wife?” David asks and I nod “Isn’t she pregnant already?”

“Yes! She wants Martin’s custody so she can ‘start a family’, which is something she’s already doing…”

“And she thinks she’ll do that by taking Mark’s out of him?”

“Well, her argument is that… Well, she said that he’s got me now, so he’s not completely alone anymore, you know?” I say, staring ahead of me with glassy eyes “She says we are a family of our own already…”

David sighs “Well, I’m sorry buddy. I know you’re suffering for him too”

“It’s not just him, you know? The fact that it’s about me it’s killing my insides, I believe it’s her husband who’s telling her to be this invasive about Martin, maybe she wants him but he’ll only do it if she takes full custody. I mean, he’s so much of a bastard that he can’t have his wife’s son’s custody being shared with a gay man!”

“How do you know this is about Mark being gay?” David raises an eyebrow

“Because Diane would never act like this! She’s Mark’s best friend! She tells him everything. And now she’s being all cold and shit” I explain with a shrug, sighing heavily “Plus, he was acting all weird when the news came out, he kept giving me angry looks all the time and he didn’t even hide it!”

David nods understanding “So… Diane tells Mark everything, huh?”

“Yeah, that’s what he says…” I shrug 

“Do you think he tells her everything?”

“What do you mean?” I ask

“You know what I mean” David says and I look at him smirking at me and wiggling his eyebrows playfully

“Shut up” I chuckle throwing a file on his face

***

“Baby, you seem worried” Mark states while he sits by my side on the passenger seat of my car. 

“Nothing, I swear it’s nothing” I explain as I stare ahead of me. My eyes focus on the clock on the panel of the car for a second and I realize it’s almost 4 o’clock, maybe we would have to arrive a little bit earlier to pick up the kids, but we can wait outside just fine. I mean, maybe we can park a few blocks back and take advantage of my car’s blinded windows and make out for a while. I mean, I wouldn’t be the one to complain about it… “You know, just thinking about stuff…”

“And doing weird faces as you do so?” Mark asks and I start chuckling. I wasn’t even aware that I had been frowning or… doing whatever faces I was doing…

“Seriously, I’m fine!” I say with a fake smile “Not thinking about our problem at all!”

Mark bites his lip “Yeah, about our problem…” He starts

“Is something wrong?” I suddenly pick up

“Yeah, kinda…” Mark sighs

“You want to talk about it?” I ask with a questioning voice, not pressuring him

Mark shakes his head “No”

“Okay th…”

“It’s just that my lawyer said that we could make it shared…” Mark starts right after interrupting me. It was kind of funny how he said he didn’t want to talk about it and then just starts babbling like he hadn’t said it “He could spend a year with me and a year with her, you know?”

I nod 

Mark sighs “But she’s decided, she wants his full custody. I can almost hear Pierre’s voice with his stupid accent saying that” Mark spits the words angry at the guy 

“Did she say anything else about me?” I ask raising an eyebrow and he shakes his head

“No, just her stupid words from her stupid husband about that stupid custody agreement and your stupid mission!” Mark starts spitting again. His words hit like a train. One part of me wants to agree, at least until moments before the last part, that’s when I see two roads I can take.

In one I can pretend I didn’t hear it, in the other I can actually act the way my head wants me to. The thing is: My head’s confused. While I should support Mark I should also support my beliefs 

Right?

The car’s atmosphere falls into silence for a few seconds before I decide to speak again “Wait, what did you just say?”

“Say what?” Mark frowns

“About my mission… Did you say it was fucking stupid?”

Mark freezes, I don’t think he even realizes that he had said that “No, Tom, listen…”

“No, really, you think my mission’s stupid? Mark, did you just say that everything I’ve been working on ever since I was a teenager is stupid?”

“Tom, it wasn’t supposed to come out like that I…”

“Oh no, maybe there are some things that I said that shouldn’t have come out the way they did, like when I said that I was going to help you get your kid, or… or when I said I was going to stick by your side when our news came out!”

“Tom, I’m sorry! I’m just pissed” Mark whines

“Can we just stop for a second? I need some air”

“Are you okay?”

“I am, I just…” I sigh and pull the car into the side of the freeway. I step out as soon as I unbuckle my seatbelt, the wind hitting my face harshly. Mark gets out right after, following me, the wind messing up with his gelled hair 

He steps closer; I can see that he’s a bit scared. I just look ahead and to the opposite side of his direction, diverting my look away from him. 

“Mark, I agree with you. Your ex-wife and her husband can’t even be called assholes because I think that no asshole craps as much shit as they do” I say and Mark holds back a chuckle. I keep staring ahead though “But you just compared my work of a lifetime with all that. crap!”

Mark inhales sharply and I sigh again

“Do you think my mission’s stupid?” I ask and look at him, waiting for his answer as my eyes pierce his. I felt truly disappointed “You don’t think it makes sense? Because… Mark, if you think it is stupid then you’re almost automatically saying I am stupid…”

“Okay, this is going too fast” Mark sighs

“It’s like me saying Finest Comedy is shit” I say in a whisper and Mark snaps his eyes at me as soon as I twisted the knife on his wound “It’s the work of a lifetime that you hate”  
“Tom, I…”

“I’m… The closest person to me at this point is you and if you don’t understand it then this” I say gesturing between me and him “This is fucking useless, Mark”

“No, Tom. Don’t say it like that” Mark shakes his head “I don’t think it’s useless”

I sigh; get one step closer to look deep into his eyes, trying to find a hint of lie, or hopefully, a hint of truth. Mark blinks and all I can see is desperation in the black dots inside his bright blue irises.

“Really?” I ask and lick my lips

Mark gulps and shakes his head “Yes. I’ve read about you do and we’ve even talked about it and I think it’s wonderful, okay? You do a wonderful job and our future depends on you, in a way…” Mark gulps again “Out of all missions you’ve told me of I think that this one you’re about to do is the most important one. I mean, scientifically the man landing on the moon didn’t change much when you compare of what you’re about to make”

I look at him, eyebrow raised and interested.

“This one may change the world technologically, scientifically, geographically, historically. It may change physics, math and astronomy as we currently know them and we’ll grow! We’ll be a step closer to find out what’s out there”

“Did you rehearse this speech? Why are you saying that? You don’t care about what’s out there…”

“Well, I just thought so much about it that it kind of stuck. And I might not have cared for the past forty years but I do now!” He says and I snap my look at him, frowning a little

“Why?” I ask

“Because you do!” Mark sighs “Can’t you see that I only care and listen about it because you are behind it? Because it’s almost everything you can talk about?”

I gather my words; I want to say ‘cheesy’ but I also don’t want to break the mood. We’re serious and he knows what he’s talking about, even if I never thought Mark would understand my mission like this. I used to think that for him it was just some random thing… 

I open my mouth, but as soon as I get my words ready to get out I am interrupted by a noise coming from the road

“FAGS!” A random teenager riding in the back of a SUV stuck his head out of the car and shouted at Mark and I. Happily for us, the snapback on his head flew off of him, falling into the empty road “My hat!” He says putting both hands on his head

“WHO’S LAUGHING NOW ASSHOLE?” Mark shouts back at him and my eyes go wide. I chuckle at him, still a bit surprised about his reaction

When Mark turns back I continue “Anyway… I just hope you understand this is no joke, okay?”

Mark nods “I know. I said that without meaning it… I swear”

“I’m just surprised…” I say with a sly smile

“For what?” Mark frowns 

“That you even think about it when I’m not around?” I grin

“Well” He grins back “What do you think I do when you’re not around?” Mark asks at me and I can almost see both of us blushing. He turns to our side to avoid my look, stopping me from seeing him blushing and it makes me blush harder.

After a while he starts walking closer, teasing me by standing only an inch away from me. I look at him and press my lips against his quickly “I forgive you” I whisper with a smile. I raise my wrist to look at the time. 4:03 “We should go get the kids…” I warn him “Come on, get in the car” I say as I open the door, inviting him to get in.

“Just a sec” He says and starts walking away from me

“What are you doing?!?” I shout when he starts walking into the deserted road. Mark leans on the concrete and picks up the kid’s snapback, running back towards me with it on his hands

“Just grabbing a little souvenir from homophobe land…” Mark smiles with a chuckle as he stares amused at it “The thug life, the swag life” Mark reads out loud what’s written on the hat “Wow, how creative” He chuckles and I shake my head

“Asshole”


	29. All These Demons, They Keep Me Up All Night

As planned, we still arrive a bit earlier at the school, even after having our discussion by the side of the road in the meanwhile. I park a few blocks back as I had been thinking of, I pull the sun shield out from under my seat and Mark frowns at me

“What are you doing?”

I don’t say anything, just cover the front window with it, making the lights go out of the car, letting only a few sunrays get in through the other blinded windows.

“Co’mere” I say placing a hand on his neck and pulling him close, he starts giggling and unbuckle his seat belt, shifting closer to me.

Our kiss is mutual, slow but hungry. He sucks on my bottom lip slightly and I flick my tongue to get in. He allows me to do so and my nose buries itself on his cheek, our foreheads close.

One of Mark’s hands goes up to turn into a fist on my shirt. He pulls me closer and pulls his lips back, biting on the corner of my mouth and then as a strike, making his movements change into a kiss that slid to my jaw line.

Mark starts sucking on a spot in it and my hands go up his shirt, caressing his back, my nails slightly digging into his skin. I just close my eyes and feel Mark moving to my neck, my shoulder, my chest, sucking and kissing my tattoos.

“Can… Can you take off your shirt?” I as in a whisper against his ear and he nods, pulling back slightly as I helped him take off his Famous shirt. I gulp and lick my lips once I see him shirtless. Mark bites his bottom lip and takes my hand in his

“Come” He starts pulling me to the backseat and I climb over to follow him. Mark makes me lay down on it and stands on top.

Our legs entwine and he starts by kissing my neck, my hands slowly go down to hold on to his ass. Mark’s nails crave on my shoulders while he kisses the tattoos on my chest, his tongue flicking over my nipple every now and then.

“God, Mark” I sigh, breathing hitched. Mark presses his crotch against mine and I moan “Oh Fuck”

Mark laughs as he presses his hard dick against mine again. He’s still laughing when he moves back to kiss my lips again. His tongue flicks over my bottom lip and I immediately give him entry, opening my lips for what seems to be one of the most passionate kisses I’ve had my entire life. 

Mark grabs the back of my neck and caresses the ends of my hair strings, massaging my scalp. Mark smiles against the kiss and sighs happily.

“You’re amazing” He pulls back and smiles “I want to fuck you”

I breathe a couple of times, just looking at him on top of me “God, please” I sigh

“Not now” He shakes his head quickly and leans back to give me a slow kiss “Though it’s teasing”

I whine and he laughs again

“We’ll do it as soon as we get back to your place, okay?” He asks and I shake my head

“I want nowwww!”

“You’ll get it” Mark smiles and leaves a trail of kisses on my jawline “I promise, okay?”

“No” 

“Tom…”

“No!”

Mark gives me a look 

“Okayyy” I whine, rolling my eyes as I give in

“Great, we gotta go pick them up, okay?”

“Okay” I pout as I whine again, pulling myself up to help him get dressed.

***

The next week flew by, on Sunday night I find myself staring at the beautiful night sky of San Diego. Yes, I’m in my home town, laying down on the hood of Mark’s car, my back against the front window and his hand in mine, his head on my shoulder.

I had told him I wanted to see stars, and the night in LA had too much pollution for me to see any tonight, so Mark said he had a surprise and made me sit on a car for two hours with a beanie over my eyes just so he could surprise me in San Diego.

The stars were shining above our heads while he listens – or at least pretends to – to me talking about them.

“There’s Ursa Major, and there’s The Plough which is inside Ursa Major” I explain to him, pointing at the sky.

“I can’t see nothinggg!” He whines, throwing his head back into my shoulder

“No biggie, you can see it right there, hon”

“It’s easy for you to say, you must’ve staring at them since you were born…” Mark pouts

“Well that’s true” I say shrugging “Anyway, we should get back here someday during the morning, there’s a lot I would like to show you, maybe relive some memories, what do you think?” I nudge him and he smiles

“That sounds good” He props himself on his elbow and I can see his smile perfectly. Mark leans in and kisses me, his nose brushing against mine while everything fell into their right places

Mark pulls back and stares right into my eyes, he chuckles like a little girl, a drunken little girl 

“How many shots did you take at that bar?”

“Two” He raises his hand showing me three fingers

“I’ll drive back home, okay?” I impose

“But I’m fine!” He whines, slapping his hand against the window

“No, you have low alcohol tolerance. That’s what’s wrong, not you” 

“You no fun” He groans

“No fun? Me?” I ask incredulous “If I were no fun then would I do this?”

He frowns at first, but then he starts to squirm and giggle once I start tickling him “Stop, Tom!” He laughs “That’s mean!”

I pull back and he smiles me a mischievous grin 

“Do it again”

“Ugh, you’re so whiny!” I chuckle as I start tickling him again, but I pull back eventually and he doesn’t complain about it. 

After that we don’t really cuddle anymore, we just lay side by side, our hands entwined as we look up at the sky. He let drag on a few minutes of silence before he speaks again “I’m sorry I drank when you can’t” He giggles “I’m just feeling bad with the whole Diane- Martin thing…”

“Why are you apologizing?” I laugh 

“I don’t know” Mark says before looking down at our hands “I just feel bad”

“Mark, it’s been two weeks…” I sigh “She’s not going to quit”

“Yeah, I know... Do you want to go back to LA? It’s kinda late…” Mark says trying to change the subject

“Yeah sure” I say and sit up, getting off of the top of the car, him at my heels.

We both get into the car and I drive us out of there, getting back to my house since he had taken Martin to spend the night with a nanny just like I did. Mark opens the door of my house and walks inside, throwing himself to lie down on the couch, facing down. He had thrown himself right beside Collin who was frowning at him.

“Hi Collin” I say closing the door Mark had just ripped open

“Is… Is this Mr. Hoppus?” Collin asks looking at me and I nod while taking off my jacket.

“Yes, it’s him”

“Oh my God!” Collin says as he starts to panic “A drunk Mark Hoppus just flopped down by my side”

I frown before he looks up at me 

“He’s my hero” Collin says and I give him a ‘oh’ that just said ‘yeah, that explains’

Mark soon sits up, looking back at me. Collin gets scared at the sudden movement and gulps, his eyes getting wide

“See Tom, people still like me!” 

“Yeah Mark” I chuckle. I’m totally sure he’s taken more than two shots “They do, let’s go to bed”

“You don’t care that I’m gay, do you?” Mark suddenly turns to Collin

“No, sir” Collin shakes his head 

“Well, I’m bi, but still, I said I was gay and you said you accept me so that means you also accept me if I’m bi, yay!” 

As Mark speaks, Collin just stands there speechless, watching his idol talking to him 

“You’re a good kid, Collin” Mark says patting his head. Collin’s frozen. He gets up and turns around “Now if you excuse me, I’ll go have gay sex with my gay boyfriend. COME ON, TOM!” 

Mark walks up the stairs towards my room, I slowly turn to Collin as he looks back at me “That was awesome!”

“Yeah okay” I say as I give him the money “Just… Just don’t tell people he said that to you, say that he said you were a good kid, people will get impressed enough by that”

He smiles “That’s okay, Mr. DeLonge. The kids are in the bed already, fast asleep”

“Great, goodnight then. Rock on, champ!” I say as he walks out the door

“Rock on, Mr. DeLonge” Collin says back with a smile before closing the door behind himself.

I walk up the stairs, following Mark’s trail to find him sitting at the edge of my bed, humming to a sound he was taking from his own head. 

I take my time and slowly sit by his side, taking his hand and pulling him into me. Mark leant his head on my shoulder and I left a kiss on the back on his hand. We stay like that for a while 

“Thank you for tonight” I whisper to him “I really appreciated it”

Mark smiles against my shoulder “It’s okay” He says and runs his thumb in a circle on my hand “You know I can give you a nice surprise any time you need right?” He asks and I place my hand on his chin, forcing him to look at me, forcing his eyes to meet mine.

“You’re the cutest thing ever” I smile looking at his face. Mark jumps up a little and kisses me “I could just kiss you all day long” I whisper against his lips once he pulls back slightly, letting me speak

“Me too” Mark answers with his voice a bit slurred, leaning in to kiss me again.

Suddenly we’re interrupted. The motive? A noise. The source? Unknown. We both look at each other, frowning a little with the sound of something creaking “What was that?” Mark suddenly asks

“Maybe it’s just a bat outside”

The sound comes in again 

“That’s no bat” Mark states

“Then it must’ve been some random dog” I say with a dismissing hand

“Or a thief!” Mark points out excitedly “Let’s go see”

“Mark are you really going to exchange sex for a possible thief?” I ask and Mark gives me a frown

“I’m drunk and I don’t know why I’m doing this…” He shakes his head, but still grabs my hand, pulling me out of the room

“Argh! Okay then” I say getting up and following him downstairs. Once we are at the living room everything seems to be normal “Mark, I don’t think there’s anyone here…” I whisper

“Go check Jean’s room” He whispers back and I give him a look, but I still, I obey like the perfect boyfriend and follow him to my little girl’s room.

I open the door slowly, finding Jean sitting on her bed, under the sheets while her nightstand lamp has its lights turned on, giving the room a kind of dark lightening. She looks surprised at me; I realize I had scared her when I got in. Right on cue, I hear the window close beside her, and I jump up. 

The same creaking from before

“What was that?” I ask

“The wind” Jean replies with wide eyes 

I look at her and know immediately she’s not telling me the truth. My instinct takes me to open the window and climb outside of it.

“No, dad!” I hear Jean shout but it was useless, I see a little short thing running around the corner of the house towards the backyard. I run and catch it climbing a bike parked along Jean’s and Martin’s, grabbing it by its shirt.

“Gotcha!” I shout and turn the small person to face me. I pull the hood off of his head and suddenly get surprised “Martin?” I ask paralyzed

“Hi Mr. DeLonge” Martin says before gulping.


	30. Can't Fake It, Can't Brush It Off

Both Martin and Jean are sitting side by side on the couch of my living room, looking down, ashamed.

“Martin why aren’t you at home?” Mark asks taking a hand to his forehead before taking another sip of the cup of coffee I had given him so he could sober up a bit.

“I came to see Jean” Martin explains

“But… why?” I ask

“Because I was bored, dad” Jean pipes in

“Has this happened before?” Mark asks

“No!” Martin justifies

“Yes” Jean says in unison to Martin, something that made Mark and I look at each other with a frown on each face

“Okay, who’s telling the truth?” Mark asks and Martin points at Jean

“I’ve been here for multiple times ever since before you two met” Martin explains

“What?” Both Mark and I ask surprised

“Martin comes here with his bike whenever Mark’s at work” Jean says “Or when you two are on a date or something… He comes by because… because I feel lonely, I don’t know…” Jean shrugs. I look down at my little girl’s face and I can see her punishing herself for this. I guess it was not really her intention to cause trouble

“Jean, is something wrong going on? You are never lonely” I object “You have me, you have Noah, you spend enough time with your mom and Mark and Martin are always around…”

“No dad” Jean shakes her head, but I can see the fear in her eyes as she avoids eye contact with Mark and I. I slowly kneel down before her, placing a hand on her knee

“Come on, baby. You can tell me… Aren’t you daddy’s little girl anymore?”

“I am!” She whines, looking at me 

“Then why can’t you tell me what’s wrong?”

Jean swallows hard, her eyes getting glassy. She exchanges a look with Martin and he eventually sighs for her “I think we should tell them” She whispers

“Tell us what?” Mark frowns concernedly

Jean looks at me again, her eyes sadder this time.

“I don’t want to hurt you” She bit her lip, looking at my eyes, speaking to me before looking at Mark, sighing and blinking at his image.

“Baby, what’s going on?” I ask

“You know those… Those bites I had on my arm that day?” Jean asks, running a hand on top of her soft skin

“Yeah, I do, why?”

“It…” Jean starts to say “It…”

“It was Greta. Jean got in a fight with her” Martin steps in once he knows Jean isn’t going to say it so easily

“Who’s Greta?” Both Mark and I ask in unison

“She’s a girl from school” Jean explains 

“She has been picking on me and Jean for the last couple of months. Actually it’s not only her, it seems like it’s a large part of school”

“But why?” Mark asks, his voice still a bit slurred

“Jean, we talked about this, they’ll get upset” Martin whispers, leaning closer to her

“Martin, but now they need to know…”

“Yeah we do!” Mark say and I gave him a reproving look, telling him to calm down a bit “Sorry” He whispers back

Suddenly I was mad at Mark for getting drunk

“They… They don’t like us because… Because… You know…”

“Because you’re together”

“They say they don’t like gays”

“WHAT?” Mark and I scream together

“I can’t believe ten year-olds are doing this!” I say

“Do they even know I’m bi, does that help?” Mark asks and I give him another reproving look “Hey! Those kids should be more like Collin; can we take Collin to their school?”

I roll my eyes and look at the two sad kids on the couch

“You guys have been bullied!” I say “I can’t believe this!”

“It’s not that bad actually, they don’t bother us if we don’t bother them” Martin says “And there’s a lot of kids taking our side now, it’s getting better”

“Dad, forget it, there’s nothing you can do” Jean shakes her head “We’ll have to go to another school next year anyway, junior high will be better!”

“Do you really think so?” I ask

“Yes dad, I’m sure of it” She assures and I sigh, still worried though. They could tell me everything was over and I’d still be worried.

“Okay, the room is still spinning; can we all go back to bed and talk about this in the morning?” Mark asks placing a hand on my shoulder

“Yeah, whatever” I say and both Jean and Martin get up, saying goodnight. Jean goes to back to her room and Martin follows Mark and I upstairs to Noah’s room. Once we are inside, I lay down on the bed before Mark crawls next to me.

“They’re being bullied, Mark. And because of us!”

“If I was sober I would be so freaking out” Mark sighs and starts to take off his clothes.

“You’re not really in the mood for sex, right?” I ask, staring up at the blank ceiling 

Mark shakes his head while taking off his shirt “No, after all of this I just feel like killing myself”

I ‘tsc’ my tongue and sigh “Me too” I spread my arms around the bed, feeling down, defeated, bashed down to ashes and little rocks. “Maybe we should’ve had sex before we went downstairs”

“Don’t say that” Mark warns 

“Yeah, I know” I say and close my eyes tightly “Fuck, this night was going sooo good! How did tables turn around this fast?!?” I ask and whine. I can feel the weight of Mark’s body leaning against me as he planted a kiss on my neck, moving to my cheek, trying to comfort me. 

“Let’s just get some sleep, okay? We’ll talk about this in the morning…”

“Okay” I nod and help him take off my clothes too “I just didn’t see it coming” I say “Do you think we should make them change schools?” I ask as Mark pulls my shirt out of my body

“Well, they’ll end it soon enough, if they had told us earlier I would say yes, but now, it’s just not worth it” He says massaging my shoulders while he moves to sit on my lap

“Do you think we should tell Rach and Diane?”

“Absolutely not” Mark says shaking his head “Diane will see as an advantage to get Martin’s custody, and Rach will probably freak out and take it in her advantage for custody once you’re back from your mission”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right” I smile sadly “Do you think we should talk about it on the PTA next week?”

“Well, maybe” Mark ponders “But what I know is that you’re tired as fuck, so let’s… let’s just go to bed, okay?” He asks and I nod, Mark kisses me and lies down on top of me before jumping to my side. We start to snuggle and I pull the sheet on top of us.

***

Mark and Martin stay for breakfast; Mark and I are disturbed as we look at the kids

“They’re so innocent” Mark whispers to me while we watch them in front of the TV from the kitchen island “I don’t think they understand how much this hurts us”

“They do, Mark” I say, gripping on his hand “We think they don’t, but they do. That’s why they hid this from us for so long” 

Mark sighs, he knows I’m right. 

“Okay, so we better go now, it’s almost 7:30…” I say and Mark nods, sighing one more time “Are you okay?” I ask and he nods again

“I’ll be fine. They’ll survive this” Mark squeezes my hand tightly “I can drop them and you can go to work, okay?”

“Yeah, it’ll be better this way, I guess”

Mark kisses my cheek and starts walking towards the living room, releasing himself from my grip “Come on, kids. I’ll drop you guys at hell”

***

As soon as I get to work I cross by Chris, he’s wearing his white doctor’s jacket, his hands in its pockets.

“Goodmorning, DeLonge” He smiles at me 

“Morning, Chris” I say

“Woah!” He stopped me, making me turn around after we had already crossed our paths “What’s wrong?”

“Wrong?” I ask with a chuckle “Nothing’s wrong!”

 

Chris rolls his eyes “Okay then, apparently you’re not going to tell me, so, being the good friend I am, I’m going to show you something to get your mind off of things…”

I frown “What?”

“Alright, so I have good news, but you have to promise me you won’t tell this to anybody, okay?”

“Okay” I nod

“You promise?” He asks and I nod again

“Yeah, I promise”

 

“Okay then, follow me” Chris says and I frown before following him. We walk into the elevator down to the sports section, right into the medical and nurse offices.

A guy had just arrived with some abdominal pains, carried on a bed from the field outside probably. A male nurse was pushing him and suddenly he calls Chris “Doc, I think he’s got a hernia” The nurse said casually

“Take him for Doctor Steward; he’s also in charge today…” Chris told the guy and he nods, turning the bed around to another office.

I blink; sometimes I even forget we have a medical wing on the building that looks like an actual hospital.

Chris leads me into his office; he goes behind his desk and sits on the chair, ruffling around his drawers, looking for something. He then closes them, gesturing for me to sit in front of him.

“Okay, what do you have to say?” I ask

Chris smiles excitedly “You know how Diane and I have been living together for a while, right?” He asks and I nod

“Yes, I do”

“Yeah, I finally decided to give her this” Chris says with a smile and puts a little black velvet box on top of his prescriptions. My jaw drops and my eyes widen 

“You…?” I ask and he nods excitedly 

“Yes! I can’t wait to ask her! If she says yes it’ll be the happiest day of my life!” Chris smiles, running a hand over his short bright blonde hair “Tom, I’m sure she’s the love of my life”

I shake my head, smiling like a fool “Can I?” I ask pointing at it and he gestures for me to take it

“Sure, go ahead, buddy” 

I take the little box in my hands and open it slowly, afraid to break it. The ring shines brightly inside of it, a fairly big diamond on top of a golden ring”

“18k gold, finest production” Chris smiles “You think she’ll like it?”

I can say that even I am taken aback; it’s the most beautiful engagement ring I’ve ever seen, even more than the one I gave to Rachel. 

“Yes!” I nod “Chris she’ll love it! I can’t see her not being happy with this! You’ll make her day!”

Chris smiles more widely “Really?”

“Really? I am sure of it!”

“Thanks man” Chris says and I sigh, suddenly my smile disappears again as I stare at the ring inside the box in my hands “Anything wrong, Tom?”

A thousand of thoughts starts to fill up my head. I suddenly feel a heavy weight at my chest; I want to be able to feel as happy as Chris is right now. What am I destined for from now on? Am I destined to wait? Am I destined to just move in with him? Are we destined to blow this all up?

“No” I shake my head “It’s nothing”

“Nothing?”

“Oh, you know… Just thinking…”

“About?”

I sigh “Mark” 

My eyes are still staring down at the ring. I sigh again and close the box quickly, placing it on top of Chris’ prescriptions again.

Chris sighs too and licks his lips, hunching his shoulders to get closer to me, listen to what I have to say “You think about it?” He asks

“Ever since he became my boyfriend, I do, yes” I gulp, staring at the box “I… I just feel bad that I can’t make him feel that way, you know?”

Chris frowns “Still, you shouldn’t feel guilty, Tom” He explains “If it ever makes you want to quit just remember that you’ll be throwing away all your chances to be happy, even if some are impossible it doesn’t stop you at all. I want you to remember that, okay?” Chris asks

I slowly start to smile and look up at my friend “Thanks buddy”

“You’re welcome”

“But anyway” I sigh “Come here, let me give you a hug” I get up and walk towards him; Chris gets up too and lets me hug him tightly 

“Thanks, Tom”

I sigh again and look around, then I see a little folder under a pen on top his table. I frown at it and pull it out, opening it and seeing various pictures of jewelry on it. Goldman’s Little Jewelry Box written on the top. “This is where you got your engagement ring from?”

“Yep” Chris says placing both hands on his pockets “I just called them to thank for the order, they’re a pretty small, casual company. Actually they’re mostly known for making custom rings for themed weddings or graduation parties and stuff…” Chris shrugs 

“Can I keep this?” I ask and Chris nods 

“Sure buddy, I think I have another one in my wallet anyway. You can totally have that one…”

I smile “Great! So… I better get going back to my office…”

“Okay then, bye dude”

“Bye! Good luck!” I say closing the door behind myself


	31. Your Heart Will Attack, Even if She Falls

I walk out of the medical wing with my head low, the paper in my hands as I patiently analyzed it. The elevator stops at a random floor and I quickly crumble the jewelry store number into a ball and shove it inside my pocket.

“Good morning, Mr. DeLonge!” A short redhead with geeky glasses smiles at me when she walks into the elevator as well

“Good morning” I smile nervously and a few seconds later I reach my floor, stepping out and walking up to my office. I say good morning to Daisy right before she picks up a phone call and I just shove my body into my room. A thousand thoughts spinning around my head

I close my eyes and lean my head against the door, taking a deep breath

“Hi there!”

“AHHH!” I scream with desperation when I suddenly see Alinne sitting on the couch by the side of the door. She seems to be a bit stressed and in pressure. I frown at her “Are you okay?”

“Well,” She starts to bite on her nails nervously “No” Alinne shakes her head “No, not really. I’m fucking anxious!”

I frown “I thought you smoked when you were anxious”

“That’s right but I. CAN’T. SMOKE.!” She shouts all of the sudden “Well, I could, but that would be wrong” Alinne clasps both hands together, trying to stop them from shaking so hard the way they were “Tom, this is killing me!”

“Are you finally trying to quit?” I ask

“Please don’t say it like that” She took her beautifully polished hand up to her forehead. It was trembling like an earthquake.

“Come on, Alinne. I know it’s going to be hard, but I really think you should stop, and as a…”

“Tom, shut up” Alinne snaps at me “I’m pregnant”

She says it to me with the calmest voice in the world. It feels weird because I never thought Alinne would say this to me, and if she did, I’d never expect it to be in this tone.

“Wha… What, wait. What? You’re… You’re pregnant?” I ask in a stutter before sitting by her side. She nods, biting on her nails again “Who’s… Who the hell is the father?”

“The father doesn’t know yet”

“But at least you know who it is, right?”

“Yeah I do, I have only slept with one guy for the last six months” She snaps again, shaking her head

“And you can’t tell me who it is?” I ask and she shakes her head again

“No”

“Why not?”

“Because I want to tell him first”

“Then… Then why did you tell me this? Just so I could get angry with curiosity”

Alinne starts laughing slightly “Maybe”

“Fuck, I hate you. But still, what are you going to do? Are you going to tell him?”

“I’m planning to tell him soon, but I don’t believe he’s going to do anything about it…”

“And why do you think that? You think he’s not going to accept?” I ask and Alinne shakes her head

“No… I mean, he’s always busy with work and If he wanted something with me then we would have settled months ago… He might even accept it as his kid. But you know, I’m prepared to be a single mother, I was alone most of my life anyway…”

“Hey, don’t say it like that…” I say giving her a hug “The guy’s going to be a douche if he doesn’t do anything, you know that, right?”

Alinne nods “Of course”

“So, how is he? Is he cool, handsome, what?”

“He’s pretty cool, and he’s handsome as fuck so I know the child won’t come out an uggo or anything” Alinne makes a face

I laugh “You should tell him soon though, how long do you know it?”

“Two months. I mean, I’m three months pregnant…” Alinne shrugs

“What? Already?”

“Yeah, Tom, now shut up because I have to do your fucking work” She says getting up.

“Alinne wait”

“What?” She turns around after she grabs her suitcase

“I… I just want to say that if you need help I’m here, okay?” I shrug “We’re friends. I can teach you stuff…”

Alinne smiles “You’re great, Tom. Thanks”

“You’re welcome” I smile. Alinne suddenly steps up and gives me a kiss on the cheek before leaving the room.

***

“Noah! Stop trying to get your tooth loose. Dad! Noah is picking on his teeth again!” Jean complains as the three of us stand on the doorway of Mark’s house. Noah suddenly pulls  
his finger out of his mouth

“I want the tooth fairy to come tonight!” Noah whines

“Noah, the tooth fairy isn’t going to bring you money if you pull it out yourself” I warn him and he pulls his hand back

“I wasn’t picking on it” He shakes his head, hiding his hand behind his back

“You better not” I smile ruffling his hair and Martin opens the door

“Finally! We thought you guys weren’t even coming anymore…” He explains and opens the door for us to get in

“Sorry, I was busy at work” I say as we walk in, my hands on Noah’s back as I playfully shoved him inside

“Hi guys” Mark smiles as he stands by the kitchen doorway, his body leaning against the frame as he held a beer on one of his hands, tipping it so he could take a quick sip.

“Hi Mark” My kids say in unison as they run to hug him, Mark leans down in one knee and talks to them. Meanwhile I turn to Martin, preparing myself for our secret handshake

“What’s up, buddy?” I ask, fixing the beige cap on my head as soon as I pull my hand back “Was school better today?”

“It’s been getting better” Martin smiles sadly 

I look over at Jean and she’s happily laughing as her tiny little hands tap the top of Mark’s spiky hair. Jean pulls back chuckling at what I guess it’s the cold gel or the spiky strings against her hand. I smile sadly at her and look back to Martin

“I promise…” I start to say, pointing at him as I took a quick look at Jean “I promise that your dad and I will get you guys out of there as soon as possible, okay?”

Martin slowly starts to nod “Okay. Thanks Tom”

“It’s okay” I say giving him our secret handshake again

“Hm, Martin?” Jean calls him as she still stands close to Mark

“Yeah?” He answers

“Can you show me that video game you talked about today?”

“Oh yeah! I almost forgot!” Martin starts running towards her and grabs her arm “Come on” He starts pulling Jean upstairs and Noah follows them. Once they’re gone Mark and I just share awkward silence before we smile at each other and I start walking closer to him.

“Hi there” Mark smiles

“Hi you” I smile back and stand right in front of him. Mark smiles harder as he bites his lip and leans in to kiss me. I kiss him back quickly, turning my head sideways to catch his lips better.

We pull back slightly and I lean in to give him another kiss “So…” He starts “What do you want to do?”

***

Mark and I end up watching a movie with the kids, letting them play video games right after. We order pizzas and I can say we have a really great time with them.

Around ten o’clock we put them to bed due to school on the next day. Once I’m sure they’re tired enough to not get up again, I walk downstairs and find Mark with a glass of wine on his hand as he’s placing both his elbows on the balcony rail outside.

I slowly pull the door open and place myself by his side, letting my hand take the glass off of his hand for me to take a sip

Mark just watches me with a sly smile on his face, wondering what the hell was I doing “I thought you couldn’t drink…”

“Well” I bring down the glass and place it back on his hand “Just one sip won’t kill me…”

Mark smiles again and I lean in to kiss him, I let it go a little rougher than it was before when I had arrived. I can already feel my lips going sore as he pulls me closer. Mark wraps a hand around my waist while the other keeps holding the glass.

“Wait a sec” Mark pulls back and let’s his free hand slide towards my hand so he can grab on it. He stretches himself to place the wine glass on top of a coffee table and he starts pulling me towards a wooden bench, making me sit beside him as he hungrily attacked my lips again.

Mark’s hands grow from my back, rising along my spine, sending me shivers down. I quickly crumble my shoulders against my head and Mark pulls back

“Is something wrong?” He asks concerned 

“Just” I take one of hands off his hip and awkwardly point to my back “Shivers…”

“Oh” Mark laughs

He leans down and kisses me again, Mark lets his hands keep wandering my back. It’s amazing how he can move so easily to my neck, running his fingers through my hair and making my hat fall off.

I pull him closer and he starts to rise his body against me, letting me fall backwards on the bench so he would stay on top. Mark takes off his shirt and helps me to take mine off.

I can feel his drips of sweat already on my skin, our bodies getting stuck together as he keeps kissing me, slowly and, unconsciously, thrusting against my crotch.

Suddenly he pulls back, getting off of me and leaving me panting on his bench, my legs awkwardly being too small for it. He licks his lips and wipes them against the back of his hand. Mark hurriedly unbuckles his belt and brings his pants down standing only in his boxers.

“You can come if you want…” Mark teases me in a low voice and I prop myself on my elbows, frowning at where he’s going.

Mark turns around and goes down the steps of the stairs that leads towards the pool. I, curious, went over to the rail to see him. Mark looks up at me looking down at him and he laughs as I watch him perplexed. He crosses to the other side and walks down the other flight of stairs that go down to the beach.

I follow him like a little puppy, my eyes and mind full of lust for that wonderful -naked- creature under the moonlight. I stand at the bottom of the last stairs, still with my pants on, while I eyed a half-naked Mark going towards the ocean

“Aren’t you coming?” He shouts at me playfully and I can’t help but breathe. I let my feet jog towards the water and I take off my pants inches before I get into it

“Ouch! Ugh, It’s cold as fuck, Mark!” I say, still walking towards him.

“I know!” Mark shouts with a laughter “You get accustomed though” His voice gets lower as I get closer to him.

“Come here” I whisper and he wraps himself around my body, moving to kiss my neck as his head buries itself into it.

I had to take a deep breath to gather my composure again. I start to leave a trail of kisses on his jaw line until I finally reach his lips again

“Hm, hmpft, hmnum”

“What?” Mark starts chuckling and pulls his lips back

“I’m just so hard” I say “You can’t… You can’t play me like that”

Mark leans in and bites my bottom lip; he locks his legs around my waist and reaches for my cock, pumping on it.

“Holy shit” I breathe again and bury my face on his neck, letting him concentrate on it. I could hear Mark’s hitched breathing against my ear and that just turned me on even more “I wasn’t asking!”

“Hey, I’m horny too and you still want to complain?”

I look up at him on top of me, my lips open, trying to gather my breathing back, blood rushing and pumping strong from being so swollen. “No” I say weakly while shaking my head

Mark smiles and shakes his head, paying attention back to what he had been doing. I breathe again and move my hands to his shoulders, digging my nails there. I start jumping over Mark, wanting more friction off of him. “I think I’m coming”

“It’s okay” Mark says and after a while I come over his hand and into the water “Hope I don’t get pregnant from this”

I laugh “God, you’re awful”

“I should probably get a Jacuzzi” Mark laughs “There’s plenty of space on the attic we could have one, what do you think?”

I smile “That would be fun” I lean in and start to kiss him before he pulls back slightly “I think we should really get inside…”

“Yeah, maybe” I say and it takes us a few minutes to start moving towards the beach again. When we get to his balcony, he pulls a couple of towels out from a cabinet and gives me one as I shake cold on top of his floor.

“Let’s get you warmed up, okay?” Mark says as he starts pulling me towards his living room. We sit by the dinner table and I let him get my hair dried up. Then we both dry ourselves and he ruffles his damp hair with his own towel, making him stay with that cute stupid hair over his face.

“You look so weird with your hair like that…” I chuckle and he smiles with a frown

“I do not!”

“Yes you do! You look like a twelve year-old”

We still stand on our wet boxers; I get up, still laughing and start walking towards his room

“Tom, wait” Mark says as he starts jumping towards me, we meet right in front of his room, in the middle of the corridor. Suddenly, he throws me against the wall and starts kissing me again.

I can already feel myself getting hard for the second time. God, how can it be like this? It’s so quick, natural. Mark leans his chest against mine and I arch my back against the wall, humping him slightly as I felt his boner against me too.

Mark presses a hand down to my ass and squeezes it. His other hand is in my hip, he moves it from there to places it inside my mouth.

I gulp and start licking and sucking in it, then he pulls his finger back. Mark’s fingertip made its way inside my butthole and I couldn’t help but moan. I buried my face into his neck again and bit harshly on it, feeling the salt from the water against his skin.

Mark pulls back suddenly, we both whimper and he moves his hand down to his crotch, trying to get his dick out of the sticky underwear wet with sweat, sea water and cum.

His chest should’ve been dried out from the ocean water at this point, but it was wet again with the sweat that slid down from under his hair and neck. Mark keeps whimpering and breathing hard while he awkwardly tries to open the door of his room without taking his eyes off of me. He eventually gets to open it and he stumbles inside, me on his heels, following him.

The window of his room is open and the lights turned off. Mark slowly crawls backwards on the bed, letting me move on top of him. We both watch each other carefully as we did so.

The moonlight is over him and I can perfectly make out his outlines: The bony ribcage and hip, the fatless chest that was still strong anyway, the large shoulders, wide hips… I can see his butt-chin, his cheekbones and his lips that always made up for the perfect goofy smile I came to appreciate so much.

And talking about smiles, I can see him smiling up at me when sees that I’m patiently looking at him, making out his every feature. I prop both my hands on the mattress and smile with him, bringing my head down to kiss him.

His hands wrap up around my back and his fingertips trace my muscles, moving down to my arms where they squeeze my bones under the muscles, the skin and even the tattoos. Mark leans over and reaches for the nightstand, pulling out a condom and lube.

Mark turns me over and runs the lube on his fingers, pushing them inside of me to get me ready. Once I tell him it’s fine, he grabs the condom and puts on himself. I jump, putting my arms around his neck and pulling him down into a kiss.

I turn him around and spread his legs. I wrap my knees around his waist and place myself on top, sliding him into me. Mark bites into my neck as I lean my back towards him, I start moving and he just keeps thrusting his crotch into my ass “Fuck, fucfuck” He hisses.

I come first, spilling everything on him. I place both hands by his sides as I just let him fuck my sore ass. I feel his hot cum into my ass and once he’s out of climax, he turns us around. 

Mark kisses me again “Deerd loolo yewl” He says but it comes out muffled by my lips

“What?” I ask pulling back slightly and bringing him in again

“Nothing” He shakes his head, placing both hands in mine “I promise I’ll tell you later, okay?” Mark asks and I nod. Letting it go, and just appreciating him before we fall asleep.


	32. Now I Realize, I Should've Kissed You In LA

I wake up with my face dangerously close to Mark’s.

I’m half lying on top of him, half lying on the bed. My face is burying itself on his neck, but he’s leaning towards me. One pair of our hands is laced together while I got the other pulling him closer and he’s got the other on my hair.

I patiently watch him breathe in and breathe out, my face slowly getting closer to his and I slightly press my nose against his cheek, caressing him that way. 

He slowly starts to move and I sit up slightly to press my lips against his

“Hmpf” He groans and I pull back, staring at him just a few inches away “Hey, no, come back” He protests and I smile before leaning in to kiss him again, sucking in his bottom lip slightly “Last night was amazing”

“I know. It really was…” I chuckle knowingly “What was that thing you wanted to tell me?”

Mark shook his head “Don’t worry about that, Tom”

“Okay, but you know what I mean…” I tease him

“It was nothing… I had…” Mark sighed “I had a bit too much of wine and just randomly… Mumbled something…” He shrugs

“Oh, okay then” I say with a frown. Mark lets his hand crawl up on my neck and he pulls me down for another kiss

”Good morning, by the way…” Mark chuckles against my lips

“Good morning to you too…” I whisper with a smile 

***

The kids were sitting around the island with Mark. I gently place myself behind him, hugging his frame close to me and pulling his back to my stomach. I let my nose bury itself softly into his hair every now and then, smelling his delicious apple scent.

Mark looks back for a moment and smiles up at me, we just get lost to each other for a second before getting our attention back to the kids, who were now staring at us with slight grins on their faces

“What?” Mark asks innocently

“Nothing” Martin laughs as he goes on eating

“Okay, let’s just cut it out and get dressed, how about that?” Mark asks getting up, jumping off of his stool and pulling Noah off of his, placing him on his feet.

Jean and Martin climb down as well and follow Noah upstairs. Mark and I get back to his room and get dressed, once were ready we just go wait them at the kitchen.

“Shoot. I forgot my car keys” Mark says ruffling through his pockets “Gotta go get them” He explains while jogging back inside, but that’s when his phone starts ringing and I just look at it on top of the island “Tom, can you pick that up?” Mark yells from inside

“I’m on it” I shout back and pick it up “Hoppus”

“Hm, hi?” A feminine voice says hesitantly “Who’s speaking?”

“It’s Tom, I assume you’d like to talk with Mark?” I say as I eat a bread crust Noah had left on his place “Can I help you?”

“Yeah, Tom. It’s Diane. What are you doing answering Mark’s phone?”

“Why?” I ask “You want custody of that too?” I ask a bit too bitterly

Diane puffs angrily “Tom, it has nothing to do with you…” She tries to explain through slightly hissed teeth

“Hey, no, I’m sure it does not. You just don’t want your kid around me, and worse, you think I’m leaving him!”

“Tom, you know it’s not me, it’s Pierre” She says in a low voice, trying not to get him to know what we were talking about “I am four months pregnant, do you really think I’d want to get into trouble this easily?”

“You two share the same mind now, huh? Do you even realize how abusive he’s being?”

“Tom! I just want my kid! The thing is that Pierre got a bone to pick with you two…”

“For what?” I laugh “For us going after you when he didn’t even knew how to say ‘the books on the table’? For the two of us who went after you when he thought you were dead?!? For Mark letting him stay over at his own fucking house?!? For offering a perfect, healthy home for his wife’s kid?!?? Not only is he being a fucking homophobe, he is, worse than that maybe, being sexist towards your decisions!”

“Tom, I…”

“Your husband is a jerk!” I shout

“Just…”

“Diane, I know I shouldn’t be the one to tell you this, and I’m sorry if I’m being too rude when I barely know you. But you shouldn’t be this harsh on Mark just because of Pierre! I know he’s your current husband, but does that make what you felt for Mark less valuable?”

Diane doesn’t speak for a moment, letting the silence drag in “I guess not” She sighs “Still, I’ve got to keep my marriage! And Martin is still my kid as well…”

I sigh, trying to see her side too “You’re not the bad person here, Diane. I actually respect you for sticking to your family so closely…”

“Th… Thanks” Diane answers in a broken voice, making me gulp with a dry throat

“But if you really want your family to work out this bad, just remember that Mark and Martin were your family once too…”

Diane sighs, she tries to speak but it takes a while

“Tom, I know how much you mean to Mark. I never wanted to cause this much trouble…” She starts and she’s got a broken voice, almost crying.

“Then try shared custody! Instead of picking on Mark, pick on Pierre!” I say trying to make a comprehensive voice “Martin is way more important to Mark than Pierre’s silly pet peeve is to himself! Please Diane, at least promise me you’ll think about it” I try, but all I can hear is silence for a few seconds “Diane?”

“Okay” Diane gulps “I’ll think. But don’t get your hopes up and don’t tell Mark we’ve had this little conversation, okay?”

I nod, even if I know she can’t see me “Great, not a single word is coming out of my lips…” I smile against the receiver

“I should get going… I can talk to Mark later…”

“Sure” I sigh “Goodbye, Diane”

“Goodbye Tom” I can hear a slight smile on her voice before she hangs up. I carefully place the phone back on the island, worried, I bury my face into my hands.

I can hear Noah’s voice in the distance and I raise my head back up, pretending nothing happened. Mark walks in a few moments later with Noah wrapped on his back, Martin is following them right behind.

“Who was it?” Mark asks still laughing at something Noah had said

“Nothing” I shake my head nervously

“Are you sure?” He asks still giggling, a frown on his voice though

“Just… Just Diane, although she said she would call later. What took you so long?”

“I just stopped to talk to the kids” Mark laughs “Jean is almost ready, I think we should get going to the car, she said she’ll meet us there…”

“Okay then” I say and grab Martin, picking him up in my arms as he laughs at me “Let’s get going then”

***

Alinne fixes the cap on my head quickly again, licking her thumb and running it against my cheek, probably cleaning some mustard stain I must’ve gotten there while eating cheeseburgers the crew had gotten for us.

“Fuck, don’t do that!” I whine cleaning her spit away “Can’t you just give me a napkin?”

“I only want you to look nice…” She says and I give her a deadly look

“Go away!”

“Okay, and we get in three, two…” The director starts to say. It’s only me, him, the camera man and Alinne in the room we are now recording the interview at “Welcome back, this is the third part of our interview with Tom…”

“Hi” I wave and smile awkwardly at the camera. The interviewer is the director himself, he doesn’t appear though. The scenery consists on me sitting cross-legged on the floor, standing in front of a pattern-drawn wall, something that reminds me of Rachel.

“So let’s break the geeky stuff for a while, okay? Let’s talk about you, your life…”

“Great” I smile through hissed teeth. When interviewers come up to me with this speech, there’s only one thing in their mind: Mark.

“So, you got divorced around a year ago, do you think this was in anyway, a stopper for your work?”

I shake my head “Not really, it was kind of a bummer at first but once everything was settled and I was finally able to move in with my kids, things were easier to deal with… Once depression was over, curiosity came back into place” I laugh nervously

“And about your kids, did they deal well with it?”

I shrug “They did, yeah. I actually thought it would be harder, but we’re pretty attached, the three of us, so it wasn’t so hard for them, I guess. I still look after though, I know it can be hard to be raised with parents apart, but Rachel and I got a pretty good relationship so we always work stuff out for them. Jean and Noah always come in first”

The director giggles “Are they as interested in space as you?”

“Sorta, yeah” I giggle too “Noah likes rockets a lot. He likes to watch launches and stuff like that. No wonder his middle name’s Rocket, it’s kind of an irony actually…”I laugh

The director throws his head back in a laughter “Your son’s middle name is Rocket?!?”

I smile and shrug “Yeah, I get that a lot…”

“What about your daughter? Her middle name must be Neptune or something, right?”

I laugh hard at the camera, I shift in my place but still shake my head “Lizzie, her middle name’s Elizabeth…” I explain

“If you could have another kid, would you?”

I frown at ‘could’, but still try to make out an answer

“Yeah, maybe, if it was what was meant to happen then I think there would be no problem…” I slowly start to smile “I’d be more than happy, actually. Everyone knows I love kids…”

“And right now, what’s going on?”

I scratch the back of my head “Well, I’m living with my kids in this cute little house that’s perfect for us… My ex-wife comes over every once in a while, I gotta keep up with work and I’m also in a relationship so…”

“How’s the relationship going on?” The director asks

I sigh with a smile “It’s going good, great actually. Mark is a really easy going person and he’s such a good friend and an amazing boyfriend”

“Is it weird? You know, was he the first guy you’ve been with? Does the media bother you?”

“Media doesn’t bother me; I get bothered with stalkers and paparazzi though. And yes, Mark’s the first guy I’ve ever been with…”

“You think it’s serious?”

I could see Alinne staring patiently at me, asking me, with her eyes, to be careful with what I was going to say”

“I… I don’t know” I frown and Alinne shakes her head

“NO!” She mouths to me

“But I know we’re serious” I nod looking at her “I…”

My speaking gets caught, the words in my throat. But I smile to myself and just let it all out

“I love him. I fucking love Mark…” I say looking directly into the camera

“What about your colleagues, do you have a good relationship with them?” The director asks and I nod

“Sure, they’re the best”

***

“Collin?” I ask

“Hi?” The fourteen year-old asks confused on the otehr end of the reciever “I’m sorry, but who’s speaking?”

“It’s me, Tom…” I explain and I can soon hear the smile on his voice

“Hey Mr. DeLonge!” He says excited “Are you going out with Mr. Hoppus tonight? Want me to look over the kids? I can do that, I don’t have homework”

“Come on, kid, cut it out, whenever you say it it just gives away the fact that youdo have homework to do…”

I can almost see him shrugging at the other end “It was worth the try…”

I laugh “Anyway, I do need you to babysit tonight… But I’m not going out with Mark, I just need to get some work done. I’ll be home by eight, okay? Then you can go home and do your homework…” I slightly mock him

“Are you dropping the kids at your house?” Collin asks

“Actually Rachel should be dropping them there at any time now, so you better watch out…”

“On it, Mr. DeLonge!” Collin replies excited

“Great, kiddo. See you in a couple of hours…” I say and we hang up.

It’s already dark out when I walk out of the building and start driving back home. I frown when the front lights of my car light up another car parked up right in front of my house.

A man is casually leaning against it, his shoulders seem tense though. A cigarette decorating his fingers, but he’s quick to put it out when I’m on sight. Mark turns around when he sees I’m about to park the car.

I close the door of my car calmly. I slowly walk up to him still leaning against his car “Hi baby, are you smoking again?” I ask concerned as I keep walking

“I wasn’t smoking” He lies in a high-pitched voice. I lean down on the groud and pick up the barely burned butt

“What is this then?” I say showing it to him and he sighs defeated

“It was just a breakdown, that’s all…” Mark says and takes a hand to his head

“Is something wrong?” I ask putting my hands inside my jacket’s pockets

“I… We need to talk” Mark gulps and he moves one hand to run up and down his arm, trying to keep himself warm even if it wasn’t cold at all outside.

“Okay, what is it about?” I ask concerned, my blood starting to boil with fear for what might’ve happened this time.

“These… A lot of things have happened these past couple of weeks” Mark says, he doesn’t look at me though. He’s avoiding my looks and my touch, shying away when I try to get close. “First Diane tells me she wants Martin’s custody, and then she comes with the whole ‘You’re not alone anymore’ thing and the ‘He’s going to leave you…’ thing also, and that… Those things stung like nothing before… She just twisted the knife on the wound…”

“I know” I say, uselessly trying to get him calmer. I can see his breathing getting slightly hitched and quick. But it wasn’t pleasured like when we had sex, it’s more like the time he told me about Adam. Something bad had happened or was about to happen.

I don’t know what to be more scared of.

I keep getting more anxious each second that passes. He’s avoiding my touch, my words and my eyes, I’m just getting scared and scarier.

“Second comes up what happened with Martin and Jean and… The whole running away thing… It made me feel like a louzy parent, you know?” Mark says taking a hand up to his mouth and I’m sure he’s about to cry any minute now, and it isn’t just a couple of tears or anything like that, it felt like a wave was coming.

“Mark, hey” I whisper, abruptly getting closer to him. My hands reaching out for his wrists, I grab them and pull them down. He lets me. I place them by the sides of his body, getting closer to kiss him on the cheek

“Tom” Mark chokes out “Don’t do that… Please”

Mark’s voice was weak and pleading “You want me to get away?” I ask confused and slightly hurt

His bottom lip shook, his eyes were lost “Yes” He says in a whisper and I pull back, walking away from him.

Mark gulps again

“I can’t do this anymore; I can’t see our kids suffering like that… People aren’t ready for this, Tom. Nobody is”

“What?” I ask hurt “Are…” I feel the corners of my eyes stinging and my throat closing up. I try to give it away but it’s too hard. Suddenly it gets blurry, it gets unsteady “Are you breaking up with me?” I ask in a whisper

“Tom!” Mark closes his eyes tightly 

“Mark?”

I saw tears on Mark’s eyes too and I didn’t know what made me sadder: Him saying this or seeing him like that…

“I saved the bad news for now…” Mark choked out 

“What happened now?” I ask almost too desperate

“I was at home, and… and they told me to pick up Martin. Some kids beat him up”

“WHAT?” I ask too loud “Dear shit, is he okay?” 

“Calm down” Mark says “He’s fine, it was just a couple of punches on his stomach, the kids are probably going to be expelled…”

I sigh and kick the floor “Shit!”

Mark sighs too while looking at me

“How did I let this happen?” I ask outloud

“Tom, it’s not your fault… It’s mine…”

“No” I shake my head “It could never be you fault” I say with a broken voice, getting closer to him and making sure he’s listening to me “Nothing you do or think could ever cause this… Never, Mark” I say “You’re perfect, okay? Just listen to me:You’re perfect!”

“Tom…” Mark sniffs and I slowly shake my head 

“Don’t break up with me” I say and I can feel cold tears streaming down my cheeks now “Don’t do this to us… I want to help, I want to protect. Even if it fails sometimes I’ll be sure it doesn’t happen anymore…” I say and reach for his hand. He unconsciously lets me and I kiss his knuckles “Please…” It’s automatic when I raise his arm and kiss his wrist, his forearm and everything on the way until I reach his upper arm.

If I stop, I’ll see my empire with him crumbling down to pieces

“And I can’t see him suffering like that, Tom” Mark says as I keep kissing him “And what Diane said made me see how the people who we think that are on our side actually may… May just be faking it”

“Mark, don’t you realize you’re only making it worse with this?” I ask “If we’re together it’ll be better for them!” I stop kissing him and look at his face “Can’t you see that?”

“But if we’re not, they’ll stop!” Mark snaps, suddenly looking at me heartbroken, his blue, beautiful eyes filled with tears “I can’t do this anymore, I’m sorry Tom”

“Don’t…”

“I’m sorry for giving you out as gay, and I’m sorry for ruining your reputation, I’m sorry for destroying things with your wife, and I’m sorry for making your children suffer… I…”

“Mark!” I snap “You didn’t do any of those things! I don’t care for being gay, I don’t care about any reputation, I had nothing left with Rach and you only brought happiness to my kids! Jean and Noah were never as close to any other kid as they are with Martin! I don’t want to tell you to stay together for kids because that sounds like we’re dead inside, but we’re not!” I whine, my feet hitting the ground as I try to uselessly prove my point “Mark, please! You’re… You’re my everything”

Mark’s still shaking, his lip still trembling. His eyes are full with tears as much as my own.

“I’m sorry, Tom”

“No” I shook my head “No, Mark”

“What?” He asks

I don’t say anything; I just fly over to him. I don’t care if he doesn’t want me close; I just need to do this. My lips kiss his and at that moment, I don’t care what the neighbors think, I don’t care if there are some random paparazzi hiding behind my bushes. All I know is that I got to claim for what is mine, and I can’t lose him.

I keep kissing him and I can feel him kissing me back shyly. We move as if this was the first time we were doing it. My tongue explores his mouth as if I owned him, which I hope he comes to realize he owns me, that without him I’m not that much of a man

When I pull back all I can do is look at him with his eyes closed, a tear streams down his cheek and I quickly clean it with my thumb

“Mark, please look at me” I say and he slowly opens his eyes. I look down momentarily and grab his hand, when my eyes meet his again all I can do is plead “Please don’t leave me” I say “I love you, Mark”

I finally say it

Mark’s breath gets caught in his throat, he closes his eyes again and one tear slides down each cheek. Mark slowly pushes me away and gets into his car.

I just watch him getting into his car, not a reply, not even thank you. It felt like a slap in my face. He didn’t love me? After everything we went through?

I stand there, my want to cry growing each fraction of second that passed. I was scared and alone suddenly.

I don’t stop him anymore. I just watch him driving away after he had turned on his engine.

I blink and tears stream from each of my eyes “FUCK!” I shout with anger, even If all I can feel is just a crazy mix of emotions, but none of them are good.

I quickly turn around and kick the lamp post behind me. My bones squeak and my skin itches. My blood runs to the wound and suddenly my MacBeths are too small for me  
“OUCH THIS FUCKING HURTS!” I scream again as I felt my feet at the edge of my skin, probably spraining it. I try to walk inside, my heart bursting uncontrollably on my chest. On my way, the front door of my house was ripped open; Collin is standing by the doorway, Jean grabbing worriedly on his arm.

“Mr. Delonge, what happened?” Collin asks surprised

“I think I got a sprained ankle” I say

“No, wait, I’ll help you” The fourteen year-old releasing my little girl’s grip and walks up to me, helping me stand on him.

“Thanks” I say as he lets me fall on the couch once were inside

“I’m sorry Mr. DeLonge, but… are you crying?” He asks

“Why are you crying, dad?” Jean wonders as she sits by my side

“Mark… Mark, he… He…”

“What happened to Mark, dad?”

“He le… left me” I say and both stand there, mouth-opened.

“Left is in…” Collin speaks up

“Left is in he doesn’t want to see me again, as in he doesn’t want to be with me anymorrrrre…” I sob, throwing my head back

Jean looks heartbroken; I don’t know if it is for seeing me cry or because of Mark, maybe it was both “But why?” She asks innocently

“Honey, we’ll talk about this later, I’ll go to my room. Collin, can you stay until the kids’ sleep time?” I ask and Collin nods.

“Is it about what happened to Martin? Dad, those were just douch…”

“No” I interrupt her “It has nothing to do with that…”

“Is it about me? Is it about me and Martin?” Jean asks worried

“No” I quickly turn to her “Jean, sweetheart. This has nothing to do with you or Martin, alright?”

“What is it then?” Jean asks to me in a low voice, her eyes pleading for an answer

“Just… Just life, kiddo. People come and go…”

“But…”

“Sweety, there’s nothing you can do, okay?” I say grabbing her by her sides “And it’s not your fault!”

Jean gulps “Okay”

I kiss the top of her head and Collin helps me to get up, walking with me to my room. Once he’s gone, I take off my clothes and lie down alone on my double bed, missing Mark’s heat by my side. Cold and lost

I break into tears. How can something so important be taken away from you this quickly? Am I losing my tracks? Will he be back eventually? Hardly, Mark isn’t that type of guy and I know that.

I just gotta lay here and accept that I’m just one more. Mark will never be ready to compromise again.

I just gotta accept that I didn’t change anything. I didn’t make any difference. Not even pretend to love me and lie the three little words he did! I feel cheated…

I crumble the sheets and let an angry sob grow “Son of a bitch!” I groan. How could I be so stupid? I fucking had to fall for him?

I smash the pillow against the bed 

“Very smart, Tom” I hiss. You fucking fell for a dude, and he doesn’t even love you back!

I eventually let my anger out, and I fall into the empty, the annoying buzz ringing in my ears like a broken-knobbed amp, and I muffle that with sobs again.

And then, my night just resumes on sobbing for the cold, empty spot next to me.


	33. Are You Afraid Of Being Alone? Cause I Am.

“I don’t think it looks too good” I hear a feminine voice saying, a pair of cold, strong hands on my pained foot.

I groan silently, my throat dry and my eyes swollen, my head throbbing like a speeding train

“It should heal in a couple of weeks, but we still have to get X-rays to see if he hasn’t broken any bones” A male voice replies as the pair of hands press my foot in different places.

“Say, do you think it’ll damage the program?” Another very strong voice asks

“Not really, he’ll board on the spaceship on his own two feet that is if he doesn’t have anything broken, then we’ll probably have to reschedule the departure…”

"We can’t do that!" The strong voice protests “Shit, DeLonge. What the fuck did you do?”

I groan again, a little bit louder this time. I slowly uncover myself from under the sheets, only revealing my eyes and the top of my messy pulled-on-the-entire-night hair

"What are you all doing here?” I ask when I see Chris, Alinne and Wilson standing at the foot of my bed; all looking worried at my uncovered, red foot.

“Goodmorning, sweety” Alinne says and smiles sympathetically at me

“Hi Tom!” Chris smiles too, but Wilson doesn’t say anything

“I’ll ask my question again, what are you all doing here?”

“We’re looking at your foot” Chris says cheerful before getting up “It doesn’t look good, bro”

“But I can still go to my mission, right?”

“We’ll only know after the X-rays, sorry buddy” Chris explains covering my foot again “So, we can go to the hospital do the exams now, or…”

“No!” Wilson interrupts him “It’s now or never, come on, DeLonge, get up”

“I don’t want to!” I cover my face again, groaning under the sheets with a pout in my voice and in my lips

“Come on, Tom. You can’t stay on that bed forever…”

“How did you guys even know about my foot? How did you know I was at bed?”

“Jean called me with Collin’s help last night, they explained what had happened and I talked to these two so they would come over” Alinne explains “I’m sorry for what happened, honey”

“Whatever” I groan from under the sheets

“DeLonge get up, now!” Wilson shouts

“Okay okay, just… Just leave me alone to get ready”

“Yeah come on, guys” Alinne starts to push the two other men out of my room

“Don’t take long, DeLonge!” Wilson shouts inside before Chris closed the door.

I take a hell long of a time to get my shower. I feel every speckle of water in my skin, or at least I try to… I feel like every cell in my body is dead when not even cold water seems to wake me out of these thoughts.

When I walk out, I just stare at my face on the mirror. It’s all plain, simple, with not much to offer. I rather get bored of my own face sometimes… It’s a wonder how I thought he could fall in love with this…

Fuck

It’s fucking blank.

When I’m ready I find a pair of crutches standing by the door, Chris must’ve left it here before he went downstairs.

“Where are my kids?” I ask as I walk into the kitchen, wincing like an idiot. Alinne had been waiting for me with a sandwich on her hands.

“David took them and Collin to school”

“Collin stayed overnight?” I ask surprised and she nods “God, I’ll have to pay him now” I groan

“Jean was the one who asked him to stay, she didn’t want to be alone and apparently she said something about ‘not being able to call Martin’. He said he’s not going to charge though”

“I’m not gonna do that, of course I’m paying him” I sigh, taking my face in my hands as i sit on the table and shove the crutches away “Alinne, this is going to fuck up my whole life”

“I’m sorry for what happened, Tom” Chris says sympathetically “Things will get better, you’ll see”

“Yeah, right” I say mockingly

“Remember when you and Rachel got divorced; you were just as bitchy as now…” Chris points out. I give him a questioning look “And you’re not even thinking about her anymore! You’ll forget Mark soon enough”

“I didn’t love Rachel anymore, that was the difference” I say and Chris sighs

“Still, I’m sorry”

“Whatever” I shrug as I drink from my cup of coffee. I hate Mark for leaving me dry like that, but instead of hate I know I don’t actually feel angry towards him. As hard as I wished not to, I still love him.

I want to love him. I love him. But I wish I didn’t.

Wilson isn’t around surprisingly, but he comes back right then “Come on, Leo’s outside already, he’ll take us to the hospital”

“Did you guys get the whole NASA to help me?” I ask bewilderly

“Is there a problem?” Alinne smiles proudly as she helps me get out of my house.

“No, not at all” I smile back at her

***

“Everything looks fine, Tom. You’ll go on the mission…” Chris smiles proudly after he had walked out from the exam room with a sly smile on his lips

I can hear Wilson thanking God behind me, I can also hear David and Leo saying their ‘fuck yeah’s while Alinne hisses a ‘yes!’

I start to smile; I would kill myself to know it would have an end.

“Apparently you just sprained it, you have to stay quiet as much as possible, but if you have to move you better use your crutches, okay?”

“Yeah, I can do that” I say taking my exam results in my hands as Chris hands them to me “Thanks, buddy”

“Always a pleasure, Tom” He says patting my back.

Soon Leo is driving me, Alinne, Wilson and Chris back to the office in Pasadena while David follows us with his motorcycle. Once we are at the station me and Alinne go straight to my office, me jumping around with my crutches

Once we reach at my office, I throw myself on the couch and Alinne carefully sits by my side, sighing “Is there any interviews for me today?” I ask and she shakes her head

“No, only next week now…”

“Oh, okay” I say turning away to give a far-away look towards my window.

“Is everything okay, Tom?” She asks concernedly and I chuckle bitterly

“Of course not, are you fucking dumb?” I snap at her “My life is a mess right now!”

“I’m so sorry” She says it sympathetically

“You already said that!” I whine “God! I don’t need people to feel sorry for me because of Mark, okay?” Alinne looks at me with sorry eyes “You know what?”

“What?” Alinne ask

“It doesn’t even feel like he left me, you know?” I shake my head. I can hear my voice starting to break “I woke up with the feeling of ‘I’ll meet him later, you know? I shouldn’t be feeling like shit because Mark will be here soon enough!’. And even if I know he won’t, my head keeps thinking he will! And that fucking hurts!”  
Alinne sighs

“And the worst part is that we didn’t have a closure or a reason to break-up, you know? There wasn’t anything that made me change my mind about him that would say ‘It’s over, Tom. Forget it’, inside of me I still feel like we will do stuff together, I’ll see him at night, we’ll get a house together and he’ll say he’ll wait for me to come back from my mission and stuff”

I’m talking fast, my hands flying around and my eyes stinging “I’m still thinking he’s around, Alinne” I say with a broken voice, my eyes locked on my hands 

“Baby, come here” She says giving me a hug, I hug her back shyly and suddenly start sobbing against her suit.

I wasn’t expecting that

“I love him so much! So fucking much!” I sob

“Oh baby” She shakes her head, tapping my hair as she placed her chin over it

“I love Mark!” I shout between sobs and she keeps hugging me.

“Tom, I…” I can hear a voice say and a click of the door right after “What’s happening, Alinne?”

“What do you think?”

“Oh God” I hear a sigh and feel a heavy person sit by my side right after, a strong hand on my back “Tom, I’m so sorry, buddy”

Alinne rolls her eyes at David and I pull apart from her “STOP FEELING SORRY!” I shout after taking a short look at my best friend and getting up, walking towards the window, trying to make myself stop crying like an idiot. “I just… I don’t want people feeling sorry for me, okay?” I say before turning around

“But Tom, what else can people say?” Alinne asks

“I don’t know! Just don’t say anything! I don’t need any more reminders of Mark in my life!” I sigh looking around “Even my fucking office reminds me of him, we had our first kiss against that shelf” I say pointing towards my pictures and trophies “He fucking loved the view” I said pointing a finger towards the window “We had sex on that coooouch!” I whine pointing towards them before both of them hastily got up while David made a disgusted face

“Ugh” Alinne ran a hand through her black skirt

“I just… I want to be alone, please” I sigh

“Okay hon” Alinne says before giving me a hug “Please stay alright”

“I’ll try” I sigh and she pulls apart, going outside with David following her right behind

I close my eyes and clean the last remains of the tears I had cried that were still on my cheeks. My feet made me turn around after I had opened my eyes and I just take a quick look at the pile of papers that were on top of my desk.

I shrug, ignoring them as jump towards the couch, grabbing a pillow and throwing it to the floor. I slowly kneel down and lay my head on the pillow and stand there, looking up at the blank ceiling.

Blank like my face.

Blank like my life.

Blank like his love


	34. Rush Of Waiting Is Burning

“What the fuck?!” I can hear a feminine voice on top of me. I groan, turning around from side to side, then finally prying my own eyes open.

I can only see little sparks of light above me, then I see a wave of dark hair attached to a head coming on towards me

“Tom, are you okay?” Rachel asks, squinting her eyes

“What the hell are you doing here, woman?” I snap, rubbing my eyes against the back of my hand

“I went to pick up the kids at school because you know, you forgot…”

“Oh shit!” I jump up, sitting up on the middle of the floor of my office “What time is it?”

“It’s five o’clock already, Tom” Rachel sighs

“Where are they?”

“They’re with David and Chris”

“Why didn’t you take them home?” I ask slowly trying to get up “Can you give me my crutches?”

“Oh yeah, what happened to your foot?” She chuckles as she gives me the crutches “Did it get stuck on Mark’s butt?” She starts laughing at her own joke but I give her a deadly look right after “I’m sorry”

I sigh “More like his foot got stuck on my butt…” 

Rachel frowns “What do you mean?”

"Mark dumped me" I say simply before jumping towards the couch

“What?” She asks serious “Are you being serious?”

I nod “Yes I am” I try to sound as indifferent as possible, I don’t need Rachel to brag about me and Mark’s thing coming to an end “We’re done…”

“So…” Rachel sighs impatiently. At least she’s not saying she’s sorry… “I better go home now, good luck with the kids…”

Rachel rushes to the door and opens it with one single swift movement “Hey, where are you going?” I stop her “Can you watch them tonight?”

“I have a date in a hour, Tom” She says simply

“You got a date?” I fake a smile “Good for you…”

“Hm, I see” She says with sass which I hate coming from her “You care that I got a date?”

“Yeah Rachel, see, my boyfriend just broke up with me so I have to do this thing where I get jealous of my ex-wife’s date, yeah, that’s pretty normal…” I shrug and she puffs annoyed, going out and slamming the door behind herself without even saying goodbye

I chuckle, then I try to at least do something for the day and sit on my desk, doing papers and other work stuff. When the clock hits 6pm I get up and find Daisy outside getting her stuff together “Do you know where Rachel left the kids?” I ask fixing my crutches in my arms

“She said they’re with David, he called a few minutes ago to say he would be downstairs at the parking lot with them”

“Great” I say giving her a thumbs up “See you tomorrow, Daisy”

“See you!” She shouts at me as I walk out of the little assistant’s room and into the hallway. Once I’m about to reach my car I find a little golf car coming into my direction. David is driving it while Jean sits by his side and Noah stands on the back, screaming at the fun he’s having.

When the car stops the kids jumped down and Noah gives me a pout before running to come hug me “They’re safe and sound, my friend” David says with a smile while he playfully gives me a salute “Now if you excuse me I got to give this back…”

“Bye David!” Noah and Jean shout in unison as David drives off, waving back at them

“Are you okay, dad?” Noah asks as he looks down at my red foot wrapped in a black rubber thingy

“Yeah I am, buddy” I say tapping his head, getting into the car as they follow me. Once we are inside Jean grabs her backpack and pulls it open, pulling a piece of paper out of it

“Dad, this is for you” She says shoving the paper into my face and I take it, opening it hastily

“PTA meeting? Shit! I had totally forgotten about it!” I say taking a hand up to my forehead “When is this fuck?”

“Tuesday, practically a week from now” Jean replies

“Do I really need to go?” I whine and look back at her before she nods

"Yes…"

I groan

***

I’m wearing orthopedic shoes once I walk into Jean and Noah’ school, looking for the place where the PTA meeting will be held. When I find out it will be at the gym I make my steps quick towards the giant stadium.

I sigh when I see the amount of parents hanging around like it was a fucking school reunion. I curse Rachel under my breath for not accepting to come on my place; I guess she actually wants me to suffer…

A different vibe comes towards me and I know this will be a very bad day.

I see that spiky hair floating before me once, but I try to ignore it and look around and away from that place.

I want to find someone I know, but all I can think about is which parents gave birth to the fucking children who bullied my kids.

Things feel better when I see a man approach me. Finally, a distraction!

“Mr. DeLonge?” The man asks with a bright smile

“Yes, it’s me” I force a chuckle and give him my hand to shake, which he takes hesitantly as he stares at me with big, wide eyes “And you are…”

“I am the astronomy teacher, Mr. Hanson! You can call me Diego if you want…” He says excitedly, smiling like a fucking schoolgirl “You’re my hero!”

I chuckle “Really? That’s so cool! May I ask you why?”

“Well, you know, I’m an astronomy teacher!” This guy, Diego, explains “And you’re an astronaut! I just… I admire you very very much for doing what you do, seriously”

“Thanks man” I smile “I really appreciate it”

Diego nods and keeps talking, he gives me a weird look, but not bad-weird, and it’s more like weird-good. I try to ignore it before a woman comes closer to us “Diego, a parent wants to talk to you…”

“Okay then, Rose” He tells her and says goodbye to me, lingering before walking.

I wave back as he walks away, and I frown as soon as he’s out of my sigh. Was that guy slightly coming on to me?

I sigh, I was left alone again. My feet lead me to the other side of the room and I see the spiky hair talking to a female teacher. I sigh again and try to avoid my looks towards it one more time.

I suddenly recognize a woman from the crowd and I smirk to myself, thinking I have scored again. I follow her image and call her “Lee?” I ask and she turns around when I get closer

“Tom!” She smiles sweetly at me “How are you? Is Rach around?”

“No, she wasn’t able to come today” I roll my eyes ” you know how busy she always is…”

"Yeah…" Lee says shaking her head

“How are you, how is little Ben?”

“Ben’s great, did you hear we’re moving to New York this summer?”

“No I didn’t! Rachel barely tells me stuff these days…” I shrug “That’s great, you’ve always wanted to get out of California!”

"Yeah…" She sighs delighted "San Diego for high school, Sacramento for college and LA for my marriage? Oh come on! I can’t take this anymore! I want to raise Ben in New York, just like I wanted to grow up there…"

I laugh “What’s the occasion?”

“Vern is being transferred, that’s all” She smiles talking about her husband “What about you?”

“I’m being transferred to space”

“Wow, really?” Lee chuckles “That’s pretty exciting too”

“I know” I say tagging along on the laughter.

I knew Lee ever since high school; she was a pretty good friend of mine and Rachel’s best friend. Well, she’s Rachel’s best friend to the day, but she and I kind of drifted apart after the divorce. She was the only one of Rachel’s friend I still liked because she didn’t take any sides on the fight, she was able to see my side too and I was always thankful for that. Lee was the one to put some sense into Rach’s head.

“I heard you’re dating again, are you happy with it?” Lee asks as she takes a sip from her punch

“Oh, you know” I shrug, does she really have to touch on this subject? “It’s… It’s done now… I’m single to date as much as I’d like”

“Tom!” I’m suddenly able to hear Diego behind me, interrupting whatever thing I was about to say about Mark “I found you again!”

“Hey Diego” I sigh annoyed, turning around to him

“Wait, you and Mark broke up?” Lee asks disbelievingly “But Rach said you two were so crazy about each other…”

I frown, was Rachel saying anything about my fucking relationship to her friends?

“You two are over?” Diego asks mouth-opened as well

What the hell? Even people I barely know are talking about this?

“Yeah, and let’s please just not talk about it…” I say rolling my eyes. I can see a slight smile forming on Diego’s lips and I frown

“Numbers 23, 24, 25, 26, please follow me!” A woman with a disgusted face and a heavy, strong voice calls from the gym’s entrance. I looked at my paper, number 36. Well, that would -sadly- take long…

“I guess that’s me, guys” Lee says excusing herself “I gotta go…”

“Bye Lee” I say as she waves back, Diego soon places her spot in front of me, trying to get my attention.

He’s short and had a dark Mexican-like skin, though he doesn’t have any accents or stuff like that. Diego has dark brown hair and a stubble on his chin.

“Tom” he calls me “You know Mark’s here, right?” He asks and I nod “Are you ignoring him?”

“Not really” I lie “I haven’t seen him yet, that’s all. But I know he must be around somewhere…”

Diego places a hand on my shoulder, trying -and failing- to be casual. He slides it down to my arm slowly as he pulls me to his side. My eyes go wide and I feel something within me starting to shake, but I just try to seem oblivious, as if nothing’s happening

“What’s your opinion on aliens?” Diego asks

“Aliens?” I choke “My opinion on aliens?”

“Sure” He says slowly, smirking as he pulls me even closer to him. My eyes dart to the other side of the room, trying to get away from him, from his touch.

That. That is when I see the spiky hair for the third time. And it is right then, right there, with that guy trying to get to me that I realize what I really needed to do, what I was afraid I could think of doing since the beginning

“Hey Diego!” I say pulling away, faking an excited voice “Do you think you have any cool stuff on your classroom you can show me?”

“Hell yeah I have!” He exclaims excitedly “Shit, I had even forgotten about my telescope images, you’ll go crazy over them!”

“Then go get them!” I say, lying my excitement “I’ll be waiting here!”

“Okay!” He beams as i watch him leave the gym. I sigh in relief and look again to the spiky hair, just standing there, waiting my move.

Like a science documentary, the male watches his pray.

God, that’s fucking gay.

My throat swallows dry as I try to look tough. My orthopedic shoes start to lead me to it, Mark’s talking to a girl, a very attractive one by the way.

She laughs at one of his jokes and he smiles at her.

God!

…then I play my part.


	35. I'd Play With Fire To Break The Ice

“Mark!” I exclaim as I, instictvingly, walk closer to him. Atomatically crossing off ‘see his face’ from my to-do list.

Mark looks at me surprised and gives me a sad smile before getting panicked when he sees I’m actually meaning to talk to him.

As if he didn’t want to.

“Hey Tom, I’m actually talking to someone else right now…” He says with a fake smile and gestured to the young girl in front of him. What the fuck is he doing flirting with this shit? She must be like half his age! “Tom, this is Crissy. Crissy, this is my ex, Tom…” Mark introduced us, deeply emphsising we weren’t together anymore

I frown

“Hi, Crissy!” I say faking a smile and she giggles into her cup of punch before raising her hand for me to shake

“Hi, Tom!” She smiles brightly, a pretty gorgeous smile to be more exact. Her blonde hair tied in a pony tail flies around flawlessly while her brown eyes pierce my skin.

God, I hate her

“I’ve heard a lot about you?” She says and I smile smugly

“Oh really?” I take a look at Mark from the corner of my eye. He just shies away while taking a sip from his punch.

“Yeah! On the news!” She exclaims and I just get the biggest poker face ever 

“Oh yeah, the news” I say through hissed teeth, I should’ve just guessed already… “Say, Crissy. Aren’t you a little too young to have a child?”

Mark gives me one snappy and annoyed look, although he’s my ex, so he can’t tell me to shut up or anything else. I look back at him and shrug with a knowing smile, annoying him even more.

“It’s okay” Crissy smiles at Mark when she sees his reaction “My dad lives in New York and my mom passed away last year. I live here with my little sister ever since…”

“Oh” I say in realization “I’m so sorry” 

“It’s okay”

“Hm, Mark?” I call him and he looks at me from the edge of his glass “Can I talk to you outside for a sec?” I ask faking a smile and he shakes his head

“I’m busy, Tom” He sighs

“Actually I was planning to go talk to the music teacher; I’ll excuse you two to talk. Call me later, Mark” She smiles and winks at him before turning away

“No, wait!” He uselessly tries to stop her, but as soon as he speaks she gets lost into the crowdy mess “I hate you” Mark says giving me one annoyed look.

“That’s not how you’re going to score…” I warn him playfully and smile smugly at the ambiguity of my sentence. I start walking out of the gym and I can feel him following me.

“Okay, what do you want to talk?” Mark asks leaving his cup on a trash can

“Just, you know…” I shrugged, trying to stall him

Mark rolled his eyes “Tom, do you want to talk about the break up?” He asks annoyed and I shake my head

“No, It’s not it…” I try to cover it up

“What is it then?”

“I… I just wanted to… I don’t kn…”

“Oh come on!” Mark whines, throwing his head back “I’m coming back…” He says and turns around. Mark places his hand on the knob of the door but I stop him by placing a hand on his arm “Hm, Tom?” Mark looked up at me with a raised eyebrow

“Follow me” I said and started pulling him further into the corridor. 

I didn’t really know what I was actually planning to do

“Tom, what the fuck are you doing?”

“You’ll see” I hiss back at him, just like he had been doing before. 

“Look, I found some of your stuff at my place, but don’t worry because I’ll ask someone to drop the box at your house, and if I forgot anything at your place you can keep it, okay? Unless if you found my BBC Sherlock box set, I need that back” Mark says as I keep pulling him

“You can keep my stuff” I shrug, not really caring about it right now

“I don’t want to”

I sigh “Then throw away, whatever” I roll my eyes as we turn into a corridor “Do you know where the janitor’s office is?”

I could see Mark’s eyes getting wide suddenly “No, why?” He asks before swallowing hard.

“Oh!” I said smiling, my grip getting tighter around him “Here it is!”

“Tom, what are yo…” Mark tries to speak, but I’m too busy fumbling with the knob and almost ripping the door open with urgency. I pushed him inside and followed his stumbled steps right after. Mark finally stops talking once I throw him against the closed door and kiss him hard.

“Just shut the fuck up” I say pulling apart slightly after I had kissed him roughly. My hands move to his button down, undoing the first few buttons. My forehead leans against his while my lips speak only an inch away from his, already craving for another kiss.

“Okay” Mark nods, his lips are red already as he’s the one pulling me into him again.

My teeth crash against his when he pulls me abruptly. I bite a bit too hard on his bottom lip and he whines in a complain, though he only pulls me even closer, almost jumping on top of me as he craved for friction.

I smirk into the rough, urgent kiss once I realize he probably wants this just as much as I do, even if I knew we had different points of views for it. His hands are touching my back under my shirt as mine are going up his, caressing his chest

“…issed you” He whispers when he pulls apart slightly, half of his sentence being left on the kiss. He looks into my eyes, hoping I get the message.

I gulp hard and break the eye contact when moving my lips to his neck to lick his sweaty skin, sucking on it right after. I can feel him pulling me closer and moaning slightly, trying to hide it even.

I don’t answer. I can feel him tensing when I stay silent and bite on his collarbone, he trembles at what seems to be shivers going down his spine.

“Tom” He moans my name, his voice a bit broken, a bit too full, as if something was stopping him from speaking.

I suck on his earlobe and one of my hands press against his ass.

“Fuck me” He pleads in a low voice. I pine him against the door and press his chest against it with my own “Please”

“For what?” I ask against his neck “Just so you can leave me dry again?”

“But Tom!” He tries to protest 

“You broke up with me, remember?” I ask a bit too harsh and he sighs before I bit his neck

I hear him whine when I finally pull back from him, craving for more. It makes me smile like a fucking idiot, a tone of a smirk to my lips. My hand flies down to his crotch and I hear him hissing as I squeeze his erection through the jeans.

My fingers work on his belt quickly and I make his pants drop, pulling them down to his ankles along with his boxers. I kneel down before him and look up; his blue eyes are staring at me, wondering if I was really going to do this.

I take his dick in both my hands, holding it firm as I stare it, pointing at my face. I had never sucked Mark’s dick before, I mean, I had given him hand jobs and he had fucked me, he had sucked me too, but me sucking him? Never. The stuff I know about it is the same stuff people had already done to me.

I let my tongue run through it and I hear Mark moaning heavily “God, Tom!” He pratically shouts, his hands going down to my hair, pulling it angrily. I follow the things he usually did to me, guessing he likes those on him

I pull back slightly and pull my shirt out of my body. I can see Mark staring down at me as I twisted the fabric into a knot. I got up momentarily and shoved the crumbled shirt into Mark’s mouth “Stay the fuck quiet” I hiss in a low voice and he lets me, nodding as I kneeled back down and went back to suck him off.

Soon my head is bobbing backwards and forwards, his hips thrusting into my mouth in a rhythm. I lick his head and he starts to thrust faster making me end up gagging

“Sorry” Mark mumbles against the shirt but I don’t even listen, just continue to do my job “Tom” He called me but I don’t do anything again. Mark spits the shirt away from his mouth and slightly starts leaning over me “Tom, I’m gunna cum” He warns “Tom, I’m… Tom, stop! I’m coming!” Mark told me strictly, ordering me to pull out of him His hot cum comes into my mouth, shooting into my throat like a jet. 

My eyes open while his dick was still on my mouth, I swallow it even with my mouth full.

“God, Tom” He chuckles but his chuckling dies once I pull away, his dick coming off of my mouth with my lips making a pop sound. I’m not happy, and he can see that in my face “What’s wrong?” He asks concerned, caring about me for the first time ever since we had seen each other.

I instictively look up at him. God, I had missed him so much! His eyes, his lips, his skin. I wanted him back and I want him now, but it isn’t like this I’m going to score him…  
“Nothing” I shake my head and gulping dry. I pull his pants back up and zip them. I go back to stand on own two feet and he looks down.

I can see him making faces, probably thinking this through as he frowned at his own thoughts. Suddenly he spoke, waking me up from dreamily staring at him

“You’re not wearing MacBeths” Mark points out

“Oh yeah, these are orthopedic shoes” I shrug as I pick my shirt off the floor, putting in on

“What do you need orthopedic shoes for?”

“I sprained my ankle last week”

“How?” He chuckles

“I… I kicked a lamp post…” I say but don’t give it all away. He can’t know I’m actually dying to have him back, for him to know I love him already is too much. 

I shrug; he looks at me with a wondering look, defeated. My love instinct kicks in when I see the sad look on his face. 

“Hey” I call him and he looks back up, I walk closer and press my chest against his before kissing him softly. Mark kisses me back surprisingly, sliding his tongue into my mouth easily. I sigh and pull back, he whines, wanting more “Bye” I say before he shyly makes way for me to walk out of the small, dark room.

Mark closes the door behind me as soon as I get out with a loud bang. Not seeming to come out anytime soon.

I wait a few minutes for him to come out but nothing, I’m actually holding myself to not go back in there and see how he’s doing.

I make my way back to the gym and face Diego first thing; he’s holding a book and an iPad on his hands “Tom! Where were you! I was starting to get worried”

“I was at the bathroom, sorry” I say without any excitement. I look to the iPad and recognized the article he’s looking at, I had read it thousands of times before. It talks about some random theories, and I know I had that book at home. I sigh, I just didn’t really care anymore “You know what?” I ask

“What?” He looks up eagerly

“I feel like I have a pretty bad headache coming on, I think I should just go home, you know?”

“No, but these are so good!” I see him getting desperate

“Oh, I bet they are!” I fake excitement, the knowledge of reading them is bland and boring “But it’s pretty bad, I’m sure I can come here any other day, can’t I?”

“Yeah, sure you can” Diego says disappointed “See you around, Tom” He shouts as I make my way out again

“Whatever” I answer back, not caring at all.


	36. One Drink And The Pain Goes Down

“Mr. DeLonge!" Daisy calls me excitedly as I walk past her and into my office 

"Hey, what’s up?" I ask to my secretary casually. After a long night thinking and jerking off of the afternoon before didn’t do me any good. My head is still spinning at the thoughts of Mark’s dick in my mouth and his pleads of sex.

Daisy didn’t realize it though

"Mrs. Masters left this here" Daisy said and grabbed a case of papers from the top of her desk, handing them to me "She said it’s for an interview you’ll need to do for a documentary…"

I open the case briefly and take a quick look at the papers Alinne had left for me. I close it and look up momentarily at Daisy “Thanks!” I smile at her

"Hm, Mr. DeLonge, before you get in, can I ask you a question?" Daisy asks politely

“Isn’t that a question already?" I whisper to myself, my brain echoing words of a conversation that’s only on a replay for me

"What?" Daisy frowns and I shake my head 

"Nothing, just… What do you want to ask me?"

Daisy looked a bit skeptical at first but then she finally did it “Mr. DeLonge, I know it’s none of my business, but is Alinne pregnant?” She asked in a low voice, getting closer to me, after all, the secretary’s room wasn’t soundproofed.

I frown, taking a good look at her “Why do you think that?”

"Well, she came by earlier to drop those papers and she said she would wait for you. Although she started feeling sick, she puked and kept holding her belly, it’s pretty visible" Daisy explains

"She puked here?" I ask making a disgusted face and Daisy nodded

"I cleaned it up about half an hour ago…" Daisy said "But anyway, is she?"

I sigh “You promise not to tell anyone?” I ask and she nods

"I don’t even have friends here, Mr. DeLonge. My lips are sealed…"

I sigh again “Yes, she is” I said and I could see Daisy smiling slightly

"Do you know who the father is?" She asks and I shake my head

"She won’t tell me"

"But anyway, that’s none of our business…" I say shaking my head "If you excuse me, I’ll get back to work" I say turning around and the momentarily looking at her "Or begin…" I say in a playful tone

"Yeah, I should get back too…" Daisy sighs after laughing at my joke.

***

After work I went out to pick up the kids. Jean keeps her eyes on her lap as she looks down at her book, covers closed. I had told her to not read it in the car, so she just observes it patiently, opening it every once in a while to get a taste of what awaited for her at home.

“Are you going to read that book for school, Jean?” I ask looking through the rearview mirror, taking a look at her.

Jean looks up startled “Hm, yeah, kinda. My teacher recommended it to me; I got it from the school’s library…”

Once she’s done speaking her eyes look through the window for a brief second as I drove into our neighborhood

“Is that Collin?” She asks frowning at whatever is outside.

I look outside as well, Collin is standing at the porch of a house, skateboard in hand as he holds a girl’s hand and kisses her on the cheek before she says goodbye and walks into the house. He starts walking backwards towards her front lawn, staring at the place she had left empty as he smiles like an idiot.

Jean holds the book tighter against her chest, observing the fourteen year-old smiling passionately at his girlfriend “She’s… She’s pretty…” Jean sighs disappointed

“Well, Collin is a pretty handsome kid himself…” I ponder

“You really think he’s handsome?” Jean asks surprised and I nod, but don’t say anything. I start to slow down the car and pull into the curb “Dad, what are you doing?” She asks startled

“I will ask him if he wants a ride…”

I see that Collin is frowning at the car, probably wondering who it was. I slide down the window so he can see me “Hi Mr. DeLonge!” He chirps happily before waving at me “Picking the kids up at school, huh?” He chuckles

“Yeah” I nod “We were actually wondering if you want a ride home… Our block is kind of far for you to go there skating…”

“Well, I actually skate there from here almost every day, but I would be willing to accept the ride” He smiles and Jean slowly opens the door for him to get in

“Then hop in, buddy” I smile and he gets in.

When we are at home he decides to stay and watch Tv for a while and have dinner with us since his mom had gotten a night shift at work and he’d be alone at home. At least here he can hang out with Jean as she proceeds to be amazed and he to like the attention she was willing to give him.

Once everyone is done eating I sit at the arm chair to watch Tv with Jean, Noah and Collin. And everything seems to be okay for a brief moment. I pick up the iPad from the corner table and decide to check a few things around the internet.

With nothing better to do, I decide to see if anything’s up in the celebrity world, something that never really was of my interest but it suddenly was. I open one of the biggest gossip pages and my eyes scan over the screen

Kim Kardashian, Chris Brown, Justin Bieber, Demi Lovato. Ugh, can’t I just fucking find it? My eyes snap open when I finally see something at the bottom of the page, left out from everything else mostly. Exactly what I was looking for.

I look at the kids and they seem well distracted, not being disturbed by the noise of my heart bursting uncontrollaby on my chest.

“Mark Hoppus is seen with a girl in Malibu this afternoon" The words keep running over my head like a carrousel. I press my finger over the link and look at the loading page.  
As always, there was a picture and the story below. I read it as the picture was starting to appear.

“Mark Hoppus, 41, was -surprisingly- seen with a girl this afternoon at a restaurant. The two laughed and chatted for about two hours.

If it’s a relationship or just something else no one knows. But according to sources, until last month Mark was still dating astronaut Tom DeLonge. Hoppus had oh so familar spots around his neck, not bothering to cover them with make-up.

The girl is believed to be Crissy Evans, seen with the host once back in 2009. Crissy is a designer and has unbelivingly 23 years. It’s a wonder how the guy jumped from a 37 year-old brittle-bonned man to a wonderfully beautiful 23 year-old girl. Tell us your secret, Champ!

See related news:

Mark Hoppus on Grammy’s red carpet: Take at look at what celebrities said about the unbelievingly ugly tie with cats in it.

Tv Host Mark Hoppus best bud’s with Tom DeLonge?

Mark Hoppus and Tom DeLonge’s love affair?

Get tickets to watch A Different Spin live!”

I close my eyes and threw my head back, I gulped dry a couple of times. Now I feel like shit, why would I want Mark back when she could be so much better anyway. It’s not like he loves me too…

The picture shows and I see Mark and Crissy sitting on a table at a restaurant. In the next picture they’re walking out of it holding hands, a pair of sunglasses in each face and you could perfectly see the spots and scars I had left on his neck the previous afternoon.

Now that we’re pretending that nothing happened it’s weird to think and to see. I just wish I could rip all my organs out and not have to think about him ever again. 

I get up and straighten my clothes “Collin, you don’t mind staying overnight, do you?” I ask raising an eyebrow at the boy sitting on the couch

“Hm, no, not at all, Mr. DeLonge. Do you have something to do?” He asks

“Just remembered I’ve got a few things to sort out for work with Alinne, I should be back around midnight or something…”

“Work? At this time?” Jean asks, not really buying my lie

“Well yeah, it’s about my Houston date, we’re buying my plane tickets…”

Jean still frowned, then she slowly started to smirk and turned back around to look at the Tv. Collin waved at me “Have fun, Mr.DeLonge!” He shouts back as I grab my leather jacket and walk out of the house.

I start driving around, aimlessly at first. I just can’t take it anymore, there is an empty space inside of me no one could really replace. My memory takes me back to the afternoon before

I took advantage of him being weak and vulnerable. Mark looked miserable, with dark bags under his eyes and a sad smile to his face all the time. He kept being nervous when around me though, I saw the look of panic on his eyes when I grabbed him by the arm, and the way his pupils dilated with lust after I had thrown him against the wall and kissed his lips.

If I did something right or wrong, I don’t know. Everything I do know is that I am completely in love with Mark Hoppus and I’m sure if he doesn’t love me back.

My mind flies back to the day he told me about Adam. Mark was the strong one there; Mark was the one to keep him sane. I bet he tried to keep going like that even after they had broken up and Adam died a few years later, but after so much time he wasn’t being able to bear being so strong, and became weak.

Worst of all, I wasn’t sure at all if he was weak because of me, maybe I had been the one to bring out that side of him.

Mark had tried to seem tough, but he’s just broken inside, he needs to be loved and I want to be able to give him the love that he deserves, though I’m not sure if that’s what he really wants.

I can feel tears stinging at my eyes as I turn into a familiar curb and I find the big, yellow house staring back at me. I take a deep breath and look at it, lights turned off, and I remember Mark should be at Fuse at this hour.

I bit my lip and curse myself; I want to sit at his front door and wait to just kiss him when he arrives, to carry him inside like the fragile thing he is.

Sighing in defeat I end up driving away, stopping a few blocks down at a small bar, the same one Mark and I had taken The Carnel to not that many weeks before. It is definitely a foreign aura to me since I haven’t been to that many bars in the past year.

I hated and repulsed at the air and smell of greasy drunk men who let the heavy smoke come out of their lips slowly, rudely screaming non-understandable curses as they gambled their cards full of Dorito’s powder.

It was all rude, ugly. It was like looking into a deep hole full of failed dreams and broken homes. I wonder what these men’s children thought of them, where were their wives right now.

It all reminded of my dad, my youth as I watched my mom carrying him out of bars like this one almost every night while I skated not that many blocks away, not giving a care for what was happening to them, they were the reason of all my troubles.

I was breathing failure, but at that point it seemed like I was used to it. What is life without love? Failure, that’s what it feels like, at least. I was breathing failure, smelling sorrow and self-pity; it was the perfect place for me right now.

Inside that small room everything I can feel is the heavy pound on my chest from my heart that busted uncontrollably as I kissed his sweet lips and felt him up, melting into my arms with a weak voice.

I wanted him like that again, if I was to have him back, even if it was miserable like that, I would take it. I wanted him, and I’ve known that for so long now…

I sit down on a stool and slap two crumbled notes into the counter top.

The bartender looks at me suspiciously, eyeing me and probably recognizing my face from somewhere.

Or maybe everywhere

He pours out three shots for me and I drink two of them one at a time, leaving one out. 

I wonder why I’m doing this. Do I really have a reason to? I mean, I’m not allowed to drink alcohol or to smoke anything, being here and drinking this broke the rules I had been sticking to for almost a year now. If I’m really breaking these rules then it really should be important.

“Thanks” I say making a face as I raised the glass back at the bartender. 

He gives me a sideways smile and takes back the glasses.

"Hm…" I start frowning at the awful pop music playing in the background "What the fuck am I listening to?"

The bartender shrugs “I don’t know, Nicki Minaj?”

"Just…" I say taking a hand to my forehead, already feeling the alcohol kicking into my system "Just change that please"

"Okay" He giggles and opens a door behind him "Dick! Come change the music!" He shouts and closes the door again. After a few seconds a kid bursts out of a door. I suppose he’s this Dick dude.

Dick has a small stature and he’s wearing a hip hop jacket, a backwards snapback at the top of his flat head. “Okay, Rihanna now?” The kid asks as he sits on the stool by the computer at our side. He looks like he’s about 18 or something, maybe too young to work at a bar.

"No" The bartender shakes his head and points to me "Ask him"

"Okay man, tell me what you want…"

"Do you have Finest Comedy?" I ask raising an eyebrow. I didn’t really give a single flying fuck.

Dick laughs “HA! Finest Comedy…” He says shaking his head “None of that shit here, dude…”

"Dick!" The bartender shouts at him and he rolls his eyes 

"Okay" He sighs "I’ll see what I can do…" The kid browses through his computer and I drink the last shot, putting the glass back on the counter and pointing it to the bartender. He just raised the bottle of alcohol and poured some into it, letting some slip at the border

"Thanks" I say and drink it again. This time I don’t even ask, the bartender pours it again but I don’t do anything about it, I just watch it standing there.

"Found!" Dick says and presses enter, soon I can hear the drums kicking in heavily "Is that good?" He asks unimpressed

I sigh “It’s good” I nod at him and he goes on browsing on the computer

"Don’t you ever wish you could rip yourself off of your skin?" Mark’s voice echoes around the bar "I’m here willing to make that all go back normal state. Point zero”

I sigh staring at the glass, I just feel a pain at my stomach that I don’t really know how to get rid of.

"I saw the news" The bartender said leaning over the counter, trying to speak closer to me. I look up at him "I’m sorry, man" He says and gives me a half-hearted smile

I shrug “Whatever…”

“Won’t you let me in? I waaaannaaaa tryyyyyyy…”

Mark’s voice got soft, as well the drums and the bass, only a shy guitar riff on the back, joining his sweet voice. I start wondering if he minded singing songs Adam had probably written for him, I also wondered if he felt the same thing his friend did.

"Hm, kid?" I ask and Dick looks back at me 

"Yup?" 

"Does it say there from what year that song is?" I ask and he fumbles with the keypad a couple of times

"2002. The album is Oxford and Portobello" Dick says and I nod. It was around the time Adam started to fall back into depression, once he realized Mark really wasn’t going to be back around.

I can relate to it. I look to the stool on my side momentarily and I see a guy sitting by my side, I frown at how familiar he looks like: Ginger hair, slight stubble and freckles around a perfectly white chalk skin.

"Hi!" The guy says raising his glass of Jack for me

"Hm, Hi?" I say perplexed. That guy looked a lot like Adam "Do I know you?"

“He loves you back, you know?”

“No he doesn’t”

“Yeah, he does” The guy tells me and smiles sadly

The bartender stopped drying glasses and frowns at me “Who are you talking to?” 

I shake my head and look at him, I point at Adam and then look back at the dude by my side, suddenly not finding him there anymore.

“I… I have no idea” I tell the bartender, still very confused, looking at the –now- empty spot on my side "I…" I say, frowning "I… I guess I just thought I had seen someone…" I extend my hand and pour the shot down my throat, hissing at the bitter-sweet taste once it slides down my body and I pull down the glass

"Calm down there, buddy" The bartender says pouring me another shot "Maybe you’re going a bit too fast…" He says and I nod

Dick looks over at me, a grin on his face “Yeah dude, you seem like you haven’t drank in a while, that shit is going to do you bad…”

I wipe my mouth with a back of my hand “I haven’t drank anything in a whole year… Last time I had alcohol was when I got divorced…”

Dick nods and keeps typing on his computer. The song finishes with the crash of Travis’s drums and I sigh. “Want Finest Comedy again?” Dick asks and I nod

"Yes, please" I say and he puts in another one, now from Easy Way Out, its main single, I recognize it instantly.

"Did you guys see that their lead singer is now dating a girl?" Dick asks suddenly and both the bartender and I exchange looks "Everyone is still hang up on that astronaut dude though" Dick chuckles and shakes his head

"Hm… Dick?" The bartender starts, but the kid goes on to ignoring him

"Have you realized that no one knows what happened to the other dude after they broke up?"

I clean my throat in a high tune and Dick looks at me.

"Maybe he’s getting drunk at a bar somewhere…" I say and his eyes go big

"Shit, man!" Dick exclaims and stumbled off his stool "I’ll just go inside to get a… Bye!" He says awkwardly and stumbles back inside the kicthen. The bartender sighs and gives me a look 

"I’m sorry" He says shaking his head

I sigh and shrug “It’s okay. I’m supposed to go anyway, I think I’ve had too much by now…”

"Yeah, maybe" He says and I pay him what’s left. I stumble out of the stool, I get into my SUV, but once I’m inside I realize I’m in no actual condition to drive, so I go out and catch the first cab I see going down the street.

The driver starts getting me home but somewhere along the way I get distracted as I pass right in front of Alinne’s building. I frown and start giggling to myself; she wouldn’t mind a quick visit, would she?

"Hm, would you mind stop here, please?" I ask and the driver nods. He stops and I give him the money.

I go up the building and knock on her door with a beat, all in sync. “It’s open!” She shouts from inside

“Okay!” I start giggling and walk inside, finding Alinne wearing handcuffs and trapped to a lamp on her wall

“Tom!?!” She exclaims surprised “What the fuck?”

My eyes widen when I see that she is wearing nothing then a man’s button down, as if she had just gotten lucky “Sweet!” I exclaim as I look down to her beautifully shaped legs

“Stop staring!” She snaps and I look up at her, mouth still open as I flail over her amazing body “What the fuck are you doing here, is something wrong?” She asks shaking her head

“I’m drunk” I say weakly as I stare at her half-naked chest. Both her hands are trapped on the handcuffs as they are tied around a lamp, forcing her to stay there, still. “Why are you like that? Were you seeing that guy?” I slowly start to smirk

“You’re drunk?!?” Alinne almost spits “Tom, you can’t drink! Are you insane??”

“Well, damage is done, what can you do?” I shrug, stopping her from changing subjects “Why are you like that again?”

She sighs annoyed “Yes, it was that guy… I told you haven’t been with anyone else in while…” Alinne rolls her eyes, annoyed yet again “Can you help me get out of here? He did this and I’ve been on this same position for the last two hours…”

“Of course” I shake my head as I walk closer

“Just uncork the lamp and I’ll jump to pass the handcuffs over it, okay?” She asks and I nod, uncorking the hot lamp and she jumps to get the cuffs out “Finally” Alinne sighs happily in relief

“Aren’t you going to get them off?” I ask and she shakes her head

“He took the keys with him…”

“Oh” I say “Did you tell him?”

“About the baby?” She asks and I nod “No, he doesn’t know about it yet… Want to eat anything? I’m starving!”

Alinne walks into the kitchen and I follow her, she takes out a box of cereal from the cabinet awkwardly, shoving the colored sugar down her throat hastily.

I chuckle at the sight, then she wipes her mouth with the sleeve of her shirt while looking at me suspiciously “Why are you drunk and why are you here?” She asks, giving me a suspicious look, probably wondering if I’m up to something

I gulp “I was feeling bad because of Mark and decided to give myself a treat, I was going back home and decided to stop by, that’s all…” I shrug

“Oh baby” She sighs “You still hang up on Mark? Is he still making you feel bad?”

I don’t say anything; I don’t shake my head or nod. My eyes keep focused on my hands as I look down at them patiently “I miss him”

She walks closer and leans by my side, her back against the counter “You promise me you’ll only drink this time, right? No one else needs to know about this…”

I nod “I promise. Thanks”

“That’s fine” She smiles and we both look ahead. I stand there awkwardly, feeling the tension as our arms brush against each other “You’ll forget him eventually. I mean, I’m not saying this to hurt you, but I guess it’s just like when you and Rac…”

I silent her as my lips reach hers, giving her a light kiss. One of my hands fly to her arm, trying to pull her closer. I’m kissing Alinne and I’m still not sure if I’ll regret this later.

She immediately pushes me away, but she doesn’t keep me far away from her, my face is still an inch close to hers.

“What do you think you’re doing?” She asks lightly

“I… I want to… I want you…” I say analyzing her face, her marks from youth and the color of her green eyes, little black traces on them.

“Tom, I’m pregnant” She chuckles, shaking her head “I’m sorry, but I can’t”

“Come on, are you really committed to that guy?” I ask and she shakes her head, looking back into my eyes as well

“No, but…”

“There’s no but, Alinne. Let’s face it, if you hadn’t found that random guy and I hadn’t met Mark we would be together by now… I loved so much the way you’d flirt with me…” I say, pulling my lips closer to her, feeling her minty breath with a light sugar taste on them “If he hasn’t made you his already, then it’s because he’s too lost and stubborn to say that you’re amazing. He doesn’t love you…”

She’s nervous, but I can see she wants this “I don’t know…” She sighs, shaking her head “Tom, please, step away, you’re making me nervous…”

I kiss her again, my lips moving against her a little bit rougher this time, soon I’m forcing my tongue inside and she’s kissing me back. I feel her lips moving against mine, but she keeps her tongue to herself.

Alinne places a hand flat on my chest and pushes me back, making me stumble away “Tom, don’t do this…” She sighs angrily, taking both hands still on handcuffs to her forehead “You’re only doing this because of Mark… I know that you miss him, and I even could sleep with you but I’m pregnant… It’s not that I don’t want it, you know that”

“That’s good, you won’t have my baby!” I say throwing my hands up

“Tom, no!” Alinne says sternly

“Fuck!” I curse “I’m frustrated as fuck! I only want someone who needs me to cuddle with them, I want someone who needs me to love them, I need someone who needs me as much as I need them!”

“I’m sorry” She shakes her head “You proba…”

“Oh I know!” I exclaim excitedly as a thought pops into my mind “Oh my God! Why hadn’t I thought of this before?” I say happily, starting to jump around with my amazing idea

“Thought about what?” Alinne frowns

“I know what to do!” I say walking to the living room, but she stops me before I walk out of the kitchen

“What are you doing? Please tell me it’s not something stupid…” Alinne says

“It’s not stupid! It’s perfect!” I say trying to dodge her

“You thought that you and me together was a good idea, I’m not sure if whatever you’re thinking is a good idea too…”

“It is, trust me”

“I won’t let you go!” Alinne says shaking her head, stopping me from walking out the kitchen “You’re staying, you’re drunk and not thinking straight. You stay”

“Don’t tell me what to do, mom!”

“That’s my job anyway…” She says full of pride “You’re not going anywhere!”

“Oh yeah?” I challenge

“Yeah!”

“Okay then” I shrug and turn around, grabbing a dirty fork from the sink as I manage to open one of her cuffs

“Tom, what are you doing?” She frowns

“God, these were probably cheap” I chuckle as I start to drag her towards the fridge, closing the cuff again on her arm as I trap her on the knob.

“Tom, let me out!” She shouts furious “Let me out, you fucker!”

“No! I’ll just do what I need to do!” I shout back at her, screaming right into her face as I storm out of her house angrily, closing the front door behind me with a loud bang.

***

My hand turns into a fist as it knocks on that humble apartment’s door, it is sweating while my head seems to turn into infinitive drunken spins.

I have no idea of what I’m thinking of doing

The door flies open and I met disappointing dark blue eyes, long dark hair in a ironic pony tail and short jeans with a long-sleeved sweater. A black bra strap squeezing a bony shoulder as it jumps out with the color of pale skin underneath it.

“Tom? Why are you here at this hour?” Rachel asks while rubbing her tired eyes “Do you know what time it is?”

I gulp and shake my head

“Well, it’s one-thirty” She clears it out, chuckling as she looks at her watch “Is something wrong?” Rachel then turns serious

“Hm, can I come in?” I ask pointing inside her apartment. She pushs the door further open and I walk inside.

Rachel closes the door but doesn’t lock it. I stand there, staring at her awkwardly

“I talked to Lee” She smiled sadly, looking at me with pity “She told me she talked to you…”

I nod “You know about it, huh?” I ask and she mirrors me, nodding sympathetically. “How was your date?”

“Good” She nods slowly, putting both hands on the pockets of her jeans shorts “He’s a nice guy” Rachel gives me a smirk “Where are the kids?” 

“Oh yeah… I left them with a nanny…” I shrug and she nods

“You want to eat anything?” She asks pointing her thumb to the kitchen, immediately starting to walk towards there “I think I still got some left over from dinner, I mean, if you don’t mind eating my left-overs…”

“No!” I object before placing a hand on her arm, stopping her. Rachel turns around and stares at my hand, widening her eyes before pulling it back, away from my grip, as if my touch had burned her “Hm, I’m sorry, I…”

“No, it’s okay. I can stay…”

I nod and gulp

“Is something wrong? You seem nervous…” Rachel asks with a frown

“Well, I know I’m drunk…”

Rachel slowly starts to smirk

“Well, that’s new…” She smiles as she comes closer to me, small steps on her tip-toes, looking up at me with big blue irises from her short stature.

Somehow I wish her eyes were brighter, a baby shade of blue

I find myself in a trance, gluing my back up to the wall while trying to get away from her

“Your pupils are so dilated!” She giggles, staring right into my eyes “God! I missed drunk Tom!”

Rachel shakes her head and places her tiny hand in mine, slowly twisting her fingers with my own 

“It reminds me of the first time we got together, remember? That one time when we met?” Rachel says lightly as she whispers close to me, getting her breath near me more each time she spoke a different word “Do you remember, Tom?”

I gulp again “No” I lie. How could I forget it? I dreamt about it for four years straight

She shakes her head again and giggles “Well, we were introduced by some random kid…” Rachel says rolling her eyes “And you had just arrived and was still sober while I was a little bit tipsy already…”

Rachel goes on smiling, looking down at our hands tied together by her strength as I keep it cool and she whispers our story to me seductively

“You looked at me with these big eyes… You started telling me jokes and I would laugh and I remember you with the darkest blush on your cheeks, the dorkiest smile on your lips…” Rachel looks right into my eyes while running the back of her hand on my cheek and the soft tip of her fingers over my lips, making me shiver as I uselessly try to step backwards, being stopped by the wall behind my back “If I wasn’t so drunk that night, I could’ve fallen in love with you right then… And I don’t know what happened after that because I ended up walking away from you”

“And you bumped into me again”

“When you were drunk already” She completes me “And then…” Rachel trails seductively, running a finger on my free arm and looking up at me again

“We had sex on the coat closet…” I sigh a bit tense “I remember”

Rachel smiles triumphantly “Good”

She can see it that I’m nervous, so she gives me a sad smile and starts stepping away. I immediately sigh in relief, I feel like I can finally breathe some air

“Who am I kidding?” She shrugs and shakes her head “You’re not ready…”

“What?” I ask looking up

“Well, yeah! You still seem to be hung up on the entire Ma…”Rachel doesn’t finish her sentence. I can’t stand the thought of her saying I was still wasn’t over the thing I thought she was going to say.

I press my lips against hers. Trying to shut her up

I guess that after you spend a lot of time with someone you start to get some of their dirty habits and quirks.

Like kissing people to shut them up.

At least I learned with the master

Who would say I would kiss someone to shut them up one day…

I grip on her, kissing her forcefully, taking her by surprise as I unleash all my frustration on her

She’s definitely kissing me back, but then she pulls back

“Wait, Tom” Rachel says still gripping on the neck of my shirt, her lips cherry red “Are you sure about this?”

“Drunk sure, but still…” I shrug and lean in again to kiss her. She kisses me again and wraps her arms around my neck.

My hands slip through her sides and reach her shorts, unbuttoning and unzipping them. The fabric drops to the floor and she steps out of it with only her sweatshirt and her red Victoria’s Secret underwear

“Fuck” I curse in a hiss while I look down at her legs and she helps me to take off my shirt

“Comere big boy…” She smirks playfully before reaching down into my pants and slowly stroking my half-hard erection

She tries to kiss me but I keep avoiding her, I’m too busy moaning to concentrate on kissing. Rachel settles on sucking on my neck, probably thinking of leaving a series of bruises so I remembered that yes… we had sex.

“Let’s go to the room…” She whispers in a hoarse voice and I nod, pressing my neck against her face, my free hand on the back of her neck.

I nod and she pulls apart as she starts to drag me into her room, closing the door behind herself. She crawls into the bed first, making me stand on top of her.

“Shit, Tom” She moans. My hands roam through her tighs, hips and then finally up to her boobs, feeling them while I suck on the bones of her chest “Fuck!”

I smirk and start to rub my index finger on her clit, making her moan even harder as she squirmed under me. My other hand crawls to pull down her panties. She’s already wet against my hand when I move up to kiss her again.

Suddenly we both get shocked with a loud bang coming from the door.

“Thomas Matthew Delonge, get your hands off of her right now!”

Rachel stops, and so do I. She looks mad, her teeth clenching against my bottom lip. We don’t disconnect our mouths before turning our heads around to look to the source of the trouble.


	37. Your Smoking Tongue Is The End Of Us All

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is on Alinne's POV

My fingertips run through tattooed arms, tracing patterns on the tribal drawings. I giggle as my sweaty frame is pressed against the body that is holding on to me

I can feel two very strong heartbeats; my ears press against one while the other bursts into my chest

“God, that was amazing!” Strong hands run through my hair, patting it down

“As always…” I point out and turn to sit on his lap, watching his brown eyes under his sweaty forehead

“Of course” David shrugs and kisses me again “Can we eat something? I’m starving!”

I nod “Sure” We both get off the couch where we had just fucked, me sitting on top of him. As soon as we get into the kitchen he goes to prepare us sandwiches and I move to sit on the table, waiting my snack to be done.

David spreads cheese on a slice of bread as I watch him patiently. His broad shoulders and tattooed skin, the way his abs can be perfectly be seen even from the place where I’m standing

I really hope my child gets his good looks

My eyes roam to his hair tied in a pony tail and I make a face, he realizes something is wrong and looks up “Why are you making that face? You don’t want my sandwich?”

“No, it’s not that” I shrug “It’s just… your hair is long enough for a ponytail, who thought that day would come, huh?””

“My hair?” He asks in a worried tone, taking a hand up to his head, trying to find something wrong with it “What’s the problem with it being this long?”

“It’s just that it’s not the type of hair I exactly find attractive on a man, that’s all” I say raising an eyebrow before chewing on my nail 

“So… You don’t think it looks good?” David challenged “I like my long hair, I’m not cutting it!”

“I didn’t say you were ugly, on the opposite” I frown “I think you’re good looking even with my previous conception of ‘sexy hair’” I say making quotation marks in the air. David sighs, then he turns back to the food “Are you upset?” I ask “Is it about the hair?”

David shakes his head “No” He says simple, but I can still see he’s kind of annoyed

“Is this about Tom?” I ask and he looks up again

David sighs “In part yeah… I mean, I’m worried about him, you know?”

“Well, he is acting weird and all” I point out “I’m sacred for him too… But I guess that now it’s just a matter of time until he finds another girl and decides to settle down…”

“Wait, what?” David interrupts me “You really think Tom is going to look for girls from now on?”

He starts to chuckle but I remain serious

“Yes I do! Why? You don’t agree with me?”

“Well” David shrugs, closing one of the sandwiches “I’m sorry, but Tom’s gay, he’s bi at least…”

It is my turn to laugh. Poor innocent David.

“Tom? Gay? Sorry David, he could have been married to Rachel for twelve years and dated for four and he could have been crushing over her for four more but no, yeah, he’s gay, keep believing that…”

“And Mark was just a little, innocent crush…” He says ironically

“Yes!”

“No!” He shakes his head before starting to laugh again “I’m sorry, did you see the way he looked at Mark? Did you hear the way Tom spoke to him?”

“Mark’s gay, they became friends, Mark realized he had a crush on Tom, and Tom went with the flow…” I shrug

“Alinne!” David gasps “Do you even realize how stupid you sound?” David laughs and I roll my eyes “Tom is so fucked in love with Mark!” He can’t barely see straight! He’s fucking lost, out of his own control!”

“David, I…”

“You know what?” David interrupts me “Rachel is his girl crush, that’s all. She’s that one girl that makes him question his sexuality… Well, in his case, don’t” David chuckles “Tom always knew he liked both boys and girls, he’s bisexual so it shows how misunderstanding of the situation you are…”

“I don’t understand” I shake my head

“Okay” David sighs, licking the butter off his thumb “Did you ever have a crush on a girl?” David asks

“Well, once, but I…”

“Once!” David points out “You know you’re straight but you once had a crush on a girl… But that’s okay, right?”

“Well, yeah” I nod

“Tom is gay” David clarifies “Believe it or not I always I had my fair share of doubts but I was sure of it when he said he liked Mark. Rachel was his one girl crush, except for the fact that he also likes other women…”

“Still… Tom can be straight and Mark can be his guy crush…” I point out and David shakes his head “If that’s what you’re saying”

“Just look at him, at first sight, you can’t really tell it, but then you start noticing his little quirks and antics, I mean, I think he doesn’t even realize it himself… It took him over twenty years to finally come to terms he had the hots for men…”

“I still think he’s straight…” I shrug

“Okay, how much do you bet this?” David asks bringing both sandwiches to the table; I grab mine and start munching on it happily

“On what?” I ask with my mouth full of bread

“Let’s do it like this: If Tom gets with a girl next, I pay you fifty bucks, If he gets with a guy, you pay me fifty…”

“What if he gets back with Mark?”

He ponders for a while “We have sex…”

I extend my hand for him to shake “Then you got yourself a deal”

He takes it

***

“Hm, Alinne?” David calls me from the couch; I’m smoking at the balcony while he watches tv lazily

“Yeah, what’s up?” I shout, blowing the smoke slowly. I know I can’t and shouldn’t be doing this, but just one won’t kill us, right? When I realize what I’m doing is bad, I just put it out and stare at the ashes, laughing at me and my baby.

“Did you see my cellphone?” I sigh and walk back inside, grabbing his phone from the table and throwing it at him “Thanks” He says “Oh fuck! I forgot I had told my mom I was going to mow her lawn!”

“You still do that for your mommy?” I ask mockingly and he looks at me sternly “What?”

“It’s serious, I gotta go…”

“Why? Can’t you stay? You said you were only going to leave tomorrow…”

“I really got to go…”

“You don’t want to stay do you?”

“I’ll be back”

“You promise?”

“I promise!” He whines

“Prove it that you promise…” I challenge and he thinks for a while, then something comes up in his head and he smiles before walking inside “What are you doing?” I ask and he comes back from my bedroom with handcuffs on his hand “Handcuffs?” I raise my eyebrow and he nods

“Handcuffs”

“What are you doing with handcu…” I start to say but then he starts dragging me towards the wall and traps me to the lamp attached to it

“Fucker!” I smile as I watch his work of art “Don’t leave me here…”

“I’ll be back in a hour, okay?” He asks leaning in to peck my lips

“Okay” I pout and he goes off. About one hour and a half later I find myself impatient and cursing at David for leaving me here for so much time when he promised he wouldn’t.

I hear a knocking on the door and suddenly pick it up “It’s open!” I shout even if doesn’t sound like David’s knock. This one was too musical and weak; David’s was rushed, quick and strong.

“Okay!” I hear someone giggling as they walk inside. My eyes widen when I find Tom smiling down at me 

“Tom!?!” I exclaim “What the fuck?”

His eyes widen as much as mine, he’s kind of slow right now, I realize “Sweet!” he exclaims when he sees that I’m still using sex clothes, David’s button down to be more exact

“Stop staring!” I snap but he keeps looking at my body, mouth still open as he flails over the fact I’m pratically half-naked.

And David still wanted me to believe he was gay, yeah…

“What the fuck are you doing here, is something wrong?”

“I’m drunk” He says weakly “Why are you like that? Were you seeing that guy?” He slowly starts to smirk

“You’re drunk?!? Tom, you can’t drink!”

“Well, damage is done, what can you do? Why are you like that again?”

I sigh annoyed “Yes it was that guy… I told you haven’t been with anyone else in while…” I say as I roll my eyes “Can you help me get out of here? He did this and I’ve been on this same position for the last two hours…”

“Of course” Tom said before walking closer

“Just uncork the lamp and I’ll jump to pass the handcuffs over it, okay?” I say and Tom nods, uncorking the hot lamp and I jumped to get it out “Finally” I sighed in relief

“Aren’t you going to get them off?” He asks and I shake my head

“He took the keys with him…”

“Oh” I say “Did you tell him?”

“About the baby?” I ask and he nods “No, he doesn’t know about it yet… Want to eat anything? I’m starving!”

I walk into the kitchen and he follows me, I take out a box of cereal from the cabinet awkwardly, shoving the colored sugar down my throat hastily, the grains falling out of my lips as expected.

I wipe my mouth with the sleeve of David’s shirt when finished, then I just took a long, lingering look at Tom, wondering what is he thinking about “Why are you drunk and why are you here?”

He gulps “I was feeling bad because of Mark and decided to give myself a treat, I was going back home and decided to stop by, that’s all…” He shrugged

“Oh baby” I sigh “You still hang up on Mark? Is he still making you feel bad?”

He doesn’t say anything; He doesn’t shake his head or nod. He looks defeated actually “I miss him”

I walk closer and lean by his side, my back against the counter “You promise me you’ll only drink this time, right? No one else needs to know about this…”  
Tom nods “I promise. Thanks”

“That’s fine” I smile and we both look ahead “You’ll forget him eventually. I mean, I’m not saying this to hurt you, but I guess it’s just like when you and Rac…”

Tom suddenly silentes me with his lips our mine, as soon as I had realized what he’s doing I push him away, he doesn’t get too far though. It seems like he needs someone close, someone to give him the human heat.

“What do you think you’re doing?”

“I… I want to… I want you…” He says

“Tom, I’m pregnant” I chuckle, shaking my head “I’m sorry, but I can’t”

“Come on, are you really committed to that guy?” He asks

“No, but…”

“There’s no but, Alinne. Let’s face it, if you hadn’t found that random guy and I hadn’t met Mark we would be together by now… I loved so much the way you’d flirt with me… If he hasn’t made you his already, then it’s because he’s too lost and stubborn to say that you’re amazing. He doesn’t love you…”

“I don’t know…” I sigh, shaking my head “Tom, please, step away, you’re making me nervous…”

I was nervous enough; I didn’t want to sleep with Tom. I can but won’t, and that’s not just because I’m pregnant.

He kisses me again, his lips move a bit rougher this time, I know I’m kissing him back when he let his tongue in. As a final move, I place a hand on his chest, pushing him away

“Tom, don’t do this… You’re only doing this because of Mark… I know that you miss him, and even could sleep with you but I’m pregnant…”

“That’s good, you won’t have my baby!” He says and I roll my eyes

“Tom, no!”

“Fuck!” He curses “I’m frustrated as fuck! I only want someone who needs me to cuddle with them, I want someone who needs me to love them, I need someone who needs me as much as I need them!”

“I’m sorry. You proba…”

“Oh I know!” I hear him exclaiming excitedly “Oh my God! Why hadn’t I thought of this before?”

“Thought about what?” I frown

“I know what to do!” Tom jumps to the living room, and I place myself before him, stopping him from walking out 

“What are you doing? Please tell me it’s not something stupid…”

“It’s not stupid! It’s perfect!” He says trying to dodge me

“You thought that you and me together was a good idea, I’m not sure if whatever you’re thinking is a good idea too…”

“It is, trust me”

“I won’t let you go! You’re staying, you’re drunk and not thinking straight. You stay”

“Don’t tell me what to do, mom!”

“That’s my job anyway… You’re not going anywhere!”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah!”

“Okay then” Tom says before grabbing a dirty fork from the sink and manages to open one of my cuffs

“Tom, what are you doing?”

“God, these were probably cheap” Tom drags me towards the fridge, closing the cuff again on my arm again as he trapped me on the knob.

“Tom, let me out! Let me out, you fucker!”

“No! I’ll just do what I need to do!” He shouts, screaming even before storming out of my house angrily, closing the front door behind himself with a loud bang.

“Fuck!” I shout as I uselessly try to get out again

***

“Alinne prepa… What the fuck?” I can hear David say before closing the front door of my apartment “Alinne where the fuck are you?” He asks when he doesn’t find me on the place I was supposed to be

“In the kitchen!” I shout and he walks in confused

“What are you doing here I thought I…” He says looking back into the living room

“Yeah, your little friend Tom was here”

“Tom was here?” He frowns

“He uncorked me and trapped me here again”

“What did he want? What was he doing here?”

“He was fucking drunk”

“What? What the fuck? Tom can’t drink!”

“I know, and he wanted sex and I didn’t put out to him and he’s out there looking for someone to fuck and ready to do something really stupid…”

“Fuck!” David shouts, his eyes going wide “Wait, do you think he’s going where I think he’s going?”

I nod fiercefully “I am pretty sure of that! We got to stop him!”

“Okay” David says before fumbling with his jacket, taking my handcuffs’ keys out to unlock me “Go get dressed and I’ll wait downstairs, take your helmet”

“It’s on, baby” I clasp my hands together and run inside. I watch him smile after me before going outside.

Once I meet him again he’s already on his motorcycle. I’ve got jeans and a sleeveless shirt on me as I walk up to him, strapping my helmet to my head.

When we arrive in front of the big yellow house we both hurry to the front door, standing side-by-side “Go on, knock” He says

“Are you crazy? You knock”

“No, do it”

“David, I…”

“Do it. Do it. Do it” He pressures me until I turn around and knock angrily “Haha, I win!” David celebrates and I give him a mad look, but not much time has passed until the door opens

Mark opens the door, he looks sad at first, but only then he acknowledges our presence and his face turns into a frown, not really understanding what is going on “David, Alline?” He asks “What are you doing here?”

“We’re here to pick up Tom” I clasp my hands together “Or we can just wait until you two are done, we just don’t want him going home alone… and drunk…”

“What?” Mark frowns even more “What are you guys talking about, Tom’s not here” He says shaking his head

David looks at me, exchanging the confused look “He’s not here?”

“Hm, no… I just got back from Fuse”

“Holy shit!” I exclaim “Where is he then?”

The three of us look at each other without understanding what the fuck is going on. Until me and David take a look at each other, then we get surprised, we remember.

“Fuck!”

“Are you thinking of what I’m thinking?”

“Yeah I am”

“Okay let’s go”

“Hey, what’s going on, you guys aren’t going to tell me?” Mark calls out once we start running towards the motorcycle again “Tom is drunk??” He asks worried.

He can only fake to not love Tom

“Bye Mark, sorry for the inconvenience!” David shouts before clipping his helmet and I hug him, driving off.

***

The building is fairly fancy. David knows the way into it since he’s learned a few tricks when he helped with the moving

“I can’t believe Tom fucking pays her this apartment”

“It was on the deal of the divorce” David explains as we enter the elevator

“Yeah whatever, it’s not like she depends on him for living…”

“I think someone’s jealous!” David points at my face, trying to provoke me

“I’m not jealous… You are jealous” I say playfully, trying to seem upset like a child, but when I look at David again he’s scratching the back of his head, looking around and… blushing? “Fuck, are you blushing?” I ask and he looks at me confused, taking a break before shaking his head

“Me? Blushing? God, no!”

“You are jealous!” I shout with a smile, suddenly I’m so happy for him being jealous “You are so jealous for Tom coming on to me!”

“Am not!” He protests

“But anyway, you still know you lost the bet”

“What bet?”

“The bet… You owe me fifty bucks, Tom tried to sleep with me and now he’s with Rachel! Ha!”

David puffs “Fine!” He hisses before fumbling with his jacket and taking a fifty out, placing it into my hand angrily and the door opens at our floor. We rush outside and I shove the bill into my jeans’ pockets.

We both stand at the door of Rachel’s house, unsure of what to do “You knock” I break the silence

“Okay” He sighs and knocks, but then the door opens itself, she must’ve left it open

“Awesome” I whisper and start walking inside, but David tries to hold me back

“Alinne, that’s invasion of privacy” David hisses

“I don’t care” I shake my head “Will you get in?” I ask him from inside the apartment and he walks in too, I can see he doesn’t want to, but he still does. I walk closer to her bedroom door and hear moans “They’re here” I whisper “They’re fucking doing it!”

“Shit Tom” Both us hear her moan

“We got to get in!” I say and David shakes his head

“Alinne you won’t”

“Yes I will”

"You won’t" David tries to stop me, but my guts are higher. I place my hand on the knob and open it

“Thomas Matthew Delonge, get your hands off of her right now!” I shout, pointing at them


	38. I Can Do Bad, And You Can Do Better

“What the fuck is she doing here?” Rachel snaps pointing at Alinne, demanding an explanation. I just stand speechless on top of her, without even knowing what to say, without even understanding what is going on “Tom, what the fuck is that skank doing here?”

Alinne gasps “Oh, I’m the skank now, right? Okay, so the skank here came all the way across the city to stop you from doing something really stupid” Alinne says crossing her arms, almost spitting her words at Rachel r’s face.

David is standing right behind Alinne by the doorway; he sighs heavily and grabs her by the shoulders. David whispers something in her ear but she just gives him an angry look before looking back at Rachel

Rachel puffs, she’s got her lips in a tight line now “Come on, Tom. Go get dressed”

“Rachel I have no…”

“Go. Get. Dressed.” She hisses at me and I crawl under the sheets, tangling myself without really doing what she wants me to do. Rachel walks up to her wardrobe and pulls out a skirt from it, putting it and then turning to Alinne “What are you doing here? That’s invasion of privacy, did you know that?”

“Yeah I do know, and do you know you’re just fucking up his head by having sex with him? Did you know he just got out of a serious relationship?!?” Alinne says stomping her feet furiously on the ground

“He was the one who came up to me!” Rachel hisses

“You don’t know shit about his feelings!”

“I was the one married to him, okay?!? You’ll always lose this war! If he broke up with Mark than it’s because it wasn’t meant for them to be together…” Rachel says and I can see her pointing at me from my place under the sheets as I hid away from the fight and the yelling. I feel a stinging pain at my chest, a burning sensation at the pit of my stomach, and it’s not good

“If you were around him when he got divorced you’d see the shit he was going through. You don’t know anything of what I saw during your divorce! You don’t know nothing about what I saw when he and Mark broke up! You. Don’t. Know. Shit! So don’t come all bossy pants on me, okay? You should be thanking me…”

Rachel laughs “Thanking you? Thanking you for what? For ruining my family? For rui…”

“Rachel I’m sorry, but I have to stop you right there” David says “Alinne didn’t ruin your family…” David moves to stand up behind me and I look at him surprised, I don’t think he would want to get into this.

“What?” Rachel asks

“Yeah, I remember the day I met Alinne was the same when Tom had told me he had gotten Jean and Noah’s custody. She didn’t ruin your family, and neither did Mark. If there’s anyone here to blame it’s you and Tom”

Alinne looks at her, smiling proudly “What do you have to say now?” She challenges

“I’m suing you, bi…”

“STOP!” I shout from my place on the bed, there are tears running down my cheeks already. It’s amazing how I couldn’t even control my feelings anymore. I’m having a headache and I’m overly emotional and crying “Stop yelling!”

“Tom?” I hear David asking concernedly “What’s wrong buddy?”

I pull down the sheet, poking my head out. They all gasp when they look at me with tears in my eyes and I blink hard, pressing my eyes tightly shut

“I want home” I cry between sobs

“Come on, buddy. I’m here to take you there…” David says getting closer

I gasp, gathering air for another sob “I want Mark!”

“Holy shit” I hear Rachel whisper

“I want him back; I’m going so crazy I got drunk! I hadn’t drank in so long!” I cry again, David scoots over. He lets one of his arms go around me protectively and I hug him “So you guys can keep screaming and… And I know Alinne was just trying to help and Rachel I know you were my first love but I can’t take this anymore, I… I can’t hold it in!”

“Tom, we just want you safe” Alinne gets closer too and Rachel nods, agreeing with her

“It’s Mark. It’s all about Mark all the time. He brought me happiness when I thought I was shit! And for me to be this crazy about him then it’s because I really am! So you two can keep fighting, Alinne can keep me at bay for her someday and Rachel can wait me back forever but I’ll be thinking of Mark! It’ll be always him from now on! He’s imprinted me the way Rachel did twenty years ago, and way much quicker!”

“You love him” David whispers looking down at me, I look up at him hugging me momentarily and close my eyes again, bringing my head down to clean my tears “He loves the dude”

Alinne gulps

“That’s what love is” David says “I’ve been there, that’s what it feels like”

“What?” Alinne asks surprised, but she knows I love Mark already

“Yeah, it’s when you feel like you can give up everything for them, first an ice cream or a bus ticket, then bigger things like sleeping with other people, or… boxes and boxes of cereal” He says and Alinne chuckles “But after some time you start to forget your past for them”

“That’s what you mean, Tom?” Rachel asks

I nod, of course, that’s exactly what it feels like. But for Mark it was different. At the beginning I gave up phone calls and chunks of churros but I also gave up my sanity when I started having dreams about him kissing me that fucked me up, or when I didn’t care about my reputation. I’d do anything for that man, that was what love meant in David’s perspective and he was right

“Yes” I say and I can see both women make ‘aww’s at me. David pats my head, making sure I felt safe, although I was sure he knew it wasn’t the same thing I felt as I did when I was in Mark’s arms

“I think the three of you should go” Rachel sighs “It’s been a hell of a night and it’s almost 3am and we all have work tomorrow”

“Yeah, she’s right” David agrees “Come on, buddy. Me and Alinne will get you home” David shakes me and I get up. Alinne collects my clothes from the floor and gives them to me. I slowly put them on because no one has enough guts to come put them for me, or at least help.

David and Alinne lead me downstairs and David pushes me into the passanger seat of my car. I watch him giving his motorcycle keys to Alinne and he hops in by my side.

"Hey, where is she going?” I ask as I watch her driving away as well

“She’s meeting us at your house” David explains as he gets in on the driver’s seat “You’re pretty drunk, buddy”

“And your speech was beautiful” I sigh

“And you’re drunk” He points out again

“I miss hanging out with you, David” I sigh “I’m sorry if I had been spending too much time with Mark, and now thinking about Mark, and barely have time for you anymore…”

“Hey” He smiles “It’s nothing. I haven’t seen you as happy in a very very long time…”

“Do you remember when I told you I liked him?” I question out loud, looking ahead as I melt into my seat “That time on the bus on the way to Texas?”

He nods “Yeah, I do”

“Thank you for understanding me…” I whsiper and he looks over to me “I would have never fallen in love with him if it wasn’t for what you did for me… You’re the best best friend I could ever ask for”

“But you two broke up, and now you’re miserable” David justifies

“But I love him, and it was worth it” I say, tears stinging at the corner of my eyes “I would do it all again for him. Thank you” I sigh

“It’s nothing buddy” David smiles, shaking his head “It’s nothing…”


	39. My Head Is Made Up With Memories

It’s always a hell of a morning to wake up to when you know you’ve drank a considerable amount of alcohol the night before. I groan tiredly, slowly opening my heavy eyelids, my eyes tingling inside my own head. It all feels weird; it feels like I’ve slept way too much.

It’s all too painful to get startled though. I slowly sit up in bed, the sheets sliding off me and I look at the nightstand, seeing it was 9:43 already

“Fuck” I take a hand to my head, wondering why Jean hasn’t woken me up. I open my eyes a little and see a little paper over the nightstand, I take it in my hand and take the time for my eyes to focus on it, it was a message from David.

“You did shit.

I’ll explain later.

Took the kids to school

David”

I am fully aware of the shit I had done: The drinking. Alinne. Rachel and finally all the sobbing over Mark.

I sigh heavily and get the guts to get up, lazily dragging my body across the room to the bathroom and take a shower. I swallow dry an Advil pill and brush my teeth. I try to pretend this is just like any other day when actually it’s my first step until finally getting over Mark.

Or at least trying to.

As I walk downstairs and drag myself to the kitchen I look out the window and see it’s raining heavily. But what a great way to start another great day?

I prepare the coffee machine and wait as I grab the milk from the fridge, but a second before I do I hear the doorbell ring “Shit” I hiss in a low voice, I’m angry. What kind of time is this to get visits? I hope it is David, it can be Alinne as well but maybe she’d feel too awkward to come talk to me after what happened last night

My feet lead me to the living room and I open the door in one swing, watching my ex-wife standing in front of me with an umbrella in her hands, her body covered in a red dress coat and black leggings, a sad smile on her lips.

“Hi Tom” Rachel says sweetly

“What do you want?” I spit

“Tom, I’m here in peace, okay?” She asks “I’m not mad about last night, I actually think we need to talk, just the two of us…”

I blink “There’s nothing to talk about Rachel!” I whine “It’s past!”

“It’s not about the past and it’s not about last night. I just think it’s time for us to sit down and for once, not talk about our youth, or our marriage, or our divorce, or even what happened after that…”

She says and I sigh

"We need to talk about the future, Tom”

“Okay” I open the door for her to get in. When I close it, she puts down her umbrella, getting the area sort of wet

“Oops, sorry” She says apologizing

“That’s okay” I shrug “I’m making coffee, you want some?”

Rachel slowly starts to nod “Yeah, coffee would be good…”

I nod and she follows me inside, sitting on one of the stools while watching me do stuff for her. I pour two cups and sit by her side before handing one of them to her. Rachel blows the lid lightly before taking a gulp and I just watch her patiently, hoping she would finally say something for me.

“Okay” She sighs bringing her cup down “So, it’s getting close, huh? The deadline, I mean, you should be going to Houston soon?”

I nod “About six weeks”

“I think we should start talking about the kid’s custody…”

I gulp “Okay”

“I was thinking” Rachel sighs “I was thinking about this and I still wasn’t sure about talking this to you, but yesterday I saw you miserable and that was the lightening striking me, telling that I should decide this once and for all”

“What did you think?” I frown, scared of what she might say

“Well, to finish my introduction” She chuckles “I couldn’t sleep last night after you left, and I ended up walking alone around the apartment and… I honestly don’t think the kids can live there…” Rachel shakes her head “I mean, it’s small and it feels like a trap. I felt claustrophobic there last night. They won’t take it, Tom. I want them to live in a house, like we used to, like you do…”

I nod “I agree. They should be kids living in houses, not in apartments. Those are for lonely guys with their old vinyl records and old widowed ladies who had their houses taken away from them”

“Wow, that’s dramatic” Rachel giggles “You’ve always been pretty imaginative. That’s good…”

“Thanks” I smile lightly

“The kids like it. They say they miss your crazy thoughts when they’re with me” Rachel smiles sadly. I know she wants this family again, deep down that’s what she wants but she won’t ever admit it to me. At least not after the whole Mark tornado

I smile back at her, before turning back to my cup and taking another sip calmly

“Anyway” She continues “I don’t think we have time and I highly doubt we’ll have the patience to search for another house so I was wondering… Can I come live here?”

I look at her with a frown “What?” I chuckle, was she seriously thinking of this?

“They won’t need to move, and don’t worry, I can stay at the guest room alright…” Rachel explains “I… I just don’t want their lives to change too much”

“That’s good” I nod “David and I can help you move in, don’t worry. How much time for you to get stuff ready? A week? Two?” I ask and I can see her mouth opening. I look at her again, wondering if I did something wrong

“You really want me to move in this soon?” She frowns

“Well yeah! Better now than later when I won’t have time and patience anymore…” I shrug and she nods “Plus, it’ll be better for you to adjust and make any changes before I leave if you need”

“That’s right” She smiles “Thank you so much, Tom!”

“Hey!” I shrug “It’s nothing” I sigh, taking another sip of my coffee “And then…?”

“And then what?” Rachel frowns

“What’s going to happen when I get back? Who will get them?” I ask and look at her patiently. This is the most serious question of my life right now. I’ll need my kids once I get back. Jean will be almost twelve and Noah will be eight, that’s a good chunk I’ll miss of their lives.

She gulps “We’ll get a normal shared custody I guess. I mean, I get them on weekdays and you can get them on weekends…”

I shake my head “I want more. Jean will be a preteen, she’ll want to go out with her friends and the only time she’ll be able to do that will be on weekends and she won’t spend time with me…”

“Okay” Rachel says, trying to calm me down “They can spend one month with me and the other with you, how about that?”

“And spend a whole month without seeing them? Are you crazy?”

“Okay, what about one week you and one week me?”

I shake my head “A week is still too much”

“Okay, you want them to evaporate? A week is the less you’ll get” Rachel snaps and I sigh

“Week’s good”

Rachel chuckles “God, you’re still the same doofus from twenty years ago…”

“Hey!” I exclaim and she laughs again, and this time I can’t help but laugh too.

It’s the first time the both of us laugh in a really really long time.

“I missed you” I say as I wrap an arm around her shoulders


	40. Holly's Looking Dry, Looking For An Easy Target

Jean, Noah and I are all sitting on the couch of our house, a normal Thursday night around here. Rachel walks back from the inside while rubbing her hands against her jeans, she’s got her hair in two braids and an old black DKNY shirt.

"Did you guys see what happened last night?" Rachel asks before flopping by Jean’s side on the couch, pulling her daughter close in a hug "I was just so busy I forgot to even comment…"

Rachel finishes with a laugh and I say “Hm?” without taking my eyes off of the TV.

"They dopped DOMA!" She shrieks excitedly

I frown and slowly turn my head to her “What the fuck is that?”

Rachel looks at me incredulous, as if it’s something I should know “Hm… DOMA? Defence Of Marriage Act?”

I shrug, still not getting it

Rachel sighs “To make long story short. Guys can get married to other guys and girls can get married to other girls! Gay marriage is legal now!”

Jean, Noah and I stop at our tracks, looking at her “What?” I ask

"Guys can get married to other guys" Rachel says giving me a look. I don’t like it very much.

"What do I have to do with it anything?" I ask a bit too rudely and Rachel frowns 

"God, you’re the worst gay ever…" She shakes her head, refraning back to her place and giving it up. Jean chuckles from her side.

Knowing that actually changes a lot. Not really because I’m not even dating anymore, but let’s just say the thought was always there. And still is…

Rachel sighs and we all go back to finish watching the documentary about Jimi Hendrix on Fuse. The kids don’t seem so interested, but I sure am, Rachel only pretends to be. Though once the documentary is finished, spinning sounds start and I groan throwing my head back

“God! It’s Thursday, isn’t it?” I ask and Jean nods. It has been over a week since the incident at the PTA meeting

“We can change channels if you want” She points out, reaching her hand to grab the control and Noah nods too

“Guys, I’m okay with it” I say with a dismissingly hand, but I can see the two exchanging looks, even Rachel sighs. Maybe I’m the only one fooling myself thinking I can just simply forget about it “I got to get over it, that’s all”

“Okay then” Jean sighs with an unsurprised expression and turns back to the Tv. She’s just waiting the day I’ll admit I’m wrong at this point

I look back to the tv as well, Mark smiles and laughs at the camera. God, I hate to see him happy like that. My kids should be reasonable enough to change channels even if I’m saying I don’t need them to, I guess they like to see me suffering.

"How about we watch something else, huh?" Rachel asks picking up the remote and I almost get up to kiss her, although I’m not sure if she’s changing it for me, or if she’s changing it because she can’t face the fact that her ex-husband dated that guy.

We settle to watch the news on NBC, something about a school bus hitting a brick wall goes on when someone rings the doorbell.

“What the hell?” I ask “Who is it?”

“I don’t know” Jean shrugs

"Rachel, is it for you?" I ask and she shakes her head 

"No, I wasn’t expecting anyone to show up at this hour…" He frowns and shrugs, not really understanding it either

I get up and walk towards it, Jean and Noah both following me in a trail, curious to know who the mysterious guest is. The door flies open with only one swift movement of my arm and the three of us get startled

“Hi Mr. DeLonge” Martin says, waving up at me with one hand while the other one grips on his bike. He’s right here, looking at me with his familiar bright blue eyes.

“Martin! Does your dad know that you’re here?” I ask, taking a hand up to my forehead as I watch him shake his head

“No, he doesn’t”

I gulp “Come on, I’ll drive you home”

“Dad, no!” Jean shouts urgently as I start to dodge Martin towards my car. I stop, then slowly turn around to look at the desperate look in my daughter’s face, gripping on Martin’s arm and stopping him from leaving “Martin came here to ask you something, didn’t you, Martin?” Jean says taking a look at her friend

“Yes, Mr. DeLonge, I’m here because… Because I want you to do me a favor”

I frown

“Us” Jean corrects him “Will you do us a favor, dad?”

“And that would be…” I start to say, still frowning. My car keys out of my pocket and in my hands already.

“You’ll see soon enough, we just want you to drive me home a little later, is that okay?” Martin asks and Jean looks up at me with puppy dog eyes until I finally sigh

“Your father will kill me” I point out to Martin, letting my shoulders hunch, but they have already got the hint I’m caving in

“He’ll kill me too” Martin says

“Martin, I don’t think you understand” I say “Your dad and I broke up, okay? Things will not work out so easily now”

“Please, Uncle Tom, please!” Martin put his hands together and starts to beg, dropping to his knees desperately

“Dad! Please!” Jean whines too, joining Martin by standing on his side.

“I didn’t see anything” I say throwing my hands up, giving in. Martin and Jean high-five each other and soon they pull Noah into a circle, talking to the smaller one calmly while Martin takes a crumbled up piece of paper and his iPod off his pocket.

I can’t help but frown as I walk inside, these kids are up to something and I don’t like the idea very much. I sit on the couch again and Rach gives me a questioning look

"What?"

"Was it Martin?"

I nod “Yup”

"What the fuck is he doing here?"

I shrug “I don’t know”

"Mark will kill you" Even Rachel is able to state the obvious

"I know. Just let them do their thing…" I say throwing my hands up, Rachel sighs and looks back at the tv.

"You just want to get into trouble with Mark" Rachel says without taking her eyes off of the tv

"I don’t give a shit about him, okay? Please stop!"

Rachel looks at me from the corner of her eye, unimpressed “Whatever you say…” She says and shrugs. I wait until the time Mark is supposed to be finished at Fuse and get up.

“Come on, let’s drop Martin home” I say as I walk out, they all look at me with a smirk, looking at each other right after “Look, I don’t want any pranks or anything of the type, okay?”

“Don’t worry, dad” Jean says with a dismissingly hand “There won’t be any pranks”

I frown and look down at her doubtfully. She sees I’m suspicious of something though and she just… smirks? Did she smirk at my defiance? Is she becoming this independent of me, can she already read me this well?

“Oh okay then” I say, still frowning. The three kids jump into the backseat while I put Martin’s bike on the trunk. We drive off once everyone has their seatbelts on. “Fuck!” I press my hand angrily against the steering wheel when we get stuck in the freeway traffic “Mark will arrive sooner than us, I am officially dead” I say

I can see the kids looking at each other worried through the rearview mirror. They are worried too, but still, everything seemed way too weird.

After an hour we have finally arrived. I see Mark’s car parked on the driveway and take a deep sigh, a fear within me. Mark will raise hell “Shit, he’s here”

“Mr. DeLonge, I’m so sorr…”

“Come on, let’s all get out” I interrupt Martin, jumping out of the car and opening the door for them, watching them all get out one by one. We walk up to the front door and I knock, waiting for the worst to come

“Elisa, Elisa! I had told you to pay attention! I don’t pay you to babysit so he can run away every night!” Mark is screaming from the inside. He’s visibly angry with this girl for letting Martin go. Imagine how furious he’ll be when he finds out I knew he was out and didn’t do anything

“I’m so sorry, Mr. Hoppus” A girly voice plead “I promise I’ll do better next time”

“Just… Just let me answer the door…” Mark says tiredly, looking up to take a break from all the yelling. I start hearing his footsteps towards us and I can feel my guts flying up to the edge of my throat, clogging it up.

“Tom?” He asks surprised, his face in a red mush of anger, but I knew it wasn’t with me because as soon as his eyes lay upon me, his expression turns into a pained and surprised one, the red going away suddenly “Martin!” He sighs in relief as his son hugs his legs

“He just appeared at our house” I explain, refraining myself back from him

“What were you thinking, Martin?” Mark asks annoyed, still hugging his son

“Dad” Martin starts to speak “Jean, Noah and I have something to show you…”

Mark looks down at my daughter and she nods excitedly, Noah tagging along

“Oh okay then” Mark seems confused at first, but I was too. He then smiles and gives me a quick look “Let’s get inside then” Mark opens the door so all of us could get in. He tells the nanny to go home and that he should be calling her next morning and she desperately left, I swear I can almost hear her crying on her way out.

I’m skeptical but Jean is the one to pull me inside by the hand. The three stand together in a rut, whispering to each other as Mark comes over to me “Did you have any idea about this?” He hisses, I can still feel the anger tone from before on his voice even if he tries to fake it

“I don’t even know what the hell they’re doing, Mark” I chuckle nervously “They’re some pretty weird kids” I say shaking my head

“Of course, two thirds of them are yours…” Mark chuckles and I roll my eyes

"Mark, I’m not up for jokes right now…" I sigh and he looks down at his feet. 

Martin suddenly runs to grab the small stereo on the kitchen counter and brings it back to the living room, taking a blank cd from inside his pocket and put it inside, pressing play. Mark and I look at each other for a second before we see the three standing side by side, a smirk on each face, a crumbled piece of paper in each hand

I’m scared

The music starts playing and Mark and I recognize it instantly, a guitar squirming on the background and the bass following the angry drums.

“Fuck” Mark says with a smile on his lips “My kid knows me too well”

I look over to him, his eyes staring amazed at the three kids standing before us. I sigh, not taking my eyes off of him. I bit my bottom lip and sigh again for pure hypnosis before looking at the kids again.

The drums and the bass go silent gradually, the guitar starts making a fast riff, I can actually picture the image of The Carnel nibbling on those strings like it was only yesterday I had bought that album.

Easy way out had been Finest Comedy’s third studio album, the one that made them explode in national range. The song that was on was Heaven and is definitely one of my favorites from it; it had such passionate lyrics and melody, all the instruments having different personalities while they all fitted together so well.

But to our surprise, when the guitar gets stronger and the drums join in, instead of hearing Mark’s strong voice, the song has its volume lowered. We both frown and look at each other.

Martin is the first to step up; he smiles and puts the paper before his eyes

“There is a limit of what you can expect” He says, reading the words from the paper “Though I’m no God, no expert. I’ve got my life on repeat, so I can learn complete from my mistakes”

“Oh my God” Mark says with an awed face, his hand flies up to his mouth and he looks at me excitedly “They’re reciting my voice!” He chuckles at me “That’s so cool!”

I smile too; all the instruments get louder and join into the song, Mark’s scream at the end of that part nowhere to be heard.

Martin switches places with Jean, who’s smiling as well, holding the paper to her face as well, just like her friend.

“Private of peace and sanity. I can find some nice things about you and me, but after all your innocence is gone, we’ll see the scars with delay”

Mark and I frown, we look at each other again and as soon as our eyes connect our expressions ease as well, he sighs and I realize this isn’t about him at all. It’s about me, it was about us.

God, those were clever kids.

Noah is the one to step ahead right after, Mark and I look down at him, waiting for him to speak the words we already knew so well.

“’Cause I’ve got more to blame about myself” My little son says pointing to his chest, looking directly into mine and Mark’s eyes “Always” He sighs “I’ll be the one putting my frame on the shelf, forgotten behind. Helpless and alone I know I won’t survive this. Give me your sweet kiss and your safe hand”

The song skips a part, Jean and Martin walk towards Noah and prepared themselves to speak with him

“Let me be your savior”

Another part skips

“Helpless and alone I know I won’t survive this. Give me your sweet kiss and your safe hand” Noah says repeating the last part of the chorus

“I’m speaking the words my lips are trembling to get out” Martin says

“I promise we’ll be good on the eyes of God” Jean follows “And the ones we both live for”

“Let me be your savior” Noah says finally, the song finishing with one last guitar riff.

I stare dumbfounded at them while Mark does the same; the kids are looking at us with hopeful eyes. Jean and Martin are each holding one of Noah’s hands, a pair of puppy dog eyes in each face

Mark’s eyes are pained, I look over at him and want to hug him, and I curse over the fact that I can’t. The kids look at each other when we don’t give them any reaction; they are worried, thinking they had done something wrong “We… We…” Martin starts to say

“That’s so great!” Mark slowly starts to speak, his voice is weak and I can see that’s not really what he wants to say “That was really amazing, I think we can all learn something from that!”

“Really?” Jean asks raising an eyebrow

“Yeah” Mark fakes interest “You should all take singing lessons so next time you can do my voice, wouldn’t it be great?”

The kids notice how fake he’s sounding and I can even see Martin’s hand itching to hit his own forehead.

“Yeah I guess so” Noah says disappointed

“That’s not even near of what we want” I can hear Jean hissing through the gritted teeth on her fake smile. Martin looks over to her as well, totally hearing her words.

“What did you think, Tom?” Mark asks looking at me, his eyes linger on my face for too long “What’s your opinion?” He then changes his tone, speaking to me softly

“It’s good, they have talent” I try to make something up, I’m too lost to even care about it.

Jean gulps “I need water”

“Okay, I’ll get you some” Mark sighs disappointed as he walks inside to the kitchen.

The kids and I don’t exchange a single word until he’s back, giving both Jean and Noah glasses of water and they drink it all in one gulp, even scaring the both of us a bit.

“So…” Mark speaks, trying to push away the subject “What do you guys feel like doing?”

I had gotten the hint. He was telling us to leave, and I get up, preparing myself to pretend to give some lame excuse but Martin raises his hand excitedly.

“Oh oh! I found a really cool dead jelly fish at the beach and I want to show it to Noah!” Martin says and Noah nods too, getting into the thing. Martin grabs his hand and pulls him outside

“I’ll go with you!” Jean shouts before following them right after, running away from the awkward silence between Mark and I.

“Yeah, I’ll go with them” I nod as I start walking towards them and Mark sighs, giving in for the fact that yes, we would be staying a while.


	41. Tidal Waves Rip Right Through Me

I can a bit of panic rising in Mark’s face once he sees that I am here to stay.

"Hm, Tom?" He asks nervously

"Yes?" I say turning around 

“Want anything to drink?” 

“Coke?” I say and he nods. When I walk outside I look at the lights Martin must’ve turned on at the balcony. The lights at the pool are off, leaving only a shadow from the balcony. I walk down the little ramp towards it and sit on top of the wall that separates the pool area from the beach.

I hear footsteps behind me after a few minutes and once they cease, I turn around and see Mark standing behind me with one bottle of beer and one of coke on his hands “You really think I would leave you here alone, huh?” He asks and I smile sadly

“For a second there I almost thought you would” I chuckle, taking the bottle of coke he’s handing me.

Mark sits by my side and stares at the bottle on his hand “I heard about the whole drunk incident” Mark states

“Wait, how? Oh my God, what do you know?” I ask worriedly

“Nothing!” Mark chuckles at my desperation “Alinne and David came over looking for you, thinking you were here, but that was all, they wouldn’t say anything to me…”

“Oh” I say, thanking God for them not telling all the other stuff to him

“Yeah” He smiles sadly, avoiding speaking about the song and as a strike the PTA meeting

“So…” I say, looking at the kids playing with the sand “What’s up with you?” I ask before taking a sip from my coke

“Not much” He answers bringing his beer back down “Hey! Did you see they dropped DOMA?!?” Mark asks a bit too excitedly for my taste

I fake a smile since out of everyone, Mark is the last person I want to talk about this with. I look at him and blink “Yes, I did” I say a bit annoyed.

Mark sighs when he sees that I’m not okay with the subject, so he changes it “Anyway, right now I’m just juggling between home and Fuse… You?”

“Well, juggling between home and NASA” I mirror him and he chuckles. We fall into silence after a while, and I finally decide to break it “Did you say anything on the PTA meeting? I mean, about the kids and their… thing?”

Mark sighs “Well, a matter of fact I did, and guess what”

“What?”

“They didn’t tell anyone”

“Well, that I know, the kid’s parents must’ve told them” I shrug before taking a gulp from my coke

“No” Mark interrupts me “They didn’t tell anyone about us breaking up”

I frown, then I slowly turn to look at him “What? Don’t they realize they could stop everything by saying it?”

“They didn’t say anything plainly because they didn’t want to. They don’t want to accept it…”

I look at Mark with glassy eyes, my lips in a tight line. He’s got his eyes and lips on the same way as mine, but when he gulps I disconnect my eyes from his and look at the kids playing on the beach.

“I…” Mark calls my attention and I look back at him, our eyes holding on to each other’s “I couldn’t say anything else after that… I just left. What about you?”

“Me?” I ask pointing to my chest “What about me?”

“Did you talk to the teachers?”

I gulp before shaking my head “There was an emergency at NASA and I had to leave” I lie, but Mark probably knew I wouldn’t be able to stay there for much after what had happened inside the janitor’s office.

“Oh” Mark sighs “So, your life is still the same old thing?”

I take a quick look at him and shrug “Rachel moved back in, that’s all I guess…”

Mark frowns “What? Your fucking ex-wife moved in back with you?”

"Yeah" I smirk at him getting nervous and take a sip of my coke "Is there a problem?" I ask and he takes a few seconds to start shaking his head

"No, not really…" Mark says and I can hear the doubt in his voice. He shrugs and takes a sip of his beer "Are you getting back together with her?"

I shrug too “I don’t know”

Both of us know the answer to this: I’ll never get back with Rachel. I’m only trying to disturb him.

We just look at each other, there’s a vibe going on and that’s disturbing me deeply. “I…” Mark starts to speak again but doesn’t finish his sentence. Suddenly he’s flying to me, he’s quick and fast otherwise he’ll lose the mark. One of Mark’s hand’s set on my cheek, pulling me close. His kiss taking in my upper lip.

I am taken by surprise, not closing my eyes at first and blinking repeatedly, still really not understanding what’s going on. They suddenly go wide when I realize that he’s kissing me.

Mark. Hoppus. Is kissing. Me.

On. The. Lips.

Finally!

Mark’s hand is soft on my cheek, sliding through my jaw line and to my neck, running freely and enjoying the touch. His thumb caresses my cheek and he closes his lips around mine again.

I blink repeatedly again and close my eyes, putting a hand on his arm. I start to kiss him back then, getting closer to get more of him. I can hear my heart bursting in my rib cage, it’s so loud and fast I can hear it myself. I wonder if he knows how much he fucks me up.

Mark pulls back slightly, his eyes don’t open and his nose stays glued to mine. Mark’s hand is still on my neck and he just breathes hot into my cheek, gathering his air back  
Suddenly it feels like I had spoken to him forever. We’re too talkative, we should do more of this kissing thing.

Breathe, Tom

“I don’t know how to say this” Mark whispers to me, his positing still the same. He’s speaking slowly and softly, his voice shaking.

Breathe again

I can feel everything crawling under my skin, the clouds and the colors. I press my eyes tight and I can see it all black and blue with starts at dust point. I didn’t even think I’d see another set of stars different from the one I see from earth or spaceships, but I was looking at one right now.

I taste wine. I taste wine, cinnamon, a bit of beer and slight hint of cigarettes. I know he’s been smoking, he can’t even fake it. I don’t like the smell of cigarettes and I don’t always appreciate cinnamon, even more after David told me to take that stupid challenge. Lately I haven’t been so close to the taste of alcohol, being it beer or wine, but both reminded me of Mark himself, both were him.

Breathe, dammit!

“Tom, I…” Mark starts to speak again; suddenly I remember he’s supposed to say something. My eyes open and I see him with his still closed “I thought about this day and night, today and yesterday, the day before and the one before that and it goes on and on and on”

I blink

“I just couldn’t take off of my head the fact that I wanted to see you, I wanted to feel you whole again. It’s such a contradiction because when you’re next to me I feel like puking, everything’s rushed and fast and it’s always hard. Always. Every word that you say feels like a thunder, everything I think feels like should be revolved around you and it’s been getting harder and deeper lately because I reach my hand to the other side of the bed and you’re not there and I just get crazy, and I get even crazier when I remember that I won’t have you close anymore”

I bite my lip, feeling worried. He’s deciphering my mind and my thoughts, it’s amazing.

“I stay inside and watch Tv I remember the interview. I go outside and look up at the stars and I can only think of you. In my office, in my dressing room, in my bathroom, in my kitchen, in my own fucking bedroom I can’t seem to get rid of my thoughts about you” Mark opens his eyes then, meeting with mine. His body shifts closer and he turns his thumb in my cheek’s skin again “I guess that what I’m trying to say is that I have gotten to the conclusion that I love you too” Mark stops and breathes, I do that too, shocked. My heart races faster again when I didn’t even think it could do it “I love you, Tom. I love you so much! And I’ve known it ever since before you told me you did but I was just too chicken to admit it” Mark says in a crumbling voice, weak and hurt “And I couldn’t say it then because it would get harder to leave but… It’s not being as easy as I thought it was going to be…”

Mark’s speaking to my eyes, he’s sure about this. He’s not shaking and he’s not unstable. He knows what he’s talking about, he’s known love before, this is for real.  
“I tell you about my troubles, my fears and my insecurities. You’re the one I’m putting my hopes into. I need your comfort like a kid needs a hug, I need your security like a man needs to watch over his children and I need your love like a boy needs his mother’s side. I feel dependent now, Tom”

His hand’s still firm on my neck, I place my hand over his wrist and I can see fear rising within him when he thinks I’m going to take it off, but instead I wrap my fingers around his wrist and tight my grip.

I open my mouth, but the words come out choked, I can’t barely breathe anymore “I’ve been thinking about this too, and I’ve done some shit when I thought about not having you with me anymore. I was sure I loved you and couldn’t have you, and I wasn’t even able to apologize or do something because it was you who didn’t want me. Not even Rachel rejecting me for four years hurt as bad as our break-up, Mark”

We fall in silence, I’m trying to gather my words again, say what I feel. But he speaks up first

“You still love me?” Mark pulls back a little to take a better look at me

I chuckle slightly; I’m too lost in his face to laugh hard “Of course. Mark, I’ve known I love you for so long…” I sigh “And I’m not saying it just because you said it back to me, I’m here telling you the truth: I love you”

“Oh God” Mark breathes, his eyes starting to well up. His hand slowly falls to his lap, letting go of me.

“Hey, come on…” I whisper, getting closer

Mark presses his eyes tight but he opens them right after, looking right into mine “Will you leave?” He whispers back

"Hm, Mark, you were the one who left me…" I say but he shakes his head 

"Not like that…" He says with a dismissingly hand "Just… Will you forget about me when you’re gone? To space…"

“Mark, did you break up with me because you think I’ll forget you?” I ask and he shrugs

"Please don’t be mad…"

"I’m not mad!" I say "Just tell me… Why?"

"Because…" Mark said slowly "Because everyone I’ve ever loved has left me before…" He shakes his head and clsoes his eyes tightly, holding back his tears "I don’t want that again… Not with you!"

"Psst, hey, calm down" I whisper pulling him into a hug. Mark’s hands turns into fists on my shirt and I wrap both arms around him, trying to get him as close as possible" Is this all about that? You’re afraid because I’ll leave?” He closes his eyes tight again, nodding slightly, a single tear streaming down his cheek. Mark bites his trembling bottom lip, trying to compose himself “Come on, Mark, stop crying” I say “I love you, okay?” I get closer and kiss his right cheek “I love you so much” I quickly move to kiss his other cheek.  
I don’t know where this will take me, but I better give up all my guns while I still have them and while I still have the chance.

“So…” Mark breathes into my chest again before momentarily looking up at me again, still in my arms “Will you… Will you take me as your boyfriend again?”

I sigh, not saying anything. I let the silence fill between us.

“Tom?” Mark asks when I don’t say anything. And I don’t actually plan to, I just let my eyes focus on his lips and I slowly lean in, kissing him softly, letting our lips get stuck together before he grabs me and kisses me deeper “Is this an answer?” Mark asks pulling his lips back. But again, he’s got his arms around me, stopping me from walking away. He’s got his nose pressed against mine and he’s got his breathing an inch away from mine.

Even if I wanted to scape, there was no way to.

I slowly start to nod “Yeah it is” I whisper and then start to smile “I want you back”

Mark breaks into a single sob and I pull him in again. Feeling the heat of his lips against my own, at that point I’m already crying with him.


	42. I Know That Everything's Gonna Be Fine

It was hell much more of a reason; it was his whole sanity on game.

I had never thought that Mark would get this scared by Diane’s words. I knew he was sure enough he shouldn’t be shaken by her threats of taking Martin away from him, but it started to attack his subconscious once I was gone.

Mark was scared that when I left, his guards would be down and she would win the war. But now I can see he was more scared for himself than he was for Martin. Mark just never liked the idea that I’d need to leave after a couple of months.

Mark sighs and I press him tighter. He’s so small, so weak, and so vulnerable. He’s in my arms, melting into them as he lies down on top of me, both of us part lying, part sitting on the couch in his room.

He’s got his face buried into my neck, breathing my scent as I ran my hands in patterns on his upper arm. Mark has the palest and softest skin I’ll ever touch.

He brings the arm I’m not playing with up to the back of my neck and pulls me closer to his face. Mark leaves a trail of kisses on my neck and I just smile for being back to him.

“I love you” Mark whispers “I love you, Tom”

“I love you too, Mark” I whisper back, bringing my face closer to his. Mark sat up slightly on my lap and let our lips touch. My heart starts beating amazingly fast and he moves one hand to my chest, right under my Macbeth shirt. He places it on top of my tattoos, feeling my rapid heartbeats.

Mark smiles and leans back to kiss me again. I let my hands wander his sides and their sides slide through his skin caressingly, he flinches at the touch 

"What?" I ask pulling back and looking at him, my lips craving for his even more 

"I…" Mark smirks and shakes his head “It just tickled, that’s all" He says and bites his lip “I got shivers"

"Comere" I whisper and let one of my hands to go the back of his neck, pulling him down for another kiss. I slowly sit up, not disconnecting my lips from his and he slides off of me.

I put both my hands on the hem of his shirt and pull back slightly, looking at him with a raised eyebrow and he nods. I smile and pull his shirt off of him, Mark throws his body over mine again and presses his chest against mine, kissing me more sensually and fiercely than before.

Mark starts kissing my neck and I place both hands behind me, propping my body so I don’t fall flat with him making me a fool like this. Mark bites slightly on one of my most sensitive spots and I let out a low moan.

"I… Oh, God" I whine out and he chuckles. I wrap both arms around him and pull him closer. I bite his shoulder and let one of my hands go down to the small of his back, I let my hands stay there and I dig my nails on his hips. Mark moves back to kiss my lips momentarily before he speaks again 

"You can go down" He tells me in a hoarse voice and nods “Please don’t think you’re limited…"

Mark runs the side of his hand on my jaw line and I gulp before nodding

"I don’t want you to hold back…" He says and I shake my head

"No not at all" I say and I lean in to kiss him “You don’t need to hold back for me either. I want you the way we left off…” I tell him and kiss his knuckles, I smile when I see his eyes sparkling at me.

That’s one of the reasons I love Mark, he knew when to start and when to finish. Mark knew right when teasing stopped and when passion kicks in, he knows how to balance things just right, he goes straight to the point and doesn’t look out to play games. 

He’s not needy, but he’s not cold either. He knew how to respect what’s mine and what’s his.

I let my hands wander down to his ass and he smirks against my lips. I pull down his shorts but he ends up losing his balance and falls to the ground 

"OH GOD! Are you okay, Mark?" I ask propping myself to look at him squirming in pain on his bedroom floor

"Yes, I am… Just…" He groans and lets his head fall back on the carpet

"Just stay there" I say and climb off the couch to lean down by his side. I giggle right before my lips touch his and I place a hand flat on his stomach.

"What are you doing?" Mark asks with a chuckle when I pull back 

"We can stay here, on your bedroom floor, is that okay?" I ask and he smirks and props on his elbows

"Yes, yes we can" He chuckles and I kiss him again

He kicks off his shorts and I pull down my own jeans. I start kissing down a trail on his chest and hear him taking deep breaths. Right by the time I reach his navel I pull back and push a hand into his boxers, taking a hold of his dick

"Oh shit" He throws his head back and I start pumping him slowly. I see his nails gripping on the carpet and I lean down to leave soft kisses on his navel. 

After a while I crawl towards the nightstand and I hear him whimpering for me to get back to him. I get a condom and lube and crawl close to him again.

I slide the condom on him and squirt the lube on my hands, spreading it up and down his dick. Mark starts to prop on his elbows but instead I place a hand on his chest, making him lie on the ground again.

"I got this" I say and kiss him, he nods shyly and I place my knees by his hips. I start to sit and I let out a hiss.

"Crap" Mark moans out and I see his hands sprading out far away from each other and turning into fists on the carpet “Fuck"

After thrusting his load on me and I come as well, I pull back and throw myself by his side on the floor, collapsing by him. Suddenly the door of the bathroom opens itself “What’s that?” I ask worried, thinking it might be one of the kids, but then I prop myself on my elbows to see what’s going on and I see a little cat walking out the door and into the room “Julio?” I wonder outloud and Mark chuckles

"You remember Julio!" Mark exclaims happily and Julio starts walking towards up, his tail flying around softly as he reaches closer

"Of course I do!" I chuckle and he stopped before us, watching to see if we were going to do anything to him “Do you think he’ll come over"

"I don’t know" Mark shrugged, still laying down on the floor “He likes to snuggle a bit too much for a fucking cat…"

I smile and look back at Juilo “Hey, buddy. Come over…” I say patting on a little space between Mark and I, and to my surprise he starts to come over, laying down and curling himself on the same spot I told him to come to.

"He likes you" Mark says as he pets the cat, leaving a small kiss on his little head.

Julio closes his eyes and falls asleep “He’ll make us company tonight” I say and Mark smiles “Not just you” I say making a reference to when Constanza left her cat with Mark: Whenever he felt alone.

He takes his hand to the side of my face, letting his hand flow softly on my jaw line. Mark pulls me down into a kiss with no much effort. He reaches out and entwines our fingers together. Just like it should be.

***

Mark has been snuggling against me while I rest my hand on his naked chest, the sheets lazily covering our naked frames. I can feel the air sticking against me. It is really amazing to have sex since I hadn’t gotten some –properly- in a considerable amount of time now.

There is something bouncing in the bed and I slowly try to pry my eyes open. “In three” I hear someone say followed by several heavy jumps on the bed, making it shake  
“WAKE UP WAKE UP!” Noah shouts as he jumps on top of Mark, making him shake his head and whine, squeezing me tighter

“Come on, you lazy twats! Let’s get out of this bed!” Martin continues jumping by my side

“What are you guys doing?” I ask, voice groggy from sleep

“Waking you up!” Jean says flopping down by Mark’s side once she stops jumping “Come on! Come on!”

I look up at Mark and I can see him smiling down at me “Hey” He whispers and I move a little to kiss his lips softly

“EWWWW!” The chant echoes around the room

“Oh stop, that was what you guys wanted, wasn’t it?” Mark asked

“Yeah, but still” Jean frowns

“Come on, guys. We’ll meet you at the kitchen, just let us get dressed, okay?” I say and they all nod, getting up and leaving all at once

As Mark and I walk to the kitchen, I’ve got my arm around his neck and he’s got one around my waist. We are both hit with surprise at first glance

“What is all this?” Mark chuckles, motioning around the room. Three pizza boxes were lying over the island. Noah instantly opened one of them quickly “Why the hell there are pizza’s here?”

I shake my head, but Martin soon speaks “We ordered them!”

“Yeah, we wanted pizza for breakfast and we thought our amazing parents would let us because of the good action of yesterday” Jean chirps happily, she’s still wearing the boy clothes Martin had landed her so we could stay overnight.

Mark chuckles again “Than we better crank up these babies, right Tom?”

“Fuck yeah!” I shout getting closer to him and he pecks my cheek. Mark pulls a peperoni slice out of the first box; he takes a bite and moans 

“God, this is like being on tour all over again”

I grab a slice as well and take a bite, being careful to not let the cheese drip oil “This reminds me of college” I say turning to Jean

“Shut up. No tour, no life, lamie” Mark teases me, showing his tongue full of cheese to me, bragging about the fact that I had never been on tour like him

“You shut up, I’ve been to space! That tops anything you’ll ever do!”

“I AM MARK HOPPUS!” He shouts excitedly, laughing idiotically

“Or anything you’ll ever be”

“But I am Mark Hoppus!” Mark stomps his feet on the ground, a smile on his voice “I am pretty awesome!”

“I know that” I chuckle getting closer to him, before kissing his lips, a taste of pepper on them.

“Good” He smiles once I pull apart

“Will you two stop and eat the food we bought with your money?” Martin chuckles and I pull out another slice

“This one goes to our future home!” I say raising the slice above my head

“Fuck yeah!” Mark replies, happily grabbing another slice and raising it above his head too. Martin, Noah and Jean did the same with the ones they already were eating.

When we finish the kids get ready and Mark starts driving me to Fuse.

"So… Can I pick you up so we can go get the kids?" He asks and I bit my lip before nodding 

"Sure"

It’s amazing to be back with him.

"Well, there’s something I should tell you though…"

"What?" I ask

"I have one more meeting with Diane’s lawyer, then it’s final…" Mark sighs, his knuckles getting white from gripping so hard on the steering wheel

"Yeah, I was actually about to ask you that, how is it going, man?"

Mark sighs “I don’t know. I don’t think I should be having good thoughts but things aren’t so bad either…”

"We’ll find a way out" I say and place a hand on his thigh, he looks at me and gives me a sad smile “I promise"

Mark smiles bigger than, a geniuine, happy smile. That was everything I needed

***

I take a shower and drop the three kids at school before going to work. David stumbles into my office after a couple of hours; his face is as white as a ghost, his breathing hitched.

“Hm, what happened, buddy?” I ask when I see he’s not okay. David throws myself on his leather couch and collapses there.

“I FUCKED UP MY LIFE” He screams into the pillow, his voice muffled. I slowly get up and walk towards him

“How come?” I ask and he looks up at me with angry eyes.

David sits up again and his hands turn into fists on my shirt, I stumble closer since he’s much stronger than me

“Ouch” I complain quickly

“Did you fucking know Alinne is pregnant??” David hisses into my face

I frown “Yes, I did, why?”

David closes his eyes and throws his head back “What do you know?”

“She’s pregnant. She told me to not tell anyone…” I say and he shakes his head “Why is something wrong?”

“I don’t know” David says letting go of my and starts pacing around the room “I don’t know what to do…” He sighs “I don’t know what to think…”

“What?” I laugh “It’s not your fault she doesn’t know how to put on a condom”

David sighs “Actually it is”

I frown, his words suddenly hitting me “What? David what do you mean? Are you…?”

“Yes, Tom. It’s me, I’m the father…”

“HOLY MOTHERFUCKING SHIT!” I shout and walk towards him “You! And… Oh my God! You and Alinne?!?”

David sighs again, this time a bit more annoyed “Yes…”

***

David being Alinne’s kid’s father meant two things:

1 – David and Alinne had sex and never told me.

2 – David and Alinne had an affair and never told me.

Alinne said the child’s father was the only men she had slept with in a while, so of course it was David if he says it’s his kid.

I sit at one of the ends of my couch, while David sits on the other. I’m thinking with both hands on my face, David turns to me “Tom, please something. Anything!”

“You slept with Alinne” I say motionless “I can’t fucking believe it!”

I throw my head back and let my arms fall on my sides. David scoots closer and sighs before speaking again “You know what?” He asks

“What?” I ask

“I… I think I love her…” David says in a low voice and buries his face into his hands “But I can’t take a child, Tom”

“Why not?” I ask a bit angered “Stood up to it, dude!” I say and get closer to grab my best friend by both shoulders, shaking him frenetically “Be a man!”

“Tom, I’m going to be a father” David repeats with eyes wide, still not believing the news he had just got.

“Was it Alinne who told you?” I ask and he nods

“Yeah, she was just outside, but she left… She was scared I think” David swallows dry and looks at me “What should I do?” He whispers, fear in his voice

“David, can’t you see she’s just as scared as you are? Accept it” I say simply “Put your name on that paper and make that kid your life!”

“Tom, I can’t do that!” David protests a bit annoyed, as if I should know already he’s not ready for this

“You’ll be a big jerk if you don’t, and you know that!”

“Yeah I know” David sighs and throws his head back

“You just got to get used to the idea. I got to admit I got kind of chocked when Rachel told me she was pregnant of Jean. I mean, what if I got hurt at work? What would she do? My life got restrictions, and yours will too, but you did the mess, now stick up to it”

“Tom, it’s not the same! You were married! A kid would come sometime!”

I sigh “How… How did it happen?”

David shakes his head “I’m not gonna tell you…”

“Oh come on, I told you all about Mark…”

David rolls his eyes and starts “It was before you even met Mark… It was on that night the both of us went to do that interview on the Ellen show, remember?” He asks and I nod

“Of course”

“Well, she needed a ride home and I took her on my motorcycle, on the way we stopped at a bar just to chat. Actually, we were getting kind of friendly back then and we really wanted to gossip about you and Rachel”

“What the fuck, dude?”

“Yeah, we made a couple of bets actually…” David chuckles “She’s so fucking funny”

I bit my lip “Anyway, go on…”

“Well, we had a couple of drinks and we made a bet to see if one of us could take someone from the bar home…” David says and starts to smile. With a shrug he says “Both of us didn’t score so we kind of just hooked up… After that it all came naturally, she’s just too hot” David says and throws his head back 

“I know” I say kind of annoyed

“Shut up” David says playfully “I need to calm now, can we talk about something else?” David asks and I shrug

“Of course”

“What’s up? Besides, you know… Rachel moving in…?” David says and collapses into a chuckle

“Shut up” I shove him playfully and shrug “Not much” I start to smile smugly

“Oh come on” David shoves me back “I see that smile… Did you fuck her?”

I frown, then I laugh and shake my head “No dude, I’ve learned my lesson…”

David nods impressed “Finally”

“But still…” I go on “I still got lucky last night…”

“Wow!” David starts clapping and laughs “Who was it?”

“Just, you know…” I shrug and get up, walking to the other side of the room

"I know what?" David starts to get annoyed

"I did all regular stuff yesterday" I shrug “Got the kids back from school, got back with Mark, helped Rach to unpack…"

"Well, it all seems too normOH MY GOD what did you say again?" David abruptly gets up and points me "Dude, you… You got back with Mark?" David smiles and I mirror him

"Yes, we got back together…" I smile shyly and he hugs me

"Man! That’s amazing! I’m so happy for you!"

"Thanks" I say pulling back

"Wait, you didn’t beg, did you?" David asks with a frown. I laugh and shake my head 

"No, we just talked… And kissed… And talked a bit more… And kissed more… And then he asked me to be his boyfriend again…" I finish my sentence with the biggest smile and David hugs me again

"That’s so great!" He says

"I know" I reply with a smile


	43. Nothing I Know Changes Me At All

“So… She’s going to raise the baby by herself? DIE MOTHERFUCKER, DIE!” Mark shouts at the screen right after talking to me, his fingertips clicking on the control like a maniac.

“I was talking to her today and apparently yes…” I chuckle, licking my lips while my eyes concentrate on the guy in the back who’s aiming his gun at me “I mean, it’s been two days since she told David, and he hasn’t done anything about it yet… And it’s not like he’s answering her calls or even my own, he just disappeared off the map”

“Is she mad?” His fingers are fast on the control, he’s really good! If I don’t fuck this up, we’d probably win

“I don’t know, I think she’s sad that she’ll have to do it alon NO NO NO NO!” I shout as I get shot and die “Fuck”

“Did you die?” Mark asks without takins his eyes off the screen

“Yep”

“Who killed you?”

“Hm, some guy named mazewrafter23” I read my screen that shows “Game over” In flashing letters

“Okay, let’s find this motherfucker…” Mark shifs on his seat and I watch the way his tongue would stick out “There he is…”

There’s only Mark on our team now, and two other guys on the other one

He successfully kills the guy “Learn not to mess with my boyfriend, dickhead” He says and I chuckle, but that is when the last guy from the other team shoots him on the back and “Game over” Starts flashing again

“Oh, come on!” He whines, throwing the control to the side, on top of Martin’s pillow

“What time is it?” I asks and he looks over to his watch

“One thirty” He says “You have to go?” He asks rubbing his palms against his jeans and I nod “Can you drop me at Fuse?”

“Sure thing” I say getting up and following him out of Martin’s room

“Watcha going to do at Fuse?” I ask as we get into my SUV

“Just setting up the script for next Wednesday, they just sent me a message this morning saying one of the guests had cancelled so we’re probably going to have to improvise… Anyway, about Alinne…”

“What about Alinne?”

“David will at least accept the baby is his?”

I shrug “I don’t know, but I really hope something opens his eyes…”

“I won’t do that to you if you get preggers, okay?”

“Shut up” I say slapping his thigh while he laughs at his own joke

***

"Whoa, calm down there!" I say right after I have rushed out of my car quickly. I grab the box that is falling off of Rachel’s grip right before it hit the floor

"God, thanks" She sighs relieved 

"What do you think you’re doing?" I ask "I told you should’ve waited for me!"

Rachel shrugs and looks back at the pile of boxes stading on the frontyard “I’m just anxious, I’m afraid it’ll rain anytime soon…”

I laugh “Don’t be silly” My feet start walking inside, carrying the box back with me. Rachel grabs a smaller one and follows me “It doesn’t rain here at this hour…”. She closes the door behind herself and I place the box on the ground “We can bring it all inside before I go back to Mark’s though. Don’t worry…”

"Are you taking the kids?" Rachel raises an eyebrow

"Well, only if they want to…" I shrug "I’ll ask them when we go pick them up"

"You know they do" Rachel points out and sighs "I just miss them a bit, I wished they wanted to spend as much time with me as they do with you and Mark…"

"They’re just taking their time before this is all gone… They’ll be all over you when I’m gone, you’ll see…"

Rachel smiles sadly “I hope so”

"Hey!" I smile and give her a hug 

***

The kids have gone to bed a couple of hours before, what I know right now is that it’s past midnight as Mark and I lay down on the beach. I had been wearing my NASA sweatshirt with sweatpants while Mark insisted on going on dickies and one of my hoodies.

It’s fairly cold outside, probably with some chance of raining later during the night. It is nice to hear the rain clicking on Mark’s window while the both of us try to sleep snuggled up together.

We are laying side by side, only our arms touching. I sigh heavily and I can make out his expressions looking at me through the dark.

"Come on" Mark nudges me "Tell me what you’re thinking"

I smile “Nothing, just thinking about work…” I say and look up at the sky. It’s foggy with clouds, but I could still make out stardust out in the dark.

"What about work?" Mark teases

"Do… Do you ever think about how big the universe actually is?" I ask, still not looking at him

"What do you mean?" Mark asks "The universe can be huge in a lot of ways…"

"You know…" I shrug and reach for his hand "I was remembering of when I first thought of that… I was fifteen or sixteen, I think… I… I had just gotten out of this concert and I was going home all by myself, kicking the concrete on the streets and stuff…"

I sigh

"I looked up and saw the… I saw the clearest sky, not that it was without any stars but there was only a few. I remember how weird it felt and that was the moment i realized how addicted I was becoming to astronomy, and how… How little I was"

"Little how?" Mark asks interested

"Well, I had just seen I’m just a fraction of the universe" I say and look at him, his bright blue eyes sparkling and dancing at me even in the dark. I smile and squeeze his hand, and I can see him shyly smiling back too. "We are so important to each other…" I say "We need to live what’s here and what’s happening now”

I gulp and look back to the sky 

"When you look out to the universe, you can see an incredible amount of space… Just space, why do you think we call it that? There are light years of empty, dark space between galaxies, stars, moons, planets. It’s just… There’s nothing! And still, there are! There are thousands of celestial bodies and corpuses we still yet have to find, stars we probably won’t ever even hear about… The thing is that we are so insignificant when compared to other things that we should feel useless. Yet, we realize that what really matters is what is here at our reach”

I blink and pull Mark closer, wanting him to pay attention

"It’s a form to see how much we mean to others who are just as insignificant as we are. I believe that’s the human concept of love, you know? We need it to survive, otherwise, how will we respect one another if we don’t see each other’s greatness? We will create caos! We will create war and disaster! And still, if we try to go out there and be lonely human beings out of earth we’re just going to be meaningless flocks around empty darkness! But if we got someone, we feel warm! We feel heat, we feel connection! We feel love!”  
I look at him, he’s looking back too, paying attention to me just like I wanted him to. 

I can feel my throat clogging up.

"You can see it here: If we don’t have anyone to love us, we’re what? We’re nothing! We feel like nothing, we’re nobody! And I know that because I’ve been there before. I just wished that people who can’t see this didn’t start violence, I just wished that with violence, all they get back is violence!"

"That’s so… That’s so pretty, Tom" Mark sighs

"Just a sec, okay? I know I was just a fifteen year-old kid, but I just wished to know what love was, you know? I think I was mature enough to realize back then that it was real even if all I could see was my parents fighting and my home falling to pieces. All I could think of was how it was my fault and how much of a bad kid I was because I didn’t want to be a lawyer, I didn’t want to go to medical school, and I wasn’t good at sports, but instead I was just this kid in a artificial world full of cosmos and planets and aliens… I was so angry I could only express myself through music, and it was so frustrated that I could only play angry, fast music. With no creativity, I would’ve gone to violence… So, I don’t think people are joking when they say art is the weapon"

My free hand clentches into a fist 

"People keep bottling their fears and keeping things to themselves that when it comes out, it’s so frustrated that violence comes with it. It’s a chain, you see. We’re just killing love…"

Mark shakes his head “No, we’re not!” He chuckles at what seems to be innocence. Mark scoots closer and continues “Tom, it’s amazing that you think that, really. Just like you said we’re insignificant, you should also see there are over seven billion people around this globe walking aimlessly and that… that still makes us feel insignificant, knowing there’s so many of us out there…”

I bite my lip and take a breath, trying to calm down. I move to my side and bury my head on his neck. Mark places an arm around me and lets our legs entwine.  
I feel at home, I feel safe in his arms. With him, I’m something bigger, I’m not useless. I sigh brokenly.

"Is something wrong?" Mark asks concerned

"I don’t know" I shrug "Maybe"

Mark props himself on his elbow to look better at me “Well, what is it?”

I gulp “What happened to you and Crissy?”

Mark smiles sadly and lets his finger run on my hand caringly “I knew you’d ask that sometime…”

"Is she really 23?"

Mark nods “Yeah…”

"She’s got the age to be your daughter…" I laugh 

"Yeah, I know, she’s 18 years younger, blah blah blah…" He says and rolls his eyes 

"Why did you even dated her on the first place?" I ask, a hint of jealousy on my voice. I try to not let it show though.

Mark shrugs “I liked her” He says and I give him a look “Okay, I liked her body, alright?”

I laugh and shake my head 

"What are you laughing at?" Mark spits at me with a frowning look 

"You’re so cute!" I say and plant a chaste kiss on his kiss "What happened?"

Mark blushes and little and smiles, looking down at his hands “She was my first girlfriend after Diane left and honestly? I think I was just with her to supply my need for Diane, just like the boyfriend I had before her to supply nine years with no dick…” He says and I chuckle “Anyway, that was three years ago. We just happened to meet at the PTA meeting, we got talking and she invited me to go out! We fucked once but it wasn’t a big deal though, I didn’t like it…” He says with a shrug “It’s not fun to be with her anymore, plus, I was never really the one-night-stand kind of guy…”

Mark looks at me

"Are you mad?" 

I chuckle “Why would I be mad?”

"Because I slept with her…?" Mark says as if it should be something I would know already 

"Mark, baby, I don’t own you…" I say and shake my head "I mean, I wish I could, but I don’t" I say reaching for his hand and Mark laughs "I’m not mad at you for sleeping with her as long as you won’t sleep with her while we’re together…" I say and then think about my words "But please at least wait until were totally done until go around skipping from girl to girl. Don’t go all Ross and Rachel on me, alright?" I ask and he laughs 

"I won’t" He says and shakes his head again


	44. Hero And Survivor

I yawn as I try to get up; Mark is in the bathroom already, shaving his beard.

“You are not getting up, huh?” He asks from the bathroom

“I’m just tired” I sigh, my palms running against my face to get myself woken up. I get up and start walking up to him, I stand by his side and looking at our reflection on the mirror “You’re going to Fuse today, huh?” I ask looking at him through the glass

Mark nods

“You want a ride?” I ask playing a little with his ungelled hair, but he shakes his head, tapping the razor to the sink

“I think I’ll stay until the show” Mark says “I guess it’s better for me to take my own car…”

“You are going to be there even for lunch?” I ask surprised

“We can go have lunch” He chuckles

“Your lip will go like that too?” I ask flicking the tip of my finger on his bottom lip. I start laughing but then he snatches my hand away

“Don’t do that, I’ve got a razor in my hand…” Mark warns me playfully

“Okay then” I laugh “You know I want to see that beard… You shouldn’t shave it” 

I shake my head and he looks at me wide-eyed “You don’t want to see it”

"Oh come on" I whine "Just for a day, please?"

Both my hands are together in a plead and Mark turns to me in one swift movement “I won’t do everything you want me to, you know…” He says rolling his eyes

I widen mine, making a pout with my lips and Mark sighs unimpresses

"Don’t look at me like that" He says but I don’t change my look, instead I take it deeper. Mark sighs and looks back at the mirror to finish doing his beard "You’ll regret this…" Mark warns me

"Is that a yes?" I ask surprised that my plan has worked

"Don’t get too cocky" He laughs and I squeal for a second. Mark laughs with me and goes back to ask serious things “I just need you to pick up Martin after school, can you do that?” Mark asks with the laughing tone still on his voice “God, I can’t believe the kids are on their last day school!”

"Me neither" I say and nod “Sure, I can pick him up”

“And can you stay with him because i fucking fired our nanny…”

I laugh “That’s okay, I think Rachel is going on a date tonight, so is there any problem if Jean and Noah stay too?”

Mark smiles and shakes his head “Not at all”

…

It’s the last day of school before summer.

The kids had seemed to be excited about it last time I talked to them. I get slightly startled as I park my car in front of the school and I realize Jean isn’t walking to me, she’s running. She’s quick and fast, a message almost slipping out of her tongue

“What’s wrong, baby?” I ask her when she reaches me out of breath, her face pale “Where is your brother? Where’s Martin?”

“Noah… Noah is inside” Jean takes her time to take a deep breath “And I think Martin is sick. You go get him inside, he can’t barely stand…”

“God” I say and take her hand in mine, pulling her inside the school “Why didn’t anyone tell me or Mark?”

“We’ve been trying to call Mark, but he isn’t picking it up…”

“Oh yeah, he was supposed to be in a important meeting today…” I say “Okay, where is he?”

Jean starts pulling me towards the nurse’s office and we get inside. In one of the four beds we could see Martin lying down in fetal position, his back facing the entrance. Noah had his hair falling in front of his eyes while he sat on the nurse’s lap, playing with her computer

“Miss Griffin, this is my dad” Jean says

“Oh, great!” She exclaimed happily, putting Noah on the chair as she got up “Mr. DeLonge, right?” 

This girl must’ve been around her mid-twenties, she had a slim structure and piercing black eyes that matched with her black hair and her pink lips. 

She extended me her hand to shake and I took it, she had a firm grip “Yeah, it’s me. I came here to pick up little Martin…”

“That’s alright, I just need you to fill these, okay?” She says as she hands to me a pad with a paper and a pen. I quickly take a look, filling in my name where it told me to. Under the name I had to tick why hasn’t Mark and Diane picked up Martin and what was my relation to him.

Okay then. Why isn’t Mark here? Medical reasons, work issues… Yeah, work issues. And Diane? Out Of Town maybe was the best option.

I had to think for a while for the last one though. Some of the options were ‘Relatives’, ‘Step Mom or Step Dad’, ‘Responsible’…

“Hm, just a question…” I say 

“Yeah?” The girl looks up at me eagerly as she stopped playing with Noah’s hair for a second

“Which should I tick here?” I ask showing her the question ?”I’m… I’m his father’s boyfriend…” I say awkwardly

The nurse giggles “You didn’t need to say, they already explained it…” She smiles and looks at Jean knowingly “Just tick ‘Responsible’, no one will ever look at that file again…”

She rolls her eyes and shrugs with a smile, I tick the box and then sign at the bottom, giving it back to her “So…” I start when she takes it off of my hands “What does he have?”

Both of us start walking to his bed, placing ourselves by Martin’s side. The nurse places a hand on his forehead and sighs “He got out of class with stomachache, at first I thought the bullies had beaten him up again but then the headache started and things went unfolding out”

“I see…” I sigh

“He’s a little feverish now, if you want I can check that for you. It’ll be just a sec…” She says turning around to get the themormerther 

“Yeah, that would be great” I say and she starts shaking it “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure” She smiles

“Was it… bad?” I say and she frowns at me “Was it bad when… when…”

“Mr. DeLonge, there’s no need to be worried, you can tell me…” She says trying to calm me down

“Was it bad when those kids beat him up?” I ask in a whisper, afraid anyone else could hear it

The girl looks up at me and sighs. She calls Martin a couple of times and when she sees that he’s fast asleep, she goes on to place the themormether under his arm. 

I put a hand on Martin’s side, trying to get him closer by the touch. I’m worried. 

“Mr. DeLonge, to tell you the truth, it was… Kinda.” She sighs one more time “We should thank it was only his stomach though, but Martin walked out of here all black and blue. Mr. Hoppus had to carry him out of school”

I close my eyes and sigh, suddenly it hits me like a train

“Jean came here all desperate that day…” The nurse tells me in a whisper, slightly leaning closer to me “She told me to call you, although we had already contacted Mr. Hoppus and he had been on his way here already…”

We stay silent for a while and then the beep of the themormether goes off, she pulls it out from under Martin’s arm and sighs 

“39 celcius, that’s bad…” 

“Okay then?” I say “I’ll take him home and I’ll try to call Mark, if anything I can take him to the hospital myself…”

“Yeah, that would be good” She nods and leans over Martin, brushing his hair out of his ear “Hey, Marty…” She calls him sweetly “Martin, wake up…”

“Hm, what?” Martin lazily replies 

“Tom is here to take you home, okay? He’ll take care of you…” 

“Tom?” Martin calls me and I get closer

“Hey kiddo, so you’re ready?” I ask and he slowly nods 

“I guess…”

“Okay then, come here” I say and he slowly sits up and rubs his eyes before hugging me, his arms getting attatched around my neck while i grabbed his hips, putting an arm around him.

“Jean? Can you help your father and take Martin’s backpack with you?” 

“Sure, Miss Griffin” Jean smiles and picks up Martin’s bag

“Bye, Miss Griffin” Noah smiles happily at her

“Bye, you guys! Come here when summer ends so I know that he’s alright, okay?” She says and Jean and Noah both nod “Bye, Martin. Bye, Mr. DeLonge”

“Bye!” I say as she helps me open the door “Thank you for taking care of them…”

“Oh come on, it’s my pleasure” She smiles sweetly again as we walk into the corridor

***

I’m in Mark’s room by the end of the afternoon, I look out the window slightly for a few seconds and I’m able to see the sunset by the end of the ocean.

I’m been sitting on his couch with my laptop, fixing some stuff for work. It’s dark and calm, until Jean bursts in

“Dad!” She exclaims

“What’s wrong?” I ask carelessly

“There’s a tattooed guy with green hair by the door!”

“That must be Travis! I’ll be there in a secon… Wait did you say green hair?” I ask and Jean nods “Weird. Travis doesn’t even have hair. What other tattooed people do we know?” I frown as I ask myself out loud

“It doesn’t matter! There’s a stranger by the door” Jean explains and I follow her out of Mark’s room

“Where are Martin and Noah?” I ask

“They are in their room playing video games, I was in mine doing homework when that guy rang the doorbell…”

“Go back to your then, okay?” I ask and she nods, running upstairs.

Yes, my kids had rooms here now. It’s a consequence from spending so much time at other people’s houses…

I open the door with one swift movement, my jaw dropping to my knees when I see who it is

“Hi there, Tom” The Carnel smiles brightly at me, shoving a camp bag to my chest.

“The Carnel?” I ask holding the bag “What are you doing in LA? I thought you were in Lisbon…”

The Carnel really did get his hair green, a faded shade to be more exact, turning for the baby-green side. He’s got undercuts by the sides and a bit of hair on his forehead, falling into his eyes.

All around his feet there are bags and two suitcases. It feels like he’s moving away.

“If I tell you something do you promise not to freak out?” He asks and I shrug

“Depending of what it is…”

“I got into a car accident…”

“What?” I frown “But you’re okay, right?”

The Carnel nods “Don’t worry, I’m not hurt” He says and turns around to shove one of the suitcases inside “It was over a month ago, I was getting back home after arriving at the airport when I left LA and the cab got crushed against a wall. I only broke an arm and cut my cheek slightly, got three stitches” The Carnel rolls his eyes as if it had been nothing much

“Why didn’t Mark tell me anything?” I ask and he grabs his other bags, walking inside and throwing them on the floor. The Carnel just throws himself on the couch and let himself relax.

“Because he doesn’t know” The Carnel sighs “I didn’t want to bother Mark, the day before I left I called him and he said he had a meeting with lawyers and stuff. I didn’t get upset though, if someone had been trying to get Bianca away from me I’d ignore everyone else… I just didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to give him something else to worry about…”

“I know how it is” I sigh

“Anyway, I only told Travis about the car crash. I got into a plane as soon as I got my cast out. Oh, and I got you this”

The Carnel says and throws at me a magazine. I pick it up in mid-air, reading the cover

“Space structures?” I frown

“Yeah, it’s this scientific magazine they sell at the Lisbon airport. It’s half-english, half-portuguese…”

“Hm, okay then” I say and stare at him, frowning at all the green in his head

The Carnel doesn’t say anything; instead he just looks at me with a mischievous grin on his face

“You’re looking at my hair, aren’t you?” He asks with a smirk

“It’s just so green!” I exclaim and sit by his side, putting the bag he had given me on the floor

The Carnel laughs “I just got tired of brown” He sighs “Ever since that accident something has woken up in me. I mean, I got my hair dyed for the first time ever since the pink I had when Adam died, got my nose ring back on…”

“Oh yeah” I say surprised, getting my face closer to him to see the metal thing stuck to his nostril

“Yeah, I think I’ve been losing myself too much in Portugal, life isn’t fun anymore besides seeing my family at the end of the day. I’m fucking tired of dogs barking everywhere!”

I sigh “You just need a change of scenery, buddy” I sigh “Is that why you’re here?”

“Yeah, actually, Is Mark around? I’m looking for a place to stay at…”

“Mark is at Fuse but I guess you could call him…”

“Great” The Carnel smiles “So…” He starts and I look at him “You brought up Adam’s subject with Mark, didn’t you?”

The Carnel fucking read me like a paper, I just stood there perplexed “I… No, I ju…”

“Oh cut it out!” The Carnel says “Mark asked me if I had told you about the two of them, he said you coped well with it though…”

“Mark thought he had killed Adam, it took me time to get that idea out of his system…”

“Well…” The Carnel starts to ponder

“What?” I ask “You really think Mark killed Adam?”

“No” The Carnel shakes his head “That’s just something from Mark’s head. He feels too guilty”

I sigh “Look, I didn’t meet the guy, but Mark never stopped loving him. I saw the way he cried when he told me. Adam is the love of his life and I just have to accept it”

“But you know Mark loves you more than anything, right?” The Carnel asks “You changed his life on a way that Diane and Adam were never able to… And I’m not just saying this to make you feel better, it’s true. When Travis and I talk about you two it’s like… It’s like you woke up the funny, witty Mark that Adam always repressed, and that’s who Mark is…”  
I smile and The Carnel sighs

“What Mark and Adam had was only a pretty love story compared to what you’re doing to him… But anyway,” The Carnel tries to change the subject “I just think that my changing of scenery will be a little more hardcore than you expect it to be…”

“What do you mean?” I ask

“I’m moving back to LA…”

“What?” I ask with a chuckle “But you got your wife and kid in Portugal! You’ve got your own business! You can’t leave!”

“Calm down” He laughs at me “Bianca and my wife are moving here too. I’m going to close my business but that’s the least important…”

“What do you plan to do here then?” I frown

“I don’t know” The Carnel shrugs “I was thinking of starting my own clothing line, just like Travis did in 99… Maybe open a store in Malibu and give people haircuts and sell instruments… I can start my own tattoo shop and I can always think of going back to music and produce blood fresh bands…”

I sigh “It’ll take a while, you know…”

“I’m The Carnel, dude” He laughs and shakes his head “I was in Finest Comedy. People fucking cry when they hear my name…”

I laugh “Mark always says stuff like that…”

“You may think we’re stupid for saying it, but you weren’t there, buddy. The best part is that we can be shit, but we’re proud of being shit”

I laugh “That’s more like him…”

“Are you living here now?” The Carnel asks

I shrug “I don’t know. I spend most of my time here and my kids even got their own rooms now…

“Woah” The Carnel stops me “Your kids are living here too?”

“Yeah, sorta. I gotta spend time with them and they just love Martin and Mark…”

“How much time left for you before Houston?”

“About a month” I sigh sadly

“Are you going back to Mark after you come back?”

I freeze, he’s asking me the answer to a question I don’t know the reply to yet

“Well, I…”

“Carnel!” Martin comes down the stairs, stumbling a little with a sick look still on his eyes. he Carnel gets up and grabs the kid as he jumps to give him a tight hug

“Hey there Marty!” The Carnel says as he puts Martin back on the floor 

“How are you, little dude?”

"Not good.” Martin says grumping a little "Tom says I’m sick…"

Noah comes down the stairs with his controller on his hand “Martin, I…” He stops when he sees The Carnel, Noah starts walking towards me while gripping on his control

“Noah” I call him with a smile and he looks up at me skeptical “This is Mark and daddy’s friend, okay?”

“Hi” Noah waves shyly

“Who’s this little guy?” The Carnel asks as he leans down to talk to Noah

“I’m Noah” he says in a low voice

“He’s my son, Carnel”

“Nice to meet you, buddy” The Carnel ruffles his hair and looks up at me “Can we grab something to eat? I’m starving” he asks

“No problem. How about we order some McDonald’s, huh?” I ask and both Martin and Noah gasp excitedly, running to the kitchen

“Yes yes yes yuuusssss!”

“I think that’s an approval” The Carnel laughs before following them.


	45. What Right To You, Might Be True

The Carnel and I talk for a while until I tell him to make himself comfortable in one of the guests rooms, since Mark still isn’t picking up his phone. He excuses himself for a shower and a quick nap.

I go back to Martin’s room and find him fast asleep by Noah’s side who’s still playing video games. “Martin fell asleep, huh?” I ask sitting by the ten year-old’s side, brushing his blonde bangs out of his eyes.

Noah nods “Yes. Is mom coming to pick me and Jean up after her date?” Noah asks without taking his eyes off the screen.

"Yes, she should be coming soon…"

"Did you tell her to?"

I nod slightly “We don’t know what Martin has, she doesn’t want you guys to get sick too…”

Noah sighs, still not looking at me “I don’t wanna go”

"So you can keep playing video games?" I ask raising an eyebrow and he shakes his head

"I want Martin to wake up and play with me" He says and I smile a little.

"Maybe you should turn that off, let Martin sleep…" I say and Noah makes a face, but he still gets up and turns off the console. After half an hour Rachel comes and picks them up, taking them to our house.

I’m still up waiting for Mark to arrive when it’s past midnight and I decide to check Martin’s temperature. Martin wakes up right after I walk into the bedroom, after I’m all done I get off of bed and Martin moves back to its center, the kid scrunches up his nose with the cutest little noise and sighs “My head still hurts…” He complains in a low voice, a pout in his words

“The medicine must be wearing off” I sigh and leave the themormether on his nightstand

“Will Noah and Jean sleep here?” He asks and I shake my head

“Sorry Martin, their mom passed by to pick them up while you were still sleeping. When we know what’s wrong with you I’ll bring them back, alright?”

Martin smiles sadly “Okay…”

Right on time the phone starts ringing “It must be your dad, I’ll go pick it up…”

“Alright” Martin nods and turns on his back again, trying to go back to sleep. I rush downstairs and pick up the phone

“Hi” I say 

“I’m driving back home, Amanda said you called me during the show…” Mark says casually “And apparently it was more than once, did something happen?”

“Mark! Finally! Martin is sick. We’ve been trying to call you since afternoon!”

“God, what does he have?” He asks quickly worried

“Headache, stomachache and fever…”

“Fuck, I’ll be there in a sec…” Mark hurries and hangs up, an urgency on his voice

It takes about half an hour for Mark to arrive, the door is almost ripped open at plain 1:40 in the morning when he stumbles in with a pile of scrips written ‘A different Spin’ on the front

“Where’s he? Is he okay?” Mark asks rushed

“Martin’s fine!” I say pulling him back by both arms, stopping him from bursting upstairs and disturb his kid “He’s sleeping, so be calm, alright?”

Mark takes a deep breath “Alright…”

I cup his face in my hands and try to keep his heart from beating so fast “Martin’s fine, I’ll let you see him in a bit, just get calm, okay?” I ask and he shyly nods 

"I’m sorry I didn’t answer, I just needed to get those done…"

I nod “I know”

"Can we go now?" He asks and I let go of him, Mark rushes upstairs and calmly opens the door of Martin’s bedroom. I follow him and close the door behind myself. Mark leans down by Martin’s side and starts playing with his hair until the kid opens his eyes a slightly bit

"Hey dad" Martin whispers in a groggy voice

"Hey kid!" Mark smiles and leaves a kiss on his forehead "How’re feeling?"

Martin scrunches up his nose “Not so good”

"Is Tom taking good care of you?" Mark chuckles and Martin nods 

"Tom rules" He laughs "He gives me pills, it makes me feel old…"

Mark laughs “I’ll let you go back to bed, alright?”

Martin nods and Mark gets up, pulling me behind him as we get out.

"Mark, there’s something else you should know…" I whisper and Mark frowns at me 

"What should I know?" 

"Well, while you were out someone showe…" I start but I eventually get interrupted by something that falls back behind of us, causing an impact on the floor as two hands gripped on our shoulders

"HOLY FUCK" Mark shouts as he turns around and sees The Carnel giggling behind us. My heart is at my throat, adrenaline pulsing crazily. Mark’s face gets angry and he punches his friend on the stomach.

The Carnel collapses backwards and leans against the wall, letting himself slide on the wall until he’s sitting on the floor

"Mark! That’s The Carnel!" I say as I point to the man on the floor

"What?" Mark frowns and I help the dude to get up

"What the fuck man?" The Carnel asks as he keeps one hand on his stomach "What did I do to you?"

"Well, you scared the shit out of me, that you did like a pro!" Mark justifies and The Carnel sighs "Did you fucking dye your hair?" 

The Carnel nods “Yup, what do you think?”

Mark doesn’t say anything for a while, but then he slowly starts to smirk “It’s awESOME, dude!” Mark says and high-fives his friend

"Hm, guys?" I ask and The Carnel turns back at me all giggling 

"What?"

"Can we go downstairs? Or we’ll wake up Martin…"

"Yeah, maybe we should do that…" Mark says and we all head down the stairs

***

It’s already the next day when I find myself sitting on the living room of Mark’s house, right by Travis’s side while Mark and The Carnel just tap each other’s backs happily

“The Carnel” Mark sighs as he keeps walking from one side to the other of the room “Who would’ve thought The Carnel would be getting back to LA!”

Mark smiles big, he and The Carnel keep bumping fists

“We gotta go do something to celebrate!” Mark says pulling Travis up “Seriously, LA will never ever be the same again!”

“We can go out just like old times, how about that?” Travis asks excitedly

“Sounds awesome” The Carnel exclaims

"We should probably do it here though, I don’t want to get too far away from Martin since he’s sick…" Mark ponders a little

"I can take him to my house, Landon and Alabama wouldn’t mind having him around…" Travis pipes up

"Yeah, but we don’t know what he’s got, that’s why Tom’s kids left too…" Mark says but then The Carnel suddenly looks too excitedly

“Anyway, I’ll just say what I need to say all at once now, okay?” The Carnel says jumping a little I need to find a house…”

“Oh Oh!” Mark gets excited “I heard Courtney Cox is going to sell her house on the next block…” He shrieks “I think it’s still for sale, apparently she broke a bunch of stuff there after David cheated on her so nobody wants to buy it…”

“I can get it” The Carnel nods unimpressed “But I think that a house by the beach isn’t for me anymore…”

“Oh come on” Travis sighs “Beach is always good… You gotta get a house by the beach if you’re really wanting to move back to LA…”

“I don’t want to live by the beach. I was thinking about something simpler…”

“Like…” Travis urges him

“Tom’s neighborhood…”

“What?” The three of us ask in unison

“Yeah!” The Carnel says and I can almost see his green eyes sparkling at the idea “I want a pool, clean streets with no people taking pictures of you all the time… I want a front yard and a back yard; I want an attic and a basement…”

“Stuff you can have at Courtney Cox’s house!” Travis sighs

“No!” The Carnel protests with a smile “Can’t you guys see I want a normal, suburban life? I want Bianca to ride bikes on the street; I want her to play with other kids… All she does in Lisbon is going to school and get trapped in that fucking small apartment we live in… I’ve seen Tom’s house that day when we dropped him there, I want that”

“Martin has never had any problem living here…” Mark justifies

“I know, Mark. But… I just gotta go live there, ok? Can’t you guys help me?”

“Sure we can, buddy” Travis smiles and pats The Carnel’s back “We’ll get you your dream house!”

“Yeah we will” Mark smiles too

“Great. Thanks you guys”

“Did you see anything for sale there lately, Tom?” Travis turns to me

“Yeah, there’s a couple of houses, I’m just not sure if they’re what you’re looking for… Though I heard this woman in my very own street is moving to Seattle so you might get a shot there. Her house is beautiful by the way…”

“Beautiful how?” The Carnel wonders

“Well, there’s a fairly large pool, and the driveway has one of those basketball halos… Her ex-boyfriend was trying to get into NBA, I guess she just didn’t bother to take it off after they broke up… Oh! She also has a Jacuzzi!”

The Carnel smiles big “I can see myself living there…”

“We can go talk to her if you want…”

“Yeah, that would be great!” The Carnel smiles “When do you think we can go?”

"Probably soon, monday afternoon would be nice, I just gotta check with her…"

“Okay then, can we just keep discussing this over our drinks?” Mark asks walking towards the kitchen “I gotta go to work in three hours…”

“Yeah, sure we can” The Carnel smiles again and we all get up to go


	46. To Be The One Who Gets Stupid Over You

Mark, Martin and I had been sitting at Martin’s room, watching Friends.

Martin is in the middle, popcorn on his lap while Mark takes a few out for him to eat and I just sit there with an arm around the kid’s shoulder

“Dad, stop letting the popcorn fall out of your mouth!” Martin protests as he picks up the popcorn Mark had let fall, the other hand scratching his neck.

“Sorry, kid” Mark answers cleaning off his lap from the corn.

“Just do it like this!” Martin grabs a handful of popcorn and tries to shove it into Mark’s mouth.

Mark refrains back, and when Martin’s hand touches his face, the kid brings his hand back to himself

“Ouch!” Martin says letting go of the popcorn, letting it fall back inside the bowl. Meanwhile, his hand goes down to scratch his leg.

“What’s wrong?” Mark asks still laughing

“Your beard scraped me!” Martin says and Mark laughs again “Seriously, why are you letting it grow? You hate it…”

“Ask Tom” Mark says pointing his head at me and Martin looks at me

“Don’t you get a rash from that?” The ten-year old asks and both Mark and I burst into laughter

“Oh Martin!” Mark says bringing his kid closer to him and kissing the top of his head. Martin raises up his arm and starts to scratch the skin once again.

“Martin, how many times have you scratched yourself like that since we started to watch tv?” I ask

“I don’t know” Martin shrugs “My whole skin is itching, it’s not my fault…”

“Mark, did you check his fever?” I ask and Mark nods

“I did! And ju… Martin, what is this?” Mark asks as he runs his finger on Martin’s arm “You’re full of pimples!”

“Lift up his shirt” I say and Mark puts both hand on the hem of Martin’s long sleeved shirt, showing Martin’s white chest full of pimples

“Martin, do you think you could have caught the chicken pox?” Mark asks and Martin shrugs

“I don’t know, I’ve never had it…”

Mark stops and stares at Martin for a few seconds, then his eyes widen up and he looks over at me “Tom, you can’t get sick! Did you get the chicken pox already?”

I squint my eyes thinking “Yeah… I was 12, I think. Jean and Noah caught it two years ago, I was taking care of them and I didn’t get it…”

“Good. I had it when I was 6 so we’re both good…”

“Tom, Jean and Noah caught it, right?” Martin asks with his big blue eyes smiling up at me

“Yup” I smile and he imitates me

“Can you bring them back?” Martin asks hopeful

“Only if you promise not to scratch yourself again…” I say and he raises up his hands

“Done!”

“You want me to pick them up now?” I ask and he nods eagerly

“Yes, yes, yes!” He pleads

“Okay then” I say and slowly get up “We can finish that movie later, right?”

Mark nods “Sure, I’ll call his doctor, can you buy medicine on your way back?” He asks

“Of course! I’ll be back in a sec…” I say putting on my MacBeth’s that were by the side of the bed and Mark pulled his phone out of his pocket “Bye” I say and lean in to kiss him before leaving

“Look out for that rash…” Martin warns me playfully

Mark throws a pillow at him.

***

“I guess you can have it…” My neighbor Sarah shrugs “I just need to talk to my real state agent and you can probably have it by next week…”

“Awesome!” The Carnel smiles big. The three of us are in her living room which is filled with boxes from her moving

“I’ll fix some of the paperwork inside so you can check everything. Meanwhile you two can talk, how about that?” She smiles and we nod

“Sure, that’s okay…” The Carnel said and she smiles before walking inside “Tom, this house is perfect!” The Carnel grabs me by the shoulders and shakes me

“I told you you’d like it…” I laugh as he realeses me

“It’s not too big, not too small. The pool has the right height, the driveway is awesome. Attic, basement, and the top jaccuzi!”

“Just imagine me and you in the same neighborhood!” I chuckle “It’ll be just like high school all over again!”

“Or not…” The Carnel gave me a sly smile

“Why?” I frown

“Because you’re living by the beach now!” He says a little jumpy, a smug grin to his voice. Classic Carnel

“Oh come on” I shake my head with a shy smile on my face, even blushing a little “You know Mark and I aren’t officially living together…”

“Your ex-wife practically threw you out from your house… Come on, Tom. Just face it: You ARE living with Mark…”

"I am not!" I chuckle and shove him playfully 

"It’s your call man" The Carnel laughs and puts both hands into his dickies’s pockets "But you know the truth…" 

He smirks again and heads outside, leaving me to think in the empty room.

***

All the thoughts about living with Mark are dragged when I feel his -recently- grown beard scraping against the skin of my stomach. 

"Holy fuck" I hiss in a low voice as he goes on to kiss my navel

I raise my head from the pillow only slightly. Mark looks up at me right on time, he gulps dry and I can’t help but think that beard makes him look so casual, so… Homely? I don’t know…

Mark bit his bottom lip and keeps his eye contact with mine when he licks a circle on the tip of my hard dick

"Shit!" I hiss again and throw my head back on the pillow, my hands turn into fists on the sheets as he goes on to lick the whole lenght of my dick. His beard starts scraping me too but I’m not the one who’s complaining. 

Mark leaves his job half-finished and does the effort to place both hands by the side on my head, propping himself. He’s got a messy hair and a messy beard. Holy cow this is all driving me insane

And maybe a bit too fast.

Mark clentches his teeth and stares at me underneath him with those big blue eyes and then his elbows give in for his muscles to let him get closer and kiss me again. Mark’s beard is again on my face and… Just… How can a guy be this sexy?

I moan and sort of collapse a little when he moves to kiss my neck, he starts sucking underneath my jaw and I really do hope it leaves a hickey. The thought of a bruise only turns me on.

I moan a bit harder and I remember the kids are at Rachel’s and Mark’s sister Anne is taking care of Martin for the day. So, I can scream all that I want.

I curl into Mark and he proceeds to bury me deeper into the mattress “Fuck. Me. HARD!” I pratically scream and Mark’s breathing gets hicthed when he moves back to kiss my lips. I place both hands on the side of his face and feel his beard on my palms “God!” I say against his lips

"Cock, you’re so fucking sexy" Mark hisses against my lips "I…" He says between kisses "I could fuck… You… All day… Long"

Mark pulls back momentarily and I stare at his body while he leans over to the nightstand and takes out a condom and the lube. Mark leans in again and rips off the condom with his teeth, he spits away the plastic and kisses me one more time before rolling the condom on himself. 

Mark squirts the lube on his hand and bites on my collarbones and licks my tattoos briefly before spreading it on my entrance. Mark doesn’t even ask if I’m ready, we both just start moaning and panting as soon as he starts thrusting.

After we come, both us collapse into each other, Mark on top of me. He kisses my cheek and I chuckle 

"You should keep that beard" I say and bite my lip

Mark laughs and shakes his head “You wish…” He says and kisses me before leaning his head back on my chest again.

***

Martin has got pimples all over his little body. I have a tube of cream on one of my hands while the other helps him to take off his sweatshirt.

“Are you ready?” I and he sniffs before nodding

I squirt a bit of cream on my finger and start putting it on his bruises and scabs. Mark has gone to Fuse and I offered myself to stay home and watch Martin

“Tom?” Martin calls me

“Yeah, kiddo”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure” I smile up at him sitting on the island

“Are you and dad getting back together after you come back from space?”

I sigh “Martin…”

“I promise I won’t tell anything of what you tell me to dad, please Tom!” Martin pleads getting both hands together

I sigh again “I want to. I mean, I love your father and I want him to be with me, I want to make this work… But we still don’t know, okay? A lot can change in less than a year… Look at what happened with us in less than four months…”

“I…” Martin slowly starts to smile eagerly “I want you two to be together too…”

“Really?” I smile with him

“Yeah…” He shifts on his place, a smile still on his lips “Look at us! I’m sick and you’re taking care of me even if you have nothing to do with it! None of my dad’s girlfriends or boyfriends ever took care for me the way you do… None of them were as patient and dedicated to dad as you are…”

I smile again “Really? You really think that of me?”

Martin nods “You’ve done so much good for dad…”

“I’ll just ask you not to get your hopes too high, okay?” I ask softly and he slowly nods

“Yeah, I know…” He said with a sad smile

“Well, it’s almost midday, what do you want to eat?” I ask as I close the cream tube. I walk to the sink and wash my hands, then I open the fridge and start listing what’s inside “I can make you a sandwich, or if you don’t want that I think Mark bought some Mac and Cheese yesterday and we also have fruits and veg…”

“I want waffles” Martin interrupts me with his lips in a pout

“Waffles?” I ask closing the fridge and he nods

“Waffles”

“Okay, I think we have the ingredients… Do you know where the machine is?”

Martin thought for a while “In the attic…”

“What?!?” I ask and sigh “Okay then, do you know where it is?”

“Dad said it’s in a box that’s labeled ‘Diane’s stuff: Food’. You can find that easily…”

“Hm, okay. I’ll be back in a sec…”

“Alright” Martin says and I jog up to the flight of stairs. I go down the corridor on the second floor and pulled down the stairs that were attached to the ceiling. I climb them and walk right into the attic.

I get perplexed when I first get in. It is an amazingly giant attic compared to other ones I have seen before, and it’s mostly empty, just a few boxes on the corner and a couple of brooms and paint cans around.

All walls are made of wood, with only a couple of small widows, except for the last at the very end which is a giant glass wall. The glass is dirty with dirt and dust, making it foggy, but you can perfectly see the beach at sight with the distance

I walk up to it as if I’m hypnotized. I can feel my pupils dilating at how amazed I feel. That place is fucking beautiful!  
The slide door is placed at the center. I open it with a little trouble, but I manage to do it in the end. I slowly and carefully step outside and the first thing I feel is the cool breeze hitting my sunburned face.

I sigh in pleasure, a smile slowly forming on my face. I walk to the edge of the balcony, watching the waves crashing down at the beach against the fence.

I grab the cardboard boxes and look for Diane’s, finding it with no much trouble. I take the machine down with me and Martin’s eyes start sparkling at the first exciting thing he’s done in days…

"Iwannahelpwannahelp!" He jumps off from the island and skips all around me as I turn on the sink’s knob to wash it

I chuckle and nod my head to the island “Put on your gloves first, then I’ll ask you to grab me a few things…”

Martin smiles sadly, but still walks up to the island with a pout on his lips and puts on the gloves “Okay, done. What do you want from me?”

I turn around and grab the dish towel to dry the machine and plug it in “Give me butter, a rubber spatula and milk…” My hands reach to open the cabinet and I look out for the rest of the ingredients, but right at the end I see an instant box of waffles and I check the expiration date “The big part is already here…” I say shaking the box in the air and Martin closes the fridge after he gets the milk “Alright, can you get me a bowl now?” I ask and Martin nods

"Sure" He says and gets on his tip toes to open the cabinet.

I start pouring in the contents and I let him stirr the cream, my eyes watching him patiently as I sit on the stoll by his side.

"What’s on your mind?" Martin asks licking his thumb, seeing that I was actually thinking of something. I had let him take out one of the gloves to do this.

"Why hasn’t your dad done anything with the attic? It’s a pretty nice place and it looks more like it’s abandoned…"

"Oh yeah…" Martin frowns, making effort to keep up his pace 

"You want help?" I ask leaning my cheek against one of my hands, propped up on the island by my elbow, but Martin shakes his head 

"No, thanks" He says putting his tounge on the corner of his lip, concentrated on his work "Mom just never liked up there, she used to say it was too humid…" Martin explains "Dad likes the view but I guess that it’s easier for him to just stay down here. Why? You have any ideas for that place?"

I shrug “Well, not in long terms…”

Martin frowns “What do you mean?”

"Yes, I do have ideas, but it’s only for a night or two, nothing that involves you anyway…" I say a bit sadly and brush a string of hair out of his eyes "I think you can stop stirring now…" I say and he lets go of the spoon 

"Thank God! I can’t do this anymore…" Martin says and I laugh, taking the bowl away from him. We make the waffles and while they get ready I look for jam and cream. 

Martin and I are already patiently eating when we hear some key jingle by the door, we both frown and take a look at each other, but then everything makes a bit more sense when Mark walk in 

"Look! It’s my two favorite guys in the world!" Mark says excitedly at Martin, trying to brighten up his locked-in kid for a while.

"Dad! Look!" Martin says pointing to his plate "Tom made me waffles!"

"Awesome, can I get one?" Mark asks raising an eyebrow at me and I nod 

"Sure, we still have some…" I smile and get up to spread butter on the machine "What are you doing here? I thought you wouldn’t be back until tonight…"

"Took a lunch break, the guys were pissing me off…" Mark rolls his eyes annoyed "Where are Jean and Noah?"

"They’re at home, Rachel said she wanted them to meet Jacques, Martin, Jeff… Whatever is the name of her date…" I say making a face and pour in the liquid into the machine 

"Wow, is it serious?"

I shrug “I guess it doesn’t really need to be, you knew my kids just like I knew Martin before we even went out on our first date... Like, you know…” I say as I give him a shy smile

"You sure you want to say where you first had sex with him too?" Martin asks looking up at Mark as he hugged his kid from behind. Both Mark and I laugh.

"Sorry" Mark says and caresses his son’s blond hair patiently before Martin goes back to eating.

"Anyway, this is conventional dating…" I say "And I guess it is, I don’t know, I don’t really care actually. I couldn’t give two shits about her…"

"Good" Mark says taking a bite out of Martin’s waffle. Then we move on to talk about other stuff…


	47. Halfway Gone, Or Halfway There?

“What the fuck are you doing still in bed?” Mark asks as he frowns at me. He’s got a smile on his face that he can’t even fake.

My eyes slowly open themselves and I watch him move slightly in a blur, he walks from the doorway to the side of the bed, placing the papers on his hand on top of the nightstand

Mark is wearing a blue button down with a pair of really fancy pants. I frowned at him dressed like that and even thought of asking why wasn’t he naked by my side, but he spoke first

“The kids are outside…”

“Why are you up at this hour and… Dressed like that??” I ask while sitting up and rubbing my eyes with the back of my hand

“Tom, I told you I had a meeting with Diane’s lawyer today… Remember that I repeated it last night?”

I groan in a yawn “Don’t tell me stuff right before sex…”

I shake my head violently, like a dog trying to get water out of his fur.

“Come on, tell me what happened…”

“Permission to freak out?” He asks excitedly and I nod “I got Martin’s full custody!”

“What?” I ask bewilderedly and he nods again, the goofiest smile on his face “Oh my God, Mark! That’s great!”

Mark places both hands flat on his stomach, I presume a war is going on in there. He had just won the fight he had been avoiding ever since he got divorced from Diane.

“He’s all mine!” Mark gaspes happily and I jump off of bed to hug him “My kid’s mine!”

“He’s all yours, all yours” I repeat to him

“Thank you” Mark whispers and hugs me tighter

“No, no” I shake my head “Don’t thank me, I only brought you trouble…”

“What?” Mark pulled back, frowning at me

“If we weren’t together Pierre wouldn’t pick on us…”

“True, but if we weren’t together I’d have to send my kid to live with some French douchebag for 12 months every two years, which do you think it’s best?”

“Okay” Mark laughs “Before we start anything else I need to tell you… There’s a but…”

“What? Holy hell, Mark. What ‘But’?” I ask concerned

Mark takes a deep breath “Six months from now Martin is going to move to England”

“What?” I ask ” But you said you had gotten his full custody, why the hell is he moving in with Diane then?”

Mark sighs again “She wants him for a year, that’s all she wants though. After that I can have my kid for myself forever”

“Oh, Mark” I sigh and place both hands on his neck “You know it’s okay, right? It’s not your fault”

“It’s not yours either” He smiles sadly “You’ll leave and then five months later he leaves too. No problem there though”

Mark’s shrugging, but I can see he’s not careless. He’s got sad eyes now, being so happy just a couple of seconds ago

“You know I love you” I slowly slid down my hand lower on his neck and kissed his cheek. I rested my face there, smelling his expansive perfume while he wrapped his arms around me.

My nose buried itself on his cheek, my eyes closed so I can focus on him.

“I love you, Mark” I whisper

“I love you too, Tom” He whispers back and kisses my neck, burying his face into it.

***

I lick my thumb as I close the last grilled cheese, putting it on a plate and walking outside. Mark, Jean and Noah are playing on the pool while Martin sits at the picnic table with a hoddie wrapped all around him, his face full of pimples and the cream I had put on him not even a few minutes ago

"Want one?" I ask offering him the plate, taking one for myself. Martin shakes his head

"No, thanks though" He says and turns back to sadly look at his father playing with my kids

"Don’t you wanna get inside, we can play video games…" I say and he shakes his head again

"That’s all I’ve been doing the whole week…" He sighs "I want to get better now!” Martin says with a pout on his lips and I sigh

Mark gets out of the pool and sits by my side, giving me a kiss on the cheek and wetting a whole side of me 

"Watch out, Mark" I say cleaning away the water

"Oops, sorry" Mark makes a face

"Meh, what the hell…" I say with a smile and pull him into a hug, wrapping both arms around him. 

"I’ll go get milk" Martin puffs and gets up, leaving us alone

"That is one bored kid, huh?" I ask and Mark chuckles 

"He’s just moody, don’t worry…"

“Will you tell him?” I ask Mark and look down at him, ungluing my eyes from Martin walking inside. 

“I will have to. Diane said she wanted to talk to him about it tomorrow…”

“You need help?” I ask but Mark shakes his head

“No, this is something between me and him. Thanks anyway” Mark says and smiles up at me “I’ll do it tonight, hopefully” I hear him sighing

***

I sigh as my eyes keep roaming the book in my hands. I’m staring to get kind of tired of waiting, Mark’s talking to Martin about the whole deal with Diane for a few minutes now. Jean and Noah are at my house, and as the minutes go by I just get more and more scared of what is happening.

I look out the window of Mark’s room and I can see the sunset in the distance, the watch in my wrist told me it was 7:06pm. Mark should have left for Fuse already.

And in a blink the door of the room suddenly bursts open and I see Mark looking sadly at me with tears streaming down his cheeks “Tom!” He cried out and extended his arms towards me, slowly walking closer.

“Holy shit” I whisper to myself as I throw the book randomly aside and jump over the edge of the bed to catch him. As I get closer, he wraps his arms around me and just hugs me tight, his tears immediately soaking my shirt “Shh, hey what happened?” I shush him and kisshis forehead “I’m here, nothing’s wrong, okay?”

“Everything’s wrong!” He suddenly shouts, his shaking voice muffled by my chest

“What did Martin say?” I ask

“I… I…”

“Mark, calm down” I say and clean away his tears

“I’ve… I’ve been holding u… up to n… now to… to not cry in fron… t of… him…” Mark spoke between sobs “He wants to go. He… He misses her!”

“Oh, Mark” I whispers softly and he hugs me again “Just try to understand she’s his mother, okay?” I ask but he doesn’t move “Every boy needs his mother…”

“He’s going to stay when he… he se… sees that she’s bett…er tha… meeee!”

“Mark, listen to me, okay?” I say pulling apart and making him look right into my face “He’s not going to stay with her! Martin wants you! Martin wants us!”

“What?” Mark asks “What are you talking about?”

I sigh “I talked to Martin… He said that he wants to see his mother, but he isn’t leaving you!” I say as I shake him, the side of my hand running through his face, trying to get him calmer “He’ll go but he’ll be back! Mark, you need to understand he has to do this for himself! It’s his outbreak; it’s his chance to get the things that you can’t give him…”

“I can’t?” Mark asks innocently, pointing to his chest

“No! And you know what? There are things I can’t give to Jean and Noah too, and I need to let them go sometimes to find out about the things I can’t give them. I wished I could give them the whole world just like I know you want that for Martin. But we aren’t in control of the world… Mark, just let him go! You’ll have him back!”

Mark breathes in and jumps over me in a hug again, pressing me against his chest “Fuck, I love you so much!” He whispers “I love you more than anything, Tom”

I hug him back and clean the tears away from his face, I kiss his cheek and when his sobbing ceases I pull apart only slightly to kiss his forehead again. I bury my nose into his hair and let our fingers entwine by our sides.

“I love you too” I whisper back “Are you going to Fuse?”

Mark sighs “Yeah…”

“You’re late”

“I know” He says before pulling away and walking up to his closet, pulling a clean pair of clothes out “I’ll be back by 1am, as always, alright?” He asks and I nod. Mark walks closer to me and gets on his tip toes to kiss my lips.


	48. I Can Dance To Anything You Wanna Sing

I wait for Mark in his room, crumbled up under the sheets right after I had finished giving Martin his medicine. I suddenly hear the phone ringing and I slowly sit up to answer it

“Hi” I say with a groggy voice

“Tom?” I can hear Mark calling me with a slurred voice “I… Open the door for me?”

“Hm” I frown and get up; taking my time “Forgot your keys?”

“No, I… I don’t know how to… Can’t you just come pick me up?” He asks

“I’ll be there in a sec” I groan before hanging up and going downstairs. I cross the living room and open the door.

I frown when I don’t see Mark by the door; instead he just sits on the concrete floor of the driveway, his back leaning against the door of his car.

“Mark?” I ask and walk closer to him, leaving the door half-open behind me. He looks up at me with big eyes right when I get into the scene “What’s wrong, sweety?”

I give him my hand and I pull him up, Mark hugs me as soon as he gets to my height “I’m drunk” He blurs out and I sigh, holding on to him

“Did you drive home yourself?” I ask with a raised eyebrow and he shakes his head

“Amanda drove me back in my car then she took a cab” Mark sighs

“Okay, let’s get you inside then…” I say and start pulling him into the house. He starts frowning when he sees I go to the kitchen instead of going to his room. I turn on the lights and open the fridge quickly, pulling a carton of milk out of it and pouring some into a clean glass for him.

He stands by the island and I place myself behind him while he climbs on the stool. I give him the glass that’s in one of my hands and he takes it with a questioning look on his face

“Just drink, it’ll make you feel better…” I say and he hastily wraps an arm around my neck, pulling me closer to him while he drinks it.

When he brings down the glass I can see a milk mustache and I chuckle. Mark gives me a small smile and looks deep into my eyes. I look back into his, slowly and shyly capturing his upper lip between mine, cleaning away the thin white line.

I put my hand right under his chin and just keep kissing him for a while more before pulling back. Mark keeps being serious for a while but then he just smiles and leans in again, a little bit rougher and sloppier.

I kiss him back and let his tongue in when he asks for permission. Both my hands fly for his neck, grabbing on it and pulling him closer. Mark whimpered and pulled apart only so slightly to move to my neck, biting on my collarbones playfully.

I take a deep breath, my hands moving to his hair and pulling his head closer to my neck.

Mark breathes a line on my neck and starts sucking hard, I’m sure that is going to leave me a bruise on the next morning. He bites and sucks slightly on my earlobe, Mark blows seductively into my ear and it sends shivers down my spine, just making me grip harder on his hair. I slowly lean my face into him and start breathing the apple scent in his hair

“Fuck me” He whispers into my ear

“Here?” I ask surprised

“Why not?” He asks without moving “Martin is asleep, right?“

When I’m about to answer he starts sucking on my neck again, trying to make me give it up

My hands move to his hips and I help him climb on the island, suddenly it all goes fast. Mark’s legs wrap around my waist and I grab the hem of his shirt, pulling it out of him hastily and just randomly throwing it to the floor. Mark pulls me into another kiss like a hormone-driven teenager and I just fall into it, my hands all over his hair.

I pull back and start biting my way down his naked chest “Wait” Mark stops me and he hops off the island, fumbling with his pants.

“I help you” I say in a low voice and unzip his jeans. He pulls them down himself while I take mine off, throwing them aside. Mark starts pushing me, making me walk backwards until my back hits the counter. A pan that was hanging on the wall falls off its place right after I have started sucking on his neck

“What was that?” Mark asks startled but I just turn him around

“Nothing” I mumble against his skin. One of my hands move from his waist to grab his balls over the underwear and I can just hear him letting out one heavy moan, forgetting all about it

“Fuck, I hate you” He says “Do you have lube?”

I shake my head “No. You?”

"There’s butter…" Mark turned around to reach for the butter cup on the island, but I stopped him by grabbing his arms 

"Ew, no" I say "I’ll pick it up inside, you stay here, alright?"

"Take me with you!" He says holding me back 

"You can’t barely walk!" I say and he sighs, letting go of me. I go to his bedroom quickly and get back a few seconds later. "Here” I say raising a blue bottle in front of him and I squirt some on my fingers while he pulls down his boxers.

I pull him closer swiftly with a sly smile on my face, biting my bottom lip as I do so. I push in one finger up on him and I can hear him hissing at me “Is it too fast?” I ask concerned but he shakes his head

“No, it’s okay. Just keep going…” Mark hisses again and I push in another finger, making a scissor movement with my hands. “I…” Mark starts to pant harder after a while “I think it’s good now…” He said and wrapped an arm around my neck while the other was gripping on the counter. Mark pulls me in for another kiss and makes me press my chest against his

"Okay" I say and pull back, I turn him around and wrap an arm from under his, letting my hand place flat on his chest. I grab the lube and spread it all over my dick, putting a bit on his entrance "Are you ready?" I ask after everything’s done

Mark nods and I run both my hands at his sides, trying to keep him calm while I push it in. I can hear a gasp but then I lean my forehead against the back of his neck “Go on” He gulps after a few short seconds and I start thrusting

I move my head slightly and bite his neck briefly, then it gets harder and I just know there is going to be a scar there next morning. Mark has got both hands leaning against the counter, helping himself to stand while both of mine went up and down his sides.

My nails start gripping hard on his hips as I went faster. I could hear Mark moaning my name, his knuckles white. 

"Mark, I…" I start to pant "God, Mark. I’m coming, shi…" 

I don’t finish my sentece, suddenly my thrusts get slower and I just feel Mark trying to get me to keep thrusting hard. My mouth opens and I keep kissing his back, my arms wrapping around him.

"Tom, I’m clo… close to. Just keep…" 

I don’t really start moving again, instead I reach for his dick and start pumping him until he comes all over my hand. The end of my climax coming along with the beggining of his.  
Mark lets himself slide down the counter, slipping from between my arms and into the ground. I kneel down and shove my head against his chest, which he wraps his arms around my body.

"God, I love you" I say and he kisses my forehead

"I love you too, Tom" He says and I nuzzle into his chest

"So…" I say as I raise my head to look at him "Why did ya get drunk?" I ask and play a little with his hair

Mark closes his eyes and throws his head back, making a loud bang against the counter’s wood “It’s about… You know… Having to give up Martin for a year… Having to give up you for a year…” 

Mark’s voice get’s low in the end, his eyes lowering as he looks down to his hand. I place a hand on his chin and force him to look at me, I smile sadly at him and kiss his lips softly. 

"Want to go listen to some music?" I ask when I pull back, I bite my lips and look into his eyes as I do so.

"You know what would be better?" Mark asks, his eyes happily dancing "To go take a swim at the pool…" He says and starts nodding 

I laugh and shake my head “Anything you want, my friend…” I say and I help him get up. Mark and I get outside and he runs to jump into the pool, I jump in right after him.  
"Aren’t you feeling nauseous?" I ask and he shakes his head

"I don’t really get like puking when I’m drunk. It’s a quality I guess…" He says and we start doing holding-breath competitions and just play for a while. At one point I gather all the air that I can in my lungs and let him guide a floating-Tom around the pool. Both of us end up doing fart competitions into the water and watching the bubbles come up either in front or behind us.

Mark and I laugh a whole lot until we get back inside. “What time is it?” I ask as we walk into the kitchen, drying my hair with a towel.

"3:07" Mark says while checking his phone and wraps his towel around his neck "Wanna go to bed or are you up for a few more shenanigans?" Mark asks excitedly with a little dance of his own. I laugh.

"I don’t know" I say with a shrug "I can stay up…"

I get closer and kiss him, still tasting the heavy alcohol on his tongue, I guess it must be wearing off of him right now

"Wanna go listen to music?" He asks after pulling back "I got this cover demo from Sarajevo, want to check it out?"

I smile “Yeah, sure”

Mark starts pulling me out of the kicthen and we get into his office. I see him turning on his laptop and fumbling a bit with it, soon the high-tec speakers start to let out a fumbling sound.

“Hm, Hi Mark!" We hear someone say and Mark gets closer to me, wrapping both his arms around my neck "Alan is speaking here, this is our first demo as one of your bands" Alan chuckles and Mark chuckles with him "We actually wanted to start with a cover, if you don’t mind. We were hoping to put it as a hidden track on our next album, if that’s okay… Grace is singing here too if that’s no problem… Just a warning: It has nothing to do with our style, we just took the original song and made it acoustic…”

Two acoustic guitars start at the same time, they’re slow but catchy. I slowly let a smile grow on my face when I recognize it.

“It’s been so long since I had a smile, I’ve stayed sad for such long while”

Grace’s voice sings it beautifully. I close my eyes and lean my forehead against Mark’s as we start swinging slowly from one side to the other. I sigh with a smile and he pulls me closer, my hands going for his hips.

“If you can cheer me up, I could learn to love you. You kiss me now and I turn away, I think I’m still kissing yesterdaaay”

"Did you know that song was there?" I ask with a smug smile, because if I know Mark he would’ve set this whole thing up.

"No! I swear!" Mark says with a giggle, his hands going down my arms "I’m just as surprised as you are…"

“Love me, and cheer me up. Show me you’re the one…” 

"That can make me happy…" Grace sings and I do it with her, my forehead still against Mark’s "Cheer me up”

Mark giggles and opens his eyes at the same time I do, staring right into my eyes. 

"I don’t want to spend the rest of my days dreaming yesterday’s daydreams…" Grace sings and I lean in to kiss him, he kisses me back softly as the verse goes on "You feel my heart, girl? You’re knocking on wood"

The song goes on again, Grace sings it from the start once more and I keep swinging with the slow song, usually the lyrics spilling out from our lips as we whispered them to each other. I hold him tightly in my arms and in those seconds I realized everything I wanted.

Him.


	49. Take My One Last Breath

“Is everything ready?” David asks

"Of course…" I roll my eyes, walking around my office as only the two of us stood there

"Yes, but you’re nervous, you might alway forget something when you’re nervous…"

"Alright, wanna do a check list?" I ask and he nods "Shoot"

"Place?" 

"Done" I say pointing at him, jumping a little

"Clean place?" He asks with a cocked eyebrow 

"Done that last night while Mark was at Fuse"

David hums, thinking for a while “Foreplay?”

"We don’t have time for that"

"Wine?"

"I can’t drink wine!"

"Tux?"

"In the guest room!" I start to answer the requests faster and faster

"Music?"

"Stole Rachel’s records!"

"Scenery? Remember there’s a theme!"

"The night sky! Constellations!"

"Candles?"

"Delivered at 6pm"

"Flowers?"

"They come with the candles…"

"And the most important…" David smirks "The little blue box…?"

I smile and pat my chest happily “Check!”

"You got yourself one great night to remember forever, man" David smiles

"Thanks"

*** 

"Kids, can you help us?” I say as I stumble inside the house with more than three handfuls of flowers in my arms. The stuffy flower boy came following me with the stupid pink hat on top of his head.

I had left about an hour before, asking Constanza to take care of the kids while I was off to the flower shop.

The four of them look up at me, a different questioning look on each face

“Well… My arms can’t carry these forever” I say and they all get up. Constanza takes two and Jean gets one while the flower boy leaves his by the door to grab more from his van.  
Jean smiles at the red roses in her arms and she presses her nose into them, smelling their sweet scent “Hm dad, what are these for?” She asks with a knowing grin

“Oh, you know” I shrug placing both hands into my leather jacket’s pockets “Just flowers…”

“For…?” She urges me happily

“Santa Claus, who do you think?” I ask ironically but she gets it, starting to smile like the little kid that she is. “Anyway, I’m planning to put these upstairs, on the attic…”

“The attic?” Martin asks raising an eyebrow and I nod “Nobody has been there in years! It’s so dusty and dirty…”

I shake my head “I cleaned it yesterday after you guys had gone to bed and Mark was still at Fuse. That place is shining like a diamond!” I say and then realize what I had just said “Diamonds don’t shine, what the fuck I am even saying…” I wonder out loud and Martin frowns

“I don’t know” He sighs, his lips in a thin line

“Anyway” I say jumping out of my previous thoughts “Will you guys help me or…?”

“Yeah sure” Martin smiles and picks up one of the handfuls from the floor. Noah grabs a few too and they walk upstairs towards the basement.

After about half an hour the flower boy is gone, as well as Constanza. The kids and I start setting up the flowers around the balcony on the attic.

I had also bought a box of candles at the flower shop. I started to spread them around the open balcony, telling the kids to put the flowers behind them, making a path in the middle towards the fence that gave a view to the beach.

“It’s beautiful!” Noah exclaims as he looked out to the ocean “What are you going to do, dad?” He asks turning around to me

“Does it matter?” I chuckled as I grabbed him from behind “Mark and I are just going to have a nice night once he’s back from Fuse, that’s all…”

“Isn’t he going to be tired?” Martin asks

“Told him to sleep a bit later today so we could stay up later…” I say “I just needed to prepare this all. But still, it’s almost 7pm, we should get dinner now…”

“Okay” Jean says and starts walking inside, Martin follows her and I go right behind with Noah around my neck.

When the clock strikes 9:30 I start putting the kids to bed and go watch A Different Spin. Once the show is over by midnight, I go to one of the guest rooms and take out my suit from the closet, where I had hid it.

I put it on and pick up the bed clothing I had separated the night before when Mark was fast asleep already. I go to the basement and spread the clothing around, making sure we won’t be sitting on hardwood floors.

Smelling good? I sniff both my arm pits and nod. Check. Beard’s trimmed, hair is fluffy, tie is knotted nicely. Not too formal but not too casual

Just perfect.

I feel a heavy weight at the pockets of my suit’s jackets. I feel my hands sweating and I wipe them on my pants, trying to make my nervousness go away.

I lean against the fence once it turns into 1am and Mark still hasn’t showed up. I sigh as I stare into the ocean, feeling the cool wind breeze away the heat coming from the candles.

I slowly start to feel my body getting warmer and warmer and I then I see Mark placing himself by my side, smiling sweetly at me

“Hi there, Mr… Fancy Pants?” He laughs at my suit and I look proudly at what I’m wearing

“Sexy, isn’t it?” I ask and Mark fakes a shrug

“Meh, not really…” He shakes his head and makes a face, but then it turns into a smile, putting one on my face as well. I slowly get closer and kiss his lips slightly

He pulls back after a while, staring into my eyes, a smile on them.

“I looked all around downstairs for you…” Mark whispers happily playing with my tie, pulling me closer even “Then I remembered you said you liked here and came up…”

“Shoot” I say “I forgot to leave a note!”

“That’s okay” Mark laughs “I just want to know what is all this…” Mark asks looking around

“Just something” I smile and he grabs my hand

“Something, huh?” He smirks playfully

“Okay, actually is more than something…” I say, Slightly walking away from him. Mark frowns

“Is something wrong?” He asks

“No!” I immediately say “No, nothing’s wrong, things are fine. Actually, things are too fine…”

Mark frowns even more “What do you mean?”

I sigh “Mark, I think we ar…”

“God, you’re not breaking up with me, are you?” Mark asks desperately

“On a… Wait, what? No! I’m not breaking up with you! Why would you think that?”

“Well, you said too fine. I thought you were tired of me…”

I laugh “God Mark!” I say “Stop acting like a child. I’m not leaving you…”

“Good” He smiles

“Actually, after we had our talk yesterday, I just got sure that you want the same thing I do for this relationship”

“Yeah, me too” Mark smiles again

“Mark, I… When you left me, all I could do was think that I was only a toy to you. I felt cheated, disposable. And I saw that on you yesterday, that tore my heart open, okay?”  
Mark sighs

“I know what I felt back then, it was horrible, and I don’t you to feel like that. Ever.”

Mark kisses the back of my hand “Me too”

“Last night, when we were dancing, I realized that everything we’ve been through was a true love story. I know that sound completely gay, but we loved and we hurt each other. We had our differences and we fought, still we made a friendship and a bond”

Mark smiles, nodding

“Mark, everything that happened on the last six months, that. That’s what I want for the rest of my life! And this might not be the best for us right now, but…” I stop and take a breath, my air getting caught on my throat “But I’ve never been so sure about anything else before…”

Mark starts frowning “Hm, Tom, what are you talking about?”

I feel heavy thuds at my chest and in my head, making me spin further into my thoughts. My hands were shaking and Mark noticed that.

“Hey!” He whispers, his grip on my hand getting tighter “Calm down, okay? I’m listening…”

I sigh and close my eyes, trying to get my shit straight to finally do this. Mark lets go of one of my hands and places it on my cheek, cupping it

“I love you, okay?” He asks and I open my eyes “I love you more than most things I’ve ever loved. And I’ve never been as sure about anything else before…” He repeats a few of my words, trying to establish a connection with me “You can tell me…”

I sigh again and walk back a little, he tried to come with me but i place both hands on his shoulders, making him stay on his place.

“Mark, I…” I start and place a hand into my jacket, awkwardly pulling the dark blue velvet box out.

Mark’s eyes opened and his jaw dropped. Just like I was imagining

His face is completely blank, pure surprise. I slowly start to smile, thinking I’m finally going to do this

“Mark Allen Hoppus…” I whisper to him, his eyes blinking furiously. He raises a hand to rub them, making him sure that he wasn’t seeing anything that wasn’t real

I kneel in front of him and slowly watch his eyes fill with tears, his breath clogging up his throat, low weird sounds coming off from it.

He smiles and presses a hand against his mouth, the other one hugged his stomach.

I open the box and we are both able to see the ring. Just as beautiful as I imagined it would be. Made just for him, only him. No other guy or girl in the world had a ring like that…

I raise the ring towards him and also felt tears stinging at my eyes.

“Do you want to marry me?”


	50. I'll Admit I'm Wrong If You'd Tell Me

“Tom, I…” Mark starts to speak, but I can see that he isn’t being able to

Suddenly fear rises upon me

“I…” Mark tries again but instead he slowly lets himself drop to his knees, falling in front of me and standing at my height “Tom, sweetie. Are you sure about it?” Mark asks carefully, half hurt-half concerned

I nod “I told you I have never been so sure abou…t anything else in a ve… Very long time…” I say, my voice getting clogged up and hitched slightly.

Maybe my blood is rushing way too fast, my heart racing too quickly, my brain pounding too hard.

Mark shakes his head, biting his bottom lip “You know it’s not the same…”

"But… It’s legal now!" 

“Tom, you know it’s still hard!” Mark specifies, his voice getting a lot like mine too 

"We can work it out…” I say

“Tom, we can’t have kids…”

“We already have three…”

“We’re old…”

I close my eyes, digging some past memories when my mind shots back into a certain moment just with his words. “The…” I start “The first time you kissed me” I say pointing to his chest “You said you were old, and I told you you weren’t. I still think that, Mark…” I sigh “You could be 50, 60… I’d still love you…”

“Tom… I…”

"Tom what?" I ask with a breaking voice "Mark, this isn’t just because, you know?” I say rolling my eyes “Do you remember when we went to my friend Chris and his girlfriend’s engament party?”

Mark shyly nods, taking a deep breath

"I’ve been thinking about this since then, alright? Chris was the one who gave me to jeweler’s number… It was all even before the whole DOMA thing… Okay?"

His eyes looks down and he tries to clean his eyes with the back of his hand. I look up to the sky and ask for help, I run my hand through my hair nervously and decide to go on.

“I’m not only asking you to marry me. I’m not just asking you to marry me…” I say softly, my eyes filling with tears even more “Mark, like I said, I know this isn’t the best for us  
right now”

“It really isn’t” Mark blurs out, his lips right open.

“BUT, I’m just trying to tell you that I want to compromise, I want everything with you! I saw the scared look on your face, I want you to be sure that when I’m back I’ll be here! Just like i know you will too!”

I wrap both hands around his neck, but he keeps looking down, refusing to look at me.

"It’s like that song… How does it go again?" I start looking up to think about it and Mark’s head raises to look at me momentarily "Oh yeah! pee pee peem peem…”

"What are you doing?" Mark asks with a frown

"It’s the alien noise from the beggining…" I say and bit my lip, trying to hold back a smile but I can see him smirking, waiting for me to start singing it "Blah blah blah… Please stay until I’m gone. I’m here, hold on to me, I’m right here, waiting…”

Mark doesn’t react 

“And take my one last breath, but don’t forget that I’ll be right here waiting…” I sing again, trying to get something out of him. I bite my bottom lip to hold it from shaking the way it wanted to, I gulp dry to try to hold back my breaking voice and my tears.

Mark blinks 

"I want to spend every moment we have together like it’s the last, I want you to hold on to me even after I’m gone, because I’ll wait for you…" I say and Mark moves to bite his bottom lip too "And you can be free, alright? I’m not forcing you to settle, I’m not forcing you to be with me forever just because I’m leaving for a year. You can date other people… I won’t be mad… I just want you to know that I want to be back with you when I return…"

My hands grip tighter around his neck, but he doesn’t say anything.

"Mark, please talk to me…"

"What do you want me to say?" Mark asks "It’s just… I didn’t even see this coming…"

I sigh “You know what?” I ask and start to get up “I take it back, okay?” I say closing the box with one single flip and placing it back on my pocket

“What?” Mark asks, looking up at me even more surprised

“You didn’t like it. I’m taking it back…”

“Tom” Mark chuckles briefly but I can see the hurt on his voice “I’m not saying no…”

I slowly turn around, frowning at him “What?”

“I’m not saying no!” He shakes his head and gets up “But I’m not saying yes either…”

“What are you doing then?” I ask

“Making sure…” Mark whispers as he starts to walk closer

“Of what?”

“That you won’t get hurt by knowing that we can’t everything… Or by knowing that we can’t have kids… That people will talk…”

“You… You think I’ll get hurt?” I ask pointing at my chest

“Ma… Maybe” Mark says, awkwardly putting both hands inside his jeans’s pockets. God, he’s so cute! “I always make sure things are okay for you, since I know this is a whole new thing for you and you haven’t been with anyone else in a really long time… I’m making sure that you’re not expecting too much… That’s all”

I bite my lip and slowly start to shake my head “It’s all I want, Mark” I say “You’re all that I want. I’m past that phase of getting married to have children and settle… Now I don’t want a marriage per se, I don’t need to build a life anymore. I just want you…”

Mark walks even closer, he places himself by my side against the balcony fence, facing me. He places a hand on my shoulder and runs it up and down my arm.

“Tom?” He calls me

“Yeah?” I say gulping

“Is it too late to say that I do?”

“Do what?” I frown “Masturbation?”

“No” Mark laughs and shakes his head “The… I… Tom, I want to marry you”

Mark says it and it’s like my life is back onto its tracks, I can hear a thousand angels singing in my mind “What?” I ask with a smut smile

“I want to marry you” Mark says again and I start to smile, looking back at him “I do, Tom! I do! I’ll marry you! I don’t just want you a year from now, I’ll fucking marry you, alright?”

Mark starts to shout, smiling like a maniac. As soon as he says - and it finally hit - that he really wants to marry me, both of us realize shit is really happening: He’s accepting to be with me after I get back.

He’s accepting to be with me forever.

I don’t say anything else, instead, I pull him into a tight hug and he hugs me back. Both our heads bury themselves on the crooks of our necks. His amazing apple scent filling me all, letting me appreciate every single piece of him right there.

“Hey!” I say pulling back, looking at him “Just… Let me do it again!”

Mark smiles brightly and rubs his eyes, sighing at the past confusion between us

I pull the ring back from my pocket and lean down to one knee, I can see him wiping away the tears from the corner of his eyes. I open the box and ask it again

“Markus Allen Hoppus, will you marry me?”

“Wait, will you sleep with an alien up there?”

I shake my head

"Then yes, yes! Yes, I will you stupid son of a bitch!” Mark shouts and just throws himself on top of me. I quickly close the box to make sure the ring doesn’t fall off when Mark makes me fall into my ass, aiming for my lips as he attacks me.

“I love you” Mark whispers pulling back slightly, his smile still an inch away from my own. He’s sitting on top of me with both hands on the jacket of my suit “I love you so much, Tom. I’ll say yes a thousand times and from now on you can ask it a gazillion times and I’ll always say ye…”

I don’t even let him finish, I just kiss him again, our kiss fast and sloppy, since we’re both too happy to care about it

“Hey! What about the ring?” Mark asks pulling back and I raise the box to him, flicking it open.

“Oh my God!” Mark said breath-taking, one of his hands going up to his mouth “Tom, it’s beautiful!” He gasps

I looked at it as he took it put of the box with his own hands. From the begging I wanted a custom ring, something made just for him. I mean, I couldn’t ask Mark to marry me with a fucking huge diamond, I had to go over my limits, beyond expected.

I explained that I was an astronaut leaving for a mission soon when I arrived at the shop. The attendant set up an appointment and he showed me a few ideas of his from our story.

The ring I chose was definitely the most expansive, but I didn’t really care. It’s made of gold on the inside, 24k, bc even if money is no issue, I’m still not made of it.

On the outside there is a beautiful lining of a light-blue stone, something similar to a blueish marble. And to make the final touch, the guy from the shop said that no engagement ring made up to a real purpose if it didn’t have a bigg-o diamond on it.

We ended up settling for tiny crystals of a diamond spread over the surface of the stone, picturing the beautiful night sky. Mark looks at it eye-wided, not believing in the thing on his hand “Is… Is this supposed to be the sky at night?” He asks mouth-opened and I nod

“Yeah, it’s a custom ring. It… It was made just for you…”

“Oh God” Mark breathes taking a hand to his mouth. I sit up better and take the ring away from his grip.

“Here, take a look at this…” I say and he leans in closer, his eyes paying attention to what was written inside of it

“You’re my hope” Mark reads out loud and gasps “You’re my hope!” He explains

“Do you remember it?” I ask and he nods, holding himself back from starting to tear up again

“Yes, it… It was from whe… When I told you about Adam and… And”

“Yeah! That’s right!” I say surprised that he even remembers it “Shh, just calm down, okay?” I say and run a hand through his fluffy hair. Mark nods and leans his head against my hand when it cups his cheek. “Let me put the ring on you, alright?” I ask

“Okay” he smiles and I grab his hand, pulling it closer to my other one. I slowly slid the ring onto his finger and I just start smiling harder “It’s the perfect match…” He sighs

“It is” I smile and look up back at him. He smiles too and leans in to kiss me again

After a while Mark gets up, slipping away from me.

"Just wait, there’s something I just need to do…" He says and I watch him running over to the edge of the baclony, leaning against the fence as he took a brief look around the neighborhood before screaming "I’M FUCKING ENGAGED!" He screams happily

"Mark, what are you doing?" I ask walking up to him "It’s almost two am!"

"Cops are bursting into Justin Timberlake’s house about ten blocks down. I saw it when I was getting back. Everyone’s too caught up on it to even notice this…" He explains to me and turns back to the neighborhood "SUCK MY DICK, BRITNEY!"

"Mark!" I chuckle

"What?!? Bitch said I was never going to get married again when I divorced Diane,. WHO’S LAUGHING NOW, WHORE? LOOK WHERE JUSTIN IS"

“What are you doing?!?” I ask laughing and Mark turns back to me and jumps over, kissing my lips again. It’s perfect.


	51. What Do You Fear, My Love?

I wake up, but don’t open my eyes.

I move one hand, than the other. I move one arm, then the other. 

Mark’s not here, and I can feel is the light sun hitting my face, so I guess it should still be early in the morning. 

The sheets are covering only the lower half of my body, the sun burns my chest and I run a hand on my face, slowly sitting up to place myself on where I was and what had happened.

I’m happy, I can definetly see that. There are flowers and burnt candles all around the balcony’s floor and I smile at the fluffly quilt underneath me, where Mark and I had slept on after fucking under the sheets. 

"Hey, look who’s up!" Mark smiles as his head peeps up from the corner of the stairs, he turns around and pulls a tray with food behind him. Mark walks towards the big glass door and comes towards me.

He’s wearing his old boxers and the same shirt he was wearing when he got back from Fuse. Mark places the tray on top of the sheet and crawls to come kiss me. I place a hand on his jaw and pull him slightly towards me.

"What did do?" I ask 

"Oh yeah" Mark says sitting on his thighs “The morning wind blew out the candles, I woke up around the time the sun started hitting my face and I enjoyed you cuddling me for a while and then I got us breakfast…" He says and motions to the tray by his side

I extend my arms and pick up the tray, placing it on my lap 

"I got cereal, waffles, honey, and guess…"

"Hm… What?" I say with a smug smile

"Coffay!!!" Mark shrieks excitedly before raising a thermos quickly. He opens it and pours the liquid into a mug that’s on the tray “It’s just milk with some artificial colorizer…" He makes a face and I smile

"I fucking love you" I say and take a sip of the milk before kissing his lips, him sucking off the milk around my mouth.

"I love you more" He smiles when he pulls back

"Come on, sit here" I say patting the place by my side and he moves to sit there.

"You know what?" He asks crawling under the sheet with me, cleaning his lips dirty with milk with the back of his hand “Now that we’re engaged… I think you should know why we actually met…"

I laugh “So the whole interview thing isn’t how we met?” I ask and raise an eyebrow

"Well, yeah" Mark shrugs “But the I-interview-everyone-before-the-show thing is a lie…" He chuckles nervously and looks down

"What?!?" I ask turning to him “What do you mean, Mark?"

"Will you let me tell the story?"

"Please, go on…"

Mark sighs “About a week before you went on A Different Spin, Travis came to have breakfast here and coincidentally it was the same day Constanza came for cleaning”

I nod 

"Travis and I were watching Tv and you showed up in the news, giving another interview. Constanza stopped everything to watch you because I already told you: She thinks you’re cute…" Mark says and we both chuckle “Anyway, she said it aloud and Travis and I laughed like maniacs about it the entire day!” Mark, in the end he ends up laughing again

“What why is it so insane?” I ask annoyed, but still enjoying all of his laughter

“Because at night I was agreeing with her” Mark says and I smile, looking down "And then Travis said you were definitely gay" Mark shrugged

"What?" I ask with a laughter “Why would he think that?"

Mark gives me a look, raising an eyebrow “You really want to get into that right now?” He chuckles and I shake my head

"No, you’re right. Go on" 

"Anyway, that’s it… I was running away from some boy that had broken into backstage and was after me when I walked into your dressing room" Mark says and starts to smirk “I saw you there, sitting casually…"

His eyes lock with mine and he goes on

"And… I don’t know" Mark shrugs slightly “I wanted to get to know you… You caught me…"

I smile at him, blushing as I look down at the thermos on my hands.

"And I did" Mark says nudging my side “Probably the best decision I took my entire life. After deciding to have Martin, of course" Mark smiles and leans his face close to me “I never thought we’d get like this…"

I look back at him “Me neither…”

"I…" Mark starts “Before we go talk to the kids I think we should stablish who we’re telling this to…"

I frown taking a sip from my milk “What?”

"I think we shouldn’t tell about it to anyone. I’m sorry, but I don’t think we can trust this with many people and I know you don’t want to get the kid’s hopes to high for us to get married as soon as you get back…"

I ponder my mind for a while “Yeah, I think you’re right, but I told David already, is that okay?” I ask and Mark nods 

"Sure" Mark sighs as he takes a bite out of his waffle “What are we doing today?"

I shrug “Anything you want…” I say and lean in to give him a peck on his lips “So…” I say pulling back “Travis thinks I’m gay, huh?” I ask and Mark chuckles

***

"So" Wilson sighs heavily, letting his feet place themselves on top of his desk as he casually laid back “You don’t mind, do you?” He asks and I nervously shakes his head

“No sir”

“Anyway” Wilson smiles half-heartedly “Are you ready to go?”

I shrug “Never been as ready before, sir” I smile a bit sad, the truth is I don’t really wanna go…

Not that I don’t… want to go… I just don’t want right now…

I’m in such good place, things are going so great. Does it really have to end?

“Good to know” Wilson smiles

“Was that why you called me here?” I ask with a frown and he slowly shakes his head

“Tom, I… As your boss we’ve been together through almost everything in here, at least on the important stuff…” He says and I nod “I just felt like saying one last goodbye since today is your last day here…”

“Wow!” I say a bit overwhelmed, a bit astonished “Thanks”

“You are more dedicated than most people I’ve worked with” Wilson continues “You still have a two-year contract with NASA after you come back, but I just want to say that…Whether you stay with us or you go work somewhere else… You’ll do wonders”

I smile again, I couldn’t hear anything else more pleasing than that, mostly coming from Wilson since he always was a pain in the ass “Thank you!”

“There’s still a lot to find out, Tom. Yeah, you may be getting a little too old for missions, but there’s still a lot to find even here… You will be a legend”

“You’re just saying it…”

Wilson shakes his head “You are changing the world. I’ll be pleasured to say I was your boss”

“Thanks” I smile again “Really, I don’t know how much times I can still say it…” I say in a chuckle

“Tom?” Wilson calls me

“Yes, sir?”

“Would… Would you mind if I gave you a farewell hug?”

I frown, but still shake my head “No, not at all” I say and get up along with him, we meet halfway around his desk and he hugs me, patting my back

“Just pay attention to the shit you do, okay?” He asks in a hiss suddenly after we pulls apart and I laugh

“Don’t worry, no oxygen tubes will be pulled out…” I say and he reaches his hand for me to shake, which I take

“Good luck, DeLonge” He says

“Thanks Wilson” I say before walking out of his office.

I go back to my office, finding Mark laying down on the couch, his chest against the leather, my memory box in his hands as his feet danged happily above his head

“Hey!” I say happily surprised and he turns around to look at me “What is this alien doing here?” I ask he fakes a laughter

“Haha very funny” Mark says and I squeeze myself by his side, sitting in front of the box to see what was he looking at “Look what I foooounddd!” He says in a sing-song voice and shoves a picture into my face. I take it from him and just stare it

There was me and a bunch of guys. I must’ve been 16 or 17 at the time. It was my skateboard crowd and a few more people who were close to watch. We were all friendly to each other so sometimes we’d invite strangers nearby to take pictures with us.

I had saved that picture because David is just looking at it with the funniest face, as if he was hissing at the sun above our heads. Meanwhile I was just giving my childish smile to the camera while I stood by his side

I chuckle when I see The Carnel in the center of the picture, really outputting himself in front of all other kids. He had one board in his hand while the other was wide open and he stuck his tongue out

“Yeah, these were the good days…” I smile

“Don’t you see it?” Mark laughs

“See what?” I ask

“Notice anyone familiar around The Carnel?” Mark asks and I squint my eyes to look better at it. That’s when I see the kid with his hands into his jacket’s packets, smiling calmly while standing behind his attention-caller friend.

“Holy. Shit!” I exclaim “It’s you!”

“Yeah, it’s me!” Mark smiles bright

“Fucking cock! It’s you!”

“Yeah, I know!”

“We have a picture together!”

Mark laughs “We do! And look, there’s only one kid between us!”

“That kid stopped us from meeting earlier…” I joke

“He so did…” Mark chuckles and shakes his head “Look at this other one…” He says and hands over to me a picture of me and him at backstage in Fuse, it was on the day Mark took me there to hang out and we made out in the shower. He posted a picture of us dirty in cake on instagram, Alinne showed it to me and I asked her to print it, it’s been there ever since

“God! It seems like it was ages ago!” I say surprised as I take it in my hands, staring at his beautiful face giggling at me.

“And yet time was so quick…” Mark sighs and I kiss his head, putting the picture back into the box.

“Let’s see what else we’ve got here…” I say eagerly and shove my hand inside the box, pulling out a cut-out drawing of Saturn I did when I was seven years old

“What’s that?” Mark asks sitting up

“Only my first astronomy thing ever” I smile and stare amazed at it

“Can I take a picture?” He asks and I chuckle

“Okay, I just don’t wanna appear…”

“Oh come on” Mark whines “We’re looking at pictures and you don’t want to take one??”

“We can take one the both of us later…” I say and he smiles sadly

“Hm, okay then” Mark says and suddenly changed his expression into a smile “Show me what you got…”

I placed the planet in front of my face and he just took the picture

“It looks good!” Mark smiles surprised “Mind if I post it?”

“No, not at all” I shake my head and he prepares the front camera of his phone. I lean closer and place my face beside his.

He takes the picture and I frown “We just look like old potato bags… Here, let me take it” I say and take the phone away from him, pressing the + button on its side a few times as we smiled to the camera

I suddenly leaned over him and gave him a kiss on the cheek, he chuckled surprised and I captured it.

“Hey that was a good one!” Mark smiles excitedly and takes the phone away from my hands. He looks at it again and it really is a great picture “Oh, just wait a sec, let me post that other one…” He says and I wait, a couple of seconds later Mark shows me his instagram “Look!”

“Each person is a whole other world. Love” It says on the subtitle and I just start smiling like an idiot, he’s so cute!

“Well, I love you too” I say giving him another kiss on the cheek before getting up and pulling him out of the room “So, what do you wanna do?” I ask as we walk outside

“Don’t you have to work?” Mark frowns “I was willing to just sit there watching you for a while…”

“Actually I’m all done for about an hour now… I’m just walking around and saying goodbye to people at this point…”

“Oh okay” Mark laughs “Did you talk to David yet?”

I shake my head “No, he’ll drop me on the airport when I departure, I’ll say goodbye there…”

“What about Alinne?” Mark asks and I stop

“Wanna go talk to her? I wanna see if she’s coming to the airport too…”

“Yeah, okay” Mark shrugs and pulls out his phone, he calls Alinne to see where she is “She’s at the football field” Mark says after talking to her

“Let’s go then” I say and start pulling him towards the elevator. When we arrive we see Alinne by the entrance.

She was wearing a dress, her belly wasn’t too big but it was definetly noticeable. Alinne rubbed it with one hand while looking down.

“Hey!” Mark says sweetly as we approach her “How are you?” He asks her

“I’m good…” Alinne sighs sadly, I hated to see her like that, all of her sass was gone “I’ve got news…” She slowly started to smile

“And it would be…” I say urging her

“I’m going to have a girl!” Alinne smiles brightly, even jumping a little from excitement

“What?” I ask in a chuckle “God, that’s amazing!”

“I know!” She smiles again and I lean in to give her a hug. I cross an arm around her while my other hand is still attached to Mark’s. I kiss the top of her head and pull back “Maybe we should get to the bleachers…” She says and I nod.

“Yeah sure” I say and briefly look back at Mark before pulling him in. “So…” I start “What are you doing here?”

I look over at Alinne, she’s got both hands on her belly now as she walks by my side. I wrap an arm around Mark and squeeze him into me

Alinne shrugs “I’m waiting for the training to be over. I wanna tell the baby’s sex to David, see if I can make him finally realize he’s going to have a kid in three months… Can we just sit?” She asks and I take a momentarily look at Mark, silently telling him this was not a good idea.

We sit in the first step, Alinne sits between us as we watch the guys running around the field, doing their last laps.

“Look at him” Alinne says once we spot David “Isn’t he gorgeous?”

“Alinne” I chuckle

“Oh come on!” She whines “Mark, what do you think?”

Alinne looks up at Mark eagerly and he shyly nods “He is”

“Mark!” I exclaim at my boyfriend

“Oh yeah, I just said your best friend is handsome, I’m officially cheating on you…” He mocks and Alinne laughs, then she take a brief look to Mark’s hand

“Dude! That ring’s beautiful!”

“Hm” Mark slowly starts to blush “Thanks”

“Look, he’s coming over!” I say patting her thigh and she looks up, seeing David coming towards us

“Hey Alinne” He says breathless, sweaty and tired “What do you want to say?”

“Hm, yeah” She says getting up and standing in front of him “I just wanted to say that… That… David, I’m having a girl” She finally says “Just wanted to let you know…”

“Alinne, please don’t do this…” David asks a bit annoyed

“What about it, Dave?” Alinne asks challenging him “You can’t even accept your own child! You’re a coward!” She yelled, and people started looking towards our direction, to see what was going on.

David puffs “It’s not what you think, Alinne”

“Oh yeah? Prove it!”

David looks around, taking a quick look out to the field before looking back at her

“Let me take you out tonight, I’ll take you to that salad place we always had lunch at, huh?”

“I get nauseous with salad”

“What about Red Lobster?”

“I hate seafood”

“What the fuck do you wanna eat then?” David almost spits at her, already annoyed

“I don’t know” Alinne shrugs “Taco bell?”

“You hate Taco bell”

“I’m pregnant!” Alinne shouts “I almost had a soap bar for lunch last week!”

Both Mark and I take looks at each other, was this supposed to be good?

“Okay then” David sighs “I’ll take you to Taco bell…”

“Only with one condition” Alinne says

“What?”

“You have to promise me you’ll accept the kid as yours…”

“Alinne…” David whines

“No accepting, no deal”

“Okay then! Stop with that!” David abruptly stops her “I actually want to give you something, I was hoping it would be the right way but maybe you’re being too bitchy for me to take you somewhere nice, and there’s no way I’m doing this at Taco bell…”

Alinne frowns “What is it?”

“Okay” David sighs “Tom, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about this, buddy” He says looking t me wacthing them on the bleachers and I frown. David reaches his hand inside his sweatpants’ pockets, pulling out a velvet box from it. He got down in one knee and opened it

“Holy” Mark says

“Shit!” I complete him, I couldn’t believe my eyes. Not even a month ago I didn’t even know they had something and now he’s doing this.

“Alinne Ruth Masters or whatever the fuck your name is” David says rolling his eyes while she just stares at him astonished “Will you marry me?”

“Hm, David?”

“Will you fucking marry me?” He asks a bit more annoyed

“David, just… I just never was your girlfriend… Hell, we haven’t even been on a date, ever…”

“But I’ve known you enough to see I want this” He says motioning between the two “And you’re having my baby, how perfect is this?”

Alinne cleans away the tears from the corner of her eyes “I don’t know” She says shaking her head “I don’t know, David”

David slowly gets up and places himself before her “Accept it” He whispers to her “And I’ll make you girls the most happy women of this universe…”

Alinne momentarily looks up at him and faces at his features, staring at every detail. She gets on her tip toes and wraps an around around his neck, pulling the tall guy down for a kiss

Mark and I exchange smutty smiles as we watch them right in front of us

“Is that a yes?” David asks pulling back and she nods. He only smiles bigger as well as Alinne, who pulls him down to kiss him again.

The guys at the field who were watching them start clapping and cheering, as well as Mark and I. 

David pulls back and pushes the ring into Alinne’s finger

“We’re getting married!” She says excited and walks closer to hug us. First me and then Mark “We’re getting married!” She exclaims again happily jumping

It was amazing to finally see them like that

“Can we get tacos now?!?” Alinne says as she starts sobbing


	52. The Punks Are Rioting

When Mark and I arrive at The Carnel’s new house, we’re faced with a big truck on its frontdrive. A couple of strange guys we don’t know are carrying some furniture out of it, apparently all new and very expansive.

Mark and I jump out of the SUV and head over to the driveway where everything is being laid out, that’s the moment Travis comes back from inside, all ready to carry a few more things into the house. He’s wearing a sleeveless Famous shirt - Everything he ever wears - and dickies shorts, all of them already dripping sweat.

"Hey, dudes!" Travis says catching his breath "A bit late don’t you think?"

"We had to drop the kids somewhere, Trav…" Mark says and walks over to hug his friend, not minding his sweat since he would be like that once he starts carrying stuff too

"Tom, weren’t you going to bring that friend of yours…? Hm, David, Dave…?" 

"Oh yeah" I remember I had asked David to come help us "He got engaged yesterday! He’s out with his fianceé…" I smile happily and Mark looks back at me for a second 

"It was amazing; we watched it right in front of them…" He giggles at Travis 

"Good for him then!" Travis smiles back "Tell him I say congratulations!"

"Thank you" I smile and that’s when The Carnel surprises us all while jumping back from the house and screaming at us, scaring the shit out of everyone.

"AHH!" He screams right into the side of Travis’s face 

"The Carnel" Travis starts unimpressed "You did that same thing 16 years ago, and it’s still not funny"

The Carnel shrugs “Just trying to bring some joy to your lives…”

"I think your hair brings us enough joy already…" Mark laughs and both tag along, even I have to chuckle a little.

"Anyway" Travis says clasping both hands together "Mark, Tom? Can you guys bring those chairs in? Put them on the dining room?"

We both nod looking at each other “Yeah, we can do that” I say and walk over to pick one and start carrying it “Did you guys buy all of this just this week?” 

The Carnel nods “My wife wants to change all the furniture so she doesn’t have to bring them back from Europe, and she let me buy them because she hates to do furniture shopping…” He shrugs and picks up a nightstand, following Mark and I inside with it in his hands.

After we’re done and bringing everything inside, the four of us just stand awkwardly in the living room, no one knowing what to do next.

"Hm…" The Carnel starts as he clasps his hands "I think we’re done, I’m calling someone to come clean everything up before the girls arrive and then I’m going to put everything in their places. I think we’re done for today…"

"What do you guys wanna do?" Mark asks before throwing himself on the leather couch 

"I brough a few sandwiches, they’re on the kitchen if you guys want to eat them now…" Travis shrugs 

"Meh, I’m not that hungry…" I say making a face and Mark agrees with me 

"Yeah, we can do something else before eating…" 

The Carnel slowly starts to smile “Wait a sec, I’ll be back” He says and storms out into the door that leads to the driveway. The Carnel pops his head on the window by its side after a few seconds, knocking on the glass. “Come here!” He shouts from outside and Mark, Travis and I walk out to see The Carnel standing at the driveway with a basketball in his hands “Sarah left this here” He says “Who wants to play?”

"That’s a good idea!" I say with a smile and The Carnel throws the ball at me, I catch it and turn around to throw it at the ring, making two points.

Travis runs to catch the ball “I’m okay with it, Mark?”

Mark looks around skeptically “You guys know I’m not really into sports…” He says and both Travis and The Carnel whine 

"God, stop being such a baby!" Travis snaps and throws the ball at Mark. He catches it "Let’s just play… Okay?"

"You’re scared you’ll lose, Hoppus?" The Carnel asks and Mark shakes his head, throwing the ball to the green-haired dude

"It’s not that…"

"Oh come on, Mark" I whine too and he looks up at me, his blue eyes sparkling under the sun. I reach for his hand and place the other one in my chest "Play for me?" I ask and he bites his lip, not sure if he says yes

"I don’t know…" Mark shrugs "I mean, I want to…"

"Mark, It’s 2013, you’re with Tom, okay?" The Carnel says "No need to watch out for that ginger, alright?" 

The Carnel is saying it close to Mark, a bit annoyed already.

"Yeah, Mark" Travis tags along, coming right behind him "You always wanted to play with us; you just never did because you were always held back from it…"

"Even when you were with Diane …"

"And even when she left you…"

"Will you guys stop already?" Mark snaps annoyed "I’ll play" He says in a low voice and looks at me, biting his lip and smiling.

I wink awkwardly and he laughs. Travis and The Carnel start chatting about who’s going to pick teams and I lean in to give him a kiss on the cheek “Are you sure you want to play?” I ask and he shakes his head 

"No, I really do want to play. They’re right" He shrugs again "I don’t need to hold myself back from doing stuff anymore…"

"That’s my boyfriend!" I smile and hug him tightly before letting him go and turning to the other guys "You guys decided already?"

"We’ll let The Carnel and Mark choose…" Travis says and I nod, looking back at him and winking, saying he should pick me

"Seems fair…" Mark smirks

"Alrighty then, who goes first?" I ask as Mark walks to face The Carnel

"Rock, paper, scissors?" The green-haired one asks and Mark shrugs 

"Why not?"

They do it and The Carnel smiles big when he wins “I pick Tom!” He shouts happily

"Hey! I was going to pick Tom!" Mark whines 

"You smooch, you lose. Plus. Tom is taller…" The Carnel says and Mark sighs 

"Okay, we’ll play it fairly. Tom, you go with The Carnel and I’ll pick Travis…" He says and I agree, soon we start playing, the ball in my hands. 

***

The Carnel and I sit at the wooden bench by the driveway of his new house; both of us were out of breath from the game that was in a tie. 

I takes a deep breath and he chuckles “You’re tired, huh?” He asks and I nod

"Yeah… Haven’t played like this in ages! We should do it in an actual field once I get back!"

The Carnel looks skeptical at me

"What?" I frown 

"Did you see what happened earlier?" He asks and I frown even more

"Hm, no…" I say, more confused than ever "What happened?"

"Didn’t you see that Mark is letting go of his old, but annoying, pet peeves? The ones he got when he was with Adam…?"

"What?" I laugh "He just wanted to play, dude. I didn’t do anything…" I shrug and The Carnel shakes his head

"No! You’re changing things on that big head of his…" He says and both of us momentarily look back at the ring area, both Mark and Travis making moves as Travis steals the ball from Mark and scores another two points "Look, you and Adam are two completely different people…" The Carnel explains

"Are you really going to drag me into this whole discussion again?" I ask "Don’t you remember the hell you raised last time you did it?"

The Carnel sighs “I was going to say that you are bringing out a side of Mark he never really let out…” He says “That is my friend Mark” The Carnel says and points at him “A playful guy who makes dick jokes and likes to do adventures and strip just for the hell of it…”

I sigh 

"That is Mark Hoppus. Not I-don’t-know-if-I-want-to-do-that Mark Hoppus, not I-rather-stay-inside Mark Hoppus, not watch-out-your-mouth Mark Hoppus…”

I slowly start to smile as I look at him playing and laughing

“Mark is confident! Mark likes to play! Mark will make dick jokes!” The Carnel gestures with the biggest smile on his face. “You might not really understand what I’m trying to explain, but I guess that I just wanted to say thank you…” The Carnel says 

"You don’t need to thank…" I shrug "I don’t even know why you’re thanking me…”

"You know…" The Carnel starts "Sometimes I wonder if I should’ve introduced you guys back when we were young, you know? I just can’t believe how I didn’t realize back then how much you two matched! You two would’ve been great friends…"

"Carnel, you… You think I could’ve fallen in love with him back then?" I ask something I had been meaning to ask Mark for a while now, but The Carnel just shrugs

"I don’t know, man" He sighs "Not at first, but perhaps after a couple of years, maybe… But I’m sure you guys would have a lot of a beautiful friendship to share before falling in love…”

I smile “Thanks for telling me, man” I say and pat his back “Sometimes I wonder, you know? I keep asking myself what could’ve happened…”

"I know" The Carnel says and gets up "Wanna go eat Travis’ sandwiches now? I’m starving!"

"Sure" I shrug and get up right behind him

***

Mark and I both stand at The Carnel’s dining room while he and Travis pick up our sandwiches. Mark finishes placing the disposable plates around the table and comes over to me who’s separating the napkins.

He leans his face on my shoulder and giggles before biting on my earlobe

"Stop, I’m all sweaty" I giggle and he pulls back, laughing as well. Mark places his head back on my shoulder while I keep separating the plates

“I want to tell them…” Mark whispers 

"Tell them what?" I ask

"About the engagement…" He says and I take a look at him

"Are you sure? You were the one who said we shouldn’t be telling anyone…"

"Oh come on, but they’re my friends!" Mark whines "I don’t need to worry about upsetting them and I know they won’t tell anyone… Please, baby?"

I sigh “Okay then” I say and he jumps excitedly “We’re telling them…”

“Telling us whaaaaaat?” The Carnel asks in a sing song voice as he walks in with a jar of juice in his hands, Travis follows up right behind him with the sandwiches in a tray

"Hm, okay…" I start to smile and rub my hands against my dickies before grabbing Mark’s hand "We want to tell you guys something…"

"Oh well, what is it?" Travis asks and Mark and I smile at each other 

"Well, I…" I start "I proposed to Mark…" I say simply and both of them suddenly look at us with big eyes "We’re getting married…"

"WHAT?" The Carnel shouts happily "You…" He starts pointing at us, his finger going back and forth. Mark nods happily and The Carnel leaves the juice on the table, suddenly he jumps over the marble and starts crawling towards us to give a big hug, pulling one in each arm

"That was unnecessary, Carnel!" Mark says in a suffocated voice

"I don’t care!" The Carnel shouts 

"Wow!" Travis says taking a hand to his head "I definetly did not see that coming…”

"OH MY GOD! You guys will be so happy together!" The Carnel shrieks as he pulls back and climbs off the table "Seriously, this couldn’t be more perf… Oh oh! We gotta do something! Let’s throw a shower! You guys don’t have any lady friends to also get excited with us, right? That’s okay, me and Travis can help, can’t we, Trav? But you two will have to allow us in, you get that, right?" The Carnel talks rushedly and Travis starts nodding, but I stop them

"Woah, that’s a bit too much, okay?" I say "The only people who know are you two and my friend David. Not even our kids know yet…"

"Yeah, we would appreciate you guys didn’t get too excited…” Mark sighs “We’re still not sure, it might take us years to actually settle down and look for a registered partnership. We’ll wait until Tom gets back…”

Both of them nod “Yeah okay then” The Carnel shrugs “But anyway…” He says and points to the juice jar, Travis hands it over to him and spreads out four cups. The Carnel pours it into each glass and gives one to each one of us “Let’s raise a toast…” he says and I hug Mark, he looks at me and I kiss the top of his head “For the America’s next great couple, the Hoppus-DeLonge’s!” The Carnel shouts and then makes a face, turning to Travis to speak in a whisper “God, that was lame” 

We cheer and tick our cups, we all take a sip from our juices and Mark looks back at me “I love our friends”

"I love you" I say back and grab the tip of his cute little nose between my fingers

"I love you more" He says and turns over to kiss me.


	53. Just Don't Forget To Think About Me, And I Won't Forget You

Noah is the first to go down, his head falling on top of of Martin’s shoulder, making him fall asleep right after.

Jean goes right with the flow, and as soon as I'm sure that they are all fast asleep, I see Mark repeatedly blinking his eyes, trying to stay awake.

We are watching Jack with Robin Williams, we are now on the part of the movie in which the kids go up to the tree house with a bunch of dirty magazines.

“Hey Mark” I try to shake him awake “Mark, sweety?”

“What?” He groans as he shakes his head

“Let’s put the kids on their beds and go to the bedroom, okay?” I ask and he nods rubbing his eyes

“Sure” Mark groans and I pick up Jean in my arms, she had been laying on top of me and I carry her to her room, tucking her into bed.

When I get back to Noah and Martin’s room, Mark has already separated the double bed and carried Noah into it

I reach for his hand and he takes it, I pull him out of the room and downstairs. 

We both know it's our last night together, so I guess we both already have in mind that we should make the most of it. 

As we stand in the doorway of his bedroom, I slowly place a hand on his chin, making him look up at me "Hi, handsome?" I whisper with a smile and he bites his bottom lip

"Hi gorgeous" Mark smiles back and I chuckle before leaning in to kiss him. He sighs happily into the kiss and places a hand on my hip, pulling me closer to him. I start licking his bottom lip and he opens his mouth slightly, concieving way for me to slide my tongue against his.

Mark reaches for the knob and opens the door, we both stumble inside with our lips connected, him pulling me. I sit on the bed and Mark sits on top of me with both knees around my tights.

I have to raise my head up to meet his lips while his tongue works on my mouth. I help him take off my shirt and he does the same for me, getting up right after so we could take off our pants and stay with just boxers. Mark hops off of me and crawls on the bed to lay with his head on the pillow, letting me stand over him while we kiss a bit more.

Mark throws me to the side; now standing on top again. He bit slightly on my jawline before sitting back on the bed. I whimper when I don’t have him close anymore, he just chuckles and moves to his nightstand, taking a lube bottle and a condom out of it.

Mark places both of them on the bed, he then moves his hands to his knees as he sits cross-legged on the bed. I stare at him and then Mark finally moves his blue eyes to me

I sit up and cup his face in one of my hands. Mark gasps for air before smiling sadly at me "Hey" I whisper and start runing my other hand up and down his arm, taking a bit of his (his, mine, whatever) sweat in my fingertips "What's wrong?" I ask looking into his eyes

Mark gulps and looks down to my lips before looking back into my eyes. Mark bit his bottom lip before slowly leaning in to kiss me. I kiss him back, no tongue though.

Mark pulls back and sighs "I love you"

"Me too" I say and he smiles. I smile back at him and take a second to look at the lube and the condom "You know what?" I ask

"What?"

Mark answers but I don't reply, instead I grab the condom and place it back into the drawer "Maybe we don't need this anymore..."

"What?" Mark chuckles "I... You... Are you sure?" He asks and I nod

"Yeah" I say with a smile, pulling myself closer to him "I mean, when was the last time you did a check-up? I know I'm clean..."

"It was after my one night stand with Crissy" Mark says and shakes his head "Haven't been with no one else other than you ever since..."

I chuckle and kiss him again. Mark slowly helps me pull out my boxers and squirts a bit of lube on his palm, rubbing it against my butt crack

Mark crawls on top of me, unconsciously dry humping me. I let out a hiss of pain when he pushes the first finger into me and I slowly open my eyes, looking at him pressing his eyes and lips tight. 

“Is it hurting?” Mark asks and I shake my head. Mark nods and continues working when he pushes in another finger. 

“I think it’s good now” He says opening his eyes and I nod. Mark puts lube on his dick again and lies down on top of me

"Go on” I say and does what he's supposed to do, going full into my ass “Fuck!” He hisses and starts thrusting “God, Tom, fuck, fuck, fuck”

There's nothing between us anymore. I smile and pull him down for a kiss, my hands running through his hair while he keeps thrusting, his muscles clenching around me and it’s completely different than before “Shit, you’re so tight!” He hisses and I nod. I moan loud and roll my eyes to the back of my head, feeling a wave of pleasure coming over me

Mark’s hand goes for my dick, jerking me off.

“Mark, I’m coming” I say a little bit loud between moans

“Me too, Tom. Fuck, me too”

We both end up coming at the same time “Shit, cock!” I scream, my lips getting open as I moan what I had to, letting all his stuff go into me. His teeth sinked into the bones on my shoulder and I bit my bottom lip

“Oh God” He moans and fuck, this is all driving me insane. When he pulls back, I let his limbs crawl next to me, snuggling me. "I love you" He says and bites on my earlobe 

"I love you too" I say taking his hand up to my lips and kissing his knuckles. That's when we hear a noise coming from outside his window "What's that?" I ask and Mark gets on his knees, looking out the window above the headboard

Mark gasps excitedly and I raise up my head to look at the same direction he is. A few birds at a tree were peeping by their nest, two of the three eggs inside of it popping open.

"That's cute" I say and pull him into a hug, he kisses my shoulder and hugs me back.

"Do you ever wonder what will happen to us?" He asks and I shrug 

"I don't know..."

"Well, do you have any thoughts?"

I look at the birds and then back at him "I think that I'll be back, and you'll pick me up at the LAX with Rachel and the kids. David and Alinne will be there with their baby girl too..." I say and nudge him, I can feel his smile against the back of my hand that he had brought it to kiss "And Jean and Noah will run to me, and I'll talk to Martin too but you stay back, just watching us..."

"When will I get to kiss you?" He chuckles

"We'll kiss when you run up to me after I talk to the kids and we'll be smiling and just happy to be back to each other... I'll have a bucnh of bags around me and this green jumper..."

"You think you're going to space or Iraq?" He asks with a frown

"Excuse me, can I have my fantasy?" I ask faking annoyance and Mark motions me to go on "And I'll get here and we'll drink wine and smoke pot, and do all the things we thought of but didn't ever do..."

"And then...?" Mark urges excitedly

"We will get married at this little field, with a bunch of flowers and you'll walk to me on the ais..."

"Why am I the bride?"

"Why? You want me to be the bride?"

"No, but why should I be the bride?"

"Because I want to be the groom!"

“You know that this doesn’t matter right? We can walk together if we want”

"That's not a fair game, we both got married before, why are we even discussing this?"

"I wanna be the bride now” 

“What?!?” Mark laughs perplexed 

“I asked your hand, I should be the one to choose…” I tell him

"I could've asked you too, you know?" Mark shoots back

"What?" I stop and take a look at him, he's now blushing madly, realizing what he had just said "You wanted to ask me to marry you?"

Mark sighs and looks down "After you got back, yes. I was planning to ask your hand a month or two after you came home..."

I start smiling "Why didn't you tell me this?"

"Because..." Mark smiles shyly "It was just something you don't tell, you know?" He shrugged and I leaned my head on his shoulder, watching the birds peep again.

We fall into silence and then I realize he's tensing up

"Sometimes I wish you wouldn't go" Mark whispers "Then I realize how selfish I sound..." 

He sighs 

"You know" I say leaving small kisses on his neck "People say this mission is like when the portuguese first left Europe in search of alternative routes to get to India?"

Mark chuckles and frowns "What?"

"Yeah, that was how they found South America, they got to Brazil that way... A land they thought it wouldn't give them any money for 30 years, but it was what saved them when they wanted to run away from Napoleon. And that was how Rio became a big city, with the coming of the Royal family"

"What people say that?" Mark asks, still half laughing half frowning "How did you get so interested in the... Hm, portuguese royal family?"

"The magazine The Carnel gave me?" I say a little bit shy "He brought it from Portugal"

"You're so nerdy!" Mark smiles big "You're so cute! Oh my God!" He squeaks and gives me a kiss on the cheek "Tell me more"

I bite my bottom lip with a smile, looking at him patiently "Well, Portugal was also the first country ever after the medieval times..."

"Oh, God" Mark laughs and kisses my lips. 

***

My hands keep folding clothes and throwing them into the suitcase Mark had borrowed for the kids and I. After practically living at his house for over a month it was reasonable to understand we all had stuff here, mostly clothes though.

I fold my favorite NASA shirt and throw it into the case, Mark is laying on the bed, his head over the edge, making his stay upside down

He pushed a hand into the suitcase and pulled out the shirt, throwing it to the floor.

“Mark!” I whine “Stop doing that! You’re acting like a child…”

“I don’t want you to go…” He sits up and pouts at me, his big blue eyes sparkling at the afternoon sunlight coming in through the window

Why did he do that? That even makes it harder

I sigh, folding another shirt “You’re not making it easy, Mark…”

Mark starts crawling towards me and wraps both arms around my neck, making me look at him.

I looked away, trying to scape. Mark buried his head on my neck and just kept breathing “We can go get married now…” He whispers

“What?” I half chuckle, half say in surprise

“I mean, I can wear a dress…”

“That would be unnecessary” I give him a smirk and he looks at my face

“That would be funny…” He points out and starts chuckling

“You know what’s funnier?” I ask and he shakes his head

“What?”

“This” I say and put both hands on his hips, his eyes go wide for a second but it turns into laughter once I press both thumbs into his skin, making him jerk

“God! No, stop!” He starts to laugh and move around “Seriously!”

I start tickling him and he keeps jerking

“I hate you!” He shouts playfully "Stop!"

"Fucker!" I laugh 

“Dad?” Jean asks opening the door of the bedroom. Mark and I pull apart, letting her talk.

“Yeah?” I ask looking up, still laughing.

“Mom just called, said that dinner’s almost ready…”

I sigh “Maybe… Maybe we should go” I say and Jean smiles sadly, suddenly Mark stop laughing. Martin comes from behind Jean

“Are you guys going already?” He asks and I nod

“Yeah, it’s about time…” I say with a stung in my heart. I look down at Mark and he sighs brokenly

“We’ll drop you guys on the front yard…” He says and gets up, he folds the shirt he had thrown away and placed it on the case, closing it and pulling it with him. 

Jean and Martin walk back inside and Noah runs after them. I look back at Mark and he’s staring at his feet

“Hey…” I call him and he looks up. I reach out my hand and he takes it. Mark pulls me out of the room and to the front door.

I close the case into the trunk and walk back into the the house to say goodbye. Mark walks up to Jean and Noah, kneeling to their eye level.

My daughter immediately jumps over him, giving Mark a tight hug. He hugs Noah too, who complains a little about being squeezed

“I’ll see you guys soon, okay?” Mark asks and they nod “Tell your mom you two can come at any time to see Martin and I, alright?”

“Thanks, Mark” Jean smiles sadly and hugs Mark again. He slowly gets up while she high-fived Martin “See you saturday, Martin”

“See ya!” Martin smiles and Jean grabbed Noah’s hand, pulling him out to the car.

I turn to Martin and give him our secret handshake, when we’re done, we just look awkwardly at each other

“Up for a hug?” I ask and he nods. I lean down in one knee and just take that kid in the tightest hug, one that I just squeeze him and he pulls me close

“I’ll miss you around, Tom” Martin says and I pull back

“I’ll miss you too, kiddo” I say and give him our secret handshake again. Martin walks back and stands by the kitchen doorway as he watched me walking up to Mark “Hey” I whispered as I got close to him, taking a hold of his hand

“Hi” Mark whispers back and smiles shyly at me. I see him blushing and I smile

“Mark, it’s been six months” I explain and lean my face close to his “You don’t need to feel shy anymore…” I whisper and he smiles sadly

“You make it sound like it has been a hell long of a time” He whispers back “Which it hasn’t…”

I sigh into his nose, my lips slightly brushing against his

“It seems like all the time in the world would never be enough for us…” 

I sigh, he’s so much more than I could have ever expected “I love you so much, Mark” I whisper and kiss him “So much”

Mark kisses me back and then I pull back “I love you too”

Mark opens his eyes and I take one last look at them before walking back. I start walking outside and give my back to him, turning around towards my car

I stop halfway through though, I look back and he’s still looking at me, both hands on the doorframe

“Hm, Mark?” I call him

“Yeah?” He shouts back

“I just want to say that… That I think I would’ve given up college for you… If it makes sense…” I chuckle and he frowns

“What do you mean?”

“If… If I had met you when I was young” I say and scratch the back of my head “And if you were willing to form a band with me, I would give up going to college…”

Mark sighs and bites his bottom lip

“I would’ve given it up if it meant to spend my youth with you. But not only my youth but as well the rest of my life…” I say and I can feel my heart bursting uncontrollably on my chest, I feel tears prickling at my eyes, and I look away

“I love you, Tom” Mark says and stands there awkwardly, without knowing if he runs up to me again or if he just makes things easier by letting me go all at once “I love you” He repeats

“I love you too, Mark” I say and my voice breaks, I quickly clean the tear that drops onto my cheek and I smile at him one last time before taking my car keys out of my jeans’s pockets. I walk up to the driver’s seat and open the door.

On the drive home, Jean and Noah stay quiet. It starts raining after I get into the first freeway. I pull on the driveway of our house and we all walk in through the door that leads from the garage to the kitchen, finding Rachel laying out the china.

“Look at who decided to come back home!” She smiles up at me and kisses me on the cheek before hugging the kids “At what time do you leave tomorrow?”

I shuffle around and sit on the table “At noon” I smile sadly and start putting the mashed potatoes on my plate

“Oh come on, smile up at me, huh?” Rachel asks when Jean and Noah sit by my side. I look at her and slowly start to smile “Don’t let this goodbye make you suffer…” Rachel says and places a hand under my chin, forcing me to look at her

“Okay” I smile and pull Noah closer, nuzzling into his head as Rachel passed the mashed potatoes to me

***

I wake up in the next morning with a kid in each arm, I look across the room to see my suitcase by the door, waiting for me to get ready and pick it up outside. I groan and they growl to wake up. 

I take a shower and get dressed. I call David and he says that he and Alinne should be arriving in a few minutes with their cab.

Rachel takes the kids outside to wait with me, I lean down before Noah and smile sadly at him "Bye kiddo" I say and he slowly walks closer to hug me "Bye and Rocket on, alright?" I ask and he pulls back with a chuckle, laughing at the fusion of his name with his favorite phrase for me to tell him.

Noah nods "Alright, dad. Bye"

"Bye" I say ruffling his hair and I look at Jean, who's got a broken expression on her face "You're not going to cry, are you?" I ask

"Are you leaving forever?" She asks and I imediatelly pull her into a hug, and I can feel her cries against my chest

"No, never" I whisper to her "I could never leave you, love" 

Jean pulls back and sniffs for a bit "I love you, dad" She says sadly and I clean her little tears with my big hand 

"I love you too, honey" I say and she smiles, that's right when the cab stops right in front of the house, David opens the door for me to get inside and I say goodbye to Rachel

I put my case on the trunk and I open the window when I get inside, waving at them until they were out of sight and we turned at a corner in the end of the street.

"Hey, Tom" David calls me, his big hand on my shoulder

"Hey..." I say to both of them, cleaning the few tears on my eyes quickly "Alinne, I'm so glad you came" I say reaching out a hand for her and she took it

"Me too, Tom" She smiles and proceeds to snuggle further into David "We'll all miss you"

"Yeah" I take my hand back and sigh "The big day is here, huh?"

In a few minutes we arrive at the LAX, I check-in and Alinne and David walk with me to my gate. 

"So..." I start when I see them walking together, David running a careful hand on Alinne's belly "When are you getting married?" I ask

"Not so soon" Alinne sighs sadly "We want to have the baby first and then when it's a bit older we'll decide what to do, right David?" She asks and David nods 

"Yeah, we want to be sure to give her all the support she needs" David smiles at Alinne "Marriage is secondary with that little human coming for us..." He says and places his hand on her belly again and Alinne smiles at his dedication. I gotta say I didn't even think he'd get like this.

"That's amazing" I say throwing my hands up "I'm so happy that you guys are together!"

David pulls her into a hug "Yeah, we're happy about that too..." He smiles, planting a kiss on Alinne's head

"So... I better go, I guess" I say pointing inside "Promise you'll talk to me?" I ask and they both nod

"Of course we will, Tom!" Alinne says hugging me. David comes in right behind her, making it a triple hug.

"Thanks" I smile shyly and grab my stuff, walking inside.

"Bye buddy!" David shouts as I keep on walking "Have fun in space!"

"I will!" I giggle, shouting back at him.

It takes me only a few hours to arrive in Houston, Matt's already waiting for me at the arrival gate 

"Matt!" I exclaim excitedly to see him again and I instantly hug him, making him drop the "Thomas Delonge NASA" sign that was on his hands

"Hey there, Tom!" He says happily and I pull back "Long time, no see, huh buddy?" He asks and I nod "How's Mark?" Matt picks up my stuff and we start walking towards his car 

"He's good" I nod again with a smile "My kids are okay too, how's Sailor?"

"She's awesome! She's an awesome kid" Matt chuckles 

"Where are we going to now?" I ask

"We're taking a train down to the launching site..." Matt says opening his car and shoving my things inside. I stare at his nice smile and his short blonde hair for a while "I'll stay there with you until you leave tomorrow..."

I nod, biting my lip

"It's a two hour ride, and just so you know, there's no phone or internet connection down there so I recommend you to call everyone you need to call to while we're at the station, okay?"

I nod and hop into the passanger seat while he gets on the driver's one "I just need to call home and then call Mark, that's all" I say and Matt turns on the radio

"Great" He smiles and drives off the parking lot.

I just enjoy the ride down to the station and as soon as we put our hands on our tickets we head over to the gate where we're supposed to wait.

"If you excuse me, I'll call my wife and Sailor, is that okay?"

"Yeah, sure" I say and he takes his phone off the pocket. First he calls his home and then I call mine. I'm still dialing Mark's number when we get called.

"That's us!" Matt exclaims, taking the phone away from me "We gotta go now, they only leave the gate open for a few minutes..." He says and I rush after him.

I pull my bags behind me just like he's pulling his. We reach the gate of the train and we get in, finding comfortable seats for us. Matt gives me back the phone and I hear a woman going around saying that the doors were closing.

I dial Mark's number again and he picks up "Hi, Mark Hoppus speaking" He says and I can't help but smile

"Honey, it's me, Tom" I say in a low voice "Hi"

"Tom?!?" I can almost see Mark jumping out of his seat "Travis, hold Julio for me!"

"Where are you now?" I ask frowning 

"I'm at home, Travis and The Carnel came by to drop a few things..." Mark sighs "Constanza brought Julio today, the mexican fucker knew you'd be leaving today..." He chuckles and I feel my heart bursting out rapidly "Anyway, where are you?"

"I'm in Houston, taking a train to the launching station. There are no phone connection there so I thought I could call you now, is it a bad time?" I ask biting my lip "Otherwise I wouldn't be able to talk to you until next week..."

"No, of course I can talk!" Mark says sweetly 

"And I'm on the train so connection might fail when we start moving, so please don't get freaked out if I suddenly stop talking..."

I can almost see Mark shaking his head "No, of course not". The train starts moving right then and I feel a pain at the pit of my stomach. I don't stop talking to him now

"Please tell me you'll talk to Alinne and David for them to put you to talk to me once I'm able to talk to people out of the program..." I ask biting my lip

"Of course, honey" Mark smiles sweetly into the reciever "You know I wouldn't miss it for the world, right?"

I smile shyly, slightly blushing for him "I'm missing you already" I say

"Me too"

"I love you, Mark"

"I love y..." Mark starts to say but leaves his sentence unfinished 

"Mark?" I ask for him a bit desperate, scared that the connection might've failed "No, no, please don't fail now!" I plead turning around to look at the window behind my back, watching the trees fly by

"Connection lost" A perky woman says at the other end and I sigh sadly, bringing the phone down and ending the call.

I stare outside again, placing both hands at the window sill. I bite my lip hard, almost drawing blood out of it "Fuck" I whisper to myself and look at Matt momentarily to see him sleeping peacefully on the couch before mine.

I sigh and move my eyes back to stare outside at a mountain that insists on being on my camp of vision from far away.

Maybe it's too soon to say that's an ending. Life has so much more awaiting for us that hopefully we'll be able to change our world forever, do it all together. This is only the end of a early start.

I found a friend in Mark, someone to make me company when I feel lonely, to share my best moments and my frustrations with, to trust and count on.

A friend I happened to fall in love with

A that love is about cherishing what God has given you, any God, because He'll be happy as long as you are. And I've found in that love something I had never met before, an experience that I'm thankful for having.

It's about finding love in the little things. It's about knowing that things are alright...


	54. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, the epilogue. Thank you so much for reading this. And again, if you wanna talk, you can reach me through outt-of-the-blue.tumblr.com

10 years later…

"Hurry up! I gotta meet Collin in ten minutes…" Jean rolls her eyes and fixed the christmas hat on top of her head “This is stupid, why are we doing this again?"

"Yeah, I don’t understand it either" Noah pipes up, brushing the blonde hair out of his eyes with his fingers while his other hand held the hat, still not understanding that it was actually supposed to go on his head “You guys were never that couple…"

"That couple who what?" Mark asks with a frown, his age marks showing a little bit more, I couldn’t help but smile at the image, he didn't really like them but he was still holydamn gorgeous.

"Who send out annoying christmas cards…" Noah explains as if it was something obvious, he was still at the ironic phase seventeen year olds had

"It’s just for fun, you guys" I say as I finish setting up the camera, I walk towards Martin with a hat on my hands and place it on top of his head while he’s sitting bored at the picnic table by the pool. He looks up at me and sticks his tongue out.

"It's June!" Martin justifies annoyed "Why are we doing this in june?"

"You rather give up a weekend of partying in New York to come visit us and take this picture or just stay there?" Mark asks with a chuckle

"Ah, come on! You guys know I love visiting you!" Martin whines 

"Yeah, but I don't like to spend money buying plane tickets, now go get Annabelle, grown up" Mark says and pulls his son up and then pushes him inside the house

"She’s in my room!" Jean shouts after him and he waves her off with a dismissing hand

"Tom, where’s your hat?" Mark asks looking around

"I put it on Martin" I say pointing after the twenty year old who had just walked inside the house. Mark quickly pulled out the deer horns from the plastic bag on his hands

"Putthisputthisputthiiiiiiissss!!!" Mark exclaims happily shoving the thing into my chest about a hundred times

"Mark, we talked about this…" I whine

"Pretty please? Please, please, please!!"

I sigh “Okay" I say and snatch it away from his hand, putting it on my own head. I can see Jean and Noah holding themselves back to not laugh at me “I don’t want to take christmas picture anymore. It’s a stupid idea…"

"Shut up and smile, okay Queer-deer?" Mark says and gives me a peck on the cheek, I playfully roll my eyes at him. That’s when Martin comes back with the five year old girl on his arms.

She's got her tiny chubby hands clutching on Martin’s white shirt, afraid to fall. Her short curly hair is messy and you could visibly see a hairbrush on Martin’s hand.

"She didn’t want to brush her hair…" He sighs “She agreed to put on the dress and the shoes though"

Annabelle fixes the dress on herself, patting down the red skirt and tightening the white bow on her hip " Martin almost rips my head off!" She justifies.

Martin places her on top of the picnic table, making her stand. Annabelle rubs her tired brown eyes and grumbles “I don’t want to brush my hair. I want Santa!"

"You know it's not christmas, Annabelle" Martin chuckles and gives her a kiss on the cheek, which she immediately wipes away.

"Ew" Annabelle grumbles "I know it's not christmas, but I miss it..."

"Belly-bell, sweeti" Mark says getting in front of her "We need to take pictures for christmas. It'll be quick, dad promises!"

"Okay"

"Will you let dad brush your hair?" Mark asks and she shakes her little head while crossing her arms

"I want Jean to brush my hair…" Annabelle grumbled and my daughter got up to hold my other daughter in her arms.

"There you go, honey" She smiled sweetly at her little sister “You’ve got the witches hair! You don’t want to appear on the picture with witches hair, do you?" Jean asks making a face

"Not all witches are bad…" Annabelle pouts as she lets Jean play with her curls

"Noah, did she watch ParaNorman again?" I ask turning around to see my son sitting on the floor, the hat still in his hand and the blonde hair still in his eyes

"What? It’s a good movie!" Noah tries to justify

"Not for a five year old, you jackass" Jean whispers turning around to her brother. But then her focus goes back to Annabelle

"Dad?" Annabelle looks up at Mark while Jean does her job "Can we make christmas cookies when we're done?"

"Yes, yes we can, Belly-bell" Mark pats her head and she slowly starts to smile, her small teeth shining.

I could see each member of the family smile too, even Noah who was never up for many smiles was grinning happily at the sweetness of my baby girl..

"Yes, yes!" The little girl shouts happily and Jean finishes brushing her hair. We all place ourselves in front of the back of the house, ready to take the picture, but then Jean’s phone starts ringing

"It must be Collin, just a sec you guys…" She excuses herself and answers the phone

"Ask him it he wants cookies!" Annabelle shouts and Jean smiles at her

When Jean turns off the phone she gets Annabelle back from Mark’s arms and lets her snuggle into her frame “I told him about the cookies and he said he could run by here after we visit our moms and watch movies with us, what do you say?" Jean shrugs “Noah, you’re still coming with us, right?"

"Yeah" Noah nods and bites his lip, ever since he had moved in with Mark and I he never really liked the idea to see Rachel with her new family all set up.

"You’re going to aunt Rach’s house, Jean?" Annabelle pouts at her sister 

"Aw baby, don’t worry. I’ll be back" Jean says comforting her

"Okay, let’s just take this picture already" Mark says turning on the timer on the camera. I stand by Noah’s side who's between Mark and I. His hair falling in front of his eyes while Martin and Jean hold Annabelle, exchanging her between them.

The picture is taken and everybody relaxes. Jean places Annabelle on the ground and holds Noah by the arm “Come on, Collin must be here at any second to pick us up…"

"Bye dad, bye Mark, bye Anna, bye Martin!" Noah says quickly as Jean pulled him out

"Bye!" The four of us said in unison, waving him off.

"What are you guys doing now?" Martin asks as he picks up Annabelle in his arms

"I want to make cookies!" Annabelle cheers and Martin laughs

"Okay then, I’ll go hang out with the guys, will you wait for me to watch the movie?"

Annabelle nods “Yes!"

"Alright, bye!" He says as he hands her to me

"Bye!" We say back and I put her on the floor, she immediately runs inside and starts going for the ingredients to make cookies.

Mark laughs and pulls her down from the counter she had just climbed in, kissing the top of her head “Wait down, Belly-Bell" He says “One thing at a time…"

Mark starts laying out things and I see Annabelle jump excitedly on her book-made stool to let her see what's in the island.

You are probably wondering what happened for us to get a kid, right? Well, I guess you’re probably wondering what happened after I got back from my one-year mission too…

To make long story short, about two months before I had to go back to earth, an asteroid hit my spaceship. It wasn’t really big, when I calculated its size, it must’ve been the size of my fist or so… Although, the asteroid made enough damage to shake the ship and then, some cables happened to disconnect and the system of the hardware failed. I had somehow lost connection with earth.

I couldn’t ask for help, neither was I able to talk to anyone. I hoped NASA was still looking after me, but it was only a vague wish.

It took about seven months for me to fix the wiring and look for satellite connection. My spaceship was found two exhausting weeks later.

When I was brought back, the ship also had had a problem with the oxygen tanks when it collided with earth. I wasn’t able to breathe for a whole minute until they got me out of there.

I was sent to the biggest hospital in Houston. Mark, Jean, Noah, David, Alinne and Wilson all flew over to the lone star state to come see me. And I was also put to sleep, since I could have had some type of psychological disturb if I changed scenery too quickly, even more after affixation.

It took me three days to wake up, and when I did, Alinne was the only one in the bedroom.

"Alinne?" I asked, my voice more nasal and heavy than ever.

"Tom! Oh my God, Tom!" She rushed over quickly, her hair was longer, about shoulder length. She had dark bags under her eyes and no make up. Still she was beautiful

"How are you?" I asked “You look bad..."

"I was so scared for you" She said taking a hand up to her mouth “I thought I’d never see you again!"

I smile sadly “I’m glad to be back too. So, you had your baby, huh?"

Alinne smiled "Yeah, I did, she's gorgeous, Tom. I promise you'll meet her soon but right now you better stop talking, save yourself for Mark and the kids..."

"The… Mark and the kids are here?" I asked brightly

"Shh, yes. Of course, you really think they’d leave you behind?" She asks with a smile and I mirror her “David is here too, Carol is at his mom’s" Alinne smiles and I nod “I’ll go call them now, alright? A doctor should come to see you first…"

That was when she left the room. The doctor walked in with a nurse and took a look at me. I only was able to see Jean and Noah about an hour later, I had never seen those kids as excited to see me. We talked and laughed for about three hours until Alinne called them out to go back to the hotel to sleep.

The doctor's told me to eat and sleep a little and I woke up at three am to get the tube that made a line down my nose for me to breathe removed and placed with another one. I was told to sleep again but I couldn't. 

About an hour later Mark walked in, he closed the door behind himself and sighed brokenly as he looked at me 

"Hi there" I smiled brightly and he started walking towards me. 

"Hey" He said and ran a hand through his hair, that was pink at the time. 

"I like your hair" I smiled again and he sat down by my side on the bed, facing me

"Thanks" He smiled back "I'm sorry I didn't get in earlier, I was at the hotel with the kids since they were tired from spending all these days here at the hospital, but as soon as we got there you woke up and we got back"

"It's okay, babe" I say

"They're sharing a room with David, Alinne and I are sharing another because Rachel didn't want any of us with them" Mark rolled his eyes and chuckled

"Why not?" I asked "Is she still being childish?"

Mark shook his head "Not really, she just wanted to split up the couples and she's closer to David..."

"That sounds about right" I smile and he took a good long look at me

“Can… Can I hold your hand?" Mark asked shyly and I reach for his, not really giving a verbal answer “I…" He started again “I don’t even know what to say…" Mark shook his head “I’m just so glad that you’re here…" He said and his voice started shaking

I squeezed his hand and he leaned in to give me a kiss on the cheek “The doctor said I shouldn’t put you through things that will make the pace of your heartbeats change so I better just go or I’ll have an emotional breakdown here or something" He said slowly getting up but then I pulled him towards me again

"Please stay" I said “I need you now more than ever"

Mark sighed and sat by my side, hugging me. I leaned my head on his shoulder and we just stayed like that until I fell asleep again.

After that, he constantly tried to make me feel like I was at home. When I started feeling better, he took me in a game like 'running-down-the-hospital-aisle-with-a-wheelchair'. And he convinced one of the doctors to let me sleep at a hotel for a night so we could have our first night alone, he did my beard and cut my hair while I was in bed and he brought his acoustic to play me songs...

One night, when I could finally walk with crutches, he woke me up around 11 pm to take me somewhere. The corridors were empty with only a few people around, but nobody saw us going up to the roof. I had the crutches under my arms as I kept jumping around to walk awkwardly, Mark helped me every once in a while though.

The sky was clear and pure, better than San Diego's, I instantly smiled and felt the wind run though my hospital rope. That was the night Mark got down in one knee and proposed to me, even if I had proposed to him already, the ring on his hands almost like the one I had given him.

I remember when he put the ring on me and he got up that I instantly let go of my crutches and hugged him, only hearing them falling to the floor. Mark picked me and held me and I cried and sobbed into his shirt. 

Alinne took Jean and Noah back to LA after a week. Mark and David stayed to make me company, although Mark had to leave twice for his show but he alwasy got back to sleep on the old hospital couch by my side - Whenever I didn't convice him to just snuggle up with me and no one caught us.

In the meantime, Matt came to visit me with Sailor and even Daisy and Chris did the effort to go see me!

When all I needed was a couple more weeks of physical therapy, Mark took me home and David stayed at Houston getting some work done. Mark let me stay in his house. I was actually surprised to hear that Jeff had moved in with Rachel and that she was trying to get pregnant.

The house was mine legally, but since I had been back, Rachel was planning to move out, which she couldn’t before because she was Jean’s tutor, therefore, she had to stay there while I hadn’t been found.

To everyone's surprise, Rachel and Jeff decided to move into a farm right outside of San Diego. And it took about two weeks for Rachel to move out, in the meantime, Mark let me stay in his house while he took care of me. And when I was supposed to go, we agreed it was best for us to move in together, that was around the time Mark dyed his hair brown again.

And we did. Rachel and I got settled with a shared custody of Jean and Noah by the same time Martin moved back from England.

In 2016, both Rachel and my assistant Daisy had her babies. Rachel had a boy while Daisy had a girl.

Daisy would constantly invite me to see her little girl, she would take the little thing to work and I had to say I had some kind of connection with them. Daisy would always smile at the way I treated her girl like a princess. Although I wasn’t able to do much with them because I was sort of busy traveling with Finest Comedy for their reunion world tour.

Finest Comedy realesed an remake album of their greatest hits and went on tour. Mark, Travis and The Carnel didn’t plan on making new music though. They wrote a couple of songs and put them on the internet with no intention of getting profits from them.

Mark can never say I never tried on the tour life after that.

Some really weird shit happened there. We had homophobe attacks at a couple of shows, but mostly the fans were the first to kick those guys out. 

Jean, Noah and Martin all went with us, going on their first and probably only tour ever. They got excused from school and we got tutors for them while we were on the road. 

Both Jean and Martin were 14 and she got her first kiss there with the son of one of their fans. Collin was 18 and managed skipped college for a week to come to a couple of their show when we were at California.

Most of the time he was there, he would either hang out with the fans or with Martin and Jean. At one afternoon I was watching soundcheck with Martin and Noah and when Collin and Jean got back she had got a nose ring while Collin had gotten a septum piercing and the tattoo of one of Finsest Comedy's symbols on his wrist.

I didn't say anything, she would hear it all from her mother. 

I left NASA on the year after that, I kept some minor independent works with David, who got Daisy to be his assistant, so I didn’t lose touch with her and her daughter  
I felt like I deserved some rest. I took the time to concentrate on turning Mark’s attic into an observation room, with telescopes and a black ceiling with fluorescent spots.

He thought it was a good use of the dream-like place.

And it also gave me time to plan our wedding, that as thought, was on the field I said it would be. I was the one to walk down the aisle though, I could hear Mark’s evil laughter from afar when we decided that.

Ironically, Rachel was the one to offer me to Mark, my dad didn’t want to be here and I couldn’t give two shits about it. I stopped talking to him the moment he left our family when I was 17, I only saw him again when Rachel and I got married.

Imagine having to hear on the news that your son is dating a dude. I’m not sorry for him though.

It was a really small ceremony, just a couple of friends, people who worked with us, close relatives…

We had our honeymoon in Lake Tahoe, on north of Nevada and after that we took a car and drove down to Vegas where we spent three days doing shit, getting drunk and having sex.

As soon as we got back from our honeymoon, we got to hear two things:

First, Jean and Collin officially started dating. I knew that she always had a crush on him but I used to think it had passed when they became super ultra mega drinking, smoking and piercing making buddies. 

Apparently not

And second, Daisy had passed away in a car accident, somehow, and so sudden. Mark and I went to her funeral, the little girl of just three years old bawling her eyes out. After the ceremony, her lawyer asked for me to talk to him and I did.

"Mr. DeLonge, I am aware that your relationship with my client was strictly professional, although I want to let you know that she left you something... I didn't know she was dying, and if I did, I would've told her to make arrangements for little Annabelle, but unfortunately, the only kind of register of her custody deal we were able to find was the one from her birth..."

"Yeah, so?" I asked confused 

"Mr. DeLonge, my client stated that if she were to pass, Annabelle should be sent to you..."

"What?" I ask laughing "Is she serious?" I play and he nods, suddenly fear rises upon me "Doesn’t she have any relatives?"

"Her mother has alzheimer and isn’t fit to take care of Annabelle. The brother died in Iraq in 2004…"

"What about the kid's father?" I ask gesturing with my hands

"He’s unknown, my client said he was a one night stand she was never able to locate again"

"So... What do I have to do with anything? I was only her boss!"

"I know" The lawyer nodded "I contacted you because if you don't adopt her, she'll have to be sent to a foster care home..."

"Shit" I hissed and put my face in my hands, not believing this was happening

"Mr. DeLonge, I’m aware that you’re married and that you already have two other kids"

"Plus Martin, my husband’s son…"

"Right" The lawyer said “But the fact that Daisy left little Annabelle in your custody will make the adoption process much simpler, you can take her home in less than a week…"

"Oh God, this is all happening too fast!" I say clutching both hands on my jacket “I don’t know, I need to talk to Mark... Ever since we got married people have been asking us if we'll get a surrogate mom or if we'll adopt, but Mark and I haven't thought of that, ever since we started dating we thought we woudln't get any kids..."

"You can turn it down, okay?" He asked and I nodded

"Alright. I’ll call you later" I said and took a cab home, I wasn’t in any condition to drive.

Mark gripped me into a tight hug once I got back home, he took one look at my face and saw that there was something wrong

"Mark, we need to talk…" I said clasping my hand nervously

"Is it serious?" Mark asked with a frown

"It’s very, very serious" I said and Mark looked lost

"What is it?"

"Daisy left the custody of her fucking kid to me" I said and Mark’s jaw dropped open “If we don’t adopt her she’ll go to foster care"

The night resumed on Mark and I freaking out, but the next day the both of us woke up with fucking giant headaches from getting so nervous the previous night.

Mark poured me tea on the island and I ran a hand through my messed up hair

"Are you thinking about her?" Mark asked, he looked just as bad as I did

"What else would I be thinking about?" I ask and Martin comes running down the stairs, backpack slung over his shoulder as he wore a Hi My Name Is Mark shirt.

"Woah, what happened?" He giggled as he took a quick bite from the toast Mark had made him since he was late as usual.

"Nothing that you should know right now…" Mark said and Martin rolled his eyes

"That funeral bummed you guys out so bad!" He said with his mouth full “Anyway dad, I need you to sign some forms for my college application, can you do that when I get back?"

Mark nods “Sure"

"Tell Jean to give hers to you…" I say

"Jean and Noah are coming back with me today, it’s thursday, their week with Rachel ends today…"

"Good" I smile slightly, at least that makes me calmer.

"Anyway, I should go…" Martin says and storms out. I just give Mark one simple look

"That could be in my mind too…" I say staring at the spot Martin had left empty “I can’t believe they’re going to college already…"

"Yeah me neither… " Mark sighed and wrapped an arm around my neck as he pulled a stool close to me so he could sit on it “Let’s adopt Annabelle, shall we?"

I give him a look “What?" I ask surprised

"Tom, this kid’s life is on our hands…" Mark said “I’ve seen her before, she’s cute and funny"

"Yeah she is" I agree

"And she’s alone…" Mark said “Can you imagine leaving Jean and Noah behind? Even Martin… I bet Daisy only didn’t let her girl go to the system right away it was because she thought you could give her a better life…"

I sighed, next thing I knew I was calling Daisy’s lawyer to say we were going to adopt Annabelle.

Mark and I went to visit her on foster care the next day, preparing her to know she was going to come live with us

"Uncle Tom!" She ran up to hug me when we walked into the room she was sharing with five other girls

"Belle" I sighed as I hugged her back “How are you?"

"I’m missing mommy" The three year old said in a sad voice

"I know. I miss her too" I say brushing the hair out of her eyes “Tell me, do you want to stay here?" I ask and she shook her head

"You mean foster home? I hate this place, I want my mommy" She pouted

"Did you ever meet your dad?" I ask raising an eyebrow and she shook her head “Would like to have a daddy?"

"If he helped me forget that mommy’s gone than yes! I would want a daddy" She said, her eyes sparkling for the first time ever since she heard that she wouldn’t see her mommy anymore “I’ve always wanted a big brother too, but I never got one… Oh well" She shrugged

"What would you say if I told you that you might get two daddies and two big brothers?" I asked and her eyes lit up

"Two of both?" She asks and I nod excitedly

"Yes! I can give that to you…"

"Who will be my daddies?" She asks and I smile

"I’ll be one of them!" I say and she smiles brightly

"Really?" Annabelle jumps slightly

"Yeah!" I say “I’ll take you home and get you out of here. I’ll read you bedtime stories and make bed forts… I can help you bake cakes and take you to school in my big car and I'll pick you up after and take you out for ice cream and books... What do you say?"

"I like that!" She smiles “Who will be my other daddy?"

I look over my shoulder and Mark leans down by my side, reaching her eye level

"Hi Annabelle, my name is Mark!" Mark smiles excitedly and Annabelle giggles

"I know. That’s written on your shirt…" She points to his chest and we laugh at the blue octopus in it “I like your hair"

"I like my hair too, you know…" Mark smiles proudly

"Can I touch it?" Annabelle asked and Mark nodded, letting her place her tiny chubby hands on his hair, making her giggle “Where are my brothers?" She asks pulling her hand back

"You’ll meet them soon" Mark smiles “You want me to be your daddy, Annabelle?" Mark asked her and she shyly nodded

Mark took her in the tightest hug, and it was one of the most beautiful scenes I ever got to watch.

"You know what? I think I already got you a nickname…" Mark told her

"What is it?" She asked

"Belly-bell!" He shrieked and started tickling her

And back to the present, now we were at our house’s kitchen. Eating cookies and sipping cool-aid happily.

It’s been two years since we adopted Annabelle and one year since I started giving astronomy classes at the UCLA. Mark is still with A Different Spin going on strong. A year ago he joined a comedy sketch tv show at Fuse and he’s been doing great with it so far.

Jean is studying filmmaking here in California while Collin works as a young real state agent. Martin goes to NYU, although he’s jumping from course to course like a fucking monkey, never knowing which career to pick. They usually come to visit every four months.

Rachel and Jeff moved to their farm and started creating horses, now they own a horse riding school for kids with special needs. Noah doesn't like the farm that much, plus he doesn't really go well with her other son, so as soon as Jean moved out of there he came to live with Mark, Belle and I permanently. Right now he's a senior in high school and is planning on becoming an engineer. David really liked the idea.

Speaking of David, he and Alinne moved to Houston. He and Matt decided to form a band of their own, just to pass time while they still work at NASA. David and Alinne ended up not get married after all, they thought it was a huge step they had taken too soon, so they raised up little Carol just being engaged. Alinne now works as a judge of peagents there and she says she loves the job because she can be mean in it.

Typical. 

The Carnel got divorced and his wife and Bianca went back to Portugal. Last time I heard of him he had gone on tour with Metallica as a roadie, only taking a bag of stash with him and nothing else. That was two years ago.

Travis is the only one from Finest Comedy who’s still into music and hasn’t gone crazy. He’s touring with one of his bands right now.  
Constanza won the lottery and bought a Ferrari, that was how she ran over Julio and killed him, but it was okay because she moved back to Mexico and wrote a soap opera about a maid who worked for a gay couple.

It sucks.

Big time.

Wilson married a girl 30 years younger than him and died of an overdose of Viagra. Oh! Pierre’s brother and best friend came out of the closet as a couple. I wish I could’ve seen his face when he found out...

Speaking of Pierre, he and Diane have been having a turbulence on their marriage, being on and off every now and then. Last time we heard something from them they had just got back together for the 50th time.

But to stop talking what happened to other people, I start paying attention to my little girl and the love of my life pouring sprinkles on top of the non-baked cookies.

I walk up to Mark and he wraps his arms around me, placing his chin on my shoulder.

"Daddy! Try this!" Annabelle said raising her finger with chocolate frosting up to my mouth and licked it.

"Hm! It's amazing!" I say licking around my lips "You should be a chef!"

"She's chef Belly-bell, aren't you sweetie?" Mark asks and ruffles her hair 

"Yuuss!" She says happily and Mark lets go of me, picking up the tray and putting it on the oven. 

And this is my life by now. And I couldn't be happier about it.


End file.
